How are we expected to attend an out of town wedding when no kids are invited?

[PlutoLuvr]

You're off the hook. No kids are invited, you don't have child care ... expensive family obligation averted. And the bride/bride's family won't have to spend $150 on a plate of food for a cousin and her husband Win-win.

Go enjoy yourselves at the beach.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Maybe the other cousin who has kids and who says she won't be going can take turns with the OP watching the kids in a hotel room - or someone who might not want to stay late at the wedding could take a turn. Then each person could attend some of the wedding celebration, and the OP could still vacation at the beach with her family.

I know we have this debate on the DIS all the time, but while you think it might be common that people don't have anyone to leave their kids with overnight, I think it would be the opposite.

Don't think that I have an abundance of family and friends clammoring to watch my kids, I don't. But if there was an emergency, or a very important occasion, you can bet there would be more than one place I could call in a pinch where my kids could stay overnight. I have made a concerted effort to make sure of that.

Denae

The reception is not at the same place we are staying, it is 1/2 hour away so taking turns is not an options. I would have left the kids upstairs and we could have taken turns, but since we're 1/2 hour away, nope can't do.

Sorry you may have other options , but as many people told you , some of us do not,,,end of story period. If you have that luxury consider yourself lucky.

 

[wendy46001]

Sounds like you both made assumptions
you assumed it was a family event and the bride assumed you would be able to find child care...sounds like a simple misunderstanding

Either speak with the bride directly and explain your situation (maybe she really doesn’t understand) or just decline and send your well wishes

 

[mjkacmom]

This is from someone who thinks WAY too much is spent on weddings, and sick of people who argue about the color of a napkin or table cloth, that no one is ever going to remember. It's a four...maybe five hour party. No matter how grand it is..or how simple..it comes back to the fact that it's a party. People just want to justify the expense one way or another..

Well, I can honestly say our last WDW vacation cost as much as our wedding - I just spent less time and effort planning the wedding than I did our vacation! Substitute the word "day" for "hour" and "vacation" for "party"....

I don't remember the color of my napkins, but my stroller rental card, that I brought from home, was hot pink!

 

[mickeyboat]

The reception is not at the same place we are staying, it is 1/2 hour away so taking turns is not an options. I would have left the kids upstairs and we could have taken turns, but since we're 1/2 hour away, nope can't do.

Sorry you may have other options , but as many people told you , some of us do not,,,end of story period. If you have that luxury consider yourself lucky.

Is your cousin's husband coming? Can he watch the kids where you are staying while you and your cousin go to the wedding?

Don't give up, you have months to work something out.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

If the wedding is being held where a lot of your family lives maybe one of them can recommend a reliable babysitter for the evening. If there are many local family members going I'm sure at least a few of them can recommend a good sitter that they have used and like.

Or, maybe one of the local relatives will be using a regular babysitter to watch their own kids and is willing to have your kids stay there as well. Your children might be happy to stay and play with some relatives around their own age.

 

[MissMet]

No. I thought we have been through this before. You east coasters have $$$ per plate and believe me, I get the no kids thing.

Here in the MidWest, kids go to weddings and receptions.

Usually, the no kids thing is not to save money on the east coast, it's to have an elegant event. Plus, around here most venues give a discounted rate on kids & many have a kids menu all planned out.

 

[MELSMICE]

Sounds like you both made assumptions
you assumed it was a family event and the bride assumed you would be able to find child care...sounds like a simple misunderstanding

Either speak with the bride directly and explain your situation (maybe she really doesn’t understand) or just decline and send your well wishes

I agree that both made assumptions. No harm done with it. It was a misunderstanding as you said.

I don't think I'd call the bride. When the formal invite comes & it's only addressed to you & your DH, I'd just decline the invitation. No big deal. Send a nice gift & take a family vacation with the money you would have spent or save it for a rainy day.

 

[C.Ann]

East coaster here and as soon as I received the "save the date" notice I would have assumed that children were not included..

If you have no child care available, then you will simply have to decline the invitation..

I'm not understanding why you still can't go on your vacation to the beach though.. What am I missing?

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry OP, I missed a few weddings because of that rule so I know how you feel but for her to hipe it up so much to you and then "suprise" you with the no kids thing still is troubling when you planned to go.

BTW, I had a similair rule but the exception was out of town people since they didn't know anyone. I have a HUGE family on both sides and we had to cut the guest list somehow. My rule was no one under 18 and no dates unless you were married or engaged. Still my MIL slipped in "family" but is another vent.

 

[Stacerita]

East coaster here and as soon as I received the "save the date" notice I would have assumed that children were not included..

Can I ask why you would assume that from a "save the date" notice?

 

[Nancyg56]

The reception is not at the same place we are staying, it is 1/2 hour away so taking turns is not an options. I would have left the kids upstairs and we could have taken turns, but since we're 1/2 hour away, nope can't do.

Sorry you may have other options , but as many people told you , some of us do not,,,end of story period. If you have that luxury consider yourself lucky.

No one is obligated to include children. If you cannot arrange child care you just need to decline the invitation. A friend of mine had folks coming in from all over the country but there were no children invited to the wedding, her DD's idea, not hers. he arranged for my DD to come to her home and babysit the kids. Funny thing though, several years later they are invited to a wedding and the DD now has a little girl. No kids invited....you guessed it How could she attend if she could not bring her little one? He Mom said. Figure it out or decline.

 

[C.Ann]

Can I ask why you would assume that from a "save the date" notice?

-----------------
Because I - as well as my DD & her DH - have never received a wedding invitation where children were included.. Very, very common around here.. DGD has been to several family weddings, but she was actually "in" the wedding each time..

 

[Quacktatty]

And if the OP wasn't invited because no kids, this post would be about getting left out...sigh

 

[daisax]

I'm really surprised at the number of people who don't have alternative (non-family) child care available. I have more backups for people to watch my dogs than many people seem to have for their children!

It's easy to rely on family alone... until there's something that comes up and makes them unavailable. In this case, it's a happy event, and if the OP doesn't go, no real harm done.

But what if the "usual" family baby sitter is in a car accident or becomes seriously ill at the same time that there's a crisis in one's immediate family? What if the "usual" family baby sitter is off on a cruise or vacation far away and there's a disaster at home and no place to put the kids while you deal with it?

I wouldn't have strangers come to my hotel room to watch my kids (even at WDW) but the way I grew up families who traveled took teenage cousins or family friends with them to places when they would need evening/special occasion child care. Or they left them home with friends or neighbors and repaid the favor when THEY went away.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I posted something like this a while back and boy did I get flamed. Same thing, and my ds are older. I understood that my kids were not invited, they invite who they want but with being out of state I still didnt feel like having a good time and leaving my 3 kids upstairs in a hotel room for hours.

I politely wrote a note and sent it with our No rsvp response. I told the relative, thank you for the invitation but I would feel bad having a good time knowing the 3 ds (the brides cousins) were upstairs in the hotel room and I hope they understood. I kept it as short as possible.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm really surprised at the number of people who don't have alternative (non-family) child care available. I have more backups for people to watch my dogs than many people seem to have for their children!

It's easy to rely on family alone... until there's something that comes up and makes them unavailable. In this case, it's a happy event, and if the OP doesn't go, no real harm done.

But what if the "usual" family baby sitter is in a car accident or becomes seriously ill at the same time that there's a crisis in one's immediate family? What if the "usual" family baby sitter is off on a cruise or vacation far away and there's a disaster at home and no place to put the kids while you deal with it?

I wouldn't have strangers come to my hotel room to watch my kids (even at WDW) but the way I grew up families who traveled took teenage cousins or family friends with them to places when they would need evening/special occasion child care. Or they left them home with friends or neighbors and repaid the favor when THEY went away.

Well I (obviously) can't speak for anyone else but I am one of the posters who said my family watches my son. In my case, I have used babysitters to go to a movie or out to dinner, but I wouldn't hire a babysitter to go out of town. We have friends that I am sure would be happy to keep my son if we needed them to, but I would never ask them to so I could go to an out of town wedding. If we had some kind of an emergency I wouldn't hesitate to ask, and I'm sure they feel the same way. In my case, most of my friends with kids also tend to use their families for childcare so we don't have a need to trade child care duties.

So really, I do have non-family child care available - and I think everyone should. Still, in a situation like the OP's I would still miss the wedding because I wouldn't want to ask my friends to babysit so I could go. A wedding of a cousin just isn't something that I would want to ask that kind of favor for. Of course I am not terribly close to most of my cousins so that may also be coloring my response.

 

[MELSMICE]

I posted something like this a while back and boy did I get flamed. Same thing, and my ds are older. I understood that my kids were not invited, they invite who they want but with being out of state I still didnt feel like having a good time and leaving my 3 kids upstairs in a hotel room for hours.

I politely wrote a note and sent it with our No rsvp response. I told the relative, thank you for the invitation but I would feel bad having a good time knowing the 3 ds (the brides cousins) were upstairs in the hotel room and I hope they understood. I kept it as short as possible.

Why would you feel bad. You coul have rented a movie & ordered a pizza for your DS's & I bet they would have had a great time.

I would have been more concerned about them getting into some kind of trouble - not about them not having a good time.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Usually, the no kids thing is not to save money on the east coast, it's to have an elegant event. Plus, around here most venues give a discounted rate on kids & many have a kids menu all planned out.

Yes. Mine wasn't an east coast wedding (it was a west coast one), and in that area, kids are often invited to weddings. But we just happened to get married a few years later than many of our friends, so lots of them already had young kids. We counted... if all of the 100 or so invited adults came and brought their kids, we would have had something like 47 children under 10 there. Even now, as a mom who often hosts sleepovers and actually enjoys taking 13 girl scouts camping, the thought of 47 kids in one room scares me!

So we only invited dh's nieces and nephews, who also happened to be the only kids from out of town.

Now one of those nieces is planning her wedding (out of town) and I'm wondering if our kids will be invited. But my kids are old enough that we wouldn't mind using a sitter recommended by someone who lives in the area.

 

[okeydokey]

The OP said the bride-to-be expressed surprise that some may not come to her wedding because of child care issues. What did she think people would do with their kids if they had to drive several hours to attend her wedding and the whole family would be at the event so unable to babysit? It's her right to not include kids but she should not be surprised if that prevents people from attending. Maybe she could arrange for some kind of reliable sitter to keep the kids there on site so the parents could be close by to check in.