How did you plan your children? Were you scared?

[Tigger&Belle]

What I say to my friends who askt he same question is "Don't plan your kids. Go with the surprise plan. Much more effective in making you cross that bridge, get over your fears, and get ready for your addition." Okay, I wouldn't suggest that to just anyone, just people who are seriously considering having a child soon anyway.

Of course not planning is another way of planning.

Madison is such a cutie and I'm glad that we were able to meet! I'm sure that whenever you have a second will work out. I was very stressed before having my second--really didn't know how I'd be able to handle 2 kids. Of course it worked out or I wouldn't have had #3 or #4. Or I'm a slow learner and never figured out "what caused pregnancy".

 

[pooh4evr]

DD #1 was born a bit over 10 mos after we got married!!! Just a small surprise- DD#2 was born 2 yrs later she was planned sort of- Needless to say we were as ready as we could be. Some of our friends say they are waiting until they are done with their "couple" time- taking vacations, buying things for themselves and probably sleeping through the night- but surprise and all there is nothing in this world I would trade for my girls- True when the are first handed to you - it is amazing, scarry, joyful and a thousand other emotions all at once but when they look at you or smile for the first time, say mama, or just about anything you will know this is where your life is supposed to be.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I don't know how exactly we discussed whether we were ready, but one day we just decided we'd start trying. Fortunately, we didn't have any trouble conceiving, so a couple months later, DW was pregnant.

DS#2 was easier to plan for -- we had to wait until DW got the go-ahead from her oncologist to start trying. He wanted to wait a year or so after her last chemo treatments before we started. Again, we were fortunate to get pregnant pretty quickly.

 

[chrissyk]

And I know 28 seems young to you, and it is, but 28 is getting towards the older side in terms of fertility.

Where I come from originally (MA), 28 is practically a teen mom Saying that 28 is getting towards the older side in terms of fertility may scare someone into trying for kids before s/he is truly ready. In this day and age, finances very often don't allow 28-year-olds to contemplate starting families. Some people aren't even done grad school by that age. Student loan repayment, high housing costs in much of the country, etc. makes it so starting a family isn't even feasible for many 20 and even 30-somethings right now. That doesn't mean that they'll never be parents. I just hate for people to get scared into losing their fertility to the clock when so many things can be done to help that these days.

FWIW, most of my friends and some of my family have had kids either close to or over age 40. Some needed fertility help and some didn't, but I don't have a single friend who wanted kids and is childless today.

 

[cruiserkaren]

We are struggling with this too, only for baby #2! Our DD is 27 months old. I'm an only child and want DD to have a sibling. I worry about money, college, is our house big enough, health....everything. Depending on what day you ask me you'll get a totally different answer. It's scary, but at the same time exciting.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Where I come from originally (MA), 28 is practically a teen mom Saying that 28 is getting towards the older side in terms of fertility may scare someone into trying for kids before s/he is truly ready. In this day and age, finances very often don't allow 28-year-olds to contemplate starting families. Some people aren't even done grad school by that age. Student loan repayment, high housing costs in much of the country, etc. makes it so starting a family isn't even feasible for many 20 and even 30-somethings right now. That doesn't mean that they'll never be parents. I just hate for people to get scared into losing their fertility to the clock when so many things can be done to help that these days.

FWIW, most of my friends and some of my family have had kids either close to or over age 40. Some needed fertility help and some didn't, but I don't have a single friend who wanted kids and is childless today.

LOL, Agreed! When I was 28 I had just finished law school, taken the bar and gotten married. All within a few months of turning 28. I was about to start my job at a firm and begin repaying student loans. We lived in Manhattan in a one bedroom apartment that cost us over 3 grand a month. There was NO WAY IN HADES we were remotely ready to have a baby!

 

[mickeyboat]

Where I come from originally (MA), 28 is practically a teen mom Saying that 28 is getting towards the older side in terms of fertility may scare someone into trying for kids before s/he is truly ready. In this day and age, finances very often don't allow 28-year-olds to contemplate starting families. Some people aren't even done grad school by that age. Student loan repayment, high housing costs in much of the country, etc. makes it so starting a family isn't even feasible for many 20 and even 30-somethings right now. That doesn't mean that they'll never be parents. I just hate for people to get scared into losing their fertility to the clock when so many things can be done to help that these days.

FWIW, most of my friends and some of my family have had kids either close to or over age 40. Some needed fertility help and some didn't, but I don't have a single friend who wanted kids and is childless today.

But age with regard to infertility is still an issue to consider. And not every couple is able or willing to go through difficult and expensive infertility treatments. I know several people who are childless because they waited too long.

http://archives.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/04/30/fertility.women/

http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101020415/story3.html

We can all agree, though, there are many factors involved in making your decision.

Denae

 

[Hillbeans]

We were close to your age when we thought about kids. DH and I got married at 28/27 respectively and wanted to have kids around 30.

After our first year anniversary, we thought we should start trying because you never know how long it may take. We got lucky and got pregnant on the first try. Kevin was born 7 days after my 30th birthday.

We had wanted to have 2 children all along, but we waited until our son was at least 2.5 before trying again. Unfortunately it took a very long time to have # 2. My mother was dying of cancer, and I had 3 m/c's and secondary infertility. Luckilly my Doctor's worked with me and we were just blessed with # 2 in September and i'll be 35 in January.

As others have said to you, there is no "best" time, because you really never do know what life has in store for you until you try. Having children was the best thing that's ever happened to me, and by far the hardest yet most rewarding thing i've ever done.

 

[SC Minnie]

We didn't really 'plan' on getting pregnant. We had a little oops at about 8 months of marriage (nothing is 100%). I miscarried. That experience made me really want a baby. As soon as we could start trying we did and I got pregnant the first month.

 

[swilphil]

Both our kids were planned, and I was more than ready for them at that time! As hard as parenting can be, I would wait until you feel ready because once you have them there's no turning back. Fertility issues should be considered, but unless you have some health concerns now, it isn't usually a problem until over 35.

 

[DMickey28]

Ok So I just spent over an hour on and off writing this whole response on the Quick Reply, got the server is too busy message and lost my response!

Basically what I said:
DH and I are from MA as well. DH from outside Boston and I am from the Cape. Most of our friends now are just settleing down. They are just getting married or engaged. Very few have or are trying for kids. Most don't own homes b/c it's just too expensive. They are all late 20's to early 30's.

DH and I now live outside Chicago and find this pace of life is much more our style. It's still expensive up here, but not nearly as much as MA. We have lived here for a little over a year and Indiana for a year before that. We miss MA and our family (yes they are all there) but we have turned down two chances this month to return. We feel that we have a better future here.

Currently we rent a house, big enough for our first baby. The only reason we don't own is our credit history. We are fixing it and working on it, but it's one of those things that just takes time. We also had not decided until this past summer that we were going to stay in Chicago for a while, now we are committed for at least five years. We are saving money for a down payment and are hoping that maybe we will be ready next winter or spring. If not then Fall 2007 at the latest. We have student loans and mininmal car payments. We have two little credit cards that are almost paid off and all our debt will be cleared by the end of this summer. We make enough money so that if I were to need to stop working due to a rough pregnancy I could. It would push out our plans by a few months (as far as paying things off) but we could not be at all compromised by it. My salary is peanuts compared to DH's and once this debt is completely gone, I can stay home if I wish. I could know, but it would just longer to pay everything off. With that as an option I feel safe having a baby while the child care afterwards is a bit in question. DH feels 100% that we are ready and that it is the time in our life to try.

My fears are probably completely normal. Waiting until everything is "perfect" but what is "perfect?"

I appreciate all your stories and advise...please keep them coming.

 

[justhat]

DMickey28, if you need some more encourangement, you're in way better shape to become a mommy than I was when my daughter was born. Like I said earlier, we were both in grad school at the time (husband still is, I stopped when we had our daughter), so no income for us. Well, I worked in a preschool part time while I was in grad school, but I quit when I had my daughter as it would not have been cost effective for me to continue working at all. We lived (and still do) in a 1 bedroom condo in downtown DC, so not really ideal place to raise a baby. We owe more in student loans than I care to think about.

So it definitely wasn't what most would consider the 'perfect' time. But, like I also said in my earlier post, we were planning to have a baby a year after our daughter was born anyway. And we would have been in exactly the same situation that we were when she was born. The big reason we wanted to start young was that we want a few more kids and want a couple of years between each of them and don't want to be super old with young kids. Only difference really between when she was born and when we planned is that now we have her preschool tuition to pay this year, whereas if she came 'as planned' she'd only be about 10 months old now, so no preschool this year, which would save us some money, but we'd be paying it next year though anyway. We take out more in loans than we would have had to without our daughter, but whatever, when you owe as much as us what'a s little more! And on top of all that, we want to have another one within the next 18 months or so! Yeah, next year my husband will be working, but compared to what we owe, what it costs to live in DC (if we stay here, we won't even know where we have to live till March 16th and we basically get no say over the location), well we still basically won't have an income. But I couldn't imagine our lives an differently than they are now, and we really don't feel strained in anyway.

Oh, and T&B, thanks, Madison (and I) enjoyed meeting you too! We want 4 kids too, but I still have days where I worry about what I'll do with a 2nd one, let alone a 3rd or 4th!

 

[Pollito916]

I like reading all the stories, too. I am kind of in a similar situation to the OP. I just can't seem to make myself stop taking the pills. Even though we would like to have a baby, it just makes me so nervous!

OP - We are also live not too far from you! DH goes up to Barrington for work almost every Thursday.

 

[staci]

Ive only read your original post,

I am a planner like you. I think I drive everyone NUTS with my level of planning. After dh and I got married, we knew we wanted to have kids 'soon'. I had some medical issues two years prior and I was concerned that if they came back I would have difficulty carrying a baby to term. So we had known for years that once we were married we were ready to try.

However, it was easy to picture when it was just 'in the future' and much harder to make the commitment to actually try. We got lucky and 3 months after our wedding, we lost the pills, said what the heck, and didnt worry about it. Got pregnant that weekend.

I was freaking out because I didnt have an exact 'plan' for our pregnancy. We were due on our one year anniversary. DS has become the best blessing in my life. I would think that it sounds as though you are ready to take the plunge. I was unsure of our timing through our whole pregnancy but I would not do a thing differently if given the opportunity.

We were fairly young, I was 23 when DS was born and will be 26 with the one I am carrying now. We are totally happy with our decision. We found that finances and future planning became EASIER after the baby than before, because now we have a purpose for our saving and planning decisions. We do everything in the best interest of our family. He really helped to center our focus on what is important for us.

Hope that helps you!

 

[DMickey28]

Miss Polly -

We just moved a few months ago from Barrington down to the Naperville/Aurora area. Now we are much closer to my job, off I-88 in Naperville, and we actually like the area better in many ways. Barrington is beautiful but it's almost a bit snobby sometimes.. just the "feeling" in the area!! Espeically since we aren't from here and starting new. Naperville feels much more like home to me!!

DH and I talked more about it tonight after I got home from work. We agreed that now matter what we are ready in our hearts for a family and we will stop the patch this time and be really careful for a few months and start trying. I was reading the post by the woman who is afraid she will be alone when she goes into Labor. It made me think about how important it will be to know when I get pregnant b/c DH travels almost every week and we don't have family nearby. HE will stop traveling at least a month before I am due but I don't want to take the chance that we won't have a fairly accurate week to be due.

Thanks for listening. I am so excited.. and to the poster who said it was easier to save and doing more financial planning once you were starting that family, I agree. I think it will be a lot easier too, I already find myself cutting back on stuff b/c of "the baby"!!! I also am joining a gym in January, I'd like to lose a few and get a few months of exercising in to be sure I can keep it up during the pregnancy. I am not a couch potatoe right now, but I could use more consistancy!

YIPPY... you guys are great, and please keep your stories coming!!!

 

[staci]

Yeah! Im excited for you!

If you know you will be trying soon, you should begin taking either a prenatal vitamin (you can buy them overthecounter) or just folic acid in addition to your regular daily vitamin. We did not know this with the first baby, but there is suppose to be a decrease in birth defects if you take the folic acid BEFORE pregnancy.

 

[MzDiz]

My family planning was as follows: I was seventeen and said "uh oh" Three kids and fifteen years later I'm finally going to college.

 

[DMickey28]

I started taking prenatal vitamins about a week ago!!

 

[DMickey28]

Thought I would bump this up.. see if anyone new is on today!!

 

[Pollito916]

Miss Polly -

We just moved a few months ago from Barrington down to the Naperville/Aurora area. Now we are much closer to my job, off I-88 in Naperville, and we actually like the area better in many ways. Barrington is beautiful but it's almost a bit snobby sometimes.. just the "feeling" in the area!! Espeically since we aren't from here and starting new. Naperville feels much more like home to me!!

DH and I talked more about it tonight after I got home from work. We agreed that now matter what we are ready in our hearts for a family and we will stop the patch this time and be really careful for a few months and start trying. I was reading the post by the woman who is afraid she will be alone when she goes into Labor. It made me think about how important it will be to know when I get pregnant b/c DH travels almost every week and we don't have family nearby. HE will stop traveling at least a month before I am due but I don't want to take the chance that we won't have a fairly accurate week to be due.

Thanks for listening. I am so excited.. and to the poster who said it was easier to save and doing more financial planning once you were starting that family, I agree. I think it will be a lot easier too, I already find myself cutting back on stuff b/c of "the baby"!!! I also am joining a gym in January, I'd like to lose a few and get a few months of exercising in to be sure I can keep it up during the pregnancy. I am not a couch potatoe right now, but I could use more consistancy!

YIPPY... you guys are great, and please keep your stories coming!!!

We live in Aurora, right near the Naperville border. And I lived in Naperville for about 10 years before that. We're not as financially ready as you seem, but we probably will never be completely ready. I've also been trying to work out more lately, to get in shape and be able to lose the weight faster afterwards. You're ahead of me on the vitamins, though. I never knew that, so thanks for the info!