How Come the Happiest Place in the World is Usually Not Happy

[Pamlur]

We have already traveled with our grandchildren, too (except that the baby hasn't flown yet); we did a long weekend at Atlantis in Nassau, and a 4-night cruise with them. Various shorter trips that we drove have filled in, too. We like to travel, and we like to take our kids and grandkids with us.

For the Disney trip, we have reserved two 2-bedroom villas at BCV, so we'll have the big pool for them to relax in during naptime for the baby. They swim like little fish, and LOVE the water. The baby loves water, too, so she'll have to have her pool time, also.

We know that in a week we won't cover everything; this is a trip for the little ones. Except that we are taking son and dil who don't have children, they can go at whatever pace they want to. She is blind, so they won't make the fast pace they made when they went on their honeymoon; she could see then.

 

[goofyernmost]

I haven't had time to read all the posts in this thread so if I repeat a thought already expressed please forgive me.

The whole thing can be narrowed down to "expectations" and in some cases disipline (sp?).

Parents take their children at an age that is too young to appreciate what is happening around them. The become sensory overloaded and it all becomes a big out of focus picture to them. When subsequently they do not get the thrill out of WDW that their parents expected them to have, the parents get short tempered (frustrated) (partly because they are exhausted from carting around half a household of needed items for the kids) My advise to parents in this case is to stop trying to force your perspective on the kids. Relax and enjoy the day. Feel good about what makes you feel good and let the children be children.

They will draw their own interests and likes and build a memory bank that they will someday try to force on their kids. Hee hee! If you pay attention to what they are excited about you might find something you missed simply because you were to tall to see it.

As for the kids that scream and insult their parents, I'm afraid that is just a carryover from home. My children knew that if that happened the day of fun would be terminated, at that moment. We would be back in the hotel so fast your head would spin. It was probably just me, but I wouldn't have cared how much I spent on the day, it would be over.

 

[grinningghost]

I had another thought. Our DD is almost 14 now, and I think she's more excited about this upcoming trip than any before. I'm guessing it has to do with the fact that she's old enough now to appreciate how great WDW is, and maybe a little bit of excitement over finding cute boys there.

 

[merryweather's twin]

I guess I just wanted to clairify about my first post.... I guess I was not clear enuff.... Planning is the key to a happy vacation!
Not the iten type but life skills that let you let go on fun trips!My kids have to tow a hard line at home but when we go on vac they know how to act and they do it!

My kids are not the ones screaming in the restraunts... why? They go 2-3 times a week and know what to do! I let them eat what they want at the sit down meal and I make sure they make up for it later....(most of the time they make VERY good choices) Like fresh fruit and eggs and toast for bkfast and then they may have and ice cream for lunch and a buffet for dinner.
My kids do eat ice cream for lunch 1 or 2 days out of a 7-8 day period on vacation and they do not go sugar crazy!

And they do not throw tantrums becouse they have an alloted amount of money for a toy or whatever they want a day.They get very quiet in the store trying to find that special item.

And we do not say NO! to them DH says that is becouse they do not ask for more!!!! My children know how lucky they are to have the things they have.(we visit and donate to the local shelter 1 time a month) They know we will ride their fav rides and the rest of the familys. No need to cry for it! They know they will get potty breaks and drinks like everyone else!

My DH just said that if you are going to do WDW with young kids be prepaired! Take the kids often there and out to eat... Practice the skills they need to have fun and feel like they fit in ! And when the time comes let go a little and enjoy your kids.... Let them see you being a kid also ! Leting them have a toy a day and eat some junk 1-2 weeks a year will not kill them! And letting the rules go and playing with your kids and really enjoying them may make the fits and tanurms a thing of the past!
I guess this is what we do and it works for us ! I hope you all have a good trip!

 

[Gillian]

DS likes the mickey pretzels better than ice cream, so that is his treat. We do try to spoil him a little on vacation, but he is only 2 1/2 and still sometimes wants things that aren't good for him.

I wasn't really referring to your post, merryweather's twin. It sounds like your kids are old enough to deal with WDW.

We all do what we have to do. The most important thing is not judging other parents when their children are upset, unless we know the reasons why. If my son is upset because he can't have chocolate an hour before dinner, he'll get over it in a few minutes. I"m not going to give in just to quiet him down. And we probably won't leave the park either. That's too severe of a punishment for a little kid who is overwhelmed with tempting things.

In general, he's happy & pleasant (and so are we). I'll apologize in advance to anyone who catches us having an off moment.

 

[niks81]

I completely agree with ducklite on this one. Its unfortunate but very true how many parents do this. I just saw a whole truckload on my recent visit and it is disappointing. I am a planner, and I do plan out meals and which parks on which days. But there is a happy medium here, and no kid wants to be kept to a minute by minute schedule. I say do some sketchy planning and for the rest of it, just go with the flow.

 

[donnsuz]

I agree with most of what's been said here. I feel very strongly that many people feel that they"owe" their children a trip to disney and they're bad parents if they don't provide this as soon as possible for their child.

It is also possible to over plan your trip. We travelled with me, my DH and kids aged 10, 9, & 8 plus my mother to DW 10years ago. Two of my strongest memories of the trip are 1) Standing in line at Pirates early on the third day of our trip and having my children whine that they wanted to go back to the motel to swim. I went balistic with the I-worked-planned-saved-for-this-trip-forever & you-don't-appreciate-it speech. and 2) Getting into a huge argument with my 10yoa DS at Epcot about how he was wasting his money on junk instead of buying a memorable souveneir. This all came to be partly because I was overstressed and expected magical pixie dust instead of normal family behavior.

We're going back in June for my youngest DS graduation. All the original players will be attending but instead of planning to death I've used this board as a vent. I thank you and my family, I'm sure, thanks you.

P.S. Young or old, I think that nearly the most important part of the trip is mid afternoon siesta for R&R and time to spread apart in a quiet and cool place.

 

[Hayley]

As some have pointed out, WDW is no different than real life - kids cry and parents yell everywhere. WDW is more intense, though, because you've spent alot of money and schedules have changed and the family is maybe getting alot of togetherness time that they aren't so used to....

....BUT I've said it before and I'll say it again. I won't judge you or your kid for his "meltdown". (truly, I hate that word, but I'll use if for lack of a better one.). I have to admit I get a little privately judgemental when I see kids saying "I HATE YOU!" and hitting their parents and sibs...my kids wouldn't have seen WDW for a very very long time if they had done that...

but I <i>do</i> get majorly ticked off when the parents don't remove the child who is, as we say, melting down, from a restaurant or show. I won't give you a dirty look if your kid is having a tantrum in the bathroom line - you'll get my sympathetic smile -- but you'll see just how dirty a look I can give if your kid screams all through my dinner at World Showcase!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I tend to be an uptight, Type A planner. Fortunately DH goes with the flow! That was until I had kids. They have done more for teaching me to stop and smell the roses than anyone else including DH!!

Having said that...last year we went to WDW. Stayed in 3-br condo with DH, DDthen3, DDthen6months, DH's dad and Step-mom and DH's mom. Fortunately the divorce was long enough ago that everyone gets along now! Planning went well mainly becaus everyone let me do all of the planning . Anyway, 15 minutes in the MK our first day in the parks, I had the meltdown. Not over a change in plans or anything, but because I was tired of stopping every 10 feet up Main Street for a posed picture in front of the castle. I said something to DH; he said something to his parents, and there were no more posed pictures on the whole trip. And everyone was happy!

FYI, neither of my kids had any major meltdown that day other than the DDthen3 being afraid of some characters! You never know who will have the meltdown, but a long as you know yuor family's dynamics, it can be dealt with easily!

 

[eeyore0062]

lol, Ducklite, but you really hit the nail on the head with that one.

Also, other things that lend themselves to "unhappy" days at Disney, are either those who plan too much and don't leave any room for the unexpected pleasures.

OR those who don't plan at all, spend all of their time consulting a map, don't have a clue as to which rides are best ridden when and can't understand WHY others rave about Disney when they never got to do anything.

Then there are those who rely solely on being able to walk up to any restaurant/ counter service at peak meal time and can't understand WHY there is a wait/line.

Disney is very overwhelming, both to kids and adults and that can make the stress level rise considerably... so you may have a normally laid back person who "just can't take it anymore".

Add in the weather "it's too hot, it's too cold, its raining, etc" and you have the ingredients for an explosion waiting to happen

 

[Claudia1]

I think another reason for family stress is living together in a small motel/hotel room for an extended period of time. Our houses have living rooms, family rooms, extra bathrooms, and many kids have everything right in their own bedroom. Families don't "hang out" together much anymore.

Add a hot, Florida day to somebody's highly anticipated pixie-dusted expectations and you have a recipe for big-time STRESS.

This is the primary reason we choose to buy into DVC. We figured out that we could either spend the money for a single room in one of the better resorts or put it in DVC to get a 1 or 2 BR at a comparable price. (Calculated over an extended period of time, of course!) We all enjoy a bit of a break from each other's TV programs, half-empty suitcases, and snoring.

Just another thought on the subject.

 

[buzz5985]

My DS from the age of 9 months was a head banger. Anyone else here with a head Banger???? He was told no - he would bang his head against the floor, the wall, etc. Get the picture. Very strong willed. I am not a bad parent. Some children are more difficult than others. He behaved very well in Disney his first trip he was 4. I remember one time that he had a tantrum, I told him he could not have a figurine he saw in a store. He started having a tantrum, and some nice person pointed out to me that he needed a nap. We had just returned to the park after a scheduled break, he had a 2 hour nap.

I remember asking for advice from his pediatrician, about the tantrums in stores, etc. He asked me what I did. Well, I told him I take him right out of the store. So he then said - "Just think of what you taught him. He has a tantrum, you leave." He is older now and the school system is testing him for ADHD.

I would recommend everyone who is critical of parents behavior around their children read the book - The Difficult Child. It will be a real eye opener for you, it made me realize, I wasn't a bad parent, and there are a lot of children out there like mine.

I have a friend who's child was diagnosed with PDD (pervasive development disorder). Disney has a special program for these children, being put first in line, etc. Can't tell there is anything wrong with the child by looking at them, but they are also "difficult". There are a lot of illnesses out there, that you can't see. And Disney being the wonderful place they are, really put the kids first, try to remember that the next time you see a kid having a meltdown. I know I have to be very stern and try to refocus my DS. He is being tested now for some developmental disorders. Try to be a little forgiving, and less judgemental. You never know what it is like to live with a difficult child, until you have one. I learned that lesson.

 

[cart-mom]

I had to laugh when reading this thread. My DH and I had more fights when it was just the two of us in WDW than when we had our children. Last year was the first year we missed since 1996 because of my due date being the end of June/early July. I even did WDW at 8 mos preggars with a 2 & 5 yo. Crazy? You bet! I also came with a 3yo & 3mo.

Kids learn from experience and their surroundings. If they are not exposed to crowds and activities at home, they may have a problem at the worlds. Yes, the trip is expensive. The kids don't undertsand that and won't until they are all grown up & take their own children. If you don't get to see or do something on this trip - come back again. You know you want to. My DH always says he's had enough by the end of our trip and it will be a while before we return. The a few months go by and the kids start talking about something they remember from the parks and it starts him thinking about going back again.

Think of the Golden rule. If you see someone having a hard time with their kids - smile at them. Maybe they'll smile back and stop what they're doing and remember why they came. And those of you without children - you just don't understand.

 

[MrsPete]

Sadly, I don't think this behavior is limited to WDW. Don't you guys see moms screaming at their kids in your local Walmart? Don't you see overly tired children (obviously up past their usual bedtime) in restaruants near your house? I sure do.

I think problems occur when parents have the idea that they MUST accomplish items ABC and D within a certain time frame. They often don't take their children's needs and maturity level into account. Children do cry, whine, drag their feet, and just become uncooperative when they're hungry, tired, hot, etc. I think this problem is magnified when people bring children who are too young for Disney World and expect them to have a great time.

Something I read once in some Disney guide: The children you are bringing on vacation are the same ones you live with at home. Don't expect them to suddenly be able to walk farther, to wait more patiently, etc. just because you're on vacation.

 

[MinnieGi]

Yes, I have seen moments of Disney unhappiness but I've seen far more Disney magic smiles at WDW from families. Just watch those people's faces during the parade or fireworks show or when the characters come to meet and greet and you see miles of Disney magic smiles!

As someone else stated the glimpse of a meltdown you witness from a child/parent as you pass by is just a brief period of the families vacation. On our last trip I witnessed such a meltdown from a family involving kids and parents and felt sorry that they were not having a great time. In my thoughts I rushed to the conclusion that they hadn't properly prepared or taken enough breaks in their schedule. Well about an hour later I saw the same family laughing and all smiles coming off a ride!! I may have saw earlier the downpoint in their vacation but it was NOT their entire vacation. Please do not be to quick to judge an "unhappy" situation when you come across one.

Good and bad behaviors of children and adults do not stop at the Disney gates even if there are a thousand smiling CM's and characters to greet you.

Also we only have one child and it is easy to take the parks at her pace but I'm sure with more than one it is harder for everyone to stay as "happy!" I think it also helps immensely that we have been several times and know we are going again so there is no rush to do "everything."

 

[murphy t]

We have a great name for these little melt downs, we call them "Mickey moments", and they can happen to anyone, young or old! (and you don't have to be at Disney to have a "Mickey moment"!)

 

[Geebs]

i really can't stand when people say that "you don't have kids..you don't understand".Like people without kids have never had stress and never had demands on them. Just because we don't have kids doesn't mean that we don't realize how hard it is.
What upsets us is when we see kids having the dreaded meltdown and the parents continuing to drag them around. I sawa a family once with kids (about 4 or 5) screaming their head off on a bus back to the resort at 12:30 am...the parents yelling shut up, I am paying all this $$ for you...etc. and then the mother had the nerve to say..they are tired...they have been up since 7 am. Heck...that day, I went back to the resort for a 2 hour nap and I am 26!!! We had such headaches when we got back to the resort.
Its not fair when something that we paid good money for is ruined because of kids screaming and parents not removing them.(this is true for places home too...not just disney) Yes...Disney World is for families...all types of families...with or without kids. Just because my husband and I don't have kids, doesn't mean we aren't a family. I just think, if you feel like you are at the breaking point...leave...or go relax somewhere (even in a park). this goes for kids and adults too!

 

[Gillian]

Originally posted by buzz5985
.... and some nice person pointed out to me that he needed a nap. We had just returned to the park after a scheduled break, he had a 2 hour nap.

Now wasn't that helpful?

"Just think of what you taught him. He has a tantrum, you leave."

In other words, "He has a tantrum, HE GETS HIS WAY!!" Smart doc!

I try to think about this all the time. If DS becomes antsy at dinner & we take him out, it teaches him that he gets to leave the table when he's bored. If he cries because he wants something and I've said no, I'm not going to buy it for him just to stop the crying. That teaches, "you cry & it gets you what you want."

Sometimes removing your child from the situation is exactly what they want! It just causes the same behavior the next time.

The problem is determining how annoying the behavior is to others around us. It can be a fine line between teaching your children and making everyone else hate you!

 

[Gillian]

Oh & 2 days ago we told DS that he couldn't leave the table (at home) until everyone else was finished. For the next 15 minutes he amused himself (& us) by asking, "daddy, all done? Mommy, all done? Grandma, all done?" etc.

 

[mrsltg]

DH and I thought long and hard about our DD's first Disney trip. Originally, it was going to be the 7 day Western on DCL followed by 3 days at WDW. When DH and I were at WDW last November (my parents took our daughter for a week so that DH and I had some "us" time), we realized that trying to "see everything" with her in 3 days would be unfair and unrealistic. Instead, we cancelled our cruise and booked 12 days at Disney. We're staying at the AKL (a park in itself!) and plan lots of naps and swim breaks. We figure we'll do a park most mornings, and be gone by noon or 1. Maybe we'll go back later in the day, maybe we won't. It will all be up to Dierdre! I am really looking forward to a relaxing and fun vacation!

Erin