Hey teachers, where is the line between "healthy interest" and "go away"?

[SCHBR'smom]

I talk to my kids teacher everyday. I homeschool.

When they were still in public school, I felt as though I didn't talk to my children's teachers often enough. But, I don't think there was much I needed to say. My sister in law talks to her daughters teacher quite a bit, I believe, but it is not in a hovering way, only about things that have come up. Without knowing the circumstances, its hard to know if it is too much or not.

 

[HelenePA]

wow maybe I need to start calling my kids teachers more? of the 3 kids in school I've only talked to one of the kids teachers and that was ONCE! I dont know what I'd say to them... one has straight A's and the other is in prek and just got his report and he's doing fine... Is it normal to call teachers? I dont think my mom ever called mine...

 

[MM27]

wow maybe I need to start calling my kids teachers more? of the 3 kids in school I've only talked to one of the kids teachers and that was ONCE! I dont know what I'd say to them... one has straight A's and the other is in prek and just got his report and he's doing fine... Is it normal to call teachers? I dont think my mom ever called mine...

You're not the parent that we really need to talk to. If you called every week, I would say that was strange.

We need to talk to the parents of the kids that have behavior or academic problems or the kids that have needs that require us to be frequently updated.

 

[RF536]

I have to agree that often is excessive unless there is a problem. Currently I see DS7's teacher twice a week when I am helping out in class, but unless he has a concern, we don't talk about DS while I am there.

DS9 is in 3rd grade and has ADHD and OCD, and I have only met with her twice this year. Once at the begining of the year to let her know more or less what to expect of him, and to let her know to feel free to contact us for any reason. The second time was for conferences. The only other times I have contacted her was when I started a temp. job to let her know he might have a little bit of an adjustment period, and to let her know that our dog died on New Year's day so if he seemed off that Mon. that was why.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I would welcome it from a parent of a child who is having difficulty. If your child is doing well in school, there is no need for weekly conferences.

 

[f86sabjf]

My wife is a highschool spanish teacher and she says know way. That would mean at least 180emails a week and thats if only one is sent. The teachers want you to be interested but they do need to grade and fill out all the other necassary ppwk the states require.

 

[Teacher03]

I am a third grade teacher, and no, I don't talk to most of my parents on a daily or weekly basis unless there is an issue. I don't mind emails; I prefer it over phone calls (I have had parents call me on my house phone or cell phone and expect me to talk for hours.) My kids are grown, but they always rode the bus so I often only talked to their teachers during conferences or school activities, or the few times I had a question/issue.

 

[C.Ann]

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I would definitely consider this "excessive"..

 

[Minniemama350]

Teacher here: I absolutely have no problem with emails I get from parents, even every week. I have no problem with notes in the agenda, even daily. I have no problem with a phone call that produces necessary info for either me or the parent. What bothers me is if I'm being questioned continuously about how I'm going to do things. Generally this does not happen though. Parent contact is great...as long as it is productive.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Another teacher: If a parent were calling me every week, I would be pulling my hair out. But then, we use a daily folder home. Every single student gets a happy, straight, or sad face. I also write comments about their day. Any homework is listed. It must be signed by the parents each night and if there's an issue the parents will write it there. If a student doesn't bring it back, then I will call the parents.

For my more aggressive students, I send home a daily chart with a very detailed behavior breakdown. So it's not like we are not communicating on a daily basis. For one student who I discovered was hiding his behavior sheet (I loved his quote to me, "I told you I don't like notes"), I carry his backpack out to the bus and the driver gives it to the parents. We do the same thing in reverse every morning to ensure that the sheet is making it to home and back.

I think it really depends on the circumstance. Is there a take home folder, a planner, or some other easy method of communication? If there is and the parent is calling multiple times a week and there's not an issue, it's too much. But then again, if the child is having a problem and there's no pre set communication, it might be necessary.

 

[disykat]

I'm a teacher and a parent. I can think of lots of reasons a parent might keep in close communication with a teacher - a medical issue, behavior problems, etc. I have some parents I've talked to with regularity, but never have had a parent go overboard. IMO, parents are more likely not to want to bother the teacher than to go overboard.

If there's a concern, I'd much rather hear about it from the parent and deal with it right away than have unhappiness flying around the parent grapevine!

 

[AtlantaSue]

My oldest DD is 12, next DD is 10-and from the time the oldest was in Kindergarten up to now when my DS is 7-I have volunteered in their Elem. classrooms once a week-either to read, make copies for the teacher, file stuff in folders, etc. No teacher has ever turned down my offer; in fact, most give me gifts! While the teachers really appreciate it, I do it mainly b/c it let's me stay aware of what's going on in the classroom. It's more than just wanting to keep an eye on my child and how he is doing (although that's a small part of it....)-I enjoy getting to know who the kids are, what their day consists of, how they are getting along, what they're studying, upcoming projects/activities, etc.
I am FAR from a helicopter parent. I don't go in the room and hover over DS's desk, and do not make a habit of asking questions about him while I am there.
I responded to this post only to share that I definitely am in contact w/ both my first grader and 5th grader's teacher at least once a week, and I like the arrangement that I have.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I keep in touch with teachers on an as needed basis. Thank goodness for email. Back in the dark ages, you had to go in and see the teachers.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

If the child is in need of extra attention, I think it's ok to touch base once or twice a week.

 

[golfgal]

I agree, we talk to the kids' teachers on an as needed basis--well maybe not even that since we went to parent teacher conferences and talked to their teachers but we didn't need to

So far this year we got an email from the twins' science teacher about an assignment that they both did poorly on. After chatting with their teacher it seems like ALL the kids got that email so we pretty much figured it was a teacher problem, not a kid problem. A couple weeks ago one of DD's friends called to ask about a test they were having the next day, both DD and DS said "what test". Apparently she told one section about the test but not the other. DD and DS studied for the test and texted their friends to do the same. Sure enough, they had a test that day. The kids that didn't know about it were MAD. I don't blame them. We did send an email about that letting her know that none of the kids in her 1st hour knew about the test and how she was planning on addressing grades as a result. We didn't hear back from her.

We are planning a fundraiser for the band so we are in contact with the band directors over that.

 

[castleview]

I think if you're doing what's best for your child while respecting the teachers, the "go away" thing won't exist too much. Having said that, one of my kids is working two grade levels above the rest of her class (she's not the only one, however and I'm sure it will even out in the next few years). She's also my slacker child and I need to make sure she's not coasting. So, I do feel her teachers get more contacting than the others mostly because she's my passive-aggressive kid.

Usually when I contact a new teacher, I find that they are more worried about offending me. When my son got in trouble for horsing around with other boys which led to something getting knocked over and another child getting hurt, the school never contacted me. DS told me about it. So I called the teacher and principal were saying "He is a boy and we've talked to him about being more careful." I was like "Oh, no - kick his *** next time and ride it whenever you feel you must!" They were surprised yet relieved. Son hasn't had any discipline issues since...at least in school.

 

[clutter]

I'm an 'as needed' parent. I think I've been in touch with teachers maybe once or twice a year. If that!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I believe it really has to do with the child.
I'll compare what I do with my DD, currently in 4th grade, to DSD when she was in 4th grade.
My DD, I send notes when she is going to be out of school for vacation. Otherwise, DD sinks or swims on her own. She's responsible for doing her homework (I will check it though). She is responsible for writing down her assignments and remembering them, etc. Thank goodness she is an A student.
With DSD, I felt I should just get a desk in her classroom. DH or I were in there constantly, on the phone, in the office, notes, etc. I swear that one of us had dealings with the teacher at least 2 to 3 times a week. Trust me, this was not by choice on any of our parts. DSD had a lot of issues and seriously needed the extra attention by the 3 of us. We barely squeaked her through 4th grade. It was so hard on all of us that we decided she needed to sink or swim in 5th grade. She obviously was not up to speed to her other classmates. She was spending hours completing homework that should have taken 15 minutes. Sure enough, she failed 5th grade. It was probably the best thing for her as it gave her a year to catch up.

So I believe it is all up to the individual situation. I wouldn't judge another parent for being so heavily involved as it might be necessary.