How do I answer now?

[Missy1961]

You refer to yourself and your situation any which damn way you please and forget anyone else that would otherwise correct you. It's not their business, it's yours and yours alone. You don't need to offer any explanations or provide any rationale. It is your life and your love and no one else's.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Chell. Wish I could be there for you.

As usual, Rick cuts thru the BS and gets to the heart of the matter.

to you. Cry when you want to. Come here & lean on us.

 

[chell]

As usual, Rick cuts thru the BS and gets to the heart of the matter.

to you. Cry when you want to. Come here & lean on us.

Rick is such a sweetie and a great friend!

Thnks for the hugs and support Missy!

 

[DisneyPhD]

You are welcome Chell, happy to be here and glad I could help during such a difficult time. You know where to find me.

Good to hear about the appointment. I hope it goes well. Remember therapy and greif are a process, one session is only the 1st step. (but a start in the right direction.)

I agree, I think Rick is looking out for you.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I just read this thread today. How sad, sending many hugs your way. I don't have any advice just want you to know that we are all here for you to talk to us.

 

[chell]

You are welcome Chell, happy to be here and glad I could help during such a difficult time. You know where to find me.

Good to hear about the appointment. I hope it goes well. Remember therapy and greif are a process, one session is only the 1st step. (but a start in the right direction.)

I agree, I think Rick is looking out for you.

She & I talked for a while on the phone today and she assured me that if I don't completely feel like she is the one for me that she will work with me and help me to find the right one.

Yep, I think Rick is too. Right now I really do wish that he and Joe didn't live so far away from me.

 

[chell]

I just read this thread today. How sad, sending many hugs your way. I don't have any advice just want you to know that we are all here for you to talk to us.

Thank you!

 

[RickinNYC]

She & I talked for a while on the phone today and she assured me that if I don't completely feel like she is the one for me that she will work with me and help me to find the right one.

Yep, I think Rick is too. Right now I really do wish that he and Joe didn't live so far away from me.

You bet I am! And Joe is pretty upset that you'd have to think such things right now. He sends his absolute best and wants you to know you're in his thoughts right now.

 

[luvwinnie]

I think you should answer however you FEEL...do you feel like a widow? No need to go into details with people you don't know well.

 

[anut4disney]

You just remember that he died so very happy and you did that for him.

 

[chell]

You bet I am! And Joe is pretty upset that you'd have to think such things right now. He sends his absolute best and wants you to know you're in his thoughts right now.

Thanks Rick! You & Joe give one another a big ole hug from me. Okay? If I don't call you in a few days will you call me? Do you have my cell?

 

[chell]

I think you should answer however you FEEL...do you feel like a widow? No need to go into details with people you don't know well.

Yes, I do feel like a widow. In my heart he was still my husband and I really felt like we would get back together.

 

[chell]

You just remember that he died so very happy and you did that for him.

I am trying. Thanks!

Tomorrow morning, well this morning I guess, is my first appointment with the grief counselor.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Merry Christmas Chell. Just checking to see how you are doing.

 

[chell]

Thanks for checking. I am surviving. Wish I could say I am doing well but in all honesty I am not.

The last two days have been very difficult, especailly since Friday would have been his 36th birthday. Last night I had to see his truck for the first time since the accident even though I really wouldn't look at it.

Right now I am staying with my sisters & the boys again. I am not near as down here but part of that is because I don't want my sisters to know how bad I really am taking this. They have enough to deal with right now and I do not want to add any stress to them.

Lately I have not been sleeping much at all and when I do sleep I have nightmares - the kind where you try to scream to wake yourself. Wednesday after starting to have some major physical problems, mostly from the lack of sleep, I went to the doctor to get something to help me sleep. She also agrees that I am taking this very difficult but that it is normal considering all that happened and how it happened. She requested that I take the next 3 weeks off as short-term disability. Now I just hope and pray that my work approves it and that I do get paid for at least two weeks. If not, I am in a lot of trouble.

My plan is to still work the job at night since it is only a few days a week and I stay so busy there and interact with people all the time that I don't have time to let my mind drift off into that super sad place. I also think I need to be around people who are positve and uplifting right now.

My dog is staying with my mother right now and I worry that she doesn't understand why "daddy" isn't there. I don't know if animals understand such things or not. But I do think she knew the moment he died so maybe she does understand.

Again, thanks for checking. Hopefully soon I can say I am good. But right now I feel like I am loosing it. For some strange reason I really can't accept the fact that he has died. I know better but I can't get it to "stick" in my heart and my mind.

 

[chell]

Merry Christmas to you too! Hope you and your family had a wonderful one.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Hugs I know this time of year can be very hard when you are missing someone.

My SIL birthday would of been Dec 18 (a week ago.) She died 7 years ago from breast cancer. This week has been very hard on my brother (her widower). Infact he spent a week inpatient at a mental health clinic. It wasn't pretty. He is doing better, but is has been hard (his kids were living with me then.)


All in all our Christmas was a nice one. My brother is home and doing better.

Didn't mean to unload, just that dates like birthdays can be hard.

How did it go with the counselor?

 

[chell]

Don't be sorry at all.

It went well. Saturday I have another appointment but may get one earlier this week as well. For the next 3 weeks my doctor wants me to see her twice a week at least.

Today I finally got Junior's journal. I really do wish he had written in it more often. All but one entry I had already read. He would have me read it usually after an entry because it was something for the two of us - otherwise I wouldn't feel like I could read it now. But since he always shared it with me and wanted me to read it I feel like it is okay.

Glad to hear you had a good Christmas. Let your brother know he is in my prayers.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Thanks Chell. Sometimes things in their relationships (things unsaid, not good when she died) still hunts him. It think it is pretty common. It is very hard to be mad at somone who is dead. They don't fight fair.

My brother is doing a better, but there is still a lot of work to be done for the family.

Glad to hear about the journal and the therapist.

 

[chell]

I do believe I have a clue of what he is going through. Right now I feel so guilty and angry with myself for all of the bad things I said to him, all of the times I gave him the cold shoulder, etc. That is a big part of what is eating me alive, that and the fact that I really should have made sure I had let him know just how much I love him.

Along with the journal I did get the pen he got me just hours before the accident. No one else is EVER getting to touch it - not if I can help it.

 

[GailT]

Same thing happened to my friend but he always said he was widdowed or is that widdower...needless to see he finally admilts he was divorced they got back together, never remarried then she passed away of breat cancer.
You were legaly divorced. Good luck however you decide to tell people, that is your choise and no one else