Hopeless

[lattemomof3]

Prayers and hugs to you. Please try to take care of yourself - I know with 4 kids and dh gone a lot it is hard to remember to eat right and take a minute for yourself every day - but you will feel so much better if you do. Things WILL get better.

 

[NotUrsula]

If your DH is working for Duke, he needs to contact their Employee Assistance program NOW. Major research universities always have very strong staff support because of the trailing spouse situation, but you need to let them know that you need help. The University won't be assuming that you still need relocation help a year after he started work, so he needs to go and seek it out.

 

[java]

wow java thats a big reduction in price which state are you in? Its scaryto be selling now .

nj

Oh and wanted to add the last 2 houses we bought were bought in February!

 

[poohfriend]

YOU are having a really tough time!!! I really think your hormones are making it more difficult to face. Eventhough this is not an ideal situation..and not anything like you hoped...it won't last. There will be a day when you can look back and say you survived this yuck!

I have a dear friend whose husband had to close his own store FOUR years ago. He had NO JOB for 3 years. He had a few seasonal retail things through Christmas seasons...but only for a few hours a week. Last spring he got offered a job in another state..commission only. He moved and left the fam behind to sell the house. The house wouldn't sell because they needed carpet and paint etc. and they didn't have the money to do it. SIX months later they decided they had enough. THe family moved and they rented the house. ONE month after that he was laid off! Then two months later her was re-hired and the house in the first state sold! This family went through HE** and somehow managed to come out of it. It may take years for them to recover financially...but they are together.

Is there any hope that your current home would be rentable? Would that allow you to relocate and be with DH...not owning your own home, but maybe renting something until the real estate market rebounds?

prayers and HOPE for you!

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

My cousin who is a realtor told me a tactic to use when you are haveing a hard time selling a house is to offer free things such as a big screen TV or gift cards to Home Depot of Lowes as a way to attrack buyers.

Things might seem bad right now but remember things sometimes are darkest before dawn. Although it seems bad now in know time you will be looking back on this situation and seeing how you were able to triumph through the bad time to get to the good times.

Could you get a part time job? This would help out financially and it would do you good to get out and not dwell on this so much.

Hang in there.. and lots of and prayers to you.

 

[Disneybound!!]

No advice to offer, but I did want to say that you are not hopeless! There is a God and He is our hope! You are going to make it through this tough time, I know you are! Hang in there. There have been some really good suggestions that others have made, do those and stick close to family and friends who can help give you the support you need when you can't do it for yourself. You are NEVER alone! I'm praying for you and your family!

 

[T. Lynn]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

We just sold our house on Monday (made settlement). Granted we are going through a divorce and accepted a low offer but he wanted no inspections and it was a cash deal. Since my soon-to-be ex kept being late on the mortgage and ruining my credit, I'd rather walk away with something (and stop the negative reportings) than the house going into foreclosure.

It's not a great time of year but it does happen. Our house was on the market for 4 months. We had over 20+ showings and no offers till this one but ours needed A LOT of work.

Good luck...

 

[bumbershoot]

If your DH is working for Duke, he needs to contact their Employee Assistance program NOW. Major research universities always have very strong staff support because of the trailing spouse situation, but you need to let them know that you need help. The University won't be assuming that you still need relocation help a year after he started work, so he needs to go and seek it out.

Seconded!

 

[Robinrs]

You have a husband who has a job, a home and healthy children and one on the way. That doesn't sound hopeless to me.

Yes, there are problems but most of them are temporary and financial. This too shall pass. This is a temporary down... you have nothing to do but wait for the UP... especially the birth of a healthy child.

In the past few years I buried my son, my parents, lost a job of 14 years,foreclosed on my house and lost my husband to schizophrenia. I chose to learn from the down times. Today I have a healthy, WONDERFUL son, an awesome job and a beautiful home. I appreciate them all because of the down times. We learn during those times, and it helps to count our blessings.

Hang in there. Your kids and your family need to see that you can handle anything, it teaches them to persevere. Come here and vent, but hold your head high. It'll happen faster than you can imagine.

Turn that HOPELESS into HOPEFUL.

 

[Disneybound!!]

You have a husband who has a job, a home and healthy children and one on the way. That doesn't sound hopeless to me.

Yes, there are problems but most of them are temporary and financial. This too shall pass. This is a temporary down... you have nothing to do but wait for the UP... especially the birth of a healthy child.

In the past few years I buried my son, my parents, lost a job of 14 years,foreclosed on my house and lost my husband to schizophrenia. I chose to learn from the down times. Today I have a healthy, WONDERFUL son, an awesome job and a beautiful home. I appreciate them all because of the down times. We learn during those times, and it helps to count our blessings.

Hang in there. Your kids and your family need to see that you can handle anything, it teaches them to persevere. Come here and vent, but hold your head high. It'll happen faster than you can imagine.

Turn that HOPELESS into HOPEFUL.

What an awesome testimony! Good for you for hanging in there and not letting life get the best of you! So sorry that you went through all that, but I'm glad that you have made the best of it and used it to your advantage!

 

[KKB]

Do look at the house...get another realtor to determine if the price is right or if there is anything you can do to sell it.
Look for ways to make money--sell gold, have a garage sale, give plasma. Look closely at your budget--is there ANYWHERE you can CUT? TRULY look at everything...wants are too often seen as needs. Yes, it will hurt, but for RIGHT NOW, you need to feel in control.
Look around...is your family healthy & safe? These are THE most important things.
Look for free ways to alleviate some stress w/ the kids...visit the library is a fav. Have a picnic at home. Have a sleepover together in the living room. Have a family game night. Color. Read books together. Rent a movie from Redbox for a buck, and have a glass of tea or wine (OK...that one might be just for YOU)
I had a business fail after 9/11 also...bankruptcy was our only choice. I prayed & prayed for God to turn that business around...I finally realized his message was to CLOSE it--SO the best decision for my family. Even w/ the garbage of the bankruptcy.
A baby is a blessing--EVEN WHEN IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT! Our #3 was out of the blue (OK, not entirely...I KNOW how these things happen!)
So, chin up. Look at your blessings. And start thinking of ways to alleviate the financial issues.

 

[NMW]

First and foremost, I would concentrate on selling your home. Get your realtor to come over, walk through your house and tell you exactly WHY it is not selling. There is always a reason (or two or three). Have him or her prioritize the items you should change and then tackle them. There are 2 houses in my neighborhood that have been for sale for over a year. Yet, my neighbors listed their house across the street from me and sold in 5 days. They did price it low due to a job transfer...they didn't have the time to waste. However, our other neighbors up the street sold in 2 months for the same price as the 2 other houses that have been for sale for over a year. There is a reason buyers bought that house and not the others...there is always a reason. You just need to find yours.

One tip I think is pretty universal is to de-clutter BIG TIME. Remove personal items. Rent a storage shed if you have to. Fix anything that needs to be repaired. Ask for help from friends/family if you can't afford repairs or do them yourself. If you have wallpaper, remove it. If you have bold colors, paint everything a neutral shade like taupe. Clean everything in your house top to bottom-windows, baseboards, etc. Have your carpets cleaned or consider ripping them up if they are really bad. Replace really outdated light fixtures. New ones are not expensive and really easy to install. The bathroom fixtures and the ones by the front door make a big impact if replaced.

I think if you could just sell your house other things would fall into place. Ask your realtor to have an open house after you make these changes. Consider lowering the price at the same time. Good luck!

 

[Robinrs]

What an awesome testimony! Good for you for hanging in there and not letting life get the best of you! So sorry that you went through all that, but I'm glad that you have made the best of it and used it to your advantage!

Thanks.

Like the OP while you're IN the test, you have no idea that it will be your testimony. You just feel like "why ME?"

What I went thru made me the person I am today. I consider myself a survivor. And survivor's jobs are to pull the others up there with them.

 

[RangerPooh]

I understand how difficult it is to sell a home during this economy. DH and I had to reduce our house by over $100k in order for it to sell. True it was not the best looking homeon the market but it was 2 blocks form the ocean, on a fresh water canal (the nicest waterway in the community), and was in a desirable neighborhood. Unfortunately it was in a vacation community in WA that been hit hard by the economy. It took 6 months, many showings, and lower the price repeatedly to sell it. We didn't walk away with much and are renting now, but it's nice not to have the mortgage.

I would definately watch some of the home improvement shows to see what the currenttrends are, or what you might be bale to do to spice up your house. We wer told to declutter, and put things in storage. It wa ssuggested that we paint some of the walls/rooms white (had a nice red wine colored kitchen), so we did that. How about retiling/grouting the entryway, did that. Change the curtains to something more appealing, yup. Rearrainge furnature, yup. Plant plants in the yard...it's all worth trying.

When we left WA DH had a job offer in Michigan, it was better than what he had then and was in his field. We couldn't pass it up. So we moved, DH first and the girls and I a few weeks later. We were there a year (almost exactly) when it came down that it looked like his position was being eliminated. I was pregnant and stressed. Looking for teaching jobs in MI was difficult as no one seemed to be hiring. I was looking out of state and facing long applicant lines, hiring freezes, and too mnay applicants for too few jobs. I finally found one in MD and took it.

For our family (DH, me, and 2 DDs + baby on the way), having lived in 3 states in less than 3 years is tough. We have had to move to where the jobs are. I never envisioned livng in MI or MD. We're originally from CA and realized when we were young that we couldn't live there due to the cost, but the economy is making a perminant settlement even more challenging. We keep looking ahead. Our baby is due soon. Our kids are healthy. We both have good paying jobs. However, we do intend to return to the west coast (even if it's a pay cut) as that's where we were happiest.