Hoarders on A&E, do you watch?

[agnes!]

I'm sure everyone with elderly hoarders in their family-tree knows this, but I'll repeat it again here...
When the that sad time comes, GO THROUGH EVERYTHING. Every pocket, every drawer, every cardboard box, every envelope, every shoe & slipper, every sugar canister, every coffee-cup and so on. Do NOT assume that because junk is on the top, that it's junk all the way to the bottom. As some up-thread have mentioned, Hoarders can be afraid of losing their stuff and will often secret away valuables in odd places... like pockets, in little gift-jewelry boxes, taped to the back of dresser-drawers, *inside* mattresses and pillows... you get the idea.

agnes!

 

[Handbag Lady]

My parents' house is a mixture of treasure and trash too. Fortunately it won't be food and garbage (well, maybe some trash in the form of papers, magazines, etc). It'll take forever go sort through it all.

Same here. My mom saves every single plastic cup she gets from take-out, but she cleans each of them first. She doesn't like the stickiness. Can you imagine? The house is a TOTAL mess, the sink is loaded with clean dishes and she can barely get to the scrubbers and the dish soap and she's bothered by stickiness.

I honestly believe that within a moment's notice, she can flip and become one of the clean freaks, like Marc Summers. I believe that hoarding and extreme neat-ness are two sides of the OCD coin. She still folds towels to a crisp perfection, even though they are then stuffed into a storage container in the hallway.

 

[dispor]

Same here. My mom saves every single plastic cup she gets from take-out, but she cleans each of them first. She doesn't like the stickiness. Can you imagine? The house is a TOTAL mess, the sink is loaded with clean dishes and she can barely get to the scrubbers and the dish soap and she's bothered by stickiness.

I honestly believe that within a moment's notice, she can flip and become one of the clean freaks, like Marc Summers. I believe that hoarding and extreme neat-ness are two sides of the OCD coin. She still folds towels to a crisp perfection, even though they are then stuffed into a storage container in the hallway.

I think you are so right! I think it as the *first* hoarder that Oprah had on, a few years ago (I believe the lady was a real estate agent). Her house was a mess. The mental health professional guest said that many hoarders are perfectionists. Oprah just COULD NOT get how that could be true. They said that many hoarders are so afraid of making the wrong decision (where to put things, what to throw out, etc) that instead, they do nothing with the stuff and it just piles up.

 

[MushyMushy]

I think you are so right! I think it as the *first* hoarder that Oprah had on, a few years ago (I believe the lady was a real estate agent). Her house was a mess. The mental health professional guest said that many hoarders are perfectionists. Oprah just COULD NOT get how that could be true. They said that many hoarders are so afraid of making the wrong decision (where to put things, what to throw out, etc) that instead, they do nothing with the stuff and it just piles up.

That makes perfect sense. I've been told I have perfectionist tendencies. Some perfectionists are frozen or paralyzed when attempting something for fear of not getting it just right. For me that results in me not getting things done, but rather thinking it all through in my head first so that I can get it right the first time.

 

[bettyann29]

I'm sure everyone with elderly hoarders in their family-tree knows this, but I'll repeat it again here...
When the that sad time comes, GO THROUGH EVERYTHING. Every pocket, every drawer, every cardboard box, every envelope, every shoe & slipper, every sugar canister, every coffee-cup and so on. Do NOT assume that because junk is on the top, that it's junk all the way to the bottom. As some up-thread have mentioned, Hoarders can be afraid of losing their stuff and will often secret away valuables in odd places... like pockets, in little gift-jewelry boxes, taped to the back of dresser-drawers, *inside* mattresses and pillows... you get the idea.

agnes!

ITA.. My grandmother passed away about 4 months ago.. She was quite wealthy in her own right.. we knew of the places where she kept large amounts of cash as she always wanted cash available to her, as the rest of it was in the banks.. Right after she passed away her husband went out of town for a week so we could clean up their house as they are terrible hoarders and he wanted help but he couldnt bring himself to do it.. We knew it was bad, but until you really start going thru things, the heartache gets worse.. When her husband got home he was happy that we cleaned it up.. we only threw away what was perceived as junk and the rest was boxed up for him.. My brother saw this old clothes hamper looking thing and it was worn and honestly looked like trash and put it in the back of his truck with the rest of the stuff and took it to the dump.. When the hamper was opened it appeared that there was trash in there, so noone looked any further.. When her husband got back home he questioned where the hamper was.. apparantly there was $10,000 cash in there!! and it was taken to the dump!! When we found out, our stomachs dropped to the floor..

 

[Subi WRX]

My wife watches this show, and I often join her. I have to say that it is very heartbreaking. It has to be a disease when you are struggling with the decision of throwing away useless trash or getting your kids back or clearing out a path so they allow your ill husband to come home.

What I have a hard time understanding is the seeming disregard they have for the items they are saving. Strewn about the room, infested with animal droppings, left outside to weather, etc. Are there any hoarders that are also neat freaks? Or at least organized hoarders? Or is A&E only showing the most extreme cases?

Either way, it seems that A&E really needs to give these people more than 2 days of help. It's a painstaking process; seems more time than that is warranted to properly help the hoarders.

 

[Mauldita]

dup post

 

[Mauldita]

Sorry but if you think for a second that hoarding old newspapers is like having cancer, I really do have pity for you..

Honestly, you want to compare keep 30 year old newspapers or phone books to having lung cancer!!!

Sorry Sparx but you are the one showing sheer ignorance on the subject, not me....

Were you born in 1995? Please, please at least make sensible rebuttals that do not skirt the rim of hyperbole. From reading thru some of your previous post, I see that you tend to like pushing buttons. Perhaps consider some humorous sarcasm or outright "crazy talk" - ya know - mix it up a bit. No need to be stagnant in the manner you profess your dissatisfaction of the world around you.

 

[barkley]

My wife watches this show, and I often join her. I have to say that it is very heartbreaking. It has to be a disease when you are struggling with the decision of throwing away useless trash or getting your kids back or clearing out a path so they allow your ill husband to come home.

What I have a hard time understanding is the seeming disregard they have for the items they are saving. Strewn about the room, infested with animal droppings, left outside to weather, etc. Are there any hoarders that are also neat freaks? Or at least organized hoarders? Or is A&E only showing the most extreme cases?

Either way, it seems that A&E really needs to give these people more than 2 days of help. It's a painstaking process; seems more time than that is warranted to properly help the hoarders.

i know one that would fall into the 'neat freak' category-to see his home you'de NEVER dream he hoards, very clean, very minimaly furnished/no clutter. he has a storage locker (actualy a warehouse) that i've never seen but other family members report is stacked from floor to ceiling with anything and everything. we joke that when he passes we will be confronted with our own family scene straight from the movie 'citizen kane' (because most recently a family member saw among the piles of boxes an old sled from our childhood that was broken almost 50 years ago).


btw-for those who are left to do the cleaning, make sure to take every photo out of every frame, those that hoard or hide money often use these. turn clothing inside out and feel it-elderly women can take to hiding their jewlery inside (esp. pins).


i helped a friend clear out his late mother's home-one of the oddest and most disturbing items we found were old glass photo slides that his long deceased step father had used in teaching decades earlier. they were from photos he took as a military surgeon in ww2 to document advances in treating amputations(very graphic).

 

[edandcolleen1995]

I still think you have to try to manage the issue and get in there and discard as much as you can.

So far the answer everyone has is basically wait till the person passes (god forbid) and then be careful, look for valuables and toss the rest..

Does not seem like a great gameplan in treating it. I mean you got people eating old/expired food!

So start purging, cleaning and tossing. If they get stressed or mad, oh well. I mean the alternative of doing nothing and waiting for their time to come seems just as bad.

 

[Disney Ella]

I still think you have to try to manage the issue and get in there and discard as much as you can.

So far the answer everyone has is basically wait till the person passes (god forbid) and then be careful, look for valuables and toss the rest..

Does not seem like a great gameplan in treating it. I mean you got people eating old/expired food!

So start purging, cleaning and tossing. If they get stressed or mad, oh well. I mean the alternative of doing nothing and waiting for their time to come seems just as bad.

If it's not your house, you have no right to start throwing things out. I don't know if you read the posts about the elderly parents with health problems who become very distraught at the thought of getting rid of anything. Coming home to find that their home has been cleaned out would be devastating both emotionally and physically. It's more than just getting stressed or mad when there's a psychological condition involved as there is in hoarding.

 

[MushyMushy]

I still think you have to try to manage the issue and get in there and discard as much as you can.

So far the answer everyone has is basically wait till the person passes (god forbid) and then be careful, look for valuables and toss the rest..

Does not seem like a great gameplan in treating it. I mean you got people eating old/expired food!

So start purging, cleaning and tossing. If they get stressed or mad, oh well. I mean the alternative of doing nothing and waiting for their time to come seems just as bad.

I really don't think you're reading what we're saying, or you're being purposely obtuse.

You can't just walk into a person's house and throw away their things. It's stealing. If you were dealing with a rational person, then it would be one thing. But it's a mental illness! That junk means more to them than anything. It's not going to just cause them a little stress or anxiety to lost it -- it will devastate them or send them into a spiral of depression. And let me reiterate: you cannot go into a person's home and steal their things!

 

[robinb]

My 70-year old mother is a hoarder. She was hospitalized for most of August and into September and it was my job to clean her house enough for her to get around in a walker and to have at-home nursing help come in to take care of her. I also had to deal with a lot of "deferred maintenance" (toilet, bed, living room furniture, refrigerator, stove and furnace) while I was there. The clean-up and re-arranging took all 4 weeks with two people working at it and there was plenty more to do when I left. I will probably never be forgiven for some of the stuff I threw away.

So start purging, cleaning and tossing. If they get stressed or mad, oh well. I mean the alternative of doing nothing and waiting for their time to come seems just as bad.

Having just gone through this, I have to tell you it is NOT that easy. ou really don't understand. The only reason I was allowed access to the house is because my mother was in a coma. I am not kidding, she was in a coma for 10 days. YIf you have interest in how children of hoarders feel, here is a great website:
http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/bindex.php

It made me feel like I was not alone.

 

[edandcolleen1995]

I really don't think you're reading what we're saying, or you're being purposely obtuse.

You can't just walk into a person's house and throw away their things. It's stealing. If you were dealing with a rational person, then it would be one thing. But it's a mental illness! That junk means more to them than anything. It's not going to just cause them a little stress or anxiety to lost it -- it will devastate them or send them into a spiral of depression. And let me reiterate: you cannot go into a person's home and steal their things!

I had a sister who tried to pull this stuff back when our parents were alive. (she lived in their house till they passed and we had to kick her out to sell it). It is not stealing when you are throwing out discarded, rotten food, moldy newspapers and other health issues.

One visit by the fire department/ems will get the family members if it is that bad where you have safety issues (ie papers to the roof, no egress, windows blocked etc).

The point is that if it is family member and it is really that bad, the answer can't just be sit back and wait. Clean it, purge it, and deal with them being stessed and having anxiety. The alternative is living with mold, harzerdous (sorry spelling?) conditions and etc.

My sister sure did not like us clearing out her junk. Now she had no choice because we were selling the house and moving her out, but in her new place my other sisters go by and purge her stuff all the time. The alternative of just sitting back and doing nothing is worse then causing the person stress

 

[Shanan]

Watching "Hoarders" has been an eye opening experience for me. I saw my collections of crystal, cake plates, crocks from the late 1800's, milk glass, WDW stuff, etc. and thought there was no sense in all of this stuff in our house. The show was an eye opener for me. I have started to slowly going through my stuff to see what was important to me and what was just excess. I will be honest and say I can't sell it but I can give it away. I gave Grandmother's small table to my sister; Southern Living hardback cookbooks to 2 friends that love to cook, a small side table to another friend's daughter who just moved into an apartment, etc.

I have lots more to go through but I decided that I was tired of having emotional clutter (extended dysfunctional family issues) in my life and having physical clutter around me. I do get overwhelmed with what to do, when to do it, etc. I come from a family who "passes things along". I have my great grandmothers stoneware pitcher (will keep that), an 8ft long hand hewn church pew that came from a church in Mississippi, my little red kid's rocker that I got when I was 1 year old, etc.

I do feel for the people on the show and especially for their families.

 

[Mauldita]

So start purging, cleaning and tossing. If they get stressed or mad, oh well. I mean the alternative of doing nothing and waiting for their time to come seems just as bad.

---What if YOU get stressed or mad?---
How would you feel if you have a perfectly good "Reason" for doing something and a person that is supposed to love and respect you comes into your home and overrides your desires? How would YOU feel about that?
When someone has a mental disorder their reality is different than a person that does not have a mental disorder. They believe their "reality" as strongly as any other person!
Let's make this example "personal" to you:
Colleen - you probably believe that water is wet. Most of your life you have thought this to be true. You have all types of arguments ready if someone were to challenge you on this point. You are convinced with every fiber of your being.
Now, imagine someone comes around and tells you that you are wrong. That water is not wet, sand is wet. That you are ridiculous for thinking this way. They start telling you the reasons they know water is not wet and you are absolutely wrong - How easy would it be to convince you? Maybe you would listen for a minute and maybe even agree to change your behavior while that person was there. As soon as they leave - you will revert to what you are convinced is true.

It is the same with these folks - you can clean and clean and clean and you will not make progress - They will go out of their way to get their life around them to reflect what they believe to be true. That they need to save these things, that it fills a void in their lives. I do not know many "lazy" people that will go out of their way for anything. Just because one person does not agree with someone elses way of living does not mean they can just go in and take over without that person being found to be a danger to themselves and others. At that point it validates hoarding being a "mental disorder" since danger to yourself and others is typical criteria for being found mentally unstable. Enjoy!

 

[Mauldita]

Watching "Hoarders" has been an eye opening experience for me. I saw my collections of crystal, cake plates, crocks from the late 1800's, milk glass, WDW stuff, etc. and thought there was no sense in all of this stuff in our house. The show was an eye opener for me. I have started to slowly going through my stuff to see what was important to me and what was just excess. I will be honest and say I can't sell it but I can give it away. I gave Grandmother's small table to my sister; Southern Living hardback cookbooks to 2 friends that love to cook, a small side table to another friend's daughter who just moved into an apartment, etc.

I have lots more to go through but I decided that I was tired of having emotional clutter (extended dysfunctional family issues) in my life and having physical clutter around me. I do get overwhelmed with what to do, when to do it, etc. I come from a family who "passes things along". I have my great grandmothers stoneware pitcher (will keep that), an 8ft long hand hewn church pew that came from a church in Mississippi, my little red kid's rocker that I got when I was 1 year old, etc.

I do feel for the people on the show and especially for their families.

I think this is wonderful that you have come to this point. So liberating for you. It is a slow process to rid yourself of demons. You did not collect this literal and figurative baggage in one day and it will be difficult to shed quickly. What is important is to continue moving forward. I have known may folks that did not have a firm grasp on the "should it stay or should it go" answer. It is very common and frustrating when the answer is obvious to so many others. I hope you are blessed to have a loved one that can support you if needed.

 

[agnes!]

I still think you have to try to manage the issue and get in there and discard as much as you can.

So far the answer everyone has is basically wait till the person passes (god forbid) and then be careful, look for valuables and toss the rest..

Does not seem like a great gameplan in treating it. I mean you got people eating old/expired food!

So start purging, cleaning and tossing. If they get stressed or mad, oh well. I mean the alternative of doing nothing and waiting for their time to come seems just as bad.

If you decide to purge someone else's stuff be they dead or alive, you *still* have to be careful when you toss whatever you're throwing away, you have to go through *everything*.

I really don't think you're reading what we're saying, or you're being purposely obtuse.

You can't just walk into a person's house and throw away their things. It's stealing. If you were dealing with a rational person, then it would be one thing. But it's a mental illness! That junk means more to them than anything. It's not going to just cause them a little stress or anxiety to lost it -- it will devastate them or send them into a spiral of depression. And let me reiterate: you cannot go into a person's home and steal their things!

I had a sister who tried to pull this stuff back when our parents were alive. (she lived in their house till they passed and we had to kick her out to sell it). It is not stealing when you are throwing out discarded, rotten food, moldy newspapers and other health issues.

One visit by the fire department/ems will get the family members if it is that bad where you have safety issues (ie papers to the roof, no egress, windows blocked etc).

The point is that if it is family member and it is really that bad, the answer can't just be sit back and wait. Clean it, purge it, and deal with them being stessed and having anxiety. The alternative is living with mold, harzerdous (sorry spelling?) conditions and etc.

My sister sure did not like us clearing out her junk. Now she had no choice because we were selling the house and moving her out, but in her new place my other sisters go by and purge her stuff all the time. The alternative of just sitting back and doing nothing is worse then causing the person stress

But it wasn't *her* house, was it. It was part of the estate and as the executor, you had a right to do whatever you deemed necessary to the estate's property. Many on this thread are talking about houses that someone else owns, in most situations you CANNOT just walk into someone else's house and take over. I am glad that your family has reached a happy settlement between all of you about your sister's hoarding lifestyle.

I am assuming she's happy about the way all the siblings are dealing with her 'lifestyle'. I'm also assuming that, since she's obviously having issues dealing with life, that she's getting some meaningful, ongoing counseling?

agnes!

 

[edandcolleen1995]

I am assuming she's happy about the way all the siblings are dealing with her 'lifestyle'. I'm also assuming that, since she's obviously having issues dealing with life, that she's getting some meaningful, ongoing counseling?
agnes!

That is the part that folks are just glossing over.. Everyone is saying don't touch their stuff. Don't do this, don't do that. But nobody is offering any viable solution.

Everyone is ignoring the fire hazards, the health code violations and the rest.

Can't sweep that under the rug.

 

[binny]

I think youre missing the fact taht this is NOT a black and white issue.

While it makes sense to YOU to go in and dump everything, it doesnt make sense to those who actually deal with it.

I think you are deliberately trying to get people riled about something you seem to be, frankly, pretty ignorant about. Whether or not YOU believe this is a mental issue is irrelevant. Its a proven fact that it is indeed a mental issue and has to be treated as such. How would you feel if you spent weeks cleaning out their stuff while they are still there, they in turn hated you for it and cut you our of their lives? Then they reverted back to their own ways and you couldnt help them at all because you are no longer welcome in their lives.

You cant bully people with mental issues. It just doesnt work. You have to get them recognize the issue then they have to be the ones who want to change. Its much like an addiction program. They have to admit they have a problem then they have to want to change.

I keep all of you dealing with this in my prayers. I know this must be incredibly hard. We deal with other issues in our families and I know from experience that its very difficult to get the person to do what you need them to, even if its for their own sake. They gravitate back to their old ways sometimes even when they dont want to.