Holiday gift-giving frustration

[My3kiddos]

Honestly what I would do would be tell whoever hosts Christmas that you can't afford to give gifts, but you would like to attend dinner or whatever your family does and contribute to that. Tell them you don't expect anyone to give you a gift and you can leave before gift giving begins or come late after gift giving. My mom's family used to draw names then that stopped and none of us could afford to buy for aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin's kids, etc so we decided not to do gifts at all and just have dinner. Fiance's family doesn't really do gifts either, but some of us give each other lotto tickets which is alot of fun.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

Well I am just chiming in to say that i understand that finances get tight especially when adding a new member to the family. I think the homemade gifts are very thoughtful especially when it done as a PP mentioned with the person specifically in mind and maybe make them their favorites. Dh's family on his fathers side is very large and so we just each bring one 10.00 gift and play a game with them. The little kids under 18 each get gifts. My DS is the oldest at 7 currently. I expect him to thank everybody for everything he receives.
That said if someone was not going to participate in the gift exchanging I would hope that they would let people know ASAP and definitely not at Thanksgiving as most people with lots of people to buy for begin shopping early so as to get the best deals. I know that my family began asking for xmas gift ideas 3 weeks ago and I have almost all my shopping for the little kids done.
Happy Holidays and at the end of the day it is about being together and not about causing financial burden for your family and friends

 

[diamondpixienc]

I totally agree with some of the previous posts and just be honet. Tell them youjust can't afford it this year.

 

[dreamin_disney]

Just curious...what kind of gifts do you and your hubby get from them?





If you can't exchange just let them know, and tell them they dont have to buy for you and your family.

 

[indimom]

I'm with all the posters who said it's just time to bow out of the exchange. Tell everyone now that you won't be buying and prefer not to receive gifts. Period. Don't give them an explanation to argue with. Just stick to your guns.

It's not fun at first. We did this years ago with both DH & My families because it was just crazy expensive buying for so many people. Especially when you don't know them all well and end up buying them things they don't want/need. It honestly wasn't even fun anymore.

I talked to my sisters and most of them felt the same way (all but one who lives further away and wanted to buy for all the nieces and nephews she gets to see so infrequently ). So, my family changed the way we did gifts to suit everyone. Instead of buying for all the kids, we exchanged names. To appease the sister who wanted to buy for all, we agreed to a $1 stocking stuffer for each of the kids' stockings. My shopping budget dropped from $200 to $40 that year so I was thrilled. (The stocking stuffer idea has held out despite the fact that the kids are becoming teens now. Sometimes we spend a little more than $1, but we have fun with the challenge of finding gifts for as close to that as we can get. )

In DH's family, no one wanted to make a change. So, we just "opted out" of the exchange and told everyone we were. The first year, several family members bought gifts for us and that was uncomfortable to say the least. (But, we survived.)

The following year another family group followed our example and opted out. This took a lot of pressure off. It was another five years or so until the final aunt quit buying for everyone, but I was long past being embarassed about it by that point.

Just get it over with. Tell them you can't do it anymore and stick to it. They will feel how they are going to feel and you can't change that.

Good Luck. And enjoy the Holidays and your new baby!!

 

[englishteacha]

A friend found a link of "15 gifts for under $2" so I think I'll use a few of those ideas. I like giving presents, but I just can't afford much at all, and I don't have the hours of time it takes to make everyone's favorite goodies (been there, done that. Needed a vacation by the time I was done!). This way, everyone gets something to know we're thinking of them, but we don't have to break the bank. If they think our gifts are lame, then I didn't spend a lot of time or money on them!

Here's the site my friend sent me: http://todaysfabulousfinds.blogspot.com/2010/12/15-gift-ideas-under-2.html

There are lots of great, frugal ideas there and many linked to/from that blog, so I feel so much better now. I may also get people a small box of nice chocolates. No one ever buys themselves nice chocolates!

To the person who asked what they give us: Cooking items (like nice stoneware), money, or gift cards, for the most part. In my case, when you can only afford around $10 per family, a gift card just doesn't seem like "enough.")

 

[neatokimmo]

Ok I clicked on that link and I am just going to be "that" person and say it. A 2liter bottle of soda is not a present. I don't care how much ribbon you put on it. If my options were her $2 gifts, I wouldn't give anything.

 

[labdogs42]

What is the point if you don't even get to see the gift being opened? I'd skip the whole thing. I love to see people's reaction when I give a gift. Giving something for them to open at home later kind of kills the whole thing for me. I wouldn't bother!

But, if you do want to give a homemade gift, here are some ideas that I have done in the past: http://christmas.organizedhome.com/gifts-crafts-gift-tags , homemade chocolate covered pretzels, homemade fudge, homemade peppermint bark

 

[CdnCarrie]

Ok I clicked on that link and I am just going to be "that" person and say it. A 2liter bottle of soda is not a present. I don't care how much ribbon you put on it. If my options were her $2 gifts, I wouldn't give anything.

The "fudge" one was cute and was the washer/dryer one.

You could make homemade fudge and add some nice Christmas tea towels with those cute little cards.

That would be an nice gift.

 

[crashbb]

Ok I clicked on that link and I am just going to be "that" person and say it. A 2liter bottle of soda is not a present. I don't care how much ribbon you put on it. If my options were her $2 gifts, I wouldn't give anything.

Totally agree. While I wouldn't be offended by someone letting me know that they aren't participating in a gift exchange, I would be offended by many of those gifts. It's not so much the money, but the feeling that no thought or effort went into the gift at all.

Unless it was a white elephant type of gift exchange, I don't think that those gifts are appropriate.

 

[mommy45]

Ok I clicked on that link and I am just going to be "that" person and say it. A 2liter bottle of soda is not a present. I don't care how much ribbon you put on it. If my options were her $2 gifts, I wouldn't give anything.

I have never commented on this discussion board before, but I just had to put in my 2 bits on this one. First of all, if your homemade gifts that you can afford to make are not appreciated then you should drop out of the exchange. I would rather not exchange gifts with somebody than feel like what I could do wasn't appreciated. Christmas is about Christ and giving. It's not about who gave the biggest gift.

Second, I don't think the gifts on that site were meant to be serious gifts that you would give to a family member or a very close friend. The post said they were meant to be funny gifts for neighbors or friends. Where I live, we take silly little gifts like that to friends from church and work. I'm assuming the person who wrote the post does something similar.

 

[crashbb]

I have never commented on this discussion board before, but I just had to put in my 2 bits on this one. First of all, if your homemade gifts that you can afford to make are not appreciated then you should drop out of the exchange. I would rather not exchange gifts with somebody than feel like what I could do wasn't appreciated. Christmas is about Christ and giving. It's not about who gave the biggest gift.

Second, I don't think the gifts on that site were meant to be serious gifts that you would give to a family member or a very close friend. The post said they were meant to be funny gifts for neighbors or friends. Where I live, we take silly little gifts like that to friends from church and work. I'm assuming the person who wrote the post does something similar.

First those gifts are not homemade - they are gifts from the convenience you pass on your way to the party. An inexpensive, but thoughtful gift is one thing - a 2L of Pepsi is entirely another.

Second, the person who wrote the post posted the link is the OP - and she said that she was planning on bringing to her family's gift exchange (not an exchange of silly gifts with friends). I'm agreed that it might be appropriate for the second instance, but not the first.

 

[neatokimmo]

You know, if you like making foodstuff, you could try going to a candy making store and buy the bulk chocolates (the kind you melt and dip stuff in to).

You can dip the chewy orange slices in white then drizzle another color on them. You could dip pretzels. They have crunchy bits that can be added, my favorite is tangerine. You could also make the brownies in bulk because they are so cheap and make those one of the layers. A rice krispie treat is lame until you drizzle coordinating colored chocolate on it.

For $10-15 per family unit, you should be able to make a tower of stuff. Get the clear plastic boxes that snap closed so it looks professional and tie it up with tulle ribbon. There are lots of ways to make everyday treats more special without breaking the bank.

 

[luvmy3]

You know, if you like making foodstuff, you could try going to a candy making store and buy the bulk chocolates (the kind you melt and dip stuff in to).

You can dip the chewy orange slices in white then drizzle another color on them. You could dip pretzels. They have crunchy bits that can be added, my favorite is tangerine. You could also make the brownies in bulk because they are so cheap and make those one of the layers. A rice krispie treat is lame until you drizzle coordinating colored chocolate on it.

For $10-15 per family unit, you should be able to make a tower of stuff. Get the clear plastic boxes that snap closed so it looks professional and tie it up with tulle ribbon. There are lots of ways to make everyday treats more special without breaking the bank.

I think part of the problem is that the OP has tried to make her homemade gifts more special but it seems her family doesn't appreciate her efforts. In that case, I'd say a 2L bottle of soda is just fine. Well not really, but I don't think the OP should feel like she needs to make her gifts more special for a bunch of people who don't appreciate the thought and the effort she puts into the ones she has given in the past.

 

[disneyandme]

That said if someone was not going to participate in the gift exchanging I would hope that they would let people know ASAP and definitely not at Thanksgiving as most people with lots of people to buy for begin shopping early so as to get the best deals. I know that my family began asking for xmas gift ideas 3 weeks ago and I have almost all my shopping for the little kids done.
Happy Holidays and at the end of the day it is about being together and not about causing financial burden for your family and friends

Sorry to say, I have to disagree with many of the previos posts. I think you are too late this year to opt out. I would not be irratated at you choosing to opt out, but I would be mad if you told me after I had finished most of my shopping. My siblings and I talked about this over the summer when we made changes- everyone does all the kids and our parents. My sister still wanted to do the adults, so her and I still exchange between us (including spouses) I say bite the bullet this year and speak up in the Spring.

 

[mrsklamc]

One of the most helpful tips I have read on saying no is to simply say "I can't," and offer no explanation- if you offer explanations, people often try to talk you out of them.

Yes, it's possible someone will say "yes you can!" but it's a harder argument to make.

I am also well underway in terms of my Christmas shopping, so yes, I think anyone thinking of opting out should let people know ASAP. I don't expect anything in return when I purchase gifts, but if I did I would be very irritated if someone waited, as was mentioned earlier, until 'closer to Thanksgiving.'

 

[englishteacha]

Wow. I posted a link with some ideas of frugal, cute gift items. I didn't say that would be the only gift! We exchange family gifts, so I buy something for my my sister's whole family. One of those $2 "gifts" would be a fun addition to something else, like chocolates or brownies.

 

[babyrich]

I dont think you should find this as difficult as you do. If you cannot afford the exchange, you cant. Whether your family understands or not. You cant take $ away from your new baby expenses to make sure your family is content.

You should opt out of the exchange now, tell them you will not be exchanging and you do not want anything from them. Let them argue, thats just too bad, you shouldnt go into any debt for a holiday gift. If you get a gift from them, than so be it. You told them you would not be giving a gift.

If you dont want to completely opt out and you can afford these homemade gifts, than give them. Its the thought that counts, if they dont appreciate it, that is their problem.

Both my sisters have children, for a long time I was buying gifts for 6 people (sisters, bro n law and kids) and I would 2 gifts in return. No its not about what I receive but I was spending $500+ to there $30 each for me. Now I am married and my DH buy for his parents and my 2 nieces and nephew. As the kids get older, the gifts get smaller.