Help with asperger's co-worker

[gate_pourri]

I could use some advice and I hope that the Dis community at large can offer assistance. I have an intern for the summer that has asperger’s syndrome. She has a tendency to not shower and come to the office in dirty clothing and really having an odor problem. The problem is that our office is rather small and as it gets warmer, the odor is becoming an issue. I don’t want to upset her too much, but I do want to make it clear that she needs to come to the office clean. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to branch this with her?

 

[MosMom]

I would sit down and tell her that she you appreciate the job she is doing but she needs to come to work in clean clothing and bathed. Maybe suggest a good brand of deoderant and suggest she wear that.

I would do it as tenderly as possible but if she wants to integrate into the workplace she needs to be reminded of the social "norm" and abide by it.

 

[Disneyrsh]

I went to a college that was mostly engineering students, and, ahem, quite a few of them had BO issues, too.

The women at our school took to taping sticks of deodorant on their doors with the note "please use this. From the girls."

Not that I'm recommending this tactic, but it seems like bad BO is pretty commonplace.

I'm pretty blunt about things, when I was in charge of interns we had one that smelled bad ( a guy) and I sat him down and said, "Did you take a shower this morning?" And he turned red and said, "Um, no..." and I said back "Well, we know."

It was sort of harsh, but he *never* came in stinky again. Hung over, yes. Stinky, no.

If she IS showering every day, AND uses deodorant, she may have health issues that cause her to smell bad that she can't help, so maybe start with asking if she showered, because if it is a health issue, you want to be sensitive to that...

 

[rayelias]

Line the whole staff up.

"Everyone that doesn't reek to high heavens take one step forward... not so fast you."

 

[kathyk2]

Does the intern have a job coach or other staff person working with her? I'd would bring this issue to their attention as well as speaking to the intern herself.

 

[Evil Queen]

I would let HR handle it.

My Asperger child is just the opposite, he can't stand it if he misses a shower each day. The only issue with that is he doesn't like to wash his hair each time, but about every other time.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

 

[WhoopyPie]

Line the whole staff up.

"Everyone that doesn't reek to high heavens take one step forward... not so fast you."

Now that was funny

 

[DisneyPhD]

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

I think this is good advive. Be honest and stright forward in a non judgmental way but give clear directions on what she needs to do to fix the problem. Be sure to talk to her alone or at least not infront of coworker that she might feel embarsed about. Also it never hurts say something postive before hand, to let her know you do like her and her being there and what she is doing right.

 

[zurgswife]

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

I agree that this tactic would be best for most people suffering from Asperger's. Good Luck.

 

[lucyblondecat]

I went to a college that was mostly engineering students, and, ahem, quite a few of them had BO issues, too.

The women at our school took to taping sticks of deodorant on their doors with the note "please use this. From the girls."

Not that I'm recommending this tactic, but it seems like bad BO is pretty commonplace.

I'm pretty blunt about things, when I was in charge of interns we had one that smelled bad ( a guy) and I sat him down and said, "Did you take a shower this morning?" And he turned red and said, "Um, no..." and I said back "Well, we know."

It was sort of harsh, but he *never* came in stinky again. Hung over, yes. Stinky, no.

If she IS showering every day, AND uses deodorant, she may have health issues that cause her to smell bad that she can't help, so maybe start with asking if she showered, because if it is a health issue, you want to be sensitive to that...

You know your blunt approach is exactly the way you should approach someone with Aspergers. The tend to take language very literally and if you try to approach them gently they might misunderstand your meaning. I'd talk to the person directly and tell them they need to shower and use deodorant, point blank.

 

[SandiH]

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

As someone with an Aspie kid and who works with them as well, this is excellent advice and very well said. Aspies are all about rules. Go over work rules regarding grooming and I bet the problem will be solved.

 

[SueM in MN]

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

That sounds like very good advice.
People with Aspergers take things very literally. For example, most people with Aspergers have great deal of difficulty interpreting common sayings like "The early bird gets the worm" or "a rolling stone gathers no moss" because they can only see it in one way - the literal way.

If you have a dress policy, I would use that. Most of the people I know with Aspergers would try very hard to adhere to the rules about dress that are in a policy. (Although what they interpret from the policy might be very literal and maybe not be exactly what the policy writer meant to say).

 

[Tuffcookie]

tw1nsmom wrote:

Please don't use sarcasm or innuendo, people with Aspergers and Nonverbal Learning Disorder don't often understand those forms of communication. They are often unaware of how others perceive them, and have trouble processing the nonverbal portions of communication(they take things very literally). They do, however respond well to rules. I would talk to her about professional grooming being different from school. That she has to take a shower, use deoderant, brush her teeth, and wear clean clothes every day. If you put it in the context of a change in rules during this time in her life and let her clearly know what those rules are, you should be okay.

Very good advice!

I have a 14 year old DS with AS. I am going thru major hygiene issues with him right now! I have to tell him when to cut his fingernails, wash his hair, etc. When he washes his hair he doesn't do a very good job. I will let it go so far and then I end up washing it!

Aspies are very sensitive to what is said to them, but they do want to please. I know my DS will listen to outsiders better than he will listen to me so I think if you approach her gently, she will conform.

TC

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes,
These latest posts are right on the money!

Direct and easy to understand 'rules' and 'routine' are the way to go.

Be very simple and unemotional or judgemental.
"The "rules" here in the workplace are......"
"As a "routine", you should do this every day....."

Indirect approaches, and emotional approaches (sarcasm, etc...) will likely backfire.

I would also agree that if this person has some person or program who seems to be involved because he/she is an Asbie, it might be an idea to simply communicate to the appropriate person that this is the situation. They will be able to handle it.

 

[SeaSpray]

Wow I never knew so many other parents here on the DIS has kids with Asperger's Syndrome. My DS15 has a mild form of it. But yet, boy can I relate to the no-hair-washing thing! This kid will take a shower for an hour and as soon as his hair begins to dry I can tell he didn't wash it!! What's the deal with them and not wanting to wash their hair?? He loves to take showers...just doesn't wash his hair?! I have to threaten him that I'll make him stick his head in the kitchen sink so *I* can wash it before he'll actually wash it. lol I'd love to know the reasons why they just don't like to, or want to, wash their hair.

I think these kids (and adults!) are extremely fascinating, by the way. I love my DS15 (and of course my DS18), so much, he's such an interesting person. So many people who meet him have absolutely no idea that he has AS basically because not many people even know what AS is...

Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. lol I agree with the direct, "rules" and "policies" way of letting this person know. This way it takes the focus off of the fact that this person has body odor, and puts it immediately into a context of how it needs to be corrected.

 

[Cindy B]

Does the intern have a job coach or other staff person working with her? I'd would bring this issue to their attention as well as speaking to the intern herself.

Yes, I was going to suggest this as well. I am a newly certified job coach (just this morning!) and this was one of the issues we talked about in training.

Some medication does contribute to body odors. If a job coach or case manager is available, I would speak tactfully to them.

Asperger students do tend to respond positively to rules. If told directly and non confrontationally, the student will generally respond well.

In fact, we were talking about hair washing. The job coach trainer spoke of how one time she brought a tub of water into school and showed a particular student how to wash hair.

 

[SueM in MN]

In fact, we were talking about hair washing. The job coach trainer spoke of how one time she brought a tub of water into school and showed a particular student how to wash hair.

Makes a lot of sense to me.
It's very possible that the student had never actually been told all the steps to washing hair. I know someone I worked with once needed to be taught step by step. His parents thought that he would know what they said when they told him to wash his hair (since they had washed his hair for him so many times). But he never did get all the steps. He washed it, but didn't rinse the soap out. Another teen I knew, took a shower like his parents told him to, but, since they had not said - take a shower and wash your hair, he did exactly what they told him to do, and just took the shower.
Aspies are very interesting people. My nephew reminds me very much of Data from Star Trek, the Next Generation. Very intelligent, very logical, vedry literal, but something that everyone else knows (like things that don't literally mean what they sound like ) may stop him cold.

 

[Louise-Montreal]

I know many people with Apserger's have sensory issues. Just wondering if the hair washing is related to a heightened sense of touch on the scalp.
Just a thought!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Wow I never knew so many other parents here on the DIS has kids with Asperger's Syndrome. My DS15 has a mild form of it.

If you don't mind, can you describe a little what your son with mild Asperger's is like (if you mind, then just tell me ). My 6yo has a friend with an older brother. The mother has mentioned that the drs have suspected that the older brother has mild AS, but I don't know if it's really a diagnosis or not, but if it is, it would certainly explain a lot. I do know that the other kids his age (the older brother is going into 5th grade) get frustrated with this boy. I think he's a nice kid probably dealing with a lot and it's only going to get tougher as he enters the teen years (I have a 15yo son with Tourette Syndrome, so I know about how tough the teen years can be when there is a challenge).