How about a JOKE thread? Everyone loves Jokes :)

[Moustermind]

A Jewish Rabbi decided to do some altruisitic field work. He traveled to the Far East to a little known mountain range and made many friends among the people there.

While there the rabbi heard of a terrible ogre terrorizing the people of a small village. He traveled there to see if he could fix the situation peacefully. When he arrived he found that the ogre was not actually hurting people, but he was kicking cute little furry creatures called trids clear off the mountain!

The rabbi found the trids to be delightful and friendly, so he approached the ogre to get him to stop kicking them. The rabbi was surprised to find that the ogre was cultured and friendly, but even as they spoke the ogre rushed away a few feet and booted a trid high in the air.

"Why don't you kick me off the mountain," demanded the outraged rabbi. The ogre just shook his head and laughed.

"Silly rabbi, kicks are for trids!"

 

[lovesmurfs]

What did one toilet say to the other toilet?

















You look a little flushed....

 

[lovesmurfs]

Why did the woman wear a helmet to the dinner table?
















She was on a crash diet!

 

[Moustermind]

If you are an American outside the bathroom what are you while you are in the bathroom?

Your a peein'!

 

[Bojo]

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
























Because the ref was calling fouls!

 

[Mr. Silly]

What does Mr. Buffalo say to Buffalo Jr. as he leaves for work?
























Bye son.

 

[INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU]

Q. How many jokes are there about the French?
A. One, the rest are true

 

[meloneyb21]

Two antennas met, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent!

*cough*

 

[uhtimex]

did you hear about the POC movie

/

?

?


?

it's rated AAARRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

[INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU]

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!" The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American. An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know,sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window."

 

[Apothecary]

A guy steps out of his hotel ina rainstorm to hail a cab. Luckily, he gets one immediately.

"Wow, that was good luck, me coming along like that for you" the cabby says. "You're just like Frank Walters,"

"Who's Frank Walters?" the passenger asks.

"Oh, he was amazing. He had the best luck. He was a great dancer, amazing singer, could fix anything around the house. Good looking, suave, debonair. And what an athelete - All-American Quarterback in college. Bowled perfect games all the time,"

"Really!"

"Oh, yeah, and romantic - he could show a lady a good time, let me tell you,"

The passenger shook his head. "Amazing - so how did you meet him?"

"Oh, I never met the man in my life," the cabbie said.

Puzzled, the passenger said "So how do you know so much about him?"

The cabbie scowled "I married his widow,"

 

[INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU]

Q. Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French children?
A. Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!!

 

[Mr. Silly]

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?













Four - One to climb the ladder, and 3 to look up and say "It should have been me up there."

 

[INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU]

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. It doesn't matter; if you're depending on the French to do the job, it's screwed anyway.

Q. How many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him

 

[Mr. Silly]

So a guy calls into work and says, "I can't come in today, I'm seeing spots."
"Have you seen a doctor?"
"No, just the spots."

 

[GOOFYsince71]

And that's why they call him........Mr. Silly

 

[Devil_Dog99]

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says 'Why the long face?'

Piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says 'Sorry, we don't serve string in here'. The piece of string starts to argue and the bartender tosses the string into the back alley. Dusting himself off, the piece of string has an insppiration and ties himself up while loosening and shredding his ends. He walks back into the bar.

Bartender says 'Hey aren't you the piece of string I just threw out of here?'

'Sorry, I am a frayed knot'.


Thank you thank you - I'll be here all week. Try the veal!!!

 

[Devil_Dog99]

Early one afternoon, while the bartender is getting ready for the night's business, a group of three blondes walks in yelling and screaming and carrying what looks like a tray. They are chanting '51 Days! 51 days!' and order up the best champagne and retreat to the back table.

20 minutes later 3 more blondes walk in and they are chanting '51 Days!!! 51 Days!!!' More champagne is ordered and the celebration in the back gets louder.

15 minutes later 4 more blondes walk in and the same thing repeats. So now you have 10 blondes in the back of the bar drinking champagne and chanting '51 Days!!! 51 Days!!!'

Bartender's curiosity gets the best of him and he goes to the back table. In teh middle he sees what was on the tray - a child's puzzle of Mickey Mouse - no more than 75 pieces. He asks one of the blondes what teh commotion is about.

'The side of the box said this puzzle would take 3-5 years. We did it in 51 days!!!!

 

[Devil_Dog99]

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here. You'll have to leave."

The string walks outside, ties himself into a knot, and unravels the top part of his string body.

He walks back into the bar and tries to order again. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey! Aren't you that string that was in here a minute ago?"

The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

(This is one of my favorite jokes.)

Lori P.

Yikes - I plagiarized - sorry!!!!! That;s what I get for not reading all the posts!!!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Not sure if it was posted or not, but here's my lame joke of the day:

Why did the pirate not see the new horror movie?

It was rated ARRRRRR.