host asking guests to bring food

[Heidict]

Rude and Tacky with a capital R. (and you guys know some of my family but the T in tacky. LOL)

If some one ask "what do you need"? feel free to tell them, they made the gesture.

If I invite folks to my house, I provide food and drink.

If my block gets together for a "pot luck" dinner and it's at my house then everyone brings a donation.

My niece had a wedding shower, then sent out invitations "telling" people what gift they were to get her. She said she had her house set up as "themes" and wanted to make sure she got exactly what she wanted.
Of course I got the kitchen, and my gift was supposed ot be a kitchenaide stand mixer.
I got her cutlery.

Oh my, now that is taking rudeness to a whole new level. Tell me where you are registered, fine, but don't dictate to me what I HAVE to buy you. She is lucky she got knifes out of you. I would have been tempted to buy her measuring cups and tea towels.

If your having a group of friends over and you all agree that it should be a pot luck, then of course thats acceptable and not rude at all. In this case, it went like this: "your invited to my housewarming, but would you mind bringing something like dessert or a sandwich platter". She's a friend of mine, maybe more of an acquaintance that I see a few times a year thru other friends...but we're not close. Not in the least.

Considering this is someone whom you don't even really know, yeah, this is pretty rude. It's one thing to ask family or close friends, but that should be it.

 

[Northstar]

I wouldn't mind at all.

There's two kinds of housewarming... one kind, for people who like to have a little formality in their entertaining, occurs after all the moving in is done, the kitchen is fully stocked, and the hosts are ready to entertain in style and celebrate their beautiful new space.

The other kind of housewarming occurs when people have just moved in, haven't even unpacked the boxes yet, maybe don't own the pots and pans needed to cook in, and they spontaneously decide that it's a good night for a party. That's the potluck kind. Bring food, bring wine and better bring the corkscrew to open it too, because the hosts may not have unpacked theirs yet!

I like both kinds.

 

[alex9179]

If your having a group of friends over and you all agree that it should be a pot luck, then of course thats acceptable and not rude at all. In this case, it went like this: "your invited to my housewarming, but would you mind bringing something like dessert or a sandwich platter". She's a friend of mine, maybe more of an acquaintance that I see a few times a year thru other friends...but we're not close. Not in the least.

As a guest, when im invited to a bbq or whatever, I will always come with a bottle of wine or whatever. If its close friends or family, i will ask what I can bring. Even if they insist that I bring nothing, i'll at least bring alcohol or dessert.

When im hosting, and when my guests asks what they can bring, I ALWAYS insist nothing. Just bring yourself. The only person ive ever asked to bring something (after she offered first) was my sister. I honestly like to pamper my guests and make them feel at home. I dont expect anyone to help me with dishes either. Your a guest, you sit and enjoy. Thats how i was raised.

Anyway, I just think its rude & tacky with a capital T as Eliza said.

It could have been worded better. She should have said, we're having a BBQ (or whatever) to celebrate moving into our new home. Would you be able to pitch in a dessert or app? Although, unless I stated it was potluck, I would never ask someone to pitch in food.

The mention of a sandwich tray raises a brow. I wonder if she intends to provide the main or use everyone's contributions instead?

 

[lustergirl]

ERRRR! Sounds like my mom's 80th birthday party. My one niece insisted that we have it at her house because she didn't want to drive all the way to my house,which is about 50 miles away from her home. But then again she always hosts everything and then when you get there she has hardly anything. I footed the bill for that party along with her mother. Glad I thought to bring drinks and games for the kids to participate in. Aaah- family!

 

[sweetdana]

I don't think it is rude, unless they were really not close. I would bring something anyway.

 

[ols386]

No, I don't think it rude at all. I would be more then happy to bring food.

I agree.



Sounds to me like whoever is hosting the housewarming party is trying to have something like a pot-luck meal. Where everyone brings a dish, and then they set all of the dishes on a large table or on the counter, and then it's like a buffet-style meal.

I would kind of like that because I like tasting and sampling dishes that other people prepare.

It might also depend on who it is. My extended family has get-togethers where everyone brings a dish and it's a buffet for everyone.

I honestly don't think what the op describes is rude. If you think it's rude and don't want to participate and/or bring food & drinks, then just don't go.

JMO

 

[spacemountainmom]

Seems a bit rude to me. Perhaps the person is just clueless?

I suppose it could depend on the situation too. A couple years ago my good friend threw a suprise birthday party for her dh. When she called to invite me, she asked if I would make the dip that he loves. I had no problem with that.

Then again, there are people in my family that should do "potluck" as you might actually get something to eat. I have a relative who threw a graduation party for her daughter several years ago. My family drove two hours to attend. They served bread slices cut in half with a half a Kraft single on top. They also had some cookies and watery punch and that was it. I was flabbergasted. I don't expect a sit down dinner at a graduation, but I do expect more than a pices or bread with cheese and a cookie.

 

[ols386]

Is it rude to invite ppl to a housewarming, then ask each person to bring food & drinks? Let me say it again: its YOUR housewarming party, yet you want each guest to bring their own food & drinks. Is it just me or is that pretty darn rude? When I host something, I dont expect or ask my guests to bring anything.

Well, that's you, and how you want to do it, which if fine, but not everyone is of that opinion.

Different strokes.

 

[ols386]

Seems a bit rude to me. Perhaps the person is just clueless?

I suppose it could depend on the situation too. A couple years ago my good friend threw a suprise birthday party for her dh. When she called to invite me, she asked if I would make the dip that he loves. I had no problem with that.

Then again, there are people in my family that should do "potluck" as you might actually get something to eat. I have a relative who threw a graduation party for her daughter several years ago. My family drove two hours to attend. They served bread slices cut in half with a half a Kraft single on top. They also had some cookies and watery punch and that was it. I was flabbergasted. I don't expect a sit down dinner at a graduation, but I do expect more than a pices or bread with cheese and a cookie.

That's the thing. You are placing your expectations on others.

I will admit though, that if I were having a graduation party I'd serve more than bread slices with cheese and cookies, but that's just me.

 

[leebee]

My niece had a wedding shower, then sent out invitations "telling" people what gift they were to get her. She said she had her house set up as "themes" and wanted to make sure she got exactly what she wanted.
Of course I got the kitchen, and my gift was supposed ot be a kitchenaide stand mixer.
I got her cutlery.

Seriously? She TOLD you what to bring as a gift? Either she is seriously lacking in vocabulary education (i.e., the definition of "gift"), or she totally puts the "T" in tacky! Oh wait, you said that!!

Three cheers to you for giving her the gift you wanted to give her. THAT's what a gift is, and after all, what is there that she could possibly say? "You didn't bring me the right thing!" "You didn't bring what I asked for!" What was her response?

To answer OP: I think it's odd. Basically she is saying "We are throwing a party for US and WE want you to bring US a present AND bring US the food for OUR party." I generally enjoy pot-lucks but it's always clear ahead of time. We have received invitations from a 3rd party saying "Pot-Luck Housewarming for Dick and Jane, at Sally's house" for example, or a bunch of us will be discussing Mary's and John's new house and say "Let's have a housewarming, it can be pot-luck" or things along those lines. I think it's pretty peculiar for someone to throw themselves a party and ask the guests to bring the food, and a present.

 

[scubamouse]

It depends.

If we host a party, we provide food and drinks although most guest bring wine or flowers or treats. And those treats are definitely appreciated.

We have a few friends where we do dinner parties and take turns hosting. Usually, we'll do the main course and wine but most times one of the people brings dessert, another brings appetizers and often there's some extra wine thrown in. We've been doing this for a few years so we're in a routine.

As a guest, I would never show up empty handed.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I have no prob bringing food, I never come empty handed either. But in the OP's situation, im sorry its just plain rude. Its different if its just a get together with friends. But for a specific event like a housewarming, or a bday for example, (where you bring gifts), its pretty darn rude to ask ppl to bring food.

 

[ols386]

I have no prob bringing food, I never come empty handed either. But in the OP's situation, im sorry its just plain rude. Its different if its just a get together with friends. But for a specific event like a housewarming, or a bday for example, (where you bring gifts), its pretty darn rude to ask ppl to bring food.

I would have no problem asking folks to bring one dish (for a pot-luck type of meal), for a housewarming, but I would not expect for them to bring a gift.

For me a housewarming party isn't so that I can get gifts, it's so I can show my new home to family and/or friends. If they are not interested or do not want to come, for whatever reason, that is fine.

 

[Maggie Lizer]

I think it is rude.

I remember a few years ago a woman in my old office was havoing a housewarming for her apartment and sent out e-vites to damn near everyone she knew. Attached to the e-vite was a list of items for guests to bring, and she got very specific with her choices; fyi: she didn't just want a bottle of vodka, she specifically wanted Grey Goose.

 

[gis]

I don't know.. for me, I've always been expected to bring food. I'm pretty good at making a decent desert and people enjoy my salad. I'll admit that sometimes I just don't feel like it, but usually it only costs me $5-10 to make something, usually I have everything with me.

But then again, people always say I'm a push over. If they asked me to move the dresser upstairs, I'd probably help with that, too. I think I'm just used to everything being a potluck among the people I visit.

The person who gave a literal shopping list to buy them stuff, now that's pretty lame. And then to ask for a kitchenaid mixer? I hate to be the person who got the TV room and saw 80" flatscreen TV on their list. Maybe she opened a lot of hand towels that day..

 

[Pixiedust34]

I'd be OK with bringing food.

We have a friend who does an annual frisbee golf bash at his house every summer. It's a day-into-evening long event. They buy a ton of beer, Cokes, etc. and ask everyone to bring a dish to share like a potluck. It's a fun party!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

On the face of it, rude. But not knowing the circumstances surrounding them and their circle of friends, I can't really say.

Originally Posted by eliza61 View Post
My niece had a wedding shower, then sent out invitations "telling" people what gift they were to get her. She said she had her house set up as "themes" and wanted to make sure she got exactly what she wanted.
Of course I got the kitchen, and my gift was supposed ot be a kitchenaide stand mixer.
I got her cutlery.

Whoa!! She told you to get the $300 stand mixer? You should have bought her a chia pet. That would have fixed her really good.

 

[Kewz1]

I can certainly see how this could be considered rude. However, within my group of friends it is quite common for someone to host (and provide some of the food) and others bring food/drinks to share.

I realize that may not be the norm though.

Kristen

 

[Gigi22]

hahahaha, I would have done the same!

Perhaps an etiquette book would be more useful to her in her future life? Unless she intends to spend it all apologizing for poor manners?

 

[capegirl]

Really? Miss Manners must be rolling her eyes If you must depend on your guests to provide food for your own housewarming party, perhaps you should just invite people over for dessert and coffee. You do not need a buffet to celebrate with your friends, and family.