How do I answer now?

[Panthra529]

So sorry, I have to admit I didn't read the whole board, because I have to fly. I sometimes hate when people do that, but I felt the urge to reply. My situation was once very difficult as well...too much to go into. But please accept my condolences. I am so sorry for your heart break. When I first read your post, the thought that went through my head was......"it is none of your business" and just skip past the question, or you could always answer "single". I hate these kind of questions on applications. If you want to answer for something nonlegal and your heart tells you to go ahead and say widowed. I agree it is whatever you feel. But as someone else posted, you will have to answer this on some legal documents and for all legal purposes, you are divorced. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[DisneyPhD]

Hey Chell, how are things going today?

Hugs.

 

[alliecats]

I am so very sorry, Chell. I hope each day brings you more peace and healing.

 

[CookieGVB]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'd go with "Recently Reconciled" - but other than legal documents, no label is necessary. Technically divorced is a much different thing than how your heart interprets it. Hang in there.

 

[chell]

Thanks, I have decided to tell people that I am a widow. I don't care what they want to think. In my heart I am and that is what matters to me. He knew that I love him and that I always will. Everyone that knows me knows the same as well.

DisneyPhD today hasn't been too great either. Not sure if you saw my thread last night but yesterday and today have been very difficult. Right now I really don't feel like I want to live.

Thankfully I do have an appointment with the counselor tomorrow. Also I want to find a support group. I need to find some friends close to my own age to hang out with as well. It might help me to have at least a little bit of a social life. All of my friends that I would do anything with live at least 2-3 hours away so I just don't do anything other than work, surf the net, etc.

I am ready for 2006 to get here. It has GOT to be better than 2005, it just has to.

 

[Serena]

It will be better, it really will. Just don't do anything that you will regret later please.

 

[chell]

It will be better, it really will. Just don't do anything that you will regret later please.

Thanks. I do try to keep reminding myself of that.

 

[Serena]

Would it help to write a letter to yourself about all the things you haven't done that you'd like to do?

 

[chell]

Would it help to write a letter to yourself about all the things you haven't done that you'd like to do?

You know, that is such a wonderful idea. Lately I have been writing a lot but I have never thought to write something like that. Thank you Serena. It might be nice to concentrate on something good for myself for a change too.

 

[Serena]

I need to go to bed, but one thing I'd like to make sure you do is to give yourself permission to feel good, happy and alive. Those moments may be few and far between right now, but enjoy them when they come. I don't know you or your husband, but when someone loves us they want us to be happy, and I can't imagine him not wanting you to enjoy life again.
We can "what if" until we are blue in the face, but it doesn't really change anything. All we can do is accept that the past is past and learn from it and keep moving. One step in front of the other.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Thanks, I have decided to tell people that I am a widow. I don't care what they want to think. In my heart I am and that is what matters to me. He knew that I love him and that I always will. Everyone that knows me knows the same as well.

DisneyPhD today hasn't been too great either. Not sure if you saw my thread last night but yesterday and today have been very difficult. Right now I really don't feel like I want to live.

Thankfully I do have an appointment with the counselor tomorrow. Also I want to find a support group. I need to find some friends close to my own age to hang out with as well. It might help me to have at least a little bit of a social life. All of my friends that I would do anything with live at least 2-3 hours away so I just don't do anything other than work, surf the net, etc.

I am ready for 2006 to get here. It has GOT to be better than 2005, it just has to.

I remember thinking that about 1998, and 1999 did get better. (and has sence then.)

I am glad you are continueing with the counselor. I think a support group is a great idea. Online can be a good place to start the search, you should be able to get some phone numbers and go from there. (your counselor should be able to have some ideas too.) More friends is a great idea too. I can't remeber you do have a church? That can be a good way to find some activities that don't center around drinking (a temptaion when you aren't feeling good, but that never leads to good things.)

If you find yourself thinking more and more about not wanting to be a live, or day dreaming about plans it is VERY important that you contact someone about them. Perferably someone close to you that physcially close also that you trust.

Serena, thanks for you comments, I think they were very wise.

 

[tiggerlover]

I chose "other", because legally you are divorced, but emotionally you are a widow. I would think that unless it is a legal document or somewhere official that you need to chose one you would have to put divorced, but to the rest of the world you are within your right to say you are a widow.

My deepest sympathy to you, it is so hard to lose someone you love.

 

[tar heel]

Chell -- call your local Hospice about its grief services. I used to work at a hospice and we had a big COMMUNITY bereavement program that included groups and individual counseling. It was open to anyone who had lost a loved one -- lots of the participants had not had a hospice death. The counselors were wonderful b/c their speciality is grief. And, while a lot of people gave donations because they were so grateful, the service was FREE.

 

[chell]

I need to go to bed, but one thing I'd like to make sure you do is to give yourself permission to feel good, happy and alive. Those moments may be few and far between right now, but enjoy them when they come. I don't know you or your husband, but when someone loves us they want us to be happy, and I can't imagine him not wanting you to enjoy life again.
We can "what if" until we are blue in the face, but it doesn't really change anything. All we can do is accept that the past is past and learn from it and keep moving. One step in front of the other.

Thanks Serena. I do wish I could get past the "what if" questions that keep running through my head. I know it will come with time.

Junior would want me to be happy as long as another man wasn't involved. He had told me before that if he died on me and I ever brought another man in my life that he would haunt him and make him leave me alone. He was always silly like that. He didn't like the thoughts of sharing me with anyone else even after he was gone. That kind of crazy stuff I really do miss right now.

 

[chell]

Chell -- call your local Hospice about its grief services. I used to work at a hospice and we had a big COMMUNITY bereavement program that included groups and individual counseling. It was open to anyone who had lost a loved one -- lots of the participants had not had a hospice death. The counselors were wonderful b/c their speciality is grief. And, while a lot of people gave donations because they were so grateful, the service was FREE.

THANK YOU! I knew there was someone I could call but couldn't remember who it was. I will call them Monday.

DisneyPhD - again thanks for all of your kind words and support. Unfortunately I do not have a church here. I've been afraid to find one. I know that is silly on my part but there are lots of small family churches around here and sometimes it is hard to feel at home there.

Thank you too TiggerLover. You kind words are very appreciated.

 

[chell]

Oh yeah, one more thing. It probably would help if I could remember to post everything at one time.

Today I did bring Junior home - well at least the parts I got. You know now I wonder just what parts of him might be in there. If he had anything to do with it I'm sure I could guess exactly which parts of him made it home with me. His heart would be the very first thing he would make sure was in my little box.

Someone was telling me that you can get jewelry made with some ashes inside. Do any of you know where I could find such a place? Are they trustworthy?

 

[C.Ann]

Someone was telling me that you can get jewelry made with some ashes inside. Do any of you know where I could find such a place? Are they trustworthy?

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I posted it once here awhile ago.. There is a web site called LifeGem that performs this service. I first learned of it while watching "Family Plots" - the reality show about the funeral home and the people who work there. From everything I have been able to dig up, they are very reliable, but it isn't cheap by any means..

So sorry for your loss.. Try this: LifeGem.com - or - if that isn't right, then it's : LifeGems.com

 

[chell]

Thanks C.Ann. LifeGem.com is the correct website. Dang! I didn't know THAT was possible. I thought you just had them put in a little glass or something. WOW! Wonder how I could talk my family into getting me that?

 

[C.Ann]

Thanks C.Ann. LifeGem.com is the correct website. Dang! I didn't know THAT was possible. I thought you just had them put in a little glass or something. WOW! Wonder how I could talk my family into getting me that?

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As I mentioned in another post, I kept some of my DH's remains - and when I pass away, I will be cremated as well and my DD is going to keep some of my remains.. She's then going to combine them together and have a diamond ring made so she can carry us with her no matter where she goes for the rest of her life..