How "bad" is pregnancy?

[zulaya]

I had the most uneventful pregnancies. No morning sickness. Period. I had a little water retention/swelling in my ankles with my 2nd pregnancy.

I had no food cravings...I had food aversions. No puking or anything. Just couldn't eat bagels with 1st pregnancy and couldn't eat tacos with my 2nd. Just didn't sit well.

I am a pretty tall person so I didn't even really "show" until I was near 7 months the first time around.

I still carry some baby weight...but keep in mind that my children are 11 months apart...there was no time to lose anything in between.

Labor and delivery for me was swift. From the first contraction I felt to birth was 4 hours with my first and 2.5 hours with my second. And yeah, no drugs. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but you forget real quick how it was when that little one is in your arms.

My Sis-in-law...big baby about pain and stuff...her son they had to induce. She said the day she delivered she was never having another child. The next day..no kidding...she was like, "That wasn't bad. I think we'll have another one in a few years."

Everyone has different reactions to pregnancy. It seems though that the ones who have the hardest time are the ones who are desperate to tell you about it.

 

[ToTLaugher]

I can understand your concerns and I think most women have them to some degree before experiencing pregnancy. I know I did, but I found my pregnancies to be wonderful! I sometimes have trouble believing I won't be pregnant again.

There is good and bad but the good outweighs the bad and the bad is a great excuse for extra foot-rubs from your hubby!

As far as not liking doctor visits I am the same way, but I think you will find that the doctor visits are very different from what you are use to. Take the time to find a doctor or midwife that loves what he/she is doing and that you connect with. Also many of the visits are just listening to the heartbeat, measuring your belly and talking so you don't even have to undress.

As far as visits to the pedi. after the baby comes...Well I still hate going to my physicals but I don't bat an eye at taking the kids to theirs.

If you really don't like hospitals look into home births. I could never do it, but many women have loved that experience. I had 3 c-sections so I spent plenty of time in hospitals. I found the nurses to be caring and helpful and the evironment to be very upbeat. Also, these days husbands are allowed to stay in the room with you for the entire stay at many hospitals. You might find the time there more comfortable if you know he can be with you. Look around at the hospitals near you that your doctor or midwife can use and find out what they have for rules and chose the one you are most comfortable with.

Best of luck!

 

[tarmand]

I think if you are that concerned about the pregnancy itself, you should consider whether or not parenthood is for you. There is a lot of self sacrifice involved, if you think gaining weight for the kid and puking in the morning is going to take its toll on you, you'll be mighty surprised to find that sleepless nights and all the other milestones that come afterward are a lot more difficult.

Parenthood is not for the meek and mild.

I completely disagree. I am currently pregnant for #2. I was 31 when I had my first and will be almost 34 for this one. I hated every second of being pregnant for my first and have hated every second of this pregnancy so far, but I consider myself to be a pretty darned good mom. I had a very easy delivery but the crap that pregnancy puts your body through is just exhausting. After this, I will be happy to never have to be pregnant again and I don't think that makes me a bad person or parent.

 

[Snowysmom]

I really enjoyed my 2 pregnancies. I did have morning sickness with both but not all day so it was bearable. Some foods did not agree with me at all, chicken being one of them which I still don't care for. I did not gain alot of weight with either pregnancy and ended up at or below my pre pregnancy weight a few months later. I had 2 c-sections which really were not that bad. I was up and around the day after and just had to take it easy at home for a while. My 2 boys are my pride and joy and would do it all over again.

 

[NMAmy]

Okay--it is perfectly possible to detest being pregnant and still be a good mom.

I hated every minute of being pregnant. I was seriously cranky practically from conception until they were wheeling me in to give birth. Then, at the time most women are yelling at their husbands, I was upbeat, perky and so darn glad it was almost over. My ex said it was the nicest I had been in 9 months.

I gained a ton of weight--I went from underweight at 110 lbs to 165 lbs. I cried when they moved the weight over to 150 at the doctor's office. I cried when the Victoria's Secret catalog came in the mail. I cried when someone parked too close to me at the grocery store and I couldn't get into my car. (As you can probably tell, the hormones were really effecting me--plus I'd never had to be aware of my weight in my life.)

I had a fairly uneventful pregnancy--no morning sickness, nothing really wrong until near the end when I was put on bed rest due to high blood pressure. There was no real reason for me to be a pill, but I was. I really disliked it but I really wanted to be a mom.

I choose to look at it like this--doing something I disliked so heartily for the sake of my child is a sign of what I was willing to go through for her. I had no problem getting up with her in the night or cleaning up her bodily fluids or basically catering to her every need--something that is still happening now that she's 15.

Not particularly looking forward to the "joys" of pregnancy doesn't mean you won't be a good mom. Some women love it--others hate it. I'd much rather do the hard work of raising a child than go through all those physical changes again. But the good news is: It's only 9 months and you get a great reward at the end! You're entitled to your feelings and they won't necessarily be the same as someone else's.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Pregnancy isn't all that bad. If you really want a baby, it's all worth it in the end. It's not all that long and you forget the unpleasantness soon enough when you hold that child in your arms. At least it's got such a wonderful outcome.

I got sick with both my pregnancies and not just in the morning. But I have to say, I'd be sick and then come right to the table to eat. Once I got sick I felt much better. It was VERY different from say a virus or the flu. I once found DS hanging over the toilet making weird sounds. He explained he was being mommy.

I was tired, so I just took naps.

Aches and pains weren't until later in the process and by then I was so excited by the kicks and such that they weren't that big a deal. I wasn't in agony or anything and I knew there was an end date to the whole situation.

Labor was the worst part for me, but then I didn't have normal labor. I have an abnormality that made progression of labor impossible, but we didn't know that at the time. I was in full labor from Wednesday afternoon until Friday morning. The nurses said the failure to progress was my fault, so I told on them and they were reprimanded. Finally, they decided to take DS by c-section (my worst fear through the whole pregnancy by the way). The c-section was no big deal and I forgot all about the labor soon after. In fact, I asked DH in recovery when he wanted to do it all again. He looked shell-shocked. We had our DD 4 years later by planned c-section.

Yes, I gained weight, but you can turn around and lose it. You just have to work at it.

I didn't breastfeed DS, but I tried it with DD and loved it. Either is fine. Can't say DS is less healthy or we bonded less. Benefits of breastfeeding in my book are that it's less expensive, convenient, and it does give you a special time with your child that no one else can duplicate. I also lost weight faster when I was breastfeeding. It also got rid of my headaches like magic. Never did understand how that worked, but I guess it was relaxing to me? Many times when I have a headache I wish I could have a baby again. Just kidding.

Benefits of being pregnant included: being pampered, close parking spaces at the doctor and hospital, that glow that you get (and beautiful hair and skin), co-workers babied me something terrible by trying to do anything they thought might be strenuous, I got out of cooking for a while when I couldn't look at raw meat or smell meat cooking (DH did a lot of grilling for me), DH moved heaven and earth to get me things I was craving (like watermelon when it was out of season), and the wonderful feeling of your baby moving and responding to you.

For the most part pregnancy isn't scary. I think it's a marvelous time. I sort of felt like massive changes were happening every day. It was so cool to realize that my body was making a baby.

If you have specific questions PM me. I'd be glad to tell you about my experiences.

 

[Chicago526]

For those recomending a midwife, as much as I hate hospitals, I'd still rather give birth in one, heaven forbid but if there was a problem, I want to be where the docs and equipment are ready to go! I know, I know, women gave birth for thousands of years before hospitals came along, but I'd feel better with medical personel and equipment nearby. Thanks for the suggestion though!

 

[PlutoPony]

I kinda felt like the OP when I was pregnant - wasn't really looking forward to BEING pregnant but it was what I had to go thru to end up with the baby . My pregnancy was pretty uneventful and not nearly as bad as I imagined it... AND I was 37 years old, DH 40 and we'd gone back and forth for many years about whether we were ready to have a child. I was NOT considered high risk, even being over 35, and was not encouraged to get amnio (I ended up doing it but for our own reasons). All the doctors and nurses that I talked to said they had far less problems with "older" pregnant moms as they tended to take better care of themselves and follow doctor directives much better than young mothers who (to generalize) thought themselves "invincible" - note this was at Duke Hospital which has handles a lot of high risk pregnancies. So I kinda know where you're coming from and would strongly encourage you to wait until you really are ready to do this - you've got many years before your age is really a factor! DS is now 11 and DH and I still FEEL young enough to keep up with him - and frankly do a lot more as a family than most "younger" parents we know!
GOOD LUCK!

 

[kidshop]

You know, no matter what happens or how you feel about pregnancy, it is all worth it in the end when you get to bring that little baby home. I'm doing this for the third time now, and the worst part for me is the morning sickness (which lasts 24/7 for about 5-6 weeks. Labor is not a problem, I would rather do that any day than throw up! And breastfeeding is my favorite part of the whole deal, I can hardly wait for the experience again! You may be surprised at how you actually feel, so just do it and be open and postive!

 

[va32h]

I honestly do not understand this statement. There are many aspects of pregnancy that must be coped with...weight gain, nutrition, morning sickness, vitamins, new clothes...I could go on. Yes, they are things that can't be helped, but must certainly be coped with...

Because the phrase "coping with" something implies that it is some sort of trouble or trauma. A pregnant woman gets larger and needs bigger clothes - so you go buy maternity clothes. I guess you could call shopping "coping" with the aspect of being larger, but I'd call that overdramatizing.

When I was about 8 months pregnant with my first child, I became terrified at the prospect of labor. I didn't know how to "cope" with it. My mother gave me the best advice I've ever heard - "when the time comes, you will be able to rise to the occasion, whatever it may be. That's what a mother does." I found that very reassuring. It's about relinquishing control, understanding that you can't make things turn out a certain way, but having the confidence to know that you can handle it, no matter what.

For generation upon generations, women became pregnant and had babies without ten different pregnancy advice books, and chat boards, and countdown calendars. I am not suggesting a return to all aspects of that era, but it wouldn't hurt our generation to adopt the attitude that pregnancy and childbirth are just stages of life, not something to be dissected, dwelled on, and "coped with" every step of the way.

And on a whole other side of the issue - it doesn't hurt to have a little perspective. There are plenty of women who would love to be pregnant, and won't ever be. Or will miscarry. Whenever I found myself complaining during my three totally uneventful pregnancies, I reminded myself that plenty of women would love to have my backache, or nausea, or heartburn.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Just like labor, pregnancy can be easy, it can be hard. Hopefully you'll have an easy time of it! A friend of mine had a labor that lasted -from the first cramp to expulsion - 1 1/2 hours!

Absolutely have the baby in a hospital with a doctor, if you can. And, if you can do it, breast feed. It is SO much better for the baby.

Good Luck!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

For those recomending a midwife, as much as I hate hospitals, I'd still rather give birth in one, heaven forbid but if there was a problem, I want to be where the docs and equipment are ready to go! I know, I know, women gave birth for thousands of years before hospitals came along, but I'd feel better with medical personel and equipment nearby. Thanks for the suggestion though!

You could also find a midwife in a hospital. Maybe a birthing room with the possibility of a laboring/giving birth in water. You might find it more comfortable.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I think the reason we learn to rise to the occassion is the love that you start to feel for the baby. All of a sudden it's not all about YOU. I'd have cut off my arm to save my baby with either pregnancy. But if you'd asked me pre-pregnancy if I'd feel that way, I'd have said "Uh, no way!" It's just not real at that point.

 

[Maleficent13]

I guess you could call shopping "coping" with the aspect of being larger, but I'd call that overdramatizing.

You say tomato, I say tomahto. For some women who have struggled with weight their entire lives, this is a HUGE (no pun intended) aspect of pregnancy that must be coped with.

Your post just seems to me to be belittling those who do not see pregnancy as an unending source of joy and well-being. And to point out that there are others who would like to be in that position but can't be is just playing the guilt card and making those who didn't/don't find pregnancy that joyous feel just that much worse about themselves. So now, they have all those feelings AND the addition of guilt about the feelings. That isn't very productive.

Why is it not okay to not like being pregnant, or to have issues with certain aspects of it, or to just be uncertain/scared of it?

 

[mickeyboat]

Mal is right. Just because someone is asking the question, and wants the whole truth, doesn't mean that she shouldn't be a mother, doesn't mean she won't be able to handle the real hard part - raising a child.

Heck, I appreciate the fact that the OP can understand and sympathise with those of us whose pregnancies weren't all glow and joy. It is o.k. to be fearful of the unknown.

I remember thinking when Hannah came home and I actually had to think about how I was going to nourish her and keep her warn. Before that my body did it all automatically. Sometimes I wished I could put them back in there for a little while so I could take a break.

To the OP - I used a midwife practice that delivered their babies at the local hospital. I was comfortable knowing that if a doctor or other specialized care was needed, it would be right there. And the midwives were wonderful to me - through my ectopic pregnancy, through my premature delivery, to my full term.

Denae

 

[gris gris]

I'm not a good person to ask because I'm in my 8th month right now - so I'm fat, swollen, crabby, tired, all of that. LOL and I don't like to be pregnant. I had an easy first pregnancy and so far this one has been easy too. I'm just not one who loves being pregnant. I think it's good that you're asking these questions because you'll get so many varied responses.

Now when it comes to "tell me about taking care of a baby".......I wished that my friends were honest with me when I asked these questions. They weren't - they told me how great it was, how easy it was, etc......my expectations were high but were quickly changed once the baby arrived. Now when friends ask me, I'm honest about it.

It's not easy but in the end, you will love being a mom and you'll be amazed at the little being you and your DH created! Wondering about pregnancy has no bearing on parenting skills! Good luck with your decision.

 

[Briarmom]

Pregnancy for me wasn't that bad. Some things weren't so great (exhaustion, discomfort) but all in all it was a pretty cool experience both times.

That said, the damage my children have done to my body is irreparable. I have stretch marks and other skin damage. I applaud those women who wear their stretch marks as badges of honor (like they tell you to) but I am not one of those people. I hate that because I chose to have kids I no longer should wear a swimsuit. I hate that my hips are wider. I hate my tummy (but it is not nearly as bad as some people's I know). BUT I love my kids.

 

[JVL1018]

Mengtally I was a wreck, I was soooo worried about the baby the whole time I was pregnant.
Physically it wasn't bad, and I gained 42 lbs(!!) with each baby on my 5'4" frame, but even so I had lots of energy and wasn't moaning and groaning and complaining all the time, or really at any time(except for sleeping taht was uncomfy), it is what it is and I dealt with it, I was happy!
I had lots of energy all the way up until the day I delivered, felt great...and I didn't have swollen ankles or anything so that was nice.

The things that were annoying:
Charlie Horses every time I stretched my legs and pointed my toes..before I was pregnant i did not realize that that is what I did right before awakening every morning. LOL

Sciatica--sharp shooting pains in the back, but that wasn't all the time

NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP ON MY STOMACH(worst part for me by far!!)

I lost everything I gained and then some but my stomach will never be the same, unfortunately...I don't rally have stretch marks there but I have that under belly button spot of flab that sticks with me. Grrr

My pelvic bone hurt a lot in the final month, but again it wasn't horrid.

Heartburn, even water and milk gave me heartburn at the end. But you can take stuff for that and it goes away.

The worst part of pregnancy is the week after the birth for me, the whole "area" hurt and all that bleeding and yuck.

 

[DVC Sadie]

How "bad" is it? Once (for me) was more than enough! Close friends and family heartily agree!

I agree! I had a high risk pregnancy and had to be on bed rest from 28 weeks until 39 weeks. It was awful. After my son was born I was so happy that I knew deep in my heart that I would not go through that again. The only lie that I can remember that my mother ever told me was, "honey once the baby is born you'll forget all about the pain." Bulldinky! Never happened and when I asked my mother why she lied to me she said she didn't want to scare me. We also found one to be the perfect number for us.

Chicago, just realize that every pregnancy and delivery is different and I hope yours will be smooth sailing. What one person feels is unbearable another will find a snap. Good luck and have fun trying.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Pregnancy is 9 months of your life, being a parent is for the rest of your life. I think that's a bigger concern.

Very true, both are a lot of work and not for the faint of heart.

I had 2 pregnancies were I was really sick for most of them. The baby and I were always in good health, I just felt super sick for most of it.

Because of that I didn't gain much weight. (13 pounds each time). Keep in mind I lost weight at 1st in each pregancy (not being able to eat or keep food down for 4 months will do that to you.) I also had an extra 20 pounds on me to start with.

However most women aren't that sick, or if they are the meds are better now (my 2nd pregnancy was much easier because of this.) Some women like being pregnant and it suits them well. You never know this could be you. Even when it is merseible, the rewards are woth it and it is tempary. I know many many women who gained a lot of weight and it all came off.

It felt to me that being pregnant went so much slower then the 1st 9 months of the babies life (and every day since then.)

Pregnancy and breast feeding are a big sacrfice, but it is worth it in the end. Both are a process that helps you to learn and grow and be a better parent. Now some parents don't do both or either (adopting etc..) and they are still great parents, but the process or journy is different.