HELP! with a "situation"

[weezy26nm]

What do you do when you have friends that got ticked off the last time you went to Disney and then invited themselves along for your next trip but there is no way you can take them with you, so now you know they are going to be ticked off at you again. I am just dreading telling them and it is putting a damper on my excitement. When I tell them I won't even be able to sound excited. It is stressful!!!! Any suggestions? or has anyone else run into this problem?

 

[Alesia]

Just tell them no. It's a trip for your family and that's all there is to it.

Honestly if I had friends that were rude enough to invite themselves along on my vacation, we wouldn't be friends any longer.

 

[weezy26nm]

My DH and kids said the same thing and I know in my mind they are right. Just with my personality, I reallly don't like hurting anyones feelings, although I guess they are not worried about mine.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

They invited themselves and expected you to PAY for them??????

 

[weezy26nm]

Oh no, they would pay their own way. That wasn't the problem. They are not really a morning person, they don't do well with heat and I don't think they would do well with walking around all day. And they don't do rides. I think the excitement of the first couple of days might be alright, but after that when their feet are covered in blisters and they are tired, I'm think it might not be much fun. And my DH says absolutely "NO WAY" But they are a friend and I know they are not going to react well to me saying "NO". I've been stressing over this for weeks. Haven't really been telling anyone we were going, out of fear of it getting back to them. Silly I know.

 

[HoosierMomOf5]

I'd say no, then send them a postcard that says, "Wish you were here"...but, I'm mean that way.


Ok, no, I really wouldn't but, I would sure WANT to. I have inlaws that like to invite themselves along on our vacations. I can't stop them from going but, I won't alter any plans I've made to accomodate them.

Forget 'em. Have fun.

 

[aaylasecura]

You can try to tell them over the phone so you don't have to see their faces filled with anger and disappointment! But, I'd hate to be you!! Sorry!!

 

[Bouncin-Tigger]

Find new, better friends.....lol

 

[sydneysmom]

First off, hugs to you. with friends like that....well.....
You shouldn't feel compelled to tell them that you're going on vacation and if you and your family ARE going on vacation, it's really none of their business and for them to get ticked that you didn't tell them you were going is absurd. what, do they expect you to "check in " with them with everything you do? That's no way to live. I would take the "less is more" approach and go about your life and simply do not give them any more information than basic info. Save yourself !! Unless you are beholden to them for some reason, I don't see how it's their business that you and your family would like to take a FAMILY vacation!! Good luck !!

 

[noahdove]

I agree with the above posters. I know it will be hard, but...it is your vacation..if they really want to go, tell them to go on their own, you will help them plan, but, you and your family are going this time alone...if they get upset, then, well, I guess I couldn't count them as good as friends as they think they are.. go, enjoy and have a very magical time...remember, it's a vacation for YOU and YOUR family...send them a postcard or bring them something little back...or not...I cannot imagine any of my friends thinking that they could go along on my Disney vacation....

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

Have they brought it up lately about going? If not, let sleeping dogs lie. If they still want to go, give the web address for Disney and strongly encourage them to make their own arrangements.

 

[SiAmCrAzY]

Oh I feel for you. I have never had a friend "invite" themselves along but I do have allot of friends, acquaintances, and even family members in front of whom I will never be comfortable mentioning a trip. It really makes it hard to interact with them when you cannot share your excitement! It seems in my case that they always have something to say about my trips to WDW, and it is never anything nice. It usually involves some form of guilt over the fact that I am going and their family cannot, or their children have never been. I get allot of "it must be nice", and "but you don't even have children" ect. These are by no means impoverished folk- in fact most are more well off than I will ever be. They just have different priorities than my husband and I right now. We invest in travel, and they invest in way nicer things than I would ever care to own- not that there is anything wrong with that. I just don't go out of my way to make them feel guilty about their brand new "whatever".
I am leaving for WDW in 2 weeks and outside of this board the only people who know are my husband and a few select friends (the kind that know how to keep their mouths shut lol). It is not fair that I have to keep Disney "my dirty little secret" but it just works better that way. Oh they will find out as soon as I update my FB status and post pics, but this keeps them from destroying my pre-trip high lol.

If these people are the kind of close friends who you speak with on a daily basis, I would agree that it would be best to follow Flamingglobessigmunds advice, If/when they mention it, tell them how important that family time is to you and that you would love to help them plan a family trip of their own. There is no need to share any of your other fears over traveling with them, you don't want to hurt your friends feelings-(even though they have not been as kind to you I believe this is called the High Road )
Good Luck and be sure to have an AMAZING trip , no matter what!

 

[honeydiane1953]

I would tell them this trip is a family vacation only. Then the next time I went I wouldn't tell them I was going.

 

[weezy26nm]

I'd say no, then send them a postcard that says, "Wish you were here"...but, I'm mean that way.

I could never do that! But I do see the humor in it.

You can try to tell them over the phone so you don't have to see their faces filled with anger and disappointment! But, I'd hate to be you!! Sorry!!

Even over the phone it will be bad, they get right short and it's like pulling teeth trying to continue the conversation.

First off, hugs to you. with friends like that....well.....
You shouldn't feel compelled to tell them that you're going on vacation and if you and your family ARE going on vacation, it's really none of their business and for them to get ticked that you didn't tell them you were going is absurd. what, do they expect you to "check in " with them with everything you do? That's no way to live. I would take the "less is more" approach and go about your life and simply do not give them any more information than basic info. Save yourself !! Unless you are beholden to them for some reason, I don't see how it's their business that you and your family would like to take a FAMILY vacation!! Good luck !!

No not beholden to them, but we've been friends for a long time and I just feel bad that they will react this way (even though it is not my fault) they will act like I have done something wrong.

I agree with the above posters. I know it will be hard, but...it is your vacation..if they really want to go, tell them to go on their own, you will help them plan, but, you and your family are going this time alone...if they get upset, then, well, I guess I couldn't count them as good as friends as they think they are.. go, enjoy and have a very magical time...remember, it's a vacation for YOU and YOUR family...send them a postcard or bring them something little back...or not...I cannot imagine any of my friends thinking that they could go along on my Disney vacation....

They say the only way they will get there is if they come with me.

Have they brought it up lately about going? If not, let sleeping dogs lie. If they still want to go, give the web address for Disney and strongly encourage them to make their own arrangements.

No they haven't brought it up but are going to ask why I didn't, if I knew I was going. Looks like I hid it (and I guess I did)

Oh I feel for you. I have never had a friend "invite" themselves along but I do have allot of friends, acquaintances, and even family members in front of whom I will never be comfortable mentioning a trip. It really makes it hard to interact with them when you cannot share your excitement! It seems in my case that they always have something to say about my trips to WDW, and it is never anything nice. It usually involves some form of guilt over the fact that I am going and their family cannot, or their children have never been. I get allot of "it must be nice", and "but you don't even have children" ect. These are by no means impoverished folk- in fact most are more well off than I will ever be. They just have different priorities than my husband and I right now. We invest in travel, and they invest in way nicer things than I would ever care to own- not that there is anything wrong with that. I just don't go out of my way to make them feel guilty about their brand new "whatever".
I am leaving for WDW in 2 weeks and outside of this board the only people who know are my husband and a few select friends (the kind that know how to keep their mouths shut lol). It is not fair that I have to keep Disney "my dirty little secret" but it just works better that way. Oh they will find out as soon as I update my FB status and post pics, but this keeps them from destroying my pre-trip high lol.

If these people are the kind of close friends who you speak with on a daily basis, I would agree that it would be best to follow Flamingglobessigmunds advice, If/when they mention it, tell them how important that family time is to you and that you would love to help them plan a family trip of their own. There is no need to share any of your other fears over traveling with them, you don't want to hurt your friends feelings-(even though they have not been as kind to you I believe this is called the High Road )
Good Luck and be sure to have an AMAZING trip , no matter what!

We don't speak every day, but they are going to wonder why I didn't mention it before now.

I would tell them this trip is a family vacation only. Then the next time I went I wouldn't tell them I was going.

It's a small town. They would find out. That is part of the problem, I don't want to hide it. I want to shout it from the rooftops. And I actually did just post something on facebook. But they must not have seen it yet cause I haven't had "the phone call" or a comment yet. But I'm sure it's coming. I'll let you all know if it goes as bad as I think it's going to. And thank you everyone for all your advice. I know everyone is right! I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that I know they won't be speaking to me for a while.

 

[Alesia]

I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that I know they won't be speaking to me for a while.

Honestly, if that's how they treat you, I don't think you should be speaking to them. Ever.

Standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bad person. I don't want to be mean, but have you thought about the example you're setting for your own kids? I would hate to think that I taught my daughter that she should allow herself to be taken advantage of just to keep the peace.

 

[onelilspark]

What if instead of spending every moment together (something my extended family tried to do and decided our ideas of how to tour the park didn't mesh) you did maybe 2 or 3 meet-ups over the course of a week? That way you can still share the excitement of planning with them, but you'll still have "your" vacation.

 

[MHSweb79]

You don't have a lot of choices. You can:

1. Never go anwhere fun because your "friends" might ruin it for you

2. Sneak around to fun places but pay the price when they find out

3. Let them tag along and ruin your trip, upset your DH and your kids too

4. Be blunt with them and say we're going to a fun place, but as a family-only trip, and let THEM be responsible for their own reaction.

Bottom line is: It's not your responsibility to get these people to Disney. They could absolutely get there on their own, if they wanted to. If they try this on you, tell them, "Millions of people have gotten there without me. I can lend you our guide book that will help you get started." If your DH is willing to go along with it, you could say, "My DH just isn't comfortable travelling with other families." I've used the "not comfortable" excuse for hundreds of "no's" and it really works wonders.

Saying no is a powerful tool, and you need to do it whether you feel guilty or not! YOUR family's needs come first, right?

 

[PinkRhombus]

I wouldn't say a darn thing.

 

[joesemo]

Your Family should be your first concern.

Why not plan out something well ahead, like one year from now. That way there will be no surprises and you can plan it out so that you get some time away from them when you are in Florida.

 

[weezy26nm]

Honestly, if that's how they treat you, I don't think you should be speaking to them. Ever.

Standing up for yourself doesn't make you a bad person. I don't want to be mean, but have you thought about the example you're setting for your own kids? I would hate to think that I taught my daughter that she should allow herself to be taken advantage of just to keep the peace.

I know, I just hate losing a friend over something so silly. And don't get me wrong I'm no pushover when I need to stand up for something important. I just don't think this is worth fighting over. But I guess in the end that will be up to them.

What if instead of spending every moment together (something my extended family tried to do and decided our ideas of how to tour the park didn't mesh) you did maybe 2 or 3 meet-ups over the course of a week? That way you can still share the excitement of planning with them, but you'll still have "your" vacation.

That won't work. We stay off-site and they want to stay with us. And they don't drive so they would be depending on us for tranportation.

You don't have a lot of choices. You can:

1. Never go anwhere fun because your "friends" might ruin it for you

2. Sneak around to fun places but pay the price when they find out

3. Let them tag along and ruin your trip, upset your DH and your kids too

4. Be blunt with them and say we're going to a fun place, but as a family-only trip, and let THEM be responsible for their own reaction.

Bottom line is: It's not your responsibility to get these people to Disney. They could absolutely get there on their own, if they wanted to. If they try this on you, tell them, "Millions of people have gotten there without me. I can lend you our guide book that will help you get started." If your DH is willing to go along with it, you could say, "My DH just isn't comfortable travelling with other families." I've used the "not comfortable" excuse for hundreds of "no's" and it really works wonders.

Saying no is a powerful tool, and you need to do it whether you feel guilty or not! YOUR family's needs come first, right?

And when push comes to shove, that's what I will be saying.

I wouldn't say a darn thing.

I'm sure they will hear through the grapevine. LOL

Your Family should be your first concern.

Why not plan out something well ahead, like one year from now. That way there will be no surprises and you can plan it out so that you get some time away from them when you are in Florida.

My family will come first, no matter what!
And there is no getting away, they will want to stay with us and be depending on us for the drive. And I've been planning this for 2 years. When I first brought it up I talking about how someone else was probably going to try to invite themselves and this person said "well I want to go" I was flabbergasted! They had completely ignored what I had just said. And I haven't really brought it up since.