Here's a strategy for you: just say no to family who invites themselves

[cmul04]

Bumpy start to the day, but in the end, not too bad. We each made different plans so we thought we'd be spending the day all by ourselves. I was secretly giddy. 20 minutes into the day, they changed their plans and followed us to our park of choice. Now they have their kids texting our kids to find out where we are so if we stall or lie, we are leading our kids into the fray. But, aside from one embarassing moment in line at a ride, the day was better overall.

The thing is we all live in separate states. So to deny anyone time together is an insult to the nth degree. At least it is in this family. These are champion grudge holders, too. I could go way off topic, a lifetime history of issues, but, you get the idea. Want to know something from the past? We planned a trip to WDW with another side of the family and not only did they invite themselves along, make a reservation at the same resort, tag along to everything BUT when their daughter and newborn granddaughter were in a car accident and HOSPITALIZED, they still stayed at WDW for two more days!!!! Scouts honor.

Okay, so that's ancient history and I try not to dwell, just thought I'd share a little so you'd understand who we're dealing with. Tomorrow is another new day! Hoping for a good one. Thanks everyone for listening. That's all I need sometimes.

 

[MBKELmom]

So sorry your vacation is a bust. We're totally going with JUST.MY.FAMILY. My mom mentioned that she would like to go (well actually it was more of "TAKE ME! TAKE ME!") -- and dh adamantly refused. I had to make up an excuse, lol.

 

[jmkjr72]

we normaly do the whole family thing as the folks were the ones who bought in to dvc (my sister and i helped pay for some of it)
and yes we do get one each others nerves but last trip was nice as we couldnt get a grandvilla and had a 2 bedroom and 1 bedroom and being there are only 2 married coulpes in the group my dw and my folks my dw and i got the 1 bedroom as they figured all teh grand kids would want to spend time with grandma and grandpa

this time sis isnto coming but we have brothers ex and there kids great grandma and an aunt coming this time
we nromaly start the day together and then split up so we dont drive each other too crazy

the best trips are when only one of us go with the folks as we dont get to drive each other too crazy even though sis trys to get in on just about ever trip

but i guess thats the down side to sharing the dvc

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Actually, DH and I were planning to go the first week of October. Finally got my PIN code and it isn't valid for the 8-10th! Well. The next possible week would be the week of the 17th. DH informs me that he can't do that weekend b/c it's the start of deer season and his life would not be worth living if everyone at the hunting club knew he'd gone to Disney instead of his deer stand that weekend.

As Disney is my thing and hunting camp is his thing (tit for tat) I totally understand this. So I'm planning on the NEXT weekend.

Which happens to be the same time a dear co-worker is possibly going!

I really do NOT want her to think we changed to go the same time she is going or that we even want to visit the same parks the same days or ANYTHING. I mean, if we ran into each other and did dinner one night, whatever. (But not likely with ADRs the way they are.) But. . .eeep! I don't want her to think. . .you know.

Now, I was feeling guilty about not inviting BFF to come with us this trip, but then I thought, well. She's invited us to her timeshare once in the 7 years she's had it. And we've invited her to Disney once. Then I read this thread. And now I feel not one iota of guilt! Thank you!

 

[ppony]

UGH!!!! Sharing a beer w/ the OP!!!! your secret is safe w/ us.

Traveling w/ extras tagging along is GREAT! You only have to worry about you! The rest of my family can't afford to go so they never ask to come but I KNOW they would if they could. My mom only comes occasionally because we pay for her, but that's enough.

Stick to your guns for next time!!!!

 

[Moosemomma]

Even worse last time was that our room at CBR was connected to my parents. Let's just say that DH was less than thrilled. My parents wanted the pass through door open so my kids could run through all the time.

We took MIL with us to Disney last March (I know, I know The woman is Eeyore on her best day, never mind after a week of walking all day!). We also had connecting rooms at POR which worked out ok because it allowed us to split up the 2 kids for sleeping. The night before we left, MIL walked into our room and around the bed (so not just in the doorway) as I was getting changed to go out. I was commenting to DH that the capris I was putting on were just a bit snug and I wouldn't be comfortable wearing them. MIL (who is easily 50 pounds overweight) pipes up and says "Oh, a few too many snacks this week?" I really wanted to tell her that if I hadn't been drinking pina coladas every night to drown out the memory of her misery all day long I probably would have been fine!

 

[sydneysmom]

I just want to say that I'm so sorry that all of you have to go through this. I'm pretty sure if my in-laws wanted to come to Disney w/ us, I would fly to Canada instead. I can't imagine a WORSE week !! My MIL isn't a screamer....she's a "why can't you do it like I TOLD you to do it" kind of woman. Ahh, I can feel the stress just thinking about her. And my SIL, well, she's a "hands off" kind of mom. Her and her husband are of the theory that not only does it "take a village" but that whole darn village should raise her kids while she sits and does her nails. Oh, did I mention she's pregnant AGAIN ??? Yeah, my husband is under DO NOT TELL UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH with them !!! Christmas week was bad enough, I can't imagine a vacation with them. Hang in there and give yourself some alone time. Usually for me, hiding in my closet and calling my mother and venting works really well. Of course, it worries my DH because he thinks I'm losing it.......

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

Same here. Will keep my mouth closed!!!!!

 

[bas71873]

I just want to say that I'm so sorry that all of you have to go through this. I'm pretty sure if my in-laws wanted to come to Disney w/ us, I would fly to Canada instead. I can't imagine a WORSE week !! My MIL isn't a screamer....she's a "why can't you do it like I TOLD you to do it" kind of woman. Ahh, I can feel the stress just thinking about her. And my SIL, well, she's a "hands off" kind of mom. Her and her husband are of the theory that not only does it "take a village" but that whole darn village should raise her kids while she sits and does her nails. Oh, did I mention she's pregnant AGAIN ??? Yeah, my husband is under DO NOT TELL UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH with them !!! Christmas week was bad enough, I can't imagine a vacation with them. Hang in there and give yourself some alone time. Usually for me, hiding in my closet and calling my mother and venting works really well. Of course, it worries my DH because he thinks I'm losing it.......

r u me? perhaps we share a MIL and SIL somehow?????

 

[sydneysmom]

r u me? perhaps we share a MIL and SIL somehow?????

I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one blessed w/ such wonderful inlaws!!!

 

[cmul04]

I just want to say that I'm so sorry that all of you have to go through this. I'm pretty sure if my in-laws wanted to come to Disney w/ us, I would fly to Canada instead. I can't imagine a WORSE week !! My MIL isn't a screamer....she's a "why can't you do it like I TOLD you to do it" kind of woman. Ahh, I can feel the stress just thinking about her. And my SIL, well, she's a "hands off" kind of mom. Her and her husband are of the theory that not only does it "take a village" but that whole darn village should raise her kids while she sits and does her nails. Oh, did I mention she's pregnant AGAIN ??? Yeah, my husband is under DO NOT TELL UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH with them !!! Christmas week was bad enough, I can't imagine a vacation with them. Hang in there and give yourself some alone time. Usually for me, hiding in my closet and calling my mother and venting works really well. Of course, it worries my DH because he thinks I'm losing it.......

No, she's me, this is who I'm dealing with...she actually did leave to go get her nails done the other day!!

Here's today's adventure:

FIL to my DD: So when are you coming back to Disney?
DD: Not sure...(knowing full well not to tell them!)
FIL: Well we'll have to find out so we can make sure to be here.

 

[dansamy]

in 08 my sister and her 3 kids went to Disney the same time as us. We drove 2 cars and stayed together driving down and back but after we checked in the hotel we went our own ways... i think we saw each other maybe 3 times in passing and that was fine since at the time her and the kids were living with us while she got her new house set up. We were all ready for a break from one another and Disney gave us plenty of room to spread out and give each family time to themselves!

Hey! Be fair. I didn't invite myself.

 

[mousiemom]

AMEN!!! we have been on many disney trips and some of the best ones are just me, dh, and dd! we zipped thru the parks like nobody's business. we get so much done and we only have to worry about us 3. we've been when there were 15 in our party, love my family, but everyone is different and never on time!!! totally agree!

 

[Mrs.Reese]

I just want to say that I'm so sorry that all of you have to go through this. I'm pretty sure if my in-laws wanted to come to Disney w/ us, I would fly to Canada instead. I can't imagine a WORSE week !! My MIL isn't a screamer....she's a "why can't you do it like I TOLD you to do it" kind of woman. Ahh, I can feel the stress just thinking about her. And my SIL, well, she's a "hands off" kind of mom. Her and her husband are of the theory that not only does it "take a village" but that whole darn village should raise her kids while she sits and does her nails. Oh, did I mention she's pregnant AGAIN ??? Yeah, my husband is under DO NOT TELL UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH with them !!! Christmas week was bad enough, I can't imagine a vacation with them. Hang in there and give yourself some alone time. Usually for me, hiding in my closet and calling my mother and venting works really well. Of course, it worries my DH because he thinks I'm losing it.......

I think that I would join you in Canada if my IL's ever came with us. They are like leeches. They would never leave us alone and if we ditched them MIL would start her passive aggressive whining. "It breaks my heart that you can't be here at Christmas" Yes that is a direct quote. Ok, we spend every Thanksgiving and Easter but that's not enough is it. They would drive me nuts on a trip. They're beyond budget conscious; it's just cheap. They slept at rest stops in their car because there is overnight security. What I do to make sure they don't invite themselves always talk about how expensive everything is going to be. You could also do what my Dad once did to his MIL. Get connecting rooms, keep the door open and make sure to walk around stark naked a few times.

 

[torinsmom]

I have gone twice with my extended family since I became an adult. First time, the kids were 6,4 and 2 . Second time was summer 08 when the kids were 13, 11, and 9. Both times were very stressful. My parents have a very dysfunctional relationship and mom talks to us about dad in third person, with the him standing right there(i.e. "Maybe if he wouldn't have cut in front of that big truck on the way here, I wouldn't have this headache!") Dad just broods and looks unhappy. He holds it all in and then goes off in a situation where it isn't warranted(last trip it was my son who caught it for stepping on grass in Epcot) He can't miss church, so we could never plan a trip to included Sunday. He is also always right, so explaining to him how to get back to the bus stop at Magic Kingdom ended up with him snapping at me(he hadn't been in 7 years, and I had been 5 times since then) Yes, he DID get lost, but didn't tell me, LOL.

My sister and BIL have a very strict parenting style, so that is annoying to me. (i.e. You look like you were thinking about talking back, so now no game boy for you for a week) I am a lot more laid back and they think I should be more like them.

Oh, and in 06, my mom did go with us for a short trip. She ended up sick, but instead of staying in the room, she had to stop in every bathroom in Epcot.


I love my family, but I LOVE trips without them! DS and I get along great and love to go to Disney and Universal together. Luckily, noone except my nephews want to go back(and they won't let them go without them)

MArsha

 

[FigNewton]

I have yet to have family invite themselves along but it's been close. My cousins wife who is one of the dreariest whiniest people I've ever met apparently loves Disney and when she found out we go so often she said "oh we should all go together sometime!" If that statement reads like it was said with excitement it was but it was the gloomiest excitement you can imagine. It was an odd thing to behold.

Alternately just before our last trip my momtold me that she and
my dad had discussed surprising us by showing up at Disney at the same time. "wouldn't that have been hilarious.". I told them under no uncertain terms that it would not in fact have been hilarious and instead would have felt a little creepy and disturbing. I'm fine with them going with us occassionally ( and they've even been invited already for Sept/Oct 2011, but just showing up when we are planning a getaway for the two of us? Absolutely not.

 

[sydneysmom]

I think that I would join you in Canada if my IL's ever came with us. They are like leeches. They would never leave us alone and if we ditched them MIL would start her passive aggressive whining. "It breaks my heart that you can't be here at Christmas" Yes that is a direct quote. Ok, we spend every Thanksgiving and Easter but that's not enough is it. They would drive me nuts on a trip. They're beyond budget conscious; it's just cheap. They slept at rest stops in their car because there is overnight security. What I do to make sure they don't invite themselves always talk about how expensive everything is going to be. You could also do what my Dad once did to his MIL. Get connecting rooms, keep the door open and make sure to walk around stark naked a few times.

Don't you get this big pit of fear in your stomach when someone suggests you all go out to a restaurant ?? OMG!! My IL's are notorious for this and then "wait outside" when the check comes. it's classic !! After the last visit, I told my DH, NO WAY are we going out. can you even imagine ??? We were in the Cracker Barrell for b'fast and right before the check came...."well, we'll see you outside". They all split !! It makes me think such evil thoughs....... Oh, and taking my MIL to a restaurant is an experience in itself....every 5 minutes she feels the need to snort. (and I mean loud, nasty gross kind of snorting) Which makes me want to completely throw up. it's kind of hard to take her out.

 

[torinsmom]

I have learned that when I let my family know about my trip, I need to say something like "Torin and I are soooo looking forward to some mother and son time. One day he will be too old to want to travel with me." I think that puts my feelings right on out there, without having to come out and say we don't want anyone to join us.

Marsha

 

[KCMiller]

I hope your trip is improving- or you've ditched them all. Let us know how it goes. This is an Ok place to vent about irratating relatives, so don't let anyone scare you away.

I have no irritating relatives - every trip we take is an unmitigated joy, with no problems, quarrels, misunderstandings or tears.

(shhh, they're all DISboard members!!! )



Seriously, though - I think that the biggest problem when you travel with your extended family is that (at least with us) everyone is trying so hard to NOT offend anyone else, and being totally accomodating, that at times, we unintentionally do offend others. Take my advice - I started this a long time ago, and it serves me well. No matter what is said, no matter what is done, I always try to hear 'I love you'. When I assume good intentions (because I KNOW that we all really do love each other!), then it makes it a lot easier to forgive - and hopefully, to get forgiveness for MY bad behavior or attitude in return. Because when it comes right down to it, and here comes the part that hard core WDW'ers might not agree with - Disney is a vacation, but Family is your life.

Well, it works for me!

KC

 

[dizzi]

I didnt read the whole thread....BUT I do understand there are family members i have trouble vacationing with BUT for the most part I BEG them to come with us as we dont see them often enough and can rarley get them to come.

Trying for OCT Cruise right now but i dont think its going to happen.

I gues it will jsut be the 4 of us.