Here's my Christmas vent

[tinatark]

Never mind, I forgot it's the American way to overlook inconsideration... heck, even make up medical conditions if it makes you feel better!

Oh, and FYI, if you are struggling financially, and someone helps you out, you should show some appreciation, rather than entitlement attitude/actions. But it's okay for you to not, if you don't feel like it.

 

[Jennasis]

She could be experiencing a depression of sorts due to the divorce. If this type of thing is out of character for her, I would chalk it up to that (and stress) and move on. If it's par for the course, well, may be time to reconsider the gift giving on your part?

As for the "not counting $$'s"...yes you are, or else you wouldn't have brought it up.

We can't control; others...only how we react to them and deal with them. Hugs to you. I know how lousy it feels to be let down by a family member (and a sibling!).

 

[sunnyday123]

you give a gift because you want to; not because you expect something in return. You have no idea what she's going through, and way to spread the Christmas spirit....

 

[PaddingtonBear]

A divorce can really knock the wind out of a person- so much so that she may have genuinely been unable to handle Christmas. You know your sister, is she generally flaky? If not, cut her a break. If so, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

 

[clovergirl5]

It sounds like she may be experiencing depression. It is a very dibilitating state to be in. Maybe instead of complaining about what she didn't do for you, you should be a caring relative and go talk to her to see if there is anything YOU can do for HER! I think its very unreasonable for you, knowing what she has been going through, to get worked up about what you and your family didn't get from her for christmas. I don't mean to be so blunt and hard on you for it, but as a person who has been on meds for depression for many years, that is the last thing she needs from her "family" is to rag on her behind her back, for what she didn't do for them.

Your concern for her and not for yourself is due in this situation, jmho. I can't tell you how much it will mean to her (assuming she is experiencing depression), for someone to come and comfort and talk to her. For someone to take the time to care about what she's going through.

Sorry, but many to her.

 

[tinatark]

We didn't give the gifts to her family expecting something in return, I just expected she could consider her nephews, even if no one else, at Christmas. Even A CARD, people, a card!

She has a history of being inconsiderate in actions, while seeming considerate in words (to others, if that makes sense). I should be used to it by now and I mostly am, but I think the example she is setting, for her kids and for mine, stinks. It's NOT okay to not even show you care, especially at Christmas.

It's not depression on her part, it's a "it's all about me and my problems" attitude she has had for a long time.

 

[shortbun]

Gosh, I'm sorry but I think you need to get over it. Glad you were able to do the things you did to help her. Your children are old enough to understand what is going on and why they did not get a gift or card. My son, 14, gives gifts without expectations. I love that he can do that. I am the same way. Btw, when I give people money because they need it - family members, not neighbors - I never expect it to be repaid. My mother taught me a long time ago that loaned money can cause hurt feelings and damage relationships. Either give it or don't but do not expect a newly divorced, depressed relative to recover for a long time. 'Neither a borrower nor a lender be.'

 

[Saphire]

She's recently divorced, etc... just wasn't into the Christmas spirit, "had the cutest cards but just didn't send them..."

Sounds like it is a tough season for her. If she couldn't manage to mail the cards out, I can see how she didn't get to the shopping. I'll bet next year is different. Forgive and forget about it, and ask her to lunch sometime soon.

 

[golfgal]

I am always amazed at how many people expect gifts from extended family members. Our kids don't get gifts from ANY aunts or uncles (except their Godparents) nor would I expect anything from them. Maybe this is her way of telling you she no longer wants to exchange gifts?

 

[lovesmurfs]

I have years like that with my husband's brother's family (we ship). One year we give, they give nothing. The next year we don't give, they do, etc. It's nothing we really talk about -- more of a fun thing than anything else. This year, we both gave nearly the same fruit gift basket!

That said, I would give her a break and let it go. When DH was in Afghanistan, I overspent on Christmas in my depression -- It's good she didn't go that way. Giving her added guilt over it isn't going to help the situation.

Be there for her -- I can't imagine what she's going through. Gifts are something you do from your heart without the expectation of return. Best wishes.

 

[Allison]

I am always amazed at how many people expect gifts from extended family members. Our kids don't get gifts from ANY aunts or uncles (except their Godparents) nor would I expect anything from them. Maybe this is her way of telling you she no longer wants to exchange gifts?

Me too. Cards aren't a big deal to me either and I don't buy into the if you don't acknowledge me at Christmas with "something" then you don't care about me thing that I often see other people worry about. Maybe there is something wrong with me and I'm not sentimental enough or something.

 

[clovergirl5]

We didn't give the gifts to her family expecting something in return, I just expected she could consider her nephews, even if no one else, at Christmas. Even A CARD, people, a card!
She has a history of being inconsiderate in actions, while seeming considerate in words (to others, if that makes sense). I should be used to it by now and I mostly am, but I think the example she is setting, for her kids and for mine, stinks. It's NOT okay to not even show you care, especially at Christmas.

It's not depression on her part, it's a "it's all about me and my problems" attitude she has had for a long time.

It sounds like you were expecting something in return. If she is like what you said she is like, than don't buy her family anything. Just send them a card. I wouldn't count on her setting examples for YOUR kids. You do what you feel you need to and want to do for her family for christmas, but I don't think its right to assume they will do it back in return.

Maybe she is experiencing some sort of problems or issues. Have you ever asked her. Maybe she is feeling pressured to return the sentiment that you give to her family every year and she can't for whatever reason, financial or other. Maybe you are assuming to much. jmo

 

[jaminmd]

We didn't give the gifts to her family expecting something in return, I just expected she could consider her nephews, even if no one else, at Christmas. Even A CARD, people, a card!

She has a history of being inconsiderate in actions, while seeming considerate in words (to others, if that makes sense). I should be used to it by now and I mostly am, but I think the example she is setting, for her kids and for mine, stinks. It's NOT okay to not even show you care, especially at Christmas.

It's not depression on her part, it's a "it's all about me and my problems" attitude she has had for a long time.

Maybe she is depressed, maybe she is just inconsiderate. However, if you resent that she does nothing for your your kids after you've done x y z, then just don't do it anymore.

I'm not being rude, either. I know what it's like to give completely and get no consideration in return. I went through this with my neighbor after her divorce. I felt like a doormat & eventually pulled away. I was the one feeling resentment and she was clueless. Pointing it out to her would have just added to her drama. I chose to go above and beyond & never got thanks in return. Now I choose to not go out of my way to be helpful and I no longer resent her.

Mind you, it has been 5 years since her divorce, too, so I was there when she needed me. I just learned not to go overboard.

You chose to spend all that money but you didn't have to. You know she's inconsiderate but you went above & beyond anyway, kwim? Not blaming you at all, just been there myself.

 

[tinatark]

I am always amazed at how many people expect gifts from extended family members. Our kids don't get gifts from ANY aunts or uncles (except their Godparents) nor would I expect anything from them. Maybe this is her way of telling you she no longer wants to exchange gifts?

Seriously? Your kids don't get gifts from your brother/sisters? My mother's family was huge - 10 in all, and they didn't, because of the sheer number of kids, but with one sister and DH's one brother, we share gifts with each other's kids.

My DH's family does, too, there were 4 sisters, and they all exchanged gifts, including gifts to their niece and nephews, on Christmas Eve. The adults traded names. The tradition was, they got gifts from everyone on Christmas Eve until the one after they graduated from High School, then after that they were in the name swap. Now they're (we're) all adults with kids, all the kids trade names, and the 4 sisters exchange gifts with each other.

My family now does a huge Christmas party the week or so before Christmas - a white elephant exchange for the adults, and parents are expected to bring a gift for each of their children to open at the party. One aunt usually brings small gifts for each of the great-nieces and nephews. It's insanely large, just the 10 siblings, and whichever of their kids/grandchildren who can come - usually 60+ people!

 

[sunnyday123]

I love how people get mad when they don't get the response they want, andthey delete their original post!!

If onlyl real life was that easy.

 

[clovergirl5]

Whats the new rule!

 

[Boxley]

Never mind, I forgot it's the American way to overlook inconsideration... heck, even make up medical conditions if it makes you feel better!

Oh, and FYI, if you are struggling financially, and someone helps you out, you should show some appreciation, rather than entitlement attitude/actions. But it's okay for you to not, if you don't feel like it.

Can I have an invitation to your pity party? Can I guess the theme is "Poor me"

Personally, I think you can be grateful for what you have in your life and the fact that you are in a position to help out a family member who is going through what could be the hardest thing in her life. Cut her some slack. I don't know your sister but I bet that she is happy to have someone help her through a rough patch, I know I would and once these troubles are over I am sure she will thank you for being there for her. Also, if you knew she had a bad attitude about things, then why are you surprised? Also, you stated in your post (before you changed your post) all of the things that you have given her children but only a mere mention of what hard times she is going through. Knowing full well about her personality, you decided to get all of these things, did you think that it would of changed her? Yeah, it sucks that you did not get the reply that you wanted but then again, next year just give her a card.

 

[Jennasis]

Never mind, I forgot it's the American way to overlook inconsideration... heck, even make up medical conditions if it makes you feel better!

Oh, and FYI, if you are struggling financially, and someone helps you out, you should show some appreciation, rather than entitlement attitude/actions. But it's okay for you to not, if you don't feel like it.

You sound like my MIL.

Anyhoo...you're sister is going through a divorce, so for her, right now IS all about HER, not YOU and YOUR KIDS.

And if this is par for the course for her, then why are you surprised??

 

[Carly_Roach]

I love how people get mad when they don't get the response they want, andthey delete their original post!!

And no one followed rule #1 so I have no clue what the heck the sister did. All I know is that the sister may be depressed and didn't get the OP's kids a gift this year.

C'mon people. You gotta be faster than that.

 

[darlak]

And no one followed rule #1 so I have no clue what the heck the sister did. All I know is that the sister may be depressed and didn't get the OP's kids a gift this year.

C'mon people. You gotta be faster than that.

Maybe we need this timely reminder....

***ALWAYS QUOTE THE ORIGINAL POST JUST IN CASE IT'S DELETED BY THE OP AT SOME LATER POINT!***