Hey, Catholic parents with children in CCD. . .a ? and Input, please. (VERY LONG)

[minnie mum]

@PATRICIA WOLFE, Welcome to the Dis. You've re activated a 12 year old zombie thread. I think the OP may have dealt with her issues by now.

 

[PATRICIA WOLFE]

Welcome to the DIS, Patricia Wolfe. Interesting 12 year old thread to jump right in on!!

hahahahahahaha Just joined so that should answer the ?

 

[ICF]

Here in Indiana, I was confirmed as a 10th grader....my son will also be confirmed this spring as a Sophomore. In our church now (or my in the late 80s) -- we didn't have an option to do it one grade or another. The Bishop comes every year, and it's always for 10th graders in our diocese.

For my son -- and daughter in a few years -- CCD/Sunday school/RE -- ends at 6th grade. At that time they either go to "youth group" for 7th/8th grade or 9-12th grade.

As a sophomore if you want to be confirmed, its a requirement you attend at least 75% of the youth group meetings -- assuming you are not going to a local catholic HS. Our church does not have a school....but others with 20 - 30 mins do. You have to sign in each week. You also have to do at least 2 "service" projects on a given Saturday over the course of the year. The church has pre set activities that you can do to meet this requirement.

I think the youth group meetings for my son -- are more fun/practical applications of the faith -- then here are the names of the 12 apostles or other "grade school" type things kids learn.

I don't think my son loves the meetings -- although he's enjoyed the service projects....but he's not overly social either. He claims that most kids quit going after 10th grade, once they get confirmed.


----just realized this is a 12 year old Zombie thread.....grrr.....

 

[scrapquitler]

Our two children were parochial students from K-6 at which time they transferred to the local public school system. Neither our parish, nor any other parish within our area, offers a middle/high school parochial setting and so we really had little choice in this matter. Since our children were enrolled outside of parochial school, they were required to attend CCD classes each week. Originally, we did not have a problem with this--that is, until we actually started having our children attend the classes.

Our parish doesn't confirm until 9/10th grade. If your child is lucky--he/she will be confirmed as a 9th grader--both of my children are on the 10th grade confirmation end. The Bishop will only come to our parish every other year--hence the reason our children attend CCD longer than others. This has become an issue because our children--and every other kid their age HATES with a passion going to CCD! I know that is a very strong statement, but it accurately reflects the way these young people feel.

These same kids don't have a problem with attending Mass, just the CCD class. From what I can gather after speaking with many of them, the class is boring and consists of lecture, workbook, and homework. The kids are burned out on schoolwork and really resent the "homework" aspect of the classes. Frankly, as a parent, I do too! It's hard enough to keep on top of a child's regular school work, activities, and work schedule without adding an additional class that fails to grab their interest. Our priest called not long ago and wanted to get parents to sit in on the classes to help make the kids behave! He admitted it wasn't our kids contributing to the bad behavior, but most kids weren't paying attention, creating distractions, and generally misbehaving. In effect, he was seeking babysitters. This is middle/high school age mind you. Communication between CCD/Church/Family is terrible. Kids are required to have absences "excused" by the teacher or risk not being confirmed or able to make first communion.

In our prior parish there was a Youth Group for middle/high school students. While there was a learning period attached to the group, it was minimal and more focus was placed upon hands on volunteering, church stewardship, and service. The classes may not meet every week, but when they did it was for an extended period--perhaps 3-4 hours at a time. The meetings involved an activity of some sort as well as religious training. Our nieces were involved in the Youth Group and thought it was great.

Our present parish also has a Youth Group. It has no relationship to CCD AND the only activity I've ever seen it involved with is a yearly trip to a local amusement park IF a child has fulfilled the 20 hour community service requirement. Our kids have always fulfilled their CCD community service requirements but have only gone to the amusement park once since the group goes while we are at WDW. Further, our priest has pretty much ruled this out as a possibility due to the recent problems with abuse in the church. It would cost the church way too much money to hire a youth director and volunteering would require that anyone involved go through extensive abuse training in order to work with the kids.

Our oldest is being confirmed this weekend and my husband wants me to agree that our kids are done with CCD despite there being two more classes this year. Our daughter won't be confirmed for another two years--she will be a 9th grader next year. He also wants me to agree that she need not go back to CCD until she begins 10th grade. Our son would be done.

The kids have told us that they have learned nothing from these classes that they didn't learn in the first six years of parochial school--which they loved. On the downside, if they don't stay in CCD through high school, they are not eligible to participate in the senior graduation ceremonies at church.

The conundrum for me is that I want them to be able to do the graduation things, but I also see that they are miserable in these classes week after week. I also feel that we, as a family, are being held hostage by the CCD program--if they miss a class I have to write a note just like a school absence. I feel I have to get permission from the CCD program to do family things--like go away for a weekend. The homework thing is just ridiculous! I guess I also am a bit miffed that the CCD program seems to think it should take precedence over me and my family. Lack of communication and finger pointing by the CCD director and teachers over that is very frustrating for me.

On the other hand I am also of the opinion that once a child is confirmed they are a full member of the church. It is at that point the parents' responsibility to keep them involved with the church and take over any religious explanations the child may have. Our parish, by the priest's admission, confirms late and denies access to graduation activities in hopes of holding our youth hostage until they are out of high school. I think that if children are not engaged in the practice of their religion they will leave it. I also think this manipulation by our parish could have the same effect. Ideally, I'd love to see a terrific youth program enacted in our parish. That, however, seems extremely unlikely. So we are left with the decision--to continue CCD or not.

What does your parish do--give me some ideas that I can use to make CCD a more attractive option. Do you think I should disagree with my husband and continue to force CCD down the throats of my children and risk alienating them from our religion? Should I go along with the majority and let the CCD program slide and to heck with our kids' involvement in the parish graduation program. (Frankly, I think the parish will not want to exclude these kids because both are 4.0 students and have a good chance at Valedictorian/Salutatorian, but it's a risk nonetheless.)

I'm so confused and torn on this issue--advice please--she asks, trying not to whine like a spoiled brat who wants it all her own way.

We aren't Catholic, but many of our friends are. The Catholic parishes here in our town have addressed the kind of issues you mention in this post by allowing a 'homeschool' option for CCD. They realize that most kids this age are very busy, and they want kids to participate in the Church activities so they make it easier for family scheduling by allowing the homeschool option. The parents can opt to teach the bulk of the class material at home, and the kids only have to attend a certain number of classes and other functions related to the CCD requirements. Apparently about half of the kids at the middle school age use this option because of sports and other obligations.

 

[quandrea]

Let me start by saying I am not Catholic.

Are you still there?

In case you are, I'll continue. Is there another Catholic Church in the are you can attend? Remember, you CHOOSE the religion you want, while also CHOOSING the specific church you want to attend. If you don't like it, then leave. Would your God want you to stay in a bad situation for your children, in a program run by unreasonable people? I thnk not.

This is our approach. Dd will be confirmed next academic year and my twins will receive first communion. Our current parish is not local and will not be suitable for commuting to frequent evening or Saturday morning classes. I'm currently researching new parishes more local. I peruse their sacrament preparation requirements online. You get a good feel if the church will be a good fit. Parishes that seem unreasonable or require rediculous amounts of classes, homework, meetings with the family are off my list.

Grrrr. Zombie thread. Why is this an issue on the dis now?

 

[Annadesu]

I was forced to go to CCD as a kid, despite begging for months not to go. I hated it. The teachers were not nice, the classes were boring, and I had enough to do with regular school. I ended up abandoning my faith for years, because CCD and my parent's attitude about it just left a bad taste in my mouth. Eventually, as I got older, lived on my own, etc. I returned to the church under my own terms. To be frank, most people don't. Once they're done, they're done. So, my advice is... don't force your kids to do something they hate. Find an alternate way to do things, or gather a large group together and protest for changes to make things better. Good luck!

 

[jerseygal]

Older DS received Confirmation in May of 8th grade and younger DS October of 8th grade. There were no additional educational commitments after the Sacrament of Confirmation. Have heard parishes "extending" Confirmation preparation so that they try to "hold on" to the kids. 8th grade is a good time imo as school work load increases dramatically in high school as do sports commitments, music, etc.. Good luck with this and I hope that your children receive the 3rd Sacrament.

 

[Missy1961]

This should probably get locked since we are no longer allowed to discuss religion.

 

[scrhsa]

I had/have the same problem. My girls went through 8th grade at a parochial school and hate/hated ccd. Reasons : they already knew what was being taught, they teachers would basically tell them to stop answering the questions, the other kids were horrible, the teacher was living with her fiance'( I'm not judging but if you are going to be teaching the faith you should be living the faith) etc etc etc.And I really hated all the hoops they had to jump through...the crazy amount of community service and the multiple, costly retreats. My girls have opted to go through RCIA instead of ccd. All of them have said that they would rather be with people who want to be there learning. Though, even that is mostly people who just need to get confirmed to be Godparents or get married. Sometimes I think I have not been a good steward of my girls faith by not forcing them to go to ccd but I think I would rather they come at their own pace than force them and they end up resenting and turning away from their faith.

 

[scrapquitler]

This should probably get locked since we are no longer allowed to discuss religion.

This isn't a religious debate, it's a discussion about scheduling family activities. Nobody is debating anything about religion.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This should probably get locked since we are no longer allowed to discuss religion.

Probably.

Now I have to go back and see what I posted 12yrs ago, lol.

 

[Andtototoo]

I fully and completely admit the graduation exercises are my hang-up, not theirs or my husbands. The three of them could care less AND, in point of fact, think it would be the church loss for not inviting them to participate. It's all me! I want to see them standing up there with their classmates on graduation Sunday. I want them to take their usual places as altar servers, lector, or EM. I don't want them to miss OR regret later a decision they made when they were young.

Is getting your wish worth the possibility of turning your kids off this religion for life?

Because I know a LOT Of people who as adults have turned their backs on the Roman Catholic church largely due to experiences from their youth, when their parents forced them to attend CCD, etc.

To be honest, in a general way, I would not force my kid to do something she loathed and despised just to fulfill a wish of mine. Sorry, but that seems selfish.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Wow, how did this one pop up? Almost 12 years. I can no longer see them at the bottom. Was it down below?

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Wow, how did this one pop up? Almost 12 years. I can no longer see them at the bottom. Was it down below?

Yes, there are still "suggested threads" below. Sometimes they look interesting, and people click on them, not aware that they may be decades old.

 

[RedAngie]

I'm glad a new poster revived this thread; I agree with her points.

I was confirmed in 6th grade, much too early IMO, and not of my own free will. I really had no idea what I was doing, just following orders. Usually two and sometimes three grades were confirmed together, it depended on how often the archbishop of the huge diocese could visit the parish. Confirmation should be as an adult IMO; not forced down the throats of kids who don't fully understand what's going on.

I still had to go to CCD classes even after confirmation and moving to public schools. By 10th grade I was playing hooky from them regularly. I still went to Mass on Sundays, but had enough of religious instruction. After getting caught cutting a few times, my parents gave up and realized it would be futile to force me to go anymore.

Choosing a name was the best (and maybe the only fun) part of confirmation.

Not that I would consider doing so now, but is there such a thing as a formal renunciation of one's confirmation?

 

[smokeyblue]

I dropped out a year before confirmation and I really upset my dad. I was opposed to the way our church administrators and the diocese was handling confirmation. They decided to make changes to the curriculum that had been there for years and they really had no plan and they were just flying by the seat of their pants. It was also financially motivated. Even as a 15 year old I could see how poorly things were being managed and I felt cheated. I probably should have just sucked it up and did it for my parents sake because I think it is still upsetting over 20 years later.

 

[RedAngie]

Funny, when they make comedy movies about mean nuns and brothers and how strict the catholic church is.....I wonder why we agreed to raise these kids in this faith. I would much rather go somewhere a little less judgemental and open. God does not care where you worship him.

Perhaps out of a sense of duty, not for any spiritual benefit. My parents quit going to church a few years after I abandoned it, and they admitted they never liked it, but considered it an obligation that must be fulfilled.

Wow! I'm really surprised to hear that someone did NOT get a good education in a catholic school. I did, my sisters did, and my son is. On his standardized testing, nothing was below his grade level and several were at 7th through 9th grade levels! He's in 5th grade!!

!

That's surprising for me to hear too. If you didn't measure up, you were booted. You then went to public school, where they "had" to take you. If someone transferred IN to the Catholic school from Philadelphia public schools, they were usually held back a grade, i.e. repeat the grade they just finished in public school.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I went through confirmation in 8th grade and I still have the same religious beliefs now as I did back then... Atheist.

Not that I would consider doing so now, but is there such a thing as a formal renunciation of one's confirmation?

I've looked into it and, as far as I can tell, there's no way to officially "remove yourself from the books." The Catholic Church allowed people to formally deflect between 1983 and 2009, but no longer. Now, once baptized, you're officially considered a catholic for life, whether you want to be or not.

 

[sonnyjane]

So they locked the zombie thread from 2007 about plug-in air fresheners but not this one from 2004?

I clicked on the plug-in one thinking "I wonder what controversial comments emerged about air freshener?"

 

[L&Lfan]

I really feel like the oddball but I loved learning about my religion. I remember the teachers begin very dedicated men and women of faith who were volunteering their time and effort to the process. I enjoy adult education classes and Bible studies in my parish to this day. I don't think I'll ever be "through" learning about my Christian faith. I really feel bad that so many others had negative experiences of religious education.