honoring deceased mom at grad party

[nickey]

Having hs grad party for neice I raised her whole life. Her mom lost her battle with addiction last summer. She was so looking forward to this day . How can we honor her at the party so she will be remembered. We miss her terribly and want her there at least in spirit. Any ideas? Thanks

 

[CarolAnnC]

Honestly, I am sure her mom will be present in her heart. I don't think anything should be commemorated outwardly at your neice's graduation day party. It is a nice thought, but most teens don't want something "different" than other peers. I would do the remembering privately and not at the graduation party. JMHO.

 

[DawnCt1]

I would ask her. Tell her what your thoughts are, but try to word it in a way that she won't feel "guilty" is she doesn't want to do it. I don't know how that wording will be, but I think you could discuss it with her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would honor your nieces ideas, ask her what she wants to do, if anything. Could be private or public.

 

[CathrynRose]

I'm gonna keep an eyeball on this thread.

My mom passed away in January 2006 and she was a 2nd Mom, to my kids. I lived with her for a few years after I got divorced. My mother truly raised my kids side by side with me.

When she died - UGH ! ! ! ! ! Quite frankly, on top of losing my MOM, my mother, my friend, my father (she was a single parent for many years) - telling my kids Grandma had died was the hardest thing to do. Just terrible. BLAH!!! ***tearing***

That being said - I'm going to keep any eye on this thread because both my boys will be graduating this year (High School and Junior High) and I'm really interested in seeing the idea's.

 

[TheZue]

My dad died when I was quite young, 21, not a teen but close. One of the things I found hardest is that his death was always brought up at otherwise happy events. I agree with the posters who said ask her in a way that won't make her feel guilty if she just wants a grief free happy day.

 

[minnie56]

My Mum passed away 5 years ago..my daughter graduated last May from University and my Mum had longed to live to see that day. My daughter missed her terribly not being there..it was all perfect except for that.

She always gave her grandchildren money when they graduated University...on that day, I gave her a card with the money inside and wrote that 'Nanny' is watching over you today and her heart is full with pride and love. On her behalf, we carry on her wishes and her gift'

I gave it to her quietly..near the end of the day. It really was just a moment of reflection and rememberence for us all. And I know, Mum was there.

I knew my daughter would be thinking of her and I am sure your niece will be thinking of her Mom as well. I would take a quiet moment to ackowledge that she stands beside her, always.

 

[TheZue]

My Mum passed away 5 years ago..my daughter graduated last May from University and my Mum had longed to live to see that day. My daughter missed her terribly not being there..it was all perfect except for that.

She always gave her grandchildren money when they graduated University...on that day, I gave her a card with the money inside and wrote that 'Nanny' is watching over you today and her heart is full with pride and love. On her behalf, we carry on her wishes and her gift'

I gave it to her quietly..near the end of the day. It really was just a moment of reflection and rememberence for us all. And I know, Mum was there.

I knew my daughter would be thinking of her and I am sure your niece will be thinking of her Mom as well. I would take a quiet moment to ackowledge that she stands beside her, always.

That is perfect on so many levels. It keeps the daughters graduation about her instead of focusing on the death, it recognizes the loss to her, and it even fills in a little of what was missing in terms of what Grandma would have contributed had she been there.

 

[Minnie_me]

Can't you put a nicely framed photo of her on a table, and a little notecard that says something like, "We know that Jane would have been so proud of Mindy."

Keep it simple and understated.

 

[CarolAnnC]

My husband passed unexpectedly when my girls were starting grade 9 (junior high in NH) and grade 12. I celebrated their graduation parties with family and friends at the end of that school year, and there were many quiet mentions of daddy that day. But, if I were to have made an outward memorial type of thing, I am sure they would have been upset. I did not ask them prior to the event as I did not want them agreeing to something out of guilt or grief. I just knew it was the right thing to do it this way.

It sounds like your neice was not raised by her mom, so perhaps she may feel differently than most and have a different preference. Best wishes to you, I know it is not easy...

 

[nickey]

thanks for your responses I dont want to change the tone of the party from Jen grad to Trish memorial service. Im thinking /back I lost my mom going into my senior yr as well and wouldnt have liked my moms pictures there. Im just going to stick with a poster with pictures of her life with everyone. Im just getting weepy that Tricia wont be here but you are right its Jennifers day. I want it happy not sad her moms not there I dont have to remind her.

 

[bluesaturn]

I think it would be really nice if you bought her a locket with a picture of her mom in it. That way her mom is close to her heart, but no one has to know unless she wants them to.

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

I think it would be really nice if you bought her a locket with a picture of her mom in it. That way her mom is close to her heart, but no one has to know unless she wants them to.

I was going to suggest exactly that.

 

[4nana]

My Mum passed away 5 years ago..my daughter graduated last May from University and my Mum had longed to live to see that day. My daughter missed her terribly not being there..it was all perfect except for that.

She always gave her grandchildren money when they graduated University...on that day, I gave her a card with the money inside and wrote that 'Nanny' is watching over you today and her heart is full with pride and love. On her behalf, we carry on her wishes and her gift'

I gave it to her quietly..near the end of the day. It really was just a moment of reflection and rememberence for us all. And I know, Mum was there.

I knew my daughter would be thinking of her and I am sure your niece will be thinking of her Mom as well. I would take a quiet moment to ackowledge that she stands beside her, always.

Your post is very heartfelt and has me choked up, what a lovely gesture.

thanks for your responses I dont want to change the tone of the party from Jen grad to Trish memorial service. Im thinking /back I lost my mom going into my senior yr as well and wouldnt have liked my moms pictures there. Im just going to stick with a poster with pictures of her life with everyone. Im just getting weepy that Tricia wont be here but you are right its Jennifers day. I want it happy not sad her moms not there I dont have to remind her.

nickey, your niece is blessed to have such a wonderful aunt . You're right, her mom will be with her in spirit, but I think it's a wonderful idea to have a token of remembrance, be it at party or in private. Perhaps something as simple as a rose w/note of how proud she'd be of her.

BTW ~ congrats to your niece and you also, you've obviously done a wonderful job caring for and raising her!

I think it would be really nice if you bought her a locket with a picture of her mom in it. That way her mom is close to her heart, but no one has to know unless she wants them to.

I love this idea! When our grands other set of GP's passed they left all their DG's & DGD's a piece of jewelry. The boys got arrowhead charms w/neck chains from grand dad's collection and the girls got inscribed heart lockets, which they all wore at funeral. It was a special last gift they each treasure.

 

[disneyhand]

I come from a very large family. Most of the graduation parties have collage's of photos on poster boards. They feature the graduate's life and lot's of the important people and moments in their life. These are always popular at the parties and the prompt of memory sharing!

 

[Cape Pirate]

Some of the brides on the wedding board have done things like light a special candle, have a rose or favorite flower in a vase, or attach pictures or charms to their bouquets (or corsage in this case?)

 

[Rora]

Can't you put a nicely framed photo of her on a table, and a little notecard that says something like, "We know that Jane would have been so proud of Mindy."

Keep it simple and understated.

ITA. This is what I would suggest.

Of course, I would ask your niece first.