Help with a 5 year old---whining and pouting...

[AC7179]

...

 

[mandylo]

I am having the same problem with my five year old son. It seems to be just around me though. It has gotten worse since his dad and I split. I've also noticed he doesn't do the whining when he is with his dad. Lucky me!

 

[minkydog]

My oldest used to do this, too. Drove me crazy. Until I discovered the solution. When he would start whining I told him that my ears couldn't understand him, so he needed to use a different voice. If the whining continued, I sent him to his room until he could find his different voice. Sometimes when he would start up I'd say, "Do you want to try that in your other voice now?" and give him a second chance at it. Usually that worked.

Same thing with the pouting. I chose not to tolerate it. When he started up with the foot stomping, crossed arms, mad face I would give him to the count of 5 to change his attitude or he could go to his room for awhile, until he could be pleasant. Not that I didn't allow him to express anger. I did, as long as his anger was appropriate. He had to learn to use his words instead of throwing himself around, whining and complaining.

 

[Magic Mom]

When my kids would whine, I told them I couldn't hear them. My ears must be bad, because I can't hear whining. They had to repeat in a non whiney voice before I would give them an answer. I worked really well.

As far as pouting during games....as soon as the pouting started, the game was over. period.

 

[DVCLiz]

When my kids would whine, I told them I couldn't hear them. My ears must be bad, because I can't hear whining. They had to repeat in a non whiney voice before I would give them an answer. I worked really well.

As far as pouting during games....as soon as the pouting started, the game was over. period.

I did this, too - how did our kids ever fall for it?

 

[MamaLema]

As a daycare provider for 21 preschoolers, my tips are:

1. ask your child to use their big boy/girl voice when whining. You might have to do it many, many, many times, but if you are consistent you will see a difference.

2. use positive reinforcement. When your child is using their big boy/girl voice, say something like "I love when you talk in your big girl voice"

3. use positive wording. Instead of saying "don't pout" say "talk like a big boy please"

The key here is to be consistent, but your hard work will pay off. If your child whines sometimes and you let them, then other times you don't, it is confusing for them.

 

[Imzadi]

You've accidentally let it continue for a year now, so it's become an emotional habit. It will take a while to break, but you have to be consistent and catch it right when it starts. Keep pointing it out. Offer alternatives, as others have suggested: using another voice. Also point out no one wants to be with a whiner, and no one wants to give to whiners or play with whiners. In fact, the opposite happens. Don't just say it, leave or move away, or move her to her room during her whiny spells. She can come out when she's over her whining.

 

[clarkfamily]

I think your question was more about pouting than whining...

What has worked for us:

Remember that pouting happens because the child is feeling sad or angry about something. Firmness and consistency are absolutely necessary, but we found that scolding or reprimands, in the midst of the situation, often increase the negative emotions rather than decrease them. By making a child more upset, it is unlikely that he or she will be able to simply "turn off" the pouting.

Instead, we focus on ways to impower our children to solve the problem. In other words, when they feel the need to pout, we affirm that they are feeling upset, but suggest they figure out something they can do to make themselves begin to feel better. We used the catch phrase "Let's make a plan!" This phrase was so exciting to our DD, for some reason. Just the idea of "making a plan" seemed grown-up and important to her. When she began to express a negative attitude, we said that we could work together to "make a plan" about how to feel better. After modeling this a few times, she knows what we expect. This strategy puts the ball in her court and requires that she take action to do something more positive. (Instead of just "stop doing that", it helps her begin to think about better things she could do instead.)

Much to our surprise, she comes up with great ideas! She decides to take a walk, draw a picture, talk to someone about the problem, begin a new activity, etc. Many times, she simply realizes that there is a very direct way to solve the problem that upset her. This is not a game of "what can I get for pouting" -- (e.g. "a piece of candy would make me feel better" or "I want to get my way") -- but a strategy that requires that she begin to find ways to get past negative feelings, accept the situation as it is and take action to move on.

She feels really good about herself when later we can say to her, "When you did ____, I noticed that you seemed to feel so much better. That was a really great plan!" She feels a real sense of ownership over her "plans".

Now, when we are out somewhere and she gets upset, we can simply say, "Why don't you take a moment to make a plan? I bet you can figure out a way to feel better about this."

I know it sounds a bit cheesy...but it has really worked!

 

[AC7179]

Thank you.

She will go to K next year, and I have been worried about the pouting, a bit of whining, and, as a fairly recent development, some disrespect. (I told her not to do something the other day, and she said, "Fine!" instead of Okay.) I will be home with her all summer so I am trying to hit the behavior hard, but she had a ROUGH night tonight and I'm wondering what has gone wrong.

I appreciate all the advice, as I had pretty much worked myself up convinced myself this wasn't typical five year old behavior. I will try the strategies listed and hopefully we will see improvement soon.

Parenting is hard---even with all the books!

 

[Imzadi]

but she had a ROUGH night tonight and I'm wondering what has gone wrong.

Could she have eaten badly today? If I have a bag of salty chip before my period, I'm crying over stupid stuff the next day. Unless there is a great tearjerker on TV, it's a waste of a good cry.

Likewise, if I had too much sugar, I'll have a sugar crash a little while later. Then if I don't eat right to balance my blood sugar levels out, I can get really, really cranky & irritated over stuff that normally doesn't bother me, until I eat properly.

 

[torinsmom]

I teach preK/K and we have quite a few whiners this year. I send them off to the bathroom(its in our classroom) if they do not stop when I remind them to use a normal voice. They can come out when they are calm and ready to use a normal tone.They don't like it, but most have stopped whining.

Then we have the one who whines every time he doesn't get the ball during a game at recess. When he starts to whine, he is done with the game and can try again the next day. I think it must work at home for him, because I have seen him do it with dad in the morning.

OP, maybe have a positive reward chart and put a sticker on it when she gets through the day without whining. So many stickers could equal a treat or special activity with you. That way you are calling attention to the behavior you want vs. the behavior you don't want.

Marsha

 

[epcotfan]

Maybe she's depressed? Could something else be bothering her? I know kids pout, etc but if it is a constant thing maybe something else is going on?

 

[LisaInNc]

My daughter started that too. It took about a week to knock it out of her. I gave her a stern talking to and said it wasn't acceptable any more. Then she got a warning and I would then punish.

What I taught her is as bad as she thinks something is she is lucky. She has 2 legs that work, she has been to Disney 18 times, she has 2 parents that are alive and that love her. There are some kids that don't have a place to live. My faughter died when I was a child etc etc.

She never says "it's not fair" because that sends me into a rant. I just had to do that twice lol!

The punishment would change depending on what was important to her at the time sometimes it was a time out, sometimes it was loss of a certian toy. I am creative with it so it's not too harsh but she knows that their are consequences for her actions.

It didn't take long.

It worked for eye rolling too.

Lisa