High School Class of 2016/College Class 2020

[Monykalyn]

Today they found out that the director is making them all re-audition and he said at least half would not make the cut. That means they all lose their scholarships (for some its a full tuition scholarship)

Oh wow-can they even do that?? just take away a scholarship after financial aid is settled and school has started?? I'd be ticked to find out my kid had a scholarship and now suddenly might not and be scrambling to get $$ together.

Hope your DD's "friend" situation works out for them both. Sounds like your DD may be more mature and growing up more than her friend...

I hope you feel blessed to have this communication with your kids. DD doesn't share much with us at all and it kills me. I guess she's trying to be independent, but I'm so sad.

It is funny as mine doesn't always call or text me but she talks to her sister now way way way more than she did at home. I often find out days after the fact that they have been texting. I think it is great but feels odd to see this relationship develop more without me? Not sure how to explain it...some days it gives me a stronger glimpse on how they really will have their own lives without me

 

[wishesuponastar]

I hope you feel blessed to have this communication with your kids. DD doesn't share much with us at all and it kills me. I guess she's trying to be independent, but I'm so sad.

My daughter communicates more with my husband Over phone and texting.

 

[punkin]

I only get calls in a panic. When everything is going well, I get nothing. Lol.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh wow-can they even do that?? just take away a scholarship after financial aid is settled and school has started?? I'd be ticked to find out my kid had a scholarship and now suddenly might not and be scrambling to get $$ together.

Hope your DD's "friend" situation works out for them both. Sounds like your DD may be more mature and growing up more than her friend...


It is funny as mine doesn't always call or text me but she talks to her sister now way way way more than she did at home. I often find out days after the fact that they have been texting. I think it is great but feels odd to see this relationship develop more without me? Not sure how to explain it...some days it gives me a stronger glimpse on how they really will have their own lives without me

I wondered about it too. But I know that coaches can do it with athletes so I guess it is possible. I would be pretty ticked too. Especially when a portion of these kids gave up scholarships to other schools to attend that one.

You are right dd is maturing faster than her friend. Dd is really seeing it now.

 

[MomofKatie]

You are right dd is maturing faster than her friend. Dd is really seeing it now.

My DD had a similar situation in HS- one of her best friends was very controlling and manipulative. When she found out DD decided to attend a different, out of state university from the rest of her friends (mainly BECAUSE of everyone else going to the in state school, to be honest- she was tired of the clique), she became very angry at DD. Made DD's last 2 months of high school pretty miserable because she shunned her and intimidated the whole group into avoiding her, too. DD really outgrew the "high school" mentality the other girls were still in.

 

[jetskigrl]

I hope you feel blessed to have this communication with your kids. DD doesn't share much with us at all and it kills me. I guess she's trying to be independent, but I'm so sad.

{{{{hugs}}}} I think because DD is an introvert (is slowly making new friends) and doesn't get to hang out with her usual friends every day, she is sharing even more with me now then she did when she was living here. And I am definitely loving it. But it took some work on my part to stop going into mom-mode when she called. Instead of asking if she did this, or if she handled that...I just ask how classes are and what new things has seen been doing, etc. It is a new type of relationship, for sure. Since I have cut back on mom-mode, she has been calling just to chat more often

DD is starting to calm down a little. She has all A's and B's so really should have no worries but she is being a bit of a perfectionist.

Today she heard from her best friend from high school. Her friend chose another school and is in the choir there. Today they found out that the director is making them all re-audition and he said at least half would not make the cut. That means they all lose their scholarships (for some its a full tuition scholarship). So now the friend wants to transfer to this school. She can't until next semester anyway but I think dd is hoping she changes her mind. Dd has made a whole knew set of friends. Friends with different outlooks and ways of life. She is having fun and doing things she would have never done back in high school. Her friend is very dependent on dd and dd sees now that she did make a lot of choices based on their friendship. Not bad choices necessarily but choices not to get out and be a part of things and have that great group of friends rather than just one or two and just go out and have fun. This girl is very jealous of other people and chooses not to like them based on that. She always acted like dd was wrong for ever doing anything with other friends. Dd knows already that she won't fit in with dd's new friends. So while dd was being supportive of her friend and what may be a dilemma, she was quietly hoping it works out another way.

Then to top it off her friend says "you need to come home tonight and go with me to find a dress for this weekend" (each girl is about 30 minutes from home in opposite directions) DD told her that she was going to the football game tonight but she could go Friday afternoon. Her friend got mad and said "I have plans for Friday". So dd was very put out.

Its kinda sad to see the ending of a long friendship but I think dd is better off for it.

It does sound like it. My dd had to cut ties with a long-time friend the end of junior year and it turned out to be the best thing for her. The girl ended up doing home study their senior year and that was the best year ever for my dd and her friends (no drama, LOL). They did talk for a minute at graduation but I think they both realized they had nothing in common anymore.

My DD had a similar situation in HS- one of her best friends was very controlling and manipulative. When she found out DD decided to attend a different, out of state university from the rest of her friends (mainly BECAUSE of everyone else going to the in state school, to be honest- she was tired of the clique), she became very angry at DD. Made DD's last 2 months of high school pretty miserable because she shunned her and intimidated the whole group into avoiding her, too. DD really outgrew the "high school" mentality the other girls were still in.

I'm so sorry your DD had to go through that. When my dd was parting ways with her friend her junior year, there was a lot of that going on too. Luckily her friends didn't follow the other girl's lead and remained friends with my DD also. So when the friend didn't come back senior year, it was a relief to everyone.

 

[Aliceacc]

My 16 year old has gone through a similar experience. She dated a guy in the crowd who had had a huge crush on her for ages. After a few weeks, she realized it wasn't going to work, and broke up with him--- twice. He simply refused to accept it. (Yeah, HUGE red flag for mom and dad.) So she broke up with him again, this time by text, telling him she wasn't taking no for an answer and they weren't going out.

So every girl in the group, who though they were such a cute couple, dropped her completely. Apparently, to be their friend, you had to date the guy they chose. And you have to accept his verdict on the status of the relationship. She's had a miserable few months, but we're glad he's out of the picture. She and he talked, he's dating someone else, and they're on good terms now. But the mean girls still play games-- swear to her that they're all OK, then sit with her at homecoming, making plans for that night and deliberately excluding her from them. What a lovely group of young women. I'm glad she's starting to see them for what they really are.

My son on the other hand, is doing great. His school is closed through Tuesday, and he got a ride from a friend to about 10 miles from the GW Bridge-- that should have been about an hour or an hour and a half from here. So I left yesterday at 3 pm to go get him--- and got home at 9:30 pm. It took me FOUR HOURS in bumper to bumper traffic to get there. I met his friend, got back into the car, and stopped at Burger King for a bathroom break and to get my son and 13 year old dinner to go. The ride home was much better, but still took forever. His friend is going back Tuesday night, but I have to work Tuesday, so the earliest I could be on the road is 4 pm-- and I have to work again Wednesday. (No Jewish holy days for those of us in Catholic schools, lol.) So it looks like a ride to Philly early Monday morning, lunch at Applebees, then a return that day. But he's doing well, and expects his midterm grades to be better than they were in high school-- this school was absolutely the right choice.

Oh, and can I do a quick happy dance? My husband had a scary set of seizures in April-- 11 days in the ICU, get the insurance papers out, make sure the kids have black clothes kind of scary. It was apparently tied into his through the roof high sugars. He has since gotten his diabetes under control, all his numbers are great, but he hasn't had a license since that day by state law-- it has to be 6 months since a seizure. Well, today he FINALLY gets his license back.
I am no longer the only driver in my house!!!! He's not totally confident in driving all the way to Philly Monday after 6 months of not driving, so that's fine. But someone else can take a part in getting everyone to where they need to be. I can come straight home from work without a half hour's detour. Life is back to normal. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

My 16 year old has gone through a similar experience. She dated a guy in the crowd who had had a huge crush on her for ages. After a few weeks, she realized it wasn't going to work, and broke up with him--- twice. He simply refused to accept it. (Yeah, HUGE red flag for mom and dad.) So she broke up with him again, this time by text, telling him she wasn't taking no for an answer and they weren't going out.

So every girl in the group, who though they were such a cute couple, dropped her completely. Apparently, to be their friend, you had to date the guy they chose. And you have to accept his verdict on the status of the relationship. She's had a miserable few months, but we're glad he's out of the picture. She and he talked, he's dating someone else, and they're on good terms now. But the mean girls still play games-- swear to her that they're all OK, then sit with her at homecoming, making plans for that night and deliberately excluding her from them. What a lovely group of young women. I'm glad she's starting to see them for what they really are.

My son on the other hand, is doing great. His school is closed through Tuesday, and he got a ride from a friend to about 10 miles from the GW Bridge-- that should have been about an hour or an hour and a half from here. So I left yesterday at 3 pm to go get him--- and got home at 9:30 pm. It took me FOUR HOURS in bumper to bumper traffic to get there. I met his friend, got back into the car, and stopped at Burger King for a bathroom break and to get my son and 13 year old dinner to go. The ride home was much better, but still took forever. His friend is going back Tuesday night, but I have to work Tuesday, so the earliest I could be on the road is 4 pm-- and I have to work again Wednesday. (No Jewish holy days for those of us in Catholic schools, lol.) So it looks like a ride to Philly early Monday morning, lunch at Applebees, then a return that day. But he's doing well, and expects his midterm grades to be better than they were in high school-- this school was absolutely the right choice.

Oh, and can I do a quick happy dance? My husband had a scary set of seizures in April-- 11 days in the ICU, get the insurance papers out, make sure the kids have black clothes kind of scary. It was apparently tied into his through the roof high sugars. He has since gotten his diabetes under control, all his numbers are great, but he hasn't had a license since that day by state law-- it has to be 6 months since a seizure. Well, today he FINALLY gets his license back.
I am no longer the only driver in my house!!!! He's not totally confident in driving all the way to Philly Monday after 6 months of not driving, so that's fine. But someone else can take a part in getting everyone to where they need to be. I can come straight home from work without a half hour's detour. Life is back to normal. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Can your son take public transportation? During rush hour, it's faster for my college kids to take the train home, and it's not that expensive. If I picked up ds, it would be at least a 3 hour round trip. If he takes the train and light rail, 20 minutes total (same with DD, but she has a car now).

 

[Aliceacc]

Absolutely an option we'll explore, though maybe not this weekend.

As long as I do have Monday off, a road trip isn't a problem.

But I'm glad he decided not to even look at some of the SUNY schools 8 or 9 hours away.

 

[indimom]

Glad things are starting to fall into place for everyone!

DD has been thriving at college, and I couldn't be happier. She's typically pretty shy and slow to start new things, but she really pushed herself from Day 1 to get involved in a couple clubs/groups and that helped her make a few good friends right away. Based on the smiles I've seen in a few photos, she is loving college.

Classes are going fine. She was most worried about Spanish because in high school she had a new teacher every year (I have no idea why the school had so much trouble filling this position) and she felt like she really hadn't learned much, but she's doing fine in the course.
She's loving her sciences, no surprise there. And she's hating her fine arts (theatre), but it's not hard, so she's doing fine.
We don't "talk" often, but we text every day or so, about something or other.

DD is in a program that involves a senior year internship/clinical. It was highly recommended that they attend the open house for the reps from year one so that they become a familiar face before applying in their final year. DD attended that event this week, and she is really excited about a program in New York.

I had no idea she could end up even further away. I just assumed they were close to the school. But, she loved the rep, and is really excited about the possibilities. At least I have 2.5 years to get used to the idea.
And despite the emphasis on attending these sessions every year, only one other student showed up as a freshman, so hopefully that's a Plus behind their names...

The only issues she's had so far is the mail. Apparently, there are at least 3 girls on campus with the same name. (Shame I didn't have the internet back in 97, maybe I would have known that the family name I loved was pairing a long-standing top ten name with a common last name, and it would be a bad idea...) She's still missing one Amazon package, but thinks everything else has been delivered now. Hopefully, they'll flag the name (or whatever) so it gets closer attention in the future.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving when I'll finally get to see my girl again.

 

[Monykalyn]

Well, today he FINALLY gets his license back

yay! Good for both of you-bet it is a huge relief in more ways than one!

Yeah-my DD has started to outgrow some of her old HS friends too-she has actually removed herself from the group chat they've had going for a couple years-she isn't into the drama a couple other kids are going through in their schools (namely drinking/partying/then complaining of the hangovers)-these kids weren't like that in HS-in fact one of the kids is/was a good friend of DD's and they "competed" for best scores on tests/ACT etc. It kinda makes me sad as I liked these kids too-but kinda proud of her for taking steps to do what is right for her. Guess all those years of batting heads during the younger teen years when everyone told me it was a good thing having a strong willed child are now the blessing in disguise I couldn't see then

And I want to know when a "friend" becomes the "boyfriend". She has one "friend" that she hangs out with alot (supposedly has GF at a college in TX where they are from), the guy even made a point of wanting to meet us during family weekend (and we met his mom). They went to the Alabama/Arkansas game by themselves instead of with the group they hang out with...

 

[Kimberlyann11]

Well, DD's back at school and she can walk now! She has the big black surgical boot until PT tells her she doesn't need it and then an ankle brace for six months - but it's great to not have the scooter. She was a little frustrated with her honors sequence. She has a paper due so she went to her prof's office hours so he could look it over (he offers this to all the kids). He ripped it apart - and writing is her forte. I told her that now that she knows what he wants, it will be easier in the future. And she should be glad she took advantage of his offer. Some of the kids didn't and they will be in for a shock when they get their grades.

We had a nice weekend. We went to her high school's homecoming game and she got to see some of her old classmates and teachers. On Saturday her friend from Seattle was competing and coaching in a fencing tournament downtown. He was super busy but still wanted to see her - he made time to show her around and she watched him coach some of the matches. Saturday night she hung out with a few of her high school friends. Bonfire and taco bell.

Today her roommate texted asking if I would stay and help them clean when I brought her back to the dorm. Hell to the no. The place was trashed when we got there. DD gets frustrated, but says she only has till the end of the year and then it's over. She is getting a new roommate next year for sure.

It's the last I'll see of her until Thanksgiving... miss her already.

 

[MomofKatie]

monykalyn- does your DD go to Alabama or Arkansas? Mine is at Alabama.

I am glad DD has parted ways with most of her high school friends- she seems so much happier now. She is also so much more involved in campus life- she's really putting herself out there to meet new people, have new experiences, and explore different clubs and groups she might be interested in. I am proud of the independent young woman she has become.

 

[Monykalyn]

monykalyn- does your DD go to Alabama or Arkansas? Mine is at Alabama.

I am glad DD has parted ways with most of her high school friends- she seems so much happier now. She is also so much more involved in campus life- she's really putting herself out there to meet new people, have new experiences, and explore different clubs and groups she might be interested in. I am proud of the independent young woman she has become.

She is at Arkansas. I am really surprised she is going to the games as she had zero interest in HS about football, but loving that she gets to experience the "big" college life too. She said Hogs were expected to lose to 'Bama

 

[MomofKatie]

She is at Arkansas. I am really surprised she is going to the games as she had zero interest in HS about football, but loving that she gets to experience the "big" college life too. She said Hogs were expected to lose to 'Bama

Heck, everyone is expected to lose to 'Bama, lol!!! I went to a different SEC school, so it was tough for me to get used to saying Roll, Tide- but I am now all about it.

DD went to 2 home games, but didn't really get excited about them. She says she is just as happy to hang out on the quad for tailgating, then watch the game at her frat house with her friends. I pretty much figured that was how she was going to feel about football- she never cared about it at her first high school, and they didn't even have a football team at her second high school. She definitely didn't choose Alabama for the games and team- many kids on campus did.

 

[snoodledoo]

So, I have become aware (not from DD) that she is not doing well in 2 classes. She doesn't always attend class, is sometimes late etc.
If she can't pull it together, by the end of the semester and continues this behavior next semester, she will lose her scholarship.
WWYD? As much as it pains me, I think I have to let her face the consequences of her own choices.

 

[zoemurr]

So, I have become aware (not from DD) that she is not doing well in 2 classes. She doesn't always attend class, is sometimes late etc.
If she can't pull it together, by the end of the semester and continues this behavior next semester, she will lose her scholarship.
WWYD? As much as it pains me, I think I have to let her face the consequences of her own choices.

I'm so sorry.. I'm honestly terrified that I haven't heard much about grades. My daughter is very smart and capable, but is unorganized and can get lazy. Online grading and compassionate teachers went a LONG way in high school. Now I have no clue what is going on.

We told her at the beginning that if she lost her scholarship she would be home and going to community college. We are not paying full price for the university she is attending now. If she redeemed herself we would probably pay for a SUNY after that.

Is she close enough that you can go talk to her in person? Does she need tutoring or just a kick in the rear? I'm sure there are many support systems in place at school. My first condition would be that she utilized them or she doesn't go back next semester. Certainly extreme, but can you track her phone? We threatened that we would watch and make sure she went to class if we weren't sure.

Good luck!

 

[sk!mom]

Any good sites for Halloween care packages?

My DD is two years in. I love sending care packages. My favorite for Halloween is to mail a plastic Trick or Treat pumpkin filled with goodies- you know the $1 ones that they have in every store. No box- just fill it up, tuck the handle inside, tuck tissue paper on top then use clear packing tape to seal the hole. You just slap the packing label directly to the side of the pumpkin. Then enjoy the text, "What the heck mom! A pumpkin." I was skeptical the first year but the two I mailed got to two different colleges in two states without a problem. This years two are filled and ready to go next week.

And I want to know when a "friend" becomes the "boyfriend". She has one "friend" that she hangs out with alot (supposedly has GF at a college in TX where they are from), the guy even made a point of wanting to meet us during family weekend (and we met his mom). They went to the Alabama/Arkansas game by themselves instead of with the group they hang out with...

Sounds like a bf. Honestly I would encourage my DD to keep it friends until he had made up his mind about the TX girlfriend.

She is at Arkansas. I am really surprised she is going to the games as she had zero interest in HS about football, but loving that she gets to experience the "big" college life too. She said Hogs were expected to lose to 'Bama

Woo Pig Sooie! And right, nobody can best Bama! I'm pulling for the Aggies though!

 

[luvsJack]

So, I have become aware (not from DD) that she is not doing well in 2 classes. She doesn't always attend class, is sometimes late etc.
If she can't pull it together, by the end of the semester and continues this behavior next semester, she will lose her scholarship.
WWYD? As much as it pains me, I think I have to let her face the consequences of her own choices.

I would have a talk with her about it and try to find out exactly where she is with those classes and what the problem is. But in the end, she may have to face her own consequences.

We have a lot of students that transfer to us (community college) from university because flunking out or losing schloarships or letting their GPA get ridiculously low. Most of them say they just weren't ready for University or they over extended themselves. Make sure these aren't the reasons. And if they are, help her find out how to fix it.

She still has time to fix this semester but half the battle is figuring out whats going on and taking action while there is still time.

How many absences do they get before they are cut from the class? Is she aware of this number? Does being late count toward a absence? Some of our students seem to not always be aware of these numbers and then are shocked when they get cut.

Sounds like she is certainly capable. Hopefully after this little speed bump she will do fine. Loads of luck to both of you.

 

[Monykalyn]

Sounds like a bf. Honestly I would encourage my DD to keep it friends until he had made up his mind about the TX girlfriend.

I asked her last night when she called-she has backed off from him a bit-said he always talks and sometimes she just wants to be silent and not talk. She likes being social but also needs some alone space-she is in the "needing time alone" zone this week-which I totally get. DH is picking her up Friday after last class and bringing her home for fall break. Think she is ready for some family time too.