High School Class of 2016/College Class 2020

[punkin]

I'm sorry you're going through this, snoodledoo. I hope her friends stop enabling her. You just be calm and firm. Everyone takes his/her own path in life.

I have a panicking child. Her grades came in with a D in freshman seminar so now her life is over. Never mind the 2 A- and one A in her other classes (one of which is a 200 level class). I'm not happy with the grade, but as sick as she was the entire semester, I'm not going to freak out over it. Her overall GPA is higher than the one I graduated college with and I managed to go to law school. Deep breath, deep breath.....

 

[luvsJack]

DD has just a few more days home but it sure has been nice having a lot of time with her over the past few weeks. She is excited to get back though. She and her new best friend will be rooming this semester and their group will be all together in area of the dorm. She is taking a couple of intro classes for different majors this semester. Just getting a little bit of knowledge about other things she has an interest in so that she is sure of her major when she gets to the University. Did great last semester. This semester she has joined the Diamond Girls for the baseball team so that and choir will be keeping her busy.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Well, things are going from bad to worse with DD. We told her that rent would be due Jan. 1 (in addition to her car insurance) since she was no longer a FT student. She was gone for the entire week after Christmas, staying with her friend who lives in a dorm. She finally came home last night to gather more clothes and supplies and was headed out again within 15 minutes. DH tried to initiate a conversation with her about what is going on, what are her plans etc. She didn't bother to sit down or put her bags down for this brief chat. To sum it up, she's been very busy working out, helping at tennis, hanging out with friends, and the holidays, so she hasn't had much time to look for a job. She's only making enough money to be able to go out with friends, not enough to pay rent. So, she is just going to stay with friends instead of live at home, where she would have to pay rent. I guess we just see how long her friends want her freeloading off them?

I don't understand this. She hasn't had a job since August and quit school in October.
How did we get here?
Why is she like this?
Where do we go from here?
She tells us nothing. When she was gone last week, I had NO communication with her. DH would periodically check in with her via texts and ask if she was ok, are you coming home etc.
Everything was fine over Christmas, so it's not like there has been any arguments or anything. This whole situation is making me sick.

If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say she thinks she knows more than you do right now. Or maybe she knows you're right, but is in denial. At any rate, it likely won't last long wherever she goes. She'll get tired of it, and her friends will get tired of it. She will run out of money. Eventually, she'll have to face the music. I would just let her do her thing, and stop trying to get her to see the error of her ways. One good lesson I learned in dog training, and I think it applies to child rearing as well, is that they heard you the first time, they're basically ignoring you now. (Lol) It will be hard to watch her flounder. And it will be hard for her to come back. I think I would concentrate my energies on figuring out what the best response would be when that happens, ie how to handle. Definitely try to resist gloating. Just take it from there, allowing her to save some face. I agree she's trying to find her way - which is what we all want in our kids, right? Some just take a non-traditional path. I think you need to preserve your relationship so don't push forth the need to be "right", if you kwim. (Tempting, though, for sure!) Just start at a new beginning, given your "new normal" with her. Rules still apply, whatever they may be - job and rent absolutely make sense. Make those your top focus and you may have to let some of the small stuff go, like messy room, staying out late, or things like that. Eventually she will mature and hopefully figure out what it is she wants to do with the rest of her life; what path she wants to go on. I guess my biggest fear is that she falls in with the wrong crowd. If that appears to be happening, it might be worthwhile talking to a family counselor of some sort, even if you have to go yourselves. Good luck. We're here with you!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

He's dying to get back to school. Everyone here is back at school all day. His friends who have stayed home are either in school (his best friend is now a Senior in HS) or working more hours than he got this break. Everyone is living their own lives, and his is kind of on hold as he waits to get back to school. As long as the dorms are open-- and he assures me that there are kids back at school already-- then I'm OK with the drive.

My DD is feeling the same way, can't wait to get started again. She's been picking up some extra work hours and done some fun things with friends, but other than that, she's kind of bored. DS isn't in a rush, he's been enjoying his down time. Besides studies, he worked really hard in his sport this fall, and is headed into his busy season, which I'm sure will be challenging (although he managed to keep his grades up pretty well this semester, despite all the stress, and that was a relief to all of us). He's excited about it, but planning to enjoy his rest for a little while longer, haha. We found out he'll be playing in a collegiate league next summer and will live away for most of the summer, so once he gets started, he's going to be super busy until late July/early August. (Fortunately our schools here go back in September, so he'll have about a month or so off.) He's been catching up with his local friends and they've been doing things they always did growing up, like playing ball, going bowling and such, today they played basketball, etc. It's funny how all of them are on different paths, one even re-ships off to the military again this week, yet it's as if they all just feel at home with eachother the way they always have, which is nice. I have the feeling his group, most of whom have been friends since kindergarten/elementary school, will be lifelong friends. Glad everyone enjoyed their breaks!

 

[punkin]

DD is driving me insane! Last night she came home after midnight with 3 friends in tow and they were LOUD!! Some of us have to wake up early. Seriously, she's been out almost every night since she came home. If she does this at school, no wonder her grades are less than stellar. I know she's on vacation, but the rest of us aren't. Her cousin has to be in school at 7:30. She can't sleep in until 1pm like DD did this week. I'm waking her up early today just for spite. Mean mommy.

 

[mjkacmom]

DD is driving me insane! Last night she came home after midnight with 3 friends in tow and they were LOUD!! Some of us have to wake up early. Seriously, she's been out almost every night since she came home. If she does this at school, no wonder her grades are less than stellar. I know she's on vacation, but the rest of us aren't. Her cousin has to be in school at 7:30. She can't sleep in until 1pm like DD did this week. I'm waking her up early today just for spite. Mean mommy.

Ds18 is out every night until who knows when, but he knows better to wake me up (seriously, even when my kids were little, they knew to go around the bed and wake daddy if they had a nighttime issue). Dd20 pulled that once 2 years ago over break (her room is in the attic, the door is right outside my bedroom). If you want to stay up and be tired the next day, fine. But don't make me tired!

 

[DawnM]

My son is anxious to start back. His school starts back on the 11th.

He is going to school locally and living at home.

He finished semester 2 with another 4.0.

I don't expect this to continue as he is getting into harder classes, but it was a good start and a good boost for him.

 

[Aliceacc]

I drove my son back yesterday.

They were forecasting 1-3 inches of snow for us. I'm a weather geek, so I paid attention to the part of the forecast that said "We're watching this one closely. If it tracks a little closer to the coast, the numbers could change significantly."

We got up at 5 am, and were out the door within 40 minutes. We hit 7-11 for breakfast, and made it to his school in 2.5 hours-- no snow (yet), no one on the roads, no one needed a pit stop. (My 13 year old daughter came along for the ride.) She and I brought along a change of clothes, just in case we needed to find a hotel in the storm.

It started to flurry as we arrived on campus. We unloaded the car, hit the bathroom, then left him on his own to unpack, leaving his campus by 9am.

We did stop on the NJ turnpike for an half hour lunch break at around 11. At that point, it was really snowing, with poor visibility.

We finished the drive, and were home by 1:15.

And we awoke this morning to 9.1 inches of snow. So very very glad we got an early start!!! He's settled at school-- technically the dorms aren't open yet, but the athletes are on campus, so the dorms and dining hall are open. Most of the kids in his school are pretty local-- not too many have a 3 hour commute. And, to be honest, if he hadn't been able to stay over, we could have unloaded all the stuff from the car, and he could have come back with us and taken Amtrak back on Tuesday. It wouldn't have been ideal, but it was all the stuff that was the issue more than him. Either that, or his roommate could have picked him up and he could have stayed with Dave for a few days.

I just cancelled the Amtrak ticket, so all's right with the world

Next weekend I'm taking my daughter to visit a school about half an hour away from my son. If there's anything he's forgotten (and if his new eyeglasses come in) I can drop it all off Sunday afternoon before Monday's tour.

 

[mom2rtk]

I drove my son back yesterday.

They were forecasting 1-3 inches of snow for us. I'm a weather geek, so I paid attention to the part of the forecast that said "We're watching this one closely. If it tracks a little closer to the coast, the numbers could change significantly."

We got up at 5 am, and were out the door within 40 minutes. We hit 7-11 for breakfast, and made it to his school in 2.5 hours-- no snow (yet), no one on the roads, no one needed a pit stop. (My 13 year old daughter came along for the ride.) She and I brought along a change of clothes, just in case we needed to find a hotel in the storm.

It started to flurry as we arrived on campus. We unloaded the car, hit the bathroom, then left him on his own to unpack, leaving his campus by 9am.

We did stop on the NJ turnpike for an half hour lunch break at around 11. At that point, it was really snowing, with poor visibility.

We finished the drive, and were home by 1:15.

And we awoke this morning to 9.1 inches of snow. So very very glad we got an early start!!! He's settled at school-- technically the dorms aren't open yet, but the athletes are on campus, so the dorms and dining hall are open. Most of the kids in his school are pretty local-- not too many have a 3 hour commute. And, to be honest, if he hadn't been able to stay over, we could have unloaded all the stuff from the car, and he could have come back with us and taken Amtrak back on Tuesday. It wouldn't have been ideal, but it was all the stuff that was the issue more than him. Either that, or his roommate could have picked him up and he could have stayed with Dave for a few days.

I just cancelled the Amtrak ticket, so all's right with the world

Next weekend I'm taking my daughter to visit a school about half an hour away from my son. If there's anything he's forgotten (and if his new eyeglasses come in) I can drop it all off Sunday afternoon before Monday's tour.

So glad you got your son back ahead of the big snow drop! Our son still has another week. But my husband really got hit picking him up in December. Nobody predicted questionable weather, but it misted and the temps were hovering right around freezing. Just looked like a gray winter day. But it was treacherous! He's a senior so we've made the (normally) 7 hour round trip many times by now and this was the worst. He said they saw close to 20 cars off it ditches. And no public transportation options from his campus, so we were IT.

 

[Monykalyn]

Thank goodness for safe travels and hope those still needing to go back don't hit bad weather. My oldest doesn't have classes til 17th. She is in Puerto Vallarta this week (My MIL and her husband took her). She is supposed to come back saturday (in laws staying another week), flying through denver to MO. And weather pretty consistent (so far anyway) on saying wintry mix coming this weekend. At least if she gets stuck somewhere it will be PV (with Grandparents) or in Denver where we have family. The other kids had a 2 day school week as school was cancelled last friday due to slick roads/snow.
At least we have a couple days of 60's before icky cold starts again...

 

[jetskigrl]

Hi Everyone - I just wanted to bump up our thread How are all the kids settling in after the winter break? DD is excited but says she already thinks this semester is going to be a lot harder than last semester. But she is happy to be back.

She mostly has the same schedule as last semester (Mon - Thurs) but Thurs will be a long days with two classes and then an evening workshop (so in class from 8-12, 3:30-6:45 and then 7-10). Luckily she has Friday off to catch up on sleep and homework

 

[punkin]

My DD is still home. Her semester starts next week. She is still working on her schedule.

 

[gemini2727]

My DD goes back on Sunday, she should be pretty busy with two difficult Bio classes that she has scheduled, among others (so we've heard anyway, hopefully they're not too bad.) She wants to apply to a post-grad OT program, so she really has to keep her GPA up!

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds starts back on Monday. I have no idea what classes he signed up for, I guess I'll find out at the end of the semester when he gets his grades - lol. I don't know what dd20 is taking either. He had microeconomics and calculus last semester, subjects he enjoys, so I'm a little nervous about this one. He does better with tests vs. papers.

 

[punkin]

So here are DD's schedule options: as I wrote earlier in the thread, she is currently registered for a rather difficult class with an enormous reading list whose professor gets low ratings on ratemyprofessor.com. She originally thought she would need it for a possible major, but now she decided not to major in that subject, so...I'm thinking she shouldn't take that class (even though the subject matter sounds very interesting to her and she has read about half the reading list on her own already). I think she could take a language she studied in high school...at the 102 level. Any opinions?

 

[gemini2727]

So here are DD's schedule options: as I wrote earlier in the thread, she is currently registered for a rather difficult class with an enormous reading list whose professor gets low ratings on ratemyprofessor.com. She originally thought she would need it for a possible major, but now she decided not to major in that subject, so...I'm thinking she shouldn't take that class (even though the subject matter sounds very interesting to her and she has read about half the reading list on her own already). I think she could take a language she studied in high school...at the 102 level. Any opinions?

If it were me, I would switch out. Just a lot going against it for a class she doesn't need anymore. But if she would really enjoy it, maybe it would be worth the trouble to her? I know my daughter doesn't have a lot of wiggle room for classes that aren't necessary for her specific degree, I might have a different viewpoint if she had a lot of electives she was able to take. If it will drag down her GPA, I would skip it.

 

[msminniemouse]

My son has been applying for an internship for the summer, but so far has not heard back from anyone, and is feeling discouraged

 

[alldiz]

My DD is a freshman. Thankgod she has adjusted well. Lately I have been in a state of gratefullness about my DD.
We live in a nice town on Long Island.....Let me just say drinking, drugs, sex is rampant.
My DD is a bit immature and she was pretty shocked. She has a great group of friends where one is a little "promiscuious"
Poor kid comes to me and says HS is hard....so many kids do this that and the other thing....and they brag.

So like everyone always says.....Keep an eye on who your kids hang out with. It is everything.
Posting this because I don't think my district is any different and I am lucky my DD tells me "everthing"
Good luck everyone and we shall survive HS
thanks
Kerri

 

[mjkacmom]

My son has been applying for an internship for the summer, but so far has not heard back from anyone, and is feeling discouraged

He's young - dd20 just landed her first one this semester, not for lack of trying. Fortunately it pays well.

 

[gemini2727]

My DD is a freshman. Thankgod she has adjusted well. Lately I have been in a state of gratefullness about my DD.
We live in a nice town on Long Island.....Let me just say drinking, drugs, sex is rampant.
My DD is a bit immature and she was pretty shocked. She has a great group of friends where one is a little "promiscuious"
Poor kid comes to me and says HS is hard....so many kids do this that and the other thing....and they brag.

So like everyone always says.....Keep an eye on who your kids hang out with. It is everything.
Posting this because I don't think my district is any different and I am lucky my DD tells me "everthing"
Good luck everyone and we shall survive HS
thanks
Kerri

Hello! Just fyi, this thread is geared toward the college class of 2020, not high school. So glad your DD has a good head on her shoulders, and totally agree with how important it is who their friends are! Good luck to her!