How Can Parents Be So Clueless?

[kt_mom]

I'm not saying you can protect them from EVERYTHING, but A LOT of dangers can be avoided by some common sense and actual PARENTING.

I try not to judge another parent, because who knows what's going on, like if they are yelling at their kids, or you can tell they are just having a bad day, while their kid runs like a screaming demon in the toy dept. (been there done that, especially with DS who is autistic), that's one thing. But, when the child is put into a dangerous situation because a parent is being nothing more than lazy, that's another story. I have seen some things and just thought WTH! are they thinking.
I agree with what the OP did as far as letting the police know of the situation. I wouldn't have confronted the mother with the cop there, but I would have waited in my car to see what her reaction was. If she appeared upset I would have felt good about what I did, and hope she learned her lesson and wouldn't do this again, and I would feel like I accomplished something and drove away giving myself a pat on the back. If she was nonchalant about is, like OP said the mother was, I would have shook my head and drove off, and said a prayer for the child.

But some things that some people percieve as dangerous may not be for others. Its my right as a parent to make those choices based on my knowledge of the situation and of MY children. That's what parenting is. The truth is we put our kids in much more dangerous situations every day with much higher odds of something happening to them.

You can avoid the risk of someone stealing your child out of their bed while you sleep down the hall by having everyone sleep in the same room. But yet we tend to give our children their own room. You can avoid them being kidnapped from the school by homeschooling them but yet lots of people don't choose to homeschool. Are they also lazy parents lacking common sense? I think the actual chances of danger in these situations is probably similar to that of leaving a child alone for 2 minutes to run into a gas station.

Now I wouldn't leave a 5 year old in the car while I went into the grocery store. In that case I would probably hang around a few minutes and wait to see if the parent came out soon. If an extended period of time passed I would notify the police or let the store manager know or something. But I would never interfere by trying to tell another parent my views on their choice. Now at my DD's age now, I would be perfectly comfortable leaving her in the car while I ran in quickly to get a few things. not a full blown shopping trip but 10 mintues or so. The only reason I probably wouldn't is because some busy body would probably call the cops and that would upset DD.

 

[Colleen27]

Its impossible to protect our children from every danger out there. As parents its our job to assess the situations we are in and decide what is best for our children. Its just not a one size fits all thing.

Exactly. Tragedies happen and unfortunately that's just a part of life. It doesn't mean we should be running around fearful, guarding against every one-in-a-million risk that could possibly be out there in the world.

 

[ccgirl]

But some things that some people percieve as dangerous may not be for others. Its my right as a parent to make those choices based on my knowledge of the situation and of MY children. That's what parenting is. The truth is we put our kids in much more dangerous situations every day with much higher odds of something happening to them.

You can avoid the risk of someone stealing your child out of their bed while you sleep down the hall by having everyone sleep in the same room. But yet we tend to give our children their own room. You can avoid them being kidnapped from the school by homeschooling them but yet lots of people don't choose to homeschool. Are they also lazy parents lacking common sense? I think the actual chances of danger in these situations is probably similar to that of leaving a child alone for 2 minutes to run into a gas station.

Now I wouldn't leave a 5 year old in the car while I went into the grocery store. In that case I would probably hang around a few minutes and wait to see if the parent came out soon. If an extended period of time passed I would notify the police or let the store manager know or something. But I would never interfere by trying to tell another parent my views on their choice. Now at my DD's age now, I would be perfectly comfortable leaving her in the car while I ran in quickly to get a few things. not a full blown shopping trip but 10 mintues or so. The only reason I probably wouldn't is because some busy body would probably call the cops and that would upset DD.

Exactly. Tragedies happen and unfortunately that's just a part of life. It doesn't mean we should be running around fearful, guarding against every one-in-a-million risk that could possibly be out there in the world.

I agree with both of these. Being overprotective is just as "dangerous". My DD8 prefers to stay in the car to read if I am just running in the store for milk or bread or something. I am not being lazy by letting her do that. I am letting her decide and have a choice. She is locked in the car and I tell her the alarm will go off if she leaves. As I said, she just sits there and reads. People can call the cops all they want. It is not illegal in my state, unless she is left in there for an extended period of time with the windows up in severe heat. BTW, a neighbor did call the cops on my DD8 who was riding her bike around the neighborhood. They felt it was dangerous for her. The police officer came by and actually gave her a ice cream coupon for wearing her helmet while riding her bike.

 

[Wadecool]

thanx much for tryng to save me from myself but I was out of the conversation at that point anyway. And not because he 'won'. Rather because, as I pointed out, I made my point. You simpy can't argue with logic. The inconstencies in his argument were loud and clear. And as soon as someone starts saying "but we're talking about X not Y", ignoring the very obvious similarities between scenario X and scenario Y...................they lose

the inconsistencies in you argument are very loud and clear, as evidenced by your attempts to throw all kinds of other scenarios into the mix. Apparently, you still haven't fully grasped the subject of this particular thread, or you realize that diversionary tactics are all you have left at this point. Of course you want to talk about scenario Y and Z, you have clearly made no headway with scenario X. Makes sense.

Again, you have definitely made a point, but it is far from what you intended, at least outside your own mind.

Play on.

 

[LaurenLC]

You're right, we can't protect our children from everything, but it is our job as parents to do what is best for them within reason. I can't find any legitimate reason for leaving a small child in a car unattended other than because you as the parent don't want to deal with taking them into the store with you.... I call that lazy! If you choose to parent that way, that's fine, but let's at least be honest about it.

 

[Colleen27]

You're right, we can't protect our children from everything, but it is our job as parents to do what is best for them within reason. I can't find any legitimate reason for leaving a small child in a car unattended other than because you as the parent don't want to deal with taking them into the store with you.... I call that lazy! If you choose to parent that way, that's fine, but let's at least be honest about it.

You could make that argument about just about anything, though. My kids walk to school. Someone who thinks that is too dangerous could say that I'm only taking that risk because I'm too lazy to walk with them or drive them (and I'm sure some ppl have said just that). My older child watches his little sisters sometimes when I go to the store. I could keep them all safe and in sight if I just took them with me. My older two know how to cook basic meals. Certainly I could take the 10min out of my day to make that grilled cheese or scrambled eggs for them. But there doesn't have to be a clear and compelling reason to allow a child to do something that the parents could avoid or do for them. What matters is the objective risk of any given activity. The risk of walking to school or sitting in a parked car or staying home for 15min in a safe community is negligible, but we've become a culture so obsessed with eliminating all risk that there are those who find all of the above neglectful/lazy parenting.

 

[LaurenLC]

You could make that argument about just about anything, though. My kids walk to school. Someone who thinks that is too dangerous could say that I'm only taking that risk because I'm too lazy to walk with them or drive them (and I'm sure some ppl have said just that). My older child watches his little sisters sometimes when I go to the store. I could keep them all safe and in sight if I just took them with me. My older two know how to cook basic meals. Certainly I could take the 10min out of my day to make that grilled cheese or scrambled eggs for them. But there doesn't have to be a clear and compelling reason to allow a child to do something that the parents could avoid or do for them. What matters is the objective risk of any given activity. The risk of walking to school or sitting in a parked car or staying home for 15min in a safe community is negligible, but we've become a culture so obsessed with eliminating all risk that there are those who find all of the above neglectful/lazy parenting.

You can bring up walking to school, making breakfast, or any other nonsense, but that isn’t what this discussion is about; it’s about LEAVING A CHILD IN A CAR UNATTENDED. No one that finds this appropriate has given a legitimate reason as to why they do this other than because ‘they want to’, or my favorite, because 'my child wants to'.

 

[Colleen27]

You can bring up walking to school, making breakfast, or any other nonsense, but that isn’t what this discussion is about; it’s about LEAVING A CHILD IN A CAR UNATTENDED. No one that finds this appropriate has given a legitimate reason as to why they do this other than because ‘they want to’, or my favorite, because 'my child wants to'.

And you can keep dismissing all the other everyday things that parents do for no legitimate reason to avoid the point that there doesn't HAVE to be a deep, big-picture reason for every single decision we make as parents. Sometimes "because it is easier" or "because my child wants to" is a good enough reason, when the risk involved is low.

 

[KevGuy]

There was no reason to call the cops on someone just because YOU disagree with their parenting choices. A baby strapped into an infant seat in a hot car on a 90 degree day, yes they are in immanent danger, and you should try to help. A 5 year old in a car with a dog is not. Child kidnapping by stranger are incredibly rare. That child could have sat in that car for hours and not had any harm come to her. You may perceive that children that age are not capable of being left alone but the majority of the world does not agree with you. Children that age in many other cultures are on their own and caring for younger siblings. It's only in America that we seem to have such a low expectation for our children that we think they are unable to sit by themselves for 30 minutes! You may not agree with her parenting, but she probably doesn't agree with yours either!

Wow I can't believe you think like that, ask the parents of that girl what was her name? Smart was it I think, she was kidnapped and held by some nutjobs for something like 15 years and and was just recently found and freed. She was even much older. A responsible parent in my opinion would never leave a 5 year old alone especially in a running car. That mother should be investigated by child services for child abandonment. Did you ever see the missing childrens faces on milk cartons? Kids are sadly kidnapped all the time everyday in this country. Doing that is just tempting fate and inviting a bad thing to happen. nevermind kidnapping what if the child accidentially hit the gear shifter, the car could start moving, it could cause an accident or worse. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I guess but I really can't believe yours.....

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow I can't believe you think like that, ask the parents of that girl what was her name? Smart was it I think, she was kidnapped and held by some nutjobs for something like 15 years and and was just recently found and freed. She was even much older. A responsible parent in my opinion would never leave a 5 year old alone especially in a running car. That mother should be investigated by child services for child abandonment. Did you ever see the missing childrens faces on milk cartons? Kids are sadly kidnapped all the time everyday in this country. Doing that is just tempting fate and inviting a bad thing to happen. nevermind kidnapping what if the child accidentially hit the gear shifter, the car could start moving, it could cause an accident or worse. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I guess but I really can't believe yours.....

This is the type of reaction that puts rational parents on the defense. Your child is more likely to be struck by lightening 10 times than be abducted by a stranger. I'd leave a 5 year old on the front lawn alone playing, but not in a running vehicle, because I think a running vehicle attracts carjackers, plus the child could accidently put the vehicle in gear. I would not be concerned that someone would want to kidnap my child! The statistical probability is almost non-existant. There are a LOT of runaway children on milk cartons, unfortunately, and most abductions are family members. When a child is abducted by a stranger, it makes national news, because it's so rare.

 

[nchulka]

Wow I can't believe you think like that, ask the parents of that girl what was her name? Smart was it I think, she was kidnapped and held by some nutjobs for something like 15 years and and was just recently found and freed. She was even much older. A responsible parent in my opinion would never leave a 5 year old alone especially in a running car. That mother should be investigated by child services for child abandonment. Did you ever see the missing childrens faces on milk cartons? Kids are sadly kidnapped all the time everyday in this country. Doing that is just tempting fate and inviting a bad thing to happen. nevermind kidnapping what if the child accidentially hit the gear shifter, the car could start moving, it could cause an accident or worse. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I guess but I really can't believe yours.....

This is the kind of wrong information that spreads panic among parents of things that aren't even true. Elisabeth Smart that you are referring to was stolen out of her own bed in the middle of the night, a bed she shared with her sister. So I guess your whole family must sleep in one bed together every night to avoid that risk. She was gone for less than a year before being found. The girl who was gone for almost 20 years was Jaycee Duggard and she was kidnapped right in front of her father's watching eyes as she walked to her bus stop. No amount of vigilance will stop someone from taking your child if they are the one they want. On the other hand stranger kidnappings are extremely rare, only about 115 per year in the US and about 60 percent of those are returned in the first 24-48 hours. Leaving only about 50 or so kids a year to be gone forever. Tragic yes, something to worry about daily, NO!

 

[spacemountainmom]

Wow I can't believe you think like that, ask the parents of that girl what was her name? Smart was it I think, she was kidnapped and held by some nutjobs for something like 15 years and and was just recently found and freed. She was even much older. A responsible parent in my opinion would never leave a 5 year old alone especially in a running car. That mother should be investigated by child services for child abandonment. Did you ever see the missing childrens faces on milk cartons? Kids are sadly kidnapped all the time everyday in this country. Doing that is just tempting fate and inviting a bad thing to happen. nevermind kidnapping what if the child accidentially hit the gear shifter, the car could start moving, it could cause an accident or worse. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I guess but I really can't believe yours.....

Elizabeth Smart was taken from her own home and held for 9 months.

Jaycee Dugard was taken and held captive for 18 years.

I guess I should not leave my kids alone in their own bedroom and I shouldn't let my kids ever leave the house. Where on earth can they be considered safe???

 

[KevGuy]

Yea, Dugard was the one thanks. But regardless leaving a 5 year old alone in a running car is not good parenting and is reckless in my opinion. Keep jumping on me with your snyde remarks it doesn't change that fact. Being struck by lightning is more likely to happen than being kidnapped is just rubbish plain and simple. Lets be real people, look at the thread what is it 6-1 ratio of people agreeing with my opinion that it's wrong and not yours? Wake up to reality.....no one in their right mind should be leaving a five year old in a running car for a half hour by themselves. Does common sense ring a bell...ding, ding........

 

[Colleen27]

Yea, Dugard was the one thanks. But regardless leaving a 5 year old alone in a running car is not good parenting and is reckless in my opinion. Keep jumping on me with your snyde remarks it doesn't change that fact. Being struck by lightning is more likely to happen than being kidnapped is just rubbish plain and simple. Lets be real people, look at the thread what is it 6-1 ratio of people agreeing with my opinion that it's wrong and not yours? Wake up to reality.....no one in their right mind should be leaving a five year old in a running car for a half hour by themselves. Does common sense ring a bell...ding, ding........

No, it is fact. There are more than twice as many people injured or killed due to lightning strikes each year in the US than the number of children kidnapped by strangers. The fact that many people are scared of something doesn't make that fear rational (and vice versa, the fact that people aren't scared of something doesn't make it safe - the odds of the child dying in a car accident on the way to the store are MUCH higher than the odds of being kidnapped out of it while a parent shops, but which do people perceive as more risky?)

 

[Wadecool]

You can bring up walking to school, making breakfast, or any other nonsense, but that isn’t what this discussion is about; it’s about LEAVING A CHILD IN A CAR UNATTENDED. No one that finds this appropriate has given a legitimate reason as to why they do this other than because ‘they want to’, or my favorite, because 'my child wants to'.

 

[KevGuy]

No, it is fact. There are more than twice as many people injured or killed due to lightning strikes each year in the US than the number of children kidnapped by strangers. The fact that many people are scared of something doesn't make that fear rational (and vice versa, the fact that people aren't scared of something doesn't make it safe - the odds of the child dying in a car accident on the way to the store are MUCH higher than the odds of being kidnapped out of it while a parent shops, but which do people perceive as more risky?)

Really, where is the link to this theory to prove it, I still call it rubbish??? Regardless it is a moot point and irrevelent to the main point of this thread, which is you don't leave a five year old in a running car for a half hour by themselves while you do some shopping. I hear the common sense bell again....ding, ding.

 

[Wadecool]

No, it is fact. There are more than twice as many people injured or killed due to lightning strikes each year in the US than the number of children kidnapped by strangers.

We're comparing leaving a child alone in an unattended vehicle to lightning strikes now?

A lightning strike is an act of God and certainly something that most of us would agree is out of our control to a large degree. Leaving a child alone in an unattended vehicle is a very different animal altogether, and is something we as parents can control, by choosing not to do it.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Take a pill. I would not leave a 5 year old alone in a running car either. However, I have been taken to task (on this board) for allowing my 14 year old daughter and 10 year old son to walk around alone (we were in the same park) at Disney World.

I do get a little fired up at all the parents who accuse anyone who is not on top of their kids 24/7 that they are neglectful. It is neglectful to not allow your child to grow up. It is neglectful to not prepare your kids for the world that is out there.

It is ridiculous to suggest that a parent can protect their child from EVERYTHING. Kids need to be given age appropriate steps up the ladder to adulthood. They need to learn how to function, act and react to situations in life.

I allowed my kids freedom and responsibility to be alone at Disney. My dd is now 16 and drives, but at 14 she was not capable enough to ride some rides and walk around at Disney? When did the switch turn on???

I am not a "free range" parent nor am I a "helicopter" parent. I feel that a balance is warranted in most cases.

I would also add that I thought the OP did the right thing, right up until she confronted the other parent. I also question the judgement of the officer who allowed her to do so.

 

[Wadecool]

Really, where is the link to this theory to prove it, I still call it rubbish??? Regardless it is a moot point and irrevelent to the main point of this thread, which is you don't leave a five year old in a running car for a half hour by themselves while you do some shopping. I hear the common sense bell again....ding, ding.

The task of staying focused on the topic of this thread (leaving a child alone in an unattended vehicle for those who cannot remember) is proving too difficult for some folks...

 

[KevGuy]

Serious I'm thinking some self appointed authorities here are going woohooo look at my post count with their long winded, unproven theories lol.