Thankfully we are starting to hit our stride here. Our 5th grader has always been very independent and responsible, so this has been no problem at all with him. He gets his lessons each morning, works his way through them. Asks my wife or myself a question here and there, but for the most part is self sufficient.
Our first grader on the other hand... well, he is a first grader- being 100% independent and responsible with learning is not a reasonable expectation in the first place for his age. The first few weeks, it was an absolute chore, sitting with him for hours, trying to get through his writing and reading. My wife and I were absolutely pulling our hair out. Then I reached out to his teacher, and had a chat. Essentially, I said "I assume with 25 kids in your class, that you aren't spending hours of 1-on-1 time with each individual student. She laughed and said "no, and neither should you be. You need to let go a bit." I asked how we could guide him, and let him work independently at the same time. Her answer was:
With first graders, the toughest time-wise is reading/writing. The math activities are designed such that the kids can figure it out like a puzzle. The reading and writing, they need more assistance. So, I recommend that for writing, you explain the assignment, and have them try on their own for 20 minutes. At the end of 20 minutes, if they are still struggling, you can write out a few sample sentence starters for them to use, things like:
"Insects all have..."
For an assignment where they are answering questions about insects. She also said to let them spell words incorrectly and make mistakes. Then you can come back, and help them with some of the rough edges (not looking for perfection). This has been INCREDIBLE for us. Now when it comes to reading time, instead of it being my wife or myself sitting with him for 2 hours, to get him to write 3 simple sentences, we explain the lesson to him, have him go at it on his own for 20-30 minutes, then help him with a word here or there. It is now taking 3-5 minutes of helping per section, rather than 1-2 hours, AND he seems to be doing a lot better.
We've also employed similar measures with reading- letting go a bit, letting him make some mistakes, and then helping him out on the back end.
Hoping this might be helpful for others, as it has been a sanity saver for us.