Heterosexuals who are tolerant of the same right of gays/lesbians--Question

[Tigger&Belle]

Inspired by the Brokeback thread...

Were you raised in a household that taught and modeled for you this open-minded viewpoint and tolerance? Or did you "develop" this viewpoint on your own? When? Under what circumstances?

I was not raised in a household that was tolerant of different beliefs--it was a small, WASPy farming town in Southern Oregon. Pretty redneck. My parents would likely have disowned one of us if we had of been g/l.

In high school it came out that one of my teachers was lesbian (one of the high school students was house sitting and snooped and read a diary). The teacher was my favorite teacher and I did some serious thinking and decided that I couldn't care less who she slept with. So that was my first eye opening experience.

Then in 1980 or so my boyfriend's (now my DH) brother got kicked out of Disneyland for dancing with a guy. He was really the first guy that I knew who was gay and was out of the closet (I'm sure I knew others, but they weren't open about it). He fought for the right for a man to dance with another man at DL and at first it only applied to the 2 of them, but it did eventually help all g/l enjoy the magic at the happiest place on earth.

So those were the first two pivotal events in my teen/young adult life that helped shape the feelings that I have today.

BTW, my mother's viewpoint has changed a lot and she says that if one of her grandkids is g/l that she won't have a problem with it at all and that she wants them to be happy and to be in a loving relationship. Took her until she was 80yo to figure that one out!

How about you all?

 

[princesspumpkin]

Growing up, my "family" didn't really have one particular opinion one way or the other. My dad and mom had two totally different views on things, so I was exposed to different things. As a young adult, I had certain views and now as a 41 year old woman, those views are totally different. After experiencing life, I look at things a lot differently now. Also, DH and I have different views and DD is being exposed to a lot of different things.

 

[TheRatPack]

Hmmm, touchy subject. I have a cousin who is gay and has been in the closet for years upon years. He is great though, and I've never held anything against him. I figure if I have the right to go on and on about my beliefs and religion then I should be tolerant of others right to do the same.

I was not raised in a family that was open to interacial or g/l activity though....just kind of thought I'd grow up and do unto others as I'd have them do unto me. I can't expect someone to pick and choose what freedom is acceptable and what isn't.

 

[ilovepcot]

These issues were never discussed in my home when I was growing up. I've never cared what others wanted to do, or did, in the privacy of their own homes as long as I wasn't forced to participate. So far so good! I'm of the belief that being G/L is from birth and the person has no more control over this than his or her eye color. CNN even announced that the gene responsible for determining sexuality has been found. My DIL does neurological research and we were discussing this recently. She says the scientific community has been aware of this "fact" for quite some time. And my parents...they couldn't care less. They love everyone as long as they're treated well by them.

 

[pearlieq]

My mother was somewhat intolerant when I was young, though it wasn't like she went off on anti-gay riffs at dinner every night. It was more an occasional joke or expression. Eventually she came around and now embraces a completely tolerant viewpoint.

What helped me form my ideal were realising my favorite aunt is a lesbian. All of the sudden it had a very human face. Also, I credit TV and books for presenting a tolerant model to follow. Finally, it just offended my sense of justice. Disapproving of someone because of who they love just seemed stupid and hateful to me.

 

[disneynutt1225]

It's one of those things that never came up in conversation in my house. Now, my mother and I talk about it all the time. We both agree that your sexual orientation shouldn't dictate the rights you are entitled to.

When I was in high school, my sophomore year a guy brought another guy to a dance. The community was a little vocal about it, but the dance went on without incident and everyone had a great time. That was my first real "experience" I guess you could say.

My junior year, one of my closest friends was bisexual. She didn't tell me right away, I think it took her almost a year to talk to me about it. When we did discuss it, I told her I didn't really care. She was my friend, and that was that.

One of my closest friends is a lesbian, and truth be told, I was completely surprised when she told me. It hadn't even occured to me! I guess my gaydar is broken, LOL. She's definitely one of the most interesting people I know, but not because she's a lesbian. It's purely because she is who she is.

 

[JennyMominRI]

I don't think you need to be taught to be tolerant of Gays and Lesbians... I think people are taught to hate them..I don't think people are born hating Black people,gays,lesbians, Jews/Muslims,Christians etc... This is learned ,ehaivior and not natural behavior

 

[mannasn]

I was not raised in a family that was open to interacial or g/l activity though....just kind of thought I'd grow up and do unto others as I'd have them do unto me. I can't expect someone to pick and choose what freedom is acceptable and what isn't.

I was raised in a very fundamentalist Southern family. I have an uncle that is gay and "out" to everyone but the family "back home." I'm not sure if the family members are in denial or just choose to ignore his lifestyle.

I agree with what RatPack said. Living in the South, especially, I see supporting gay/lesbian rights no differently than supporting racial equality. I am not happy with some of my family members' views on certain issues. I, on the other hand, have had the good fortune to meet a very diverse group of people through high school and college, many of whose lifestyles my parents or grandparents would not agree with. I have chosen to adopt a "live and let live" philosophy, personally. Who am I to say what's right for me may or may not be right for someone else?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

All of the sudden it had a very human face.

What a good way of describing it--very true!

 

[Sthronds]

Interesting thoughts. I too grew up in a small conservative town. My dad in particular was very biased about homosexuality. He wouldn't allow me to watch certain tv shows that alluded to a character being gay. My wake up call was my senior year in high school when I realized my best guy friend and 2 year long crush was gay. It was one of those moments where I thought about it and got over it. He was even my prom date! At least I knew why he never responded to my flirtation! At that point, my parents who I guess knew longer than I did, relaxed a lot. They liked my friend and after my cousin came out, my family became more accepting. A few months after high school graduation I had another friend murdered for being gay. I think that alone shocked my home town into being more tolerant. I think things have changed a lot.

 

[Laura]

My parents simply didn't mention it much as I was growing up; my father has said more recently that he doesn't approve of gay marriage, but he never has spoken against gay people themselves. My mother passed away when I was a senior in high school. I do remember discussing with my mother a friend who came out in high school, and her opinion was that she thought my friend had "tried it" with a guy before she figured out she was a lesbian (I don't think her assumption was correct). She thought that was sad. She didn't give the impression that she thought being gay was really evil and never told me to keep away from my friend. I think my parents both believed that gay people are born gay, but I'm not positive.

I think my parents had stereotyped gay people because they didn't personally know any who were "out" and were strict Catholics, but I think that was as far as it went. As a result, I was free to form my own opinon, which is totally favorable towards gay marriage and equal rights and so forth.

 

[luvmydogs]

Growing up, if you weren't a white, English-speaking, heterosexual Christian, then in my mother's eyes, you were fair game for ignorant epithets and stereotyping. My father, on the other hand, is the most loving, tolerant and accepting man I know, and would always give her a gentle, "Oh, Mary--you're soooooo wrong." I've gotten most of my beliefs and values from my dad; and tolerance, acceptance, and love for *all* of God's children is one of them. He's been my hero for 71 years, and still going strong.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't think you need to be taught to be tolerant of Gays and Lesbians... I think people are taught to hate them..I don't think people are born hating Black people,gays,lesbians, Jews/Muslims,Christians etc... This is learned ,ehaivior and not natural behavior

It's hard to explain what it was like in our household growing up. My parents didn't believe that they were racist. And they weren't in a "cause physical harm" sort of way. They were friendly towards people of different races if they met them on the street. They would have disowned us if we had of married a black person, however, or so they said. So yes, they were racist, at least in my book. My mother has changed, though.

I do think that a person is more likely to be tolerant of people who are g/l if they have been raised in a household that shows tolerance in their daily lives. But obviously as adults they can make their own choices as many of us have have shown.

Oh, and I married a Jew. Didn't disown me for that, but him being from California and being a vegetarian was tough for my mom.

 

[Pooh67_68]

My mother is of the belief that as long as you aren't throwing it in her face she doesn't care one way or the other.
My step father on the other hand... (he is very intolerant of anything and anyone different than himself).

I believe that you are either born heterosexual/homosexual and everyone should have the same rights.

 

[Pollito916]

I was raised in a houselhold tolerant of all differences. We were taught that everyone is different, and should be respected no matter the age, race, gender, or sexual preference.

 

[Robinrs]

My mother was, what we call, a black Archie Bunker. She was intolerant to a fault. My Dad on the other hand, was a sweet, kind man who never had a bad word to say about anyone. He exemplified the Christian lifestyle.

I must admit I spent most of my life being more like my Mom. I thought she was tough and strong, and had a REASON for her intolerance. In my 30s I learned to be more like my Dad.

 

[mickeymousemom]

I grew up with an extremely open minded mother. My step-dad wasn't necessarily intolerant, but he would make racial and gay jokes. I didn't see my dad alot, but I know he's also extremely tolerant. I remember flying out to see him when I was 18, just after I graduated HS. He and my step-mom lived in San Jose at the time and they took me to San Francisco for the day(this would have been 1984). They had been to a drag club called, I believe, Finocchio's?? and they got me in so I could see it. i went in as my Dad's "date" and was never carded. He even let me order ONE drink while we were watching the show. I had a GREAT time! So...I've never really been surrounded that much by close-minded people. I agree with the previous poster who said that we are taught to HATE, we don't come into this world hating anyone. My DH, on the other hand, was brought up in an extremely religious, yet hypocritical, household. I have had several arguments with my in-laws on g/l issues. My DH was sort of an open-minded close-minded person when I met him(make sense?? I thought not!). He saw that my arguments made sense, and his mind became more open the longer we were together. He ended up working in security with a lesbian and they became the best of friends. Thanks to Jackie,(and my wonderful DH himself), DH is as open-minded as I am!

 

[Disney Ella]

My parents were very religious and thought homosexuality was a sin and that people chose to be that way. When my sister and I complained that it wasn't fair that we had to do the dishes but my brother didn't, my mother actually said that she didn't want him to do dishes because it might "turn him gay."

So he never washed a dish and guess what? He was gay, after all. I used to come home from college and have long discussions with my mother where I would argue my viewpoint that there was nothing wrong with being gay and it was beyond anyone's control. After my brother came out, my mother became a lot more accepting of homosexuality, after initially advising him that if he prayed hard enough, he could overcome it.

 

[tar heel]

My parents were and are intolerant. No one I knew was gay (I thought), although there were whispers about a girl in the community. My first day at a large state university, my roommate (girl from high school) and I went over to the dorm where four of our friends from high school were staying to check out their rooms, suitemates, etc. There I met the roommate of one of my high school friends. I didn't know at the time that he was gay -- he hadn't yet come out -- but we developed a very close friendship that still continues. I email him at least a couple times a month, much more during college basketball season since we went to Carolina games together. When he came out, I was one of the people he had to come out to. His parents held out hope that he wasn't gay b/c of his close friendship with me. We weren't dating, though -- we were close friends. He has shared with me how much he didn't want to be gay, how it felt to be a gay adolescent, how he tried to pretend he was straight, how it felt to hear he was going to hell, etc.

Interestingly and ironically, it turned out that the friend from high school who was his roommate was also gay. Through the two of them, I became friends with many gay men. I still keep up with a few of them -- they're in long-term relationships and have nice lives. Sadly, my friend from high school died of AIDS at the age of 30 without ever finding happiness.

My DH has two first cousins who are gay. Both are wonderful, outstanding people. Maybe it's b/c I work in the arts and DH works in the media . . . but we continue to meet gay people all the time. They're just people like any other.

I hope my children are straight b/c I love them, and I know life is much harder for a gay person. I also cherish my family and my marriage and I want them to have the same opportunity that I have. If one of them is gay, however, they won't be shunned by me.

I have really limited tolerance for homophobia. I stopped reading the Brokeman thread. I don't hangout with bigots in RL and I have no interest in doing it on the net.

 

[jenks0718]

Growing up I heard all the slang terms for g/l, but I was always the "human rights activist" in my house. I loved to debate and always would stick up for those who were being made fun of or not being treated equally. My parents now dont care one way or the other. They still say the same slang terms, but I know they dont "hate" anyone.