host asking guests to bring food

[Belle0101]

Via my email DS16 received an email invite for a suprise birthday party for a classmate. Here's what he, all the invitees actually, was (were) supposed to bring -

A 2 liter pop or juice
A snack
A gift for "Birthday Person"
A flash light for the game

Rude? I thought so.

ETA: I realize now that I wasn't very clear. It was the parents throwing the party for their DD who was turning 16.

 

[jrmasm]

Via my email DS16 received an email invite for a suprise birthday party for a classmate. Here's what he, all the invitees actually, was (were) supposed to bring -

A 2 liter pop or juice
A snack
A gift for "Birthday Person"
A flash light for the game

Rude? I thought so.

A kid throwing another kid a suprise birthday party? I'd cut him some slack.

 

[ols386]

Really? Miss Manners must be rolling her eyes If you must depend on your guests to provide food for your own housewarming party, perhaps you should just invite people over for dessert and coffee. You do not need a buffet to celebrate with your friends, and family.

That's a good point.

Guess it just depends on whether you want a meal, snacks, or desserts.

Dessert and coffee is nice and would keep things simple.

 

[JessicaR]

Is it rude to invite ppl to a housewarming, then ask each person to bring food & drinks? Let me say it again: its YOUR housewarming party, yet you want each guest to bring their own food & drinks. Is it just me or is that pretty darn rude? When I host something, I dont expect or ask my guests to bring anything.

In this situation it is very rude.

 

[2girls4me]

To ask a guest to bring a dessert or small app, is not rude, IMO. But to ask every single guest to bring a dish, drink, etc is rude.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't mind at all.

There's two kinds of housewarming... one kind, for people who like to have a little formality in their entertaining, occurs after all the moving in is done, the kitchen is fully stocked, and the hosts are ready to entertain in style and celebrate their beautiful new space.

The other kind of housewarming occurs when people have just moved in, haven't even unpacked the boxes yet, maybe don't own the pots and pans needed to cook in, and they spontaneously decide that it's a good night for a party. That's the potluck kind. Bring food, bring wine and better bring the corkscrew to open it too, because the hosts may not have unpacked theirs yet!

I like both kinds.

The first description is a housewarming party. I have no idea what the second thing is. If you haven't unpacked, then you aren't ready to throw a housewarming party with formal invitations for all your friends.
If you haven't unpacked yet, you call your close family and friends over for pizza (that you provide).

A kid throwing another kid a suprise birthday party? I'd cut him some slack.

She didn't say it was another kid throwing it.

 

[BearcatsFan]

To ask a guest to bring a dessert or small app, is not rude, IMO. But to ask every single guest to bring a dish, drink, etc is rude.

Especially when OP said the friend pointedly mentioned a "sandwich tray." IMHO, even when it is potluck, the host/hostess always provides the main dish.

 

[jrmasm]

The first description is a housewarming party. I have no idea what the second thing is. If you haven't unpacked, then you aren't ready to throw a housewarming party with formal invitations for all your friends.
If you haven't unpacked yet, you call your close family and friends over for pizza (that you provide).




She didn't say it was another kid throwing it.

I just reread. You're right it doesn't say. So if it's a kid throwing the parent, I'd cut them some slack. The parent throwing party? That would be rude!

 

[luvmy3]

I just reread. You're right it doesn't say. So if it's a kid throwing the parent, I'd cut them some slack. The parent throwing party? That would be rude!

I just assumed it was the parent, but I agree, if its a friend, I'd give them a pass .

 

[Belle0101]

A kid throwing another kid a suprise birthday party? I'd cut him some slack.

Sorry, I realize I wasn't clear on that. It was the parents throwing the party for their DD16.

If it was a kid throwing a party for another kid, I wouldn't consider it rude. I agree with you on that.

 

[jrmasm]

Sorry, I realize I wasn't clear on that. It was the parents throwing the party for their DD16.

If it was a kid throwing a party for another kid, I wouldn't consider it rude. I agree with you on that.

Thanks for clarifying. Totally rude.

 

[kimmar067]

There is never a need for her to call people and ask them to bring something...but that's how my family rolls....

...yeah, but do they butter just BITS of those rolls, or the whole thing, all at once?

 

[alex9179]

Kimmar

Hey, I actually found that helpful for my "someday I'll go to a fancy restaurant" moment. Otherwise, I like my butter melted into the roll.

 

[maslex]

RUDE & TACKY!!!

Reminds me of my SIL. For the past few holidays she's invited us over for the holiday dinners. Now I don't mind bringing something to contribute but even before I ask "Would you like me to bring something", she's already made a list of what she wants everybody to bring. Then she "assigns" dishes for people to bring. She'll say, "well, I'm making the turkey. So you can bring the mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy & a dessert and I'm telling Mom, she can bring the veggies, rolls, drinks and a second dessert" So basically, she makes the main dish (turkey or ham or whatever) and we have to bring the rest of the meal.

Just a few months ago, she had her hubby's 40th b-day party at her house. Basically family and a few friends. She called and asked if we could bring a few dishes. I told her I would make meatballs/sauce with italian bread & deviled eggs. And asked what everyone else was bringing. She said she didn't know and really didn't feel like keeping a list, so whatever people bring will be what we have at the party. I asked her, "what happens if 4 people bring a potato salad"? She's like, "well, then we'll have a lot of potato salad". Then I asked her what she was making and this is what she said.....

She looks at me sheepishly..."Well, I'm hoping people bring everything cause I really don't have the extra money to make anything".

 

[Anjelica]

Yes, rude. If you are hosting a party, that means you provide for your guests, the guests do not provide for themselves (or you).

+1

 

[Disney Doll]

Rude and Tacky with a capital R. (and you guys know some of my family but the T in tacky. LOL)

If some one ask "what do you need"? feel free to tell them, they made the gesture.

If I invite folks to my house, I provide food and drink.

If my block gets together for a "pot luck" dinner and it's at my house then everyone brings a donation.

My niece had a wedding shower, then sent out invitations "telling" people what gift they were to get her. She said she had her house set up as "themes" and wanted to make sure she got exactly what she wanted.
Of course I got the kitchen, and my gift was supposed ot be a kitchenaide stand mixer.
I got her cutlery.

I'd have gotten her bathroom towels.

As far as the potluck hosewarming:
I thinkit's rude to invote people to your home and expect them to bring food, unless it has already been a group agreement that
"Hey we want to have a party. Can we use your house and everyone will bring something?".

There are certain people (ie-close friends or relatives) whoo, if they offer to bring something if I invite them over, I might say OK, because that's how we roll in terms of my close family and friends. When I get invited to their house I usually bring something too. However, if I was inviting an acquaintance to my party, I'd never dream of saying "Come to my party that I'm throwing at my house and bring this".

 

[christineann]

One of my coworkers hosted a baby shower for another coworker and sent invitations to all of us staff members. A few weeks later, two days before the shower, she asked each of us what dish we were planning to bring (first mention of that). I had already sent my regrets, as it was after work and almost an hour from my house.

Another (now former ) coworker hosted a bridal shower in a private room at her husband's restaurant. The menu was set by the hostess, and after dinner, the guests were presented with individual bills. Fortunately, I was at my daughter's basketball game.

Seriously.

 

[kim929]

I wouldn't ask. But my close friends and family would ask what they could bring.

 

[ilovefh]

Oh this is such a timely post! We're having my son's first birthday party this weekend and as we're planning it DH says "Why can't we just ask people to bring food?" Now I love my DH and he certainly isn't up on all of the norms of hosting a party but this one made me !

I gently explained to him that it would be rude to ask people to bring something to our son's first birthday. He got it, but now thinks he is right again because our babysitter is insisting on bringing a beans and rice dish.

Poor DH!

 

[okeydokey]

It really depends on what kind of party.

We have a pool and people like to come here to swim on Memorial Day, July 4 etc. We grill a few kinds of meat, provide non alcoholic drinks and a themed drink (like Mohitos) and other people bring a side or dessert.

If we "host" a party for an occasion, birthday, Communion etc., we provide everything.