How "bad" is pregnancy?

[Chicago526]

DH and I were talking the other night. He wants to start trying soon for a baby. I'm soon to be 30 (in May) and he's 34, so it's a "soon or never" kind of thing, we both want to be young enough to enjoy our kids (not to meantion young enough to keep up with them!). Plus my eggs aren't getting any younger!

Anyway, for as long as I've known where babies come from, I have had zero interest in being pregnant. I love kids, but the whole pregnancy and child birth thing is just not my idea of a good time (and breastfeeding doesn't sound like much fun either...). I don't like the idea of gaining all that weight (vain, I know, but I'm just being honest) and what it can do to my figure afterwards, I don't like the idea of being sick, I don't like the idea of being uncomfortable the last two months when I'm really big. I don't like doctors visits and I sure as heck don't like hospitals. I know all of this will be worth it in the end, but I am just not looking forward to any of this (except the end result, of course!).

So I told DH that I'd be willing to start trying this fall, both to prepare myself mentally and so we are a bit better off financialy (yeah I know you're never prepared moneywise for kids, but the extra 6 months will really help us out). Obviously every woman is differant, but just how "bad" is this going to be?

 

[Christine]

I didn't find pregnancy to be that bad.

I gain 26 lbs. I did have some horrendous morning sickness but, after that was overwith, I felt wonderful. Even at the end, I didn't feel too bad. In fact, in 8th month, my dog ran away and I was sprinting down the street trying to catch her. I credit that with not gaining a lot of weight. I'm also tall and I "carried" well. Didn't have a lot of pressure, pain, or discomfort. After it was over, I had 10 lbs to lose. No stretch marks.

For what it's worth, I didn't feel good or bad about breastfeeding, but it just didn't work for me so I stopped after a few weeks. I hated it.

 

[In a hurry]

I had 3 great pregnancies, and one that seemed more uncomfortable to me. I think some women really get into that kind of stuff, but it isn't a requirement for surviving it! The one book that tells it like it is, IMO, is "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" by Vicky Lansky, I think! The good, the bad, and the ugly!

 

[Beth76]

I'll be honest with you. I've been pregnant two times and I hated it. Won't ever do it again. And, I had VERY easy pregnancies. I had zero morning sickness the first time. The second time I had occassional nausea for a few weeks. I had no problems with heartburn, no complications, no scares. I did get very uncomfortable towards the end. I was in misery at times. It was difficult to sleep. I hated breastfeeding; only did it a total of 8 weeks between the two babies. I love my boys. They are the joy of my life, but I just wish the whole stork thing was real. Unfortunately, (unless you want to adopt) if you want children you have to go through it. After it's over, you'll forget all about it.

 

[mrsltg]

It can be great, it can be hell on earth, or, most likely, somewhere in between.

Yes, you will gain weight. Eat healthy and exercise moderately and you should be fine. Prepare yourself for the idea that you will not bounce back immediately and then be pleasantly surprised if you do. Don't become obsessed - focus on overall health, not weight.

You may not get morning sickness. Some women don't.

You may not be uncomfortable. Some women aren't.

You go to the doctor once a month for the first 7 months. After that it's about once every two weeks, followed by once a week at the end. If you'd like a less invasive approach go to a midwife and deliver at home.

If you go into a pregnancy expecting it to be horrible it likely will be. Expect discomfort at times and bliss at others. Also, don't figure on getting pregnant the exact time you want too. It can be difficult, or it can be easy. Just relax and try to go with the flow.

Good luck!

 

[lucyblondecat]

I think if you are that concerned about the pregnancy itself, you should consider whether or not parenthood is for you. There is a lot of self sacrifice involved, if you think gaining weight for the kid and puking in the morning is going to take its toll on you, you'll be mighty surprised to find that sleepless nights and all the other milestones that come afterward are a lot more difficult.

Parenthood is not for the meek and mild.

 

[Disney_1derland]

It really does just depend on the pregnancy. I've had two that were intolerable and one that has been very easy (so far). That doesn't mean there haven't been complications, unexpected situations and discomfort. There are, there always will be. Is it worth it in the end? Yes.

I've also seen it be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You expect it to be bad, so it is. I've had a VERY positive outlook this time and it has helped immensely. If you can get caught up in the wonder of the process of growing your child, it really helps to drown out the negative stuff. Even when I was sick from day 1 to delivery day there were these amazing moments of clarity where I knew no matter what it was worth it in the end.

Good Luck!

 

[golfgal]

I loved being pregnant especially when the babies started to move around. I was fortunate not to have morning sickness, just a bit of queeziness with DS13. I felt good and didn't have to worry about my waistline . I gained 25 lbs (he was 8 lb 1 oz) with DS13 and 35 lbs with the twins (they were 7 lb 5 oz and 6 lb 7 oz). I think being pregnant is what you make of it. I know plenty of people that complained through their whole pregnancy about every little thing. I think if you go into it with a positive attitude you will have a better pregnancy.

 

[auntpolly]

One thing I know for sure, don't ask this question to just anyone!

There are sooooooo many women that just love to scare women with horror stories! It's just ridiculous!

Yes, it can be uncomfortable, and gross, and a major pain sometimes, but it is also very cool and very worth it.

I'm not talking about you Beth, I'm talking about the women that just go into every gory and scary detail and scare other women to death.

 

[Davids-Coco]

How bad is it? Well, that depends.

If you will be 35 during your pregnancy, keep in mind that you will be considered high risk no matter what because of "advanced age" and will be subject to a lot more tests. This may mean that your doctor would want to do an amnio too... which isn't enjoyable from what I understand. Also, the miscarriage rate increases. Sorry to say, but I have to be honest.

Beyond that, the doctor appointments are fairly quick after the initial one. They are only every 4 weeks and last about 10 minutes. Then they increase to every 2 weeks at about 30 weeks pregnant and then every week once you are in your last month. (Every ob is different though) They aren't that bad either. You hear the heartbeat, get weighed and pee in a cup basically.

In terms of size changes, you are going to gain weight. That is a given. Regardless of how much though, you can always get back to your pre-pregnancy weight if you work at it. Those last 5-10 hang on while you are nursing I am told. Your stomach muscles may never be as tight, but you can tone until you look like your old self (or even better like some of my friends have).

Discomfort isn't just the last couple of months. You will have sleeping issues because you are uncomfortable even before you are big. You may just feel strange in your skin. But these are normal things. Everyone is different. If your uterus tilts back, then your back pain will be more intense. It is discomfort but not pain.

You don't have to breastfeed. That is a personal choice. Just beware the tomato thowers who will say that there is no other way. I have chosen to personally, but to each their own.

All that aside, you may find that you enjoy it. Some people really love being pregnant even when they thought it was going to be horrible.

 

[Sandy V.]

I didn't find it to be "bad" at all.

I gained 25 pounds with my first one, and 40 with the next. I lost most of the weight from the first one in between the pregnancies; it took longer to lose the weight the second time around. But I did it!

The hardest times for me were the tiredness of the first trimester and the "bigness" of the last two months when I had to wake up to roll over in the bed at night.

The upside - being a person who is always "cold", I had a winter and a spring baby and I NEVER wore a coat during my pregnancies. I was a little furnace!! I never had any digestive problems and could eat anything I wanted.

I personally loved the thought of carrying a new life inside me, and the pain of childbirth was well worth it to get my kids. People treated me very well (most folks LOVE a pregnant woman) and at my job, I spent a lot of time at the courthouse, where all of the attorneys, judges, staff, transport deputies, and the DEFENDANTS treated me wonderfully. The transport deputies offered to deliver my babies, but I told them there was NO WAY they were getting under my skirt!

ETA - I think the above advice about pregnancy and the difficulty being a self-fulfilling prophecy to be absolutely correct. If you go into it with a positive attitude, that will help immensely.

I also chose not to breastfeed, and my kids turned out to be healthy, intelligent, relatively "normal" teenagers (as normal as teens can be, that is ). That's your personal choice, and don't let anyone pressure you one way or the other.

 

[Robinrs]

Pregnancy is 9 months of your life, being a parent is for the rest of your life. I think that's a bigger concern.

Everyone is different and just as there are different people on this earth, there are different pregnancies.

I had 2 pregnancies. My first was at age 30 and I had a lot of the same concerns you did. After 9 months of pregnancy and 31 hours of labor my first child died at 3 days old. Let me tell you, all those concerns you have now did NOT matter to me on pregnancy number 2. The ONLY concern I had was for my child was born healthy and whole. 13 years later I STILL thank God for him, and believe me, the focus comes OFF you and on the child.

You have MANY years to think about this, I had my son when I was nearly 40 and I'm still playing with him like a kid! The quality of a parent means so much more than the age,and the fact that the child inherits unconditional love matters more than anything.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[believe]

I loved pregnancy...the good, bad and ugly. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I didn't have to work or DH could stay home, we don't want to be on opposite shifts forever. For me there is nothing like feeling that little butterfly feeling then the kicks as the baby grows.

Pregnancy 1 was great, delivery not the best.
Pregnancy 2 was very uncomfortable, delivery was great.

It is different for everyone. If you truly want children I don't think you will regret it.

 

[mickeyboat]

Keep in mind - for every woman you ask, you will get a different answer.

We had a really hard time getting PG, so we were elated when we did with Hannah. I had low progesterone at the beginning, so we had to supplement. I was pretty worried through the first few weeks. I had little to no nausea - and even called the doctor feeling something was wrong because I wasn't sick enough. I only got sick once with Emily. I also had some pretty horrific breast tenderness and was very tired.

I loved the second and third trimesters. I had some round ligament pain which was pretty uncomfortable, but not unbearable. I loved knowing that something wonderful was happening inside of me, and that my body was actually creating another human being. I loved feeling the baby move. I loved the anticipation (we didn't find out gender) of meeting our child. I loved the bond I felt with DH because we had created something so special together. I loved that I was giving our parents a grandchild. I loved the special treatment from friends, family and co-workers - and being the center of attention. I loved buying new things and getting ready for the baby. I loved childbirth classes. I loved knowing that I was going to be a mom.

Hannah was a premie, which was very stressful and scary. Breastfeeding was tough because I had to pump for the first few weeks, and it took her a long time to get the hang of it. Emily was a great breastfeeder. But it was a wonderful bonding experience with both girls, and it helped me lose all my pregnancy weight.

Denae

 

[In a hurry]

I think if you are that concerned about the pregnancy itself, you should consider whether or not parenthood is for you. There is a lot of self sacrifice involved, if you think gaining weight for the kid and puking in the morning is going to take its toll on you, you'll be mighty surprised to find that sleepless nights and all the other milestones that come afterward are a lot more difficult.

Parenthood is not for the meek and mild.

Totally different. You don't have to love being pregnant to thouroughly enjoy your children. I hated the soggy feeling after pregnancy. Something was always leaking...But that has no connection to being able to clean up poop/puke/or pee without blinking an eye.

 

[Ava83]

I was sick on an off for the whole 9 months...chicken was the issue (I figured it out after..classic) I loved feeling Ava move and was amazed at the process.I was always able to sleep-never an issue (in fact I slept through early labor at home...knew nothing till my water broke) So I cannot say I had a bad pregnancy at all, but did I love it no...I kept calling Ava Mommy's little parisite (Dr's loved that-I have a very fun office)

 

[VSL]

Maybe think about adoption or something if the pregnancy part turns you off too much..?

Whatever you do, don't go into it negatively because, as someone else said, it will become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy and you don't have to breastfeed (yes, it is the best thing for the baby, but many people are simply unable to and that doesn't mean that their children are going to be missing something huge that breastfed children had)

 

[ilovepcot]

How "bad" is it? Once (for me) was more than enough! Close friends and family heartily agree!

 

[jgmklmhem]

After watching my wife go through two and now on her third...I think the one thing I can say is that while there are tendancies, nothing is the same and this is just one woman. Our first was for the most part a breeze (her words not mine). About a 2 weeks of morning sickness and other than back pain nothing too bad. Our second only threw up once but was on bed rest for 2 months due to a weird abcess type thing. Now on our third she is sick as a dog and has been for 4 weeks now.

 

[va32h]

but just how "bad" is this going to be?

As bad (or as good) as you want it to be.

Realistically, every pregnancy is different. I've had three kids, three completely different pregnancy and birth experiences.

the whole pregnancy and child birth thing is just not my idea of a good time (and breastfeeding doesn't sound like much fun either...). I don't like the idea of gaining all that weight (vain, I know, but I'm just being honest) and what it can do to my figure afterwards, I don't like the idea of being sick, I don't like the idea of being uncomfortable the last two months when I'm really big. I don't like doctors visits and I sure as heck don't like hospitals. I know all of this will be worth it in the end, but I am just not looking forward to any of this (except the end result, of course!).

This part troubles me a little. Are you being facetious, or are these things really a concern for you? Because a baby has to go to the doctor several times in his first year of life, and at least every year after that, for well-baby checkups, immunizations, etc.

And babies can make you uncomfortable. They can poop on you, and throw up on you, and fall asleep on your body in all sorts of awkward positions, and wake you up several times a night, for many nights, forever, really!

You will gain weight when you are pregnant, and you may be too busy to exercise after the baby is born.

You don't have to breastfeed, but you will have to drop whatever you are doing every few hours to feed your new baby.

You will have to change your life, drastically and permanently, to accommodate the needs of this baby. So if it isn't something you are absolutely sure you want to do, please don't do it.