Help!! Sleep training a 1 year old who wakes up every 1-2 hours!

[mefordis]

Uh, I'd say no. Her naps are getting worse (shorter) too. She just doesn't sleep period.

Is she napping too long? When DD was 2 she was taking a 2 hour nap at school, and it was too much sleep. She wouldn't go to sleep until about 11pm and then getting up at 6:30am was too early and she would scream and cry from the moment she got up till I left daycare. I finally convinced them to let her not nap and the first day she didn't nap she looked at me at dinner and said, "I think I'll go night-night's when I'm done." I almost cried.

Of course, the downside was no more naps.

 

[All American]

I haven't read through all of the responses, but I just wanted to send you some hugs. It is sooo hard when you're tired, and the kids aren't sleeping.

The two things that really helped us when our daughter wasn't sleeping was the advice from a friend who was going through the same thing. First, you have got to have nerves of steel to do this. If it means one night in a hotel for you to get a good night's sleep to do this, then so be it (and honestly, I think that's really thoughtful of your husband to take the crying so you can sleep. I know alot of girls would be grateful for such an opportunity). Sleep well, and come home with those nerves of steel. It will take some time, but you guys can do this together.

The second piece of advice was "let her cry you a river". Just hang in there, and keep telling yourself that. Good luck!

 

[mefordis]

Thank you! I have to count my blessings that she is healthy, and everything will eventually pass. Right?

Thanks to all of you for your excellent advice!

I haven't read through all of the responses, but I just wanted to send you some hugs. It is sooo hard when you're tired, and the kids aren't sleeping.

The two things that really helped us when our daughter wasn't sleeping was the advice from a friend who was going through the same thing. First, you have got to have nerves of steel to do this. If it means one night in a hotel for you to get a good night's sleep to do this, then so be it (and honestly, I think that's really thoughtful of your husband to take the crying so you can sleep. I know alot of girls would be grateful for such an opportunity). Sleep well, and come home with those nerves of steel. It will take some time, but you guys can do this together.

The second piece of advice was "let her cry you a river". Just hang in there, and keep telling yourself that. Good luck!

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Well, I was "that child" when I was little (I'm now 42). I didn't sleep through the night until I was nearly 4...I don't know how my poor mom did it (and worked full-time as an RN too!).

Before you try having her "cry it out" take her to the pediatrician and make sure there isn't an underlying problem (there likely isn't...but it won't hurt you or her to check).

In my case, I had tummy problems and when I would lay down at night I would have problems with acid-reflux and a hiatal hernia. My mom actually slept in a rocking chair so that I could sleep (naturally, I could sleep with my head on her shoulder...just not in a prone position).

Good luck to you. We're all cheering for you.

K

 

[padams]

By 1, my DSs only took one nap a day, in the afternoon for 60-90 minutes. I just happen to have kids that didn't need much sleep during the day. The afternoon nap was gone by their 2nd birthdays.

Even though you may think your dd is not getting much sleep, I'd bet she is sleeping plenty over the course of a day. Take away your dd's morning nap. She will be more tired at night. When she wakes, go to her door, tell her she's fine and leave. DO NOT PICK HER UP! Picking her up and rocking her to sleep is the problem. She has trained you to hold her when she cries. You need to train her to sleep. When she wakes and cries, go to her door every 5 minutes and tell her that she's fine and it's time to sleep. Alternate between you and your spouse. BTW, start on a Friday night, when no one has to go to work the next day. On the 2nd night, expand the time to 10 minutes between door checks. Each successive night, expand the time. I bet she's sleepipng much better in a week or so.

Tell your 5 year old the plan, and that she's a big girl and her sister needs to see that big sis can wake up and go back to bed without making a fuss.

I would not go to a hotel as I think it will take you more than a night or 2 to solve this problem. If you really feel your older dd needs to be away from the drama, have her spend the night with a family member or a friend. You need to be there for your spouse. It's a 2 parent job.

Good luck!

 

[AllyandJack]

I feel for you. I really do.

My middle DD arrived when DD1 was 11mo. She hated to sleep. She never napped - still doesn't. But, she wanted to stay awake until 11pm/midnight and then was up at 6am. Not cool when you're pregnant and sick and less cool when you have a newborn. DD2 slept through the night from the day she was born. I thought I had it made.

We let DD1 cry it out. We started a strict bedtime routine at 8pm and she was in her crib at 8:30pm. She cried for a week and then got over it and has been going to sleep at 8:30pm and, for the most part, sleeping through until 6am. Still not napping, but beggars can't be choosers, right? She didn't want to sleep in our bed. She just wanted to hang out. Watch TV with us. It wasn't that she wanted to co-sleep (she was in a co-sleeper, detached from the bed because I hated it attached, until about 6mo and then we moved her to her crib), she just wanted to be awake.

DD2...ya, she had us all FOOLED. She hit 7mo and holy heck broke loose and the girls hasn't slept more than 2hrs at a time since. She wakes up screaming every few hours and takes about half an hour to calm down and go back to sleep. Sometimes, I sit with her in her room. But, if she's especially loud, I take her in my room so she doesn't wake up her sister.

One night, a few months ago, I took her in my bed to see what went on. Sure enough, every few hours, she sat bolt upright and screamed at the top of her lungs. Then, she flopped around and I had to grab her to keep her from falling off my huge, king-sized bed. This went on all night long. I didn't sleep, obviously. Neither did she.

We're at the point where we're ordering a sleep study in a few months because something is not right. I average about an hour of sleep a day and it's really starting to take a toll on me.

DD1 cried it out and, within a week, slept fine. DD2....our attempts at CIO resulted in her slamming her head off the crib, throwing up all over herself, gasping for breath. Then, when she did fall asleep, she spent it curled into the fetal position and whimpering, just to snap awake and scream again.

We're kind of at a loss right now as to what to do. But, they want a sleep study done to see if it's night terrors (even though she's a little young for that) or something else. Apparently, if they diagnose her with something, my insurance covers a night nurse because I'm about to keel over.

You're not alone, if that's any consolation. If you want to PM me in the wee hours of the morning, I'm always up...on Facebook or playing some dumb computer game while I wait out the hour she sleeps until she starts screaming again.

 

[2x_dis_dad]

I can totally understand what you are going though...my DS 22 months and my DS 10 months are both still not sleeping through the night. It is killing me. I know that it is our fault as I have never been able to let them cry it out. I am now at my wits end. The boys are in the same room so when one starts crying it wakes the other. It goes on and on over and over at night. I don't think I honestly get 2 hours straight sleep all night. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Hope you get things worked out with what works best for you and your family. I know it is hard.

Nicole, mom to Ethan-8, Chloe-6, Cooper-22 mths, and Fisher-10 mths

 

[mefordis]

My dd1 is sooo cranky tired from lack of sleep that come 9:00 am she is unbearable and goes down easy for a nap. It's because she has woken up every hour on the hour and also has gotten up for good by 6am! That is why she needs the 2 naps. I'm wondering if, as you indicate in your post, I can change this by skipping one nap and sleep training her by doing exactly what you suggest in your post. I love the suggestion of just standing by the door because going up to her crib while she is standing there is excruciating -- she just goes ballistic if I don't pick her up.

By 1, my DSs only took one nap a day, in the afternoon for 60-90 minutes. I just happen to have kids that didn't need much sleep during the day. The afternoon nap was gone by their 2nd birthdays.

Even though you may think your dd is not getting much sleep, I'd bet she is sleeping plenty over the course of a day. Take away your dd's morning nap. She will be more tired at night. When she wakes, go to her door, tell her she's fine and leave. DO NOT PICK HER UP! Picking her up and rocking her to sleep is the problem. She has trained you to hold her when she cries. You need to train her to sleep. When she wakes and cries, go to her door every 5 minutes and tell her that she's fine and it's time to sleep. Alternate between you and your spouse. BTW, start on a Friday night, when no one has to go to work the next day. On the 2nd night, expand the time to 10 minutes between door checks. Each successive night, expand the time. I bet she's sleepipng much better in a week or so.

Tell your 5 year old the plan, and that she's a big girl and her sister needs to see that big sis can wake up and go back to bed without making a fuss.

I would not go to a hotel as I think it will take you more than a night or 2 to solve this problem. If you really feel your older dd needs to be away from the drama, have her spend the night with a family member or a friend. You need to be there for your spouse. It's a 2 parent job.

Good luck!

 

[mefordis]

Thank you so much for the offer of support! I can really use it and may just take you up on your offer to PM you -- like tonight when we try the hard core sleep training. I am going with what everyone suggests and NOT going to the hotel. It might be brief relief for me but I can't abandon my dh like that. My dd5 says she will be strong through the cries. We'll see.

I am so discouraged by your post. I thought for sure by 2 the sleep problems are licked but You have it much worse than me, it sounds like, because you have 3 children. I really hope the sleep study comes back with answers and solutions for you!

Maybe we'll be up and on the computer at the same time tonight!

I feel for you. I really do.

My middle DD arrived when DD1 was 11mo. She hated to sleep. She never napped - still doesn't. But, she wanted to stay awake until 11pm/midnight and then was up at 6am. Not cool when you're pregnant and sick and less cool when you have a newborn. DD2 slept through the night from the day she was born. I thought I had it made.

We let DD1 cry it out. We started a strict bedtime routine at 8pm and she was in her crib at 8:30pm. She cried for a week and then got over it and has been going to sleep at 8:30pm and, for the most part, sleeping through until 6am. Still not napping, but beggars can't be choosers, right? She didn't want to sleep in our bed. She just wanted to hang out. Watch TV with us. It wasn't that she wanted to co-sleep (she was in a co-sleeper, detached from the bed because I hated it attached, until about 6mo and then we moved her to her crib), she just wanted to be awake.

DD2...ya, she had us all FOOLED. She hit 7mo and holy heck broke loose and the girls hasn't slept more than 2hrs at a time since. She wakes up screaming every few hours and takes about half an hour to calm down and go back to sleep. Sometimes, I sit with her in her room. But, if she's especially loud, I take her in my room so she doesn't wake up her sister.

One night, a few months ago, I took her in my bed to see what went on. Sure enough, every few hours, she sat bolt upright and screamed at the top of her lungs. Then, she flopped around and I had to grab her to keep her from falling off my huge, king-sized bed. This went on all night long. I didn't sleep, obviously. Neither did she.

We're at the point where we're ordering a sleep study in a few months because something is not right. I average about an hour of sleep a day and it's really starting to take a toll on me.

DD1 cried it out and, within a week, slept fine. DD2....our attempts at CIO resulted in her slamming her head off the crib, throwing up all over herself, gasping for breath. Then, when she did fall asleep, she spent it curled into the fetal position and whimpering, just to snap awake and scream again.

We're kind of at a loss right now as to what to do. But, they want a sleep study done to see if it's night terrors (even though she's a little young for that) or something else. Apparently, if they diagnose her with something, my insurance covers a night nurse because I'm about to keel over.

You're not alone, if that's any consolation. If you want to PM me in the wee hours of the morning, I'm always up...on Facebook or playing some dumb computer game while I wait out the hour she sleeps until she starts screaming again.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Good luck tonight. Can I suggest getting some earplugs for your older daughter to wear to bed while you sleep train the little one? She may be able to sleep through then and that leaves you with only one crying child

I also agree that you need to get rid of one--if not both--of the day time naps. SHe is getting enough rest during the day to be able to fight sleep at night.

Best of luckIt is such a hard thing.

 

[justhat]

AllyandJack - My daughter was 14 months when she was diagnosed with night terrors and they were just like you describe, she'd bolt awake, hysterical, and nothing we did consoled her. She had this weird glazed look in her eyes that was actually kind of frightening. Just as quickly as they started, however, they stopped, with no explanation. I was relieved they were over, but I would love to know the cause.


I would somewhat disagree about taking away the naps. With my daughter, if she napped she would stay up very late at night, but with my son, the better his daytime naps were, the better he slept at night. Seemed that if he was overtired or wound up at his regular bedtime, even though he was exhausted and needed to sleep, he couldn't calm down enough to actually fall asleep and he'd end up staying up later and then waking overnight. With my daughter, while naps kept her up later at night, they had no effect on night waking, she did that consistently either way.

Good luck tonight!

 

[JackfruitGuava]

Cry-it-Out never worked on my son either. He could get himself so worked up that he'd vomit in less than 5 minutes. Then he'd need a bath and a change of sheets, and by the time that was done, he was wide awake.

What worked for me was putting a mattress in his room and sleeping there. Little by little, I'd move the mattress further away from him, and eventually I moved it outside the door. After that was a success, I moved back into my own bed. This took about 2-3 weeks total.

I think there's no one thing that will work for every kid, and I really recommend going to your library, checking out all the sleep books they have, and trying to figure out more about the way babies sleep. I understand wanting a good night's sleep before you tackle it, though!

 

[mefordis]

I tried laying down on the floor next to her crib but she cries even harder because she wants to be picked up. Either that or she thinks it's playtime and tries to play with me! Then she cries.

I have read Marc Weisbluth's book. We are going to do that method starting tonight. My dd5 will be at her grandparent's for two nights so let's hope we can make some progress in two nights.

Cry-it-Out never worked on my son either. He could get himself so worked up that he'd vomit in less than 5 minutes. Then he'd need a bath and a change of sheets, and by the time that was done, he was wide awake.

What worked for me was putting a mattress in his room and sleeping there. Little by little, I'd move the mattress further away from him, and eventually I moved it outside the door. After that was a success, I moved back into my own bed. This took about 2-3 weeks total.

I think there's no one thing that will work for every kid, and I really recommend going to your library, checking out all the sleep books they have, and trying to figure out more about the way babies sleep. I understand wanting a good night's sleep before you tackle it, though!

 

[shortbun]

Good luck. It's time to let her know she can self comfort and go back to sleep on her own. If this doesn't work, read Ferber and see what you think. I'm glad you've decided to get some sleep but your absence might upset her further and dilute whatever your husband does. I think it's going to be a long process but the good thing is that your 1yo should be able to understand your words and know that it's time for her to go to sleep without your holding her. You have become her pacifier/comfort item.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

to you. It is certainly a difficult time, but crying it out can be very traumatic for a little one. She must be waking for some reason at this age - remember she is not doing it on purpose, something is wrong.

How about having a look at these links? Maybe a diffierent approach will help.
This will seem to address young babies, but reading down is help for toddlers too.
http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/sl3.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070400.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050900.asp

Try music to sleep by, such as tape recordings of waterfalls or ocean sounds, or a medley of easy-listening lullabies on a continuous-play tape recorder.
Try a continuous-play tape recording of favorite lullabies, so when she awakens she can resettle herself to the familiar sleep-inducing sound of the tape-recording. You can make a medley of your own lullabies that have been proven sleep-inducers.

2.Remove irritating sleepwear. Some babies cannot settle in synthetic sleepwear. A mother in our practice went through our whole checklist of nightwaking causes until she discovered her baby was sensitive to polyester sleepers. Once she changed to 100 percent cotton clothing, her baby slept better. Besides being restless, some babies show skin allergies to new clothing, detergents and fabric softeners by breaking out in a rash.
3.Pinworms
Suspect in the toddler or older child who is waking up with scratch marks around the anus, other family members have pinworms, or you see tiny white-thread-like worms around baby's anus or in the bowel movements at night.

 

[LuvOrlando]

This sounds terrible. I found this sleep cycle info http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleeping.htm and according to it, we sort of wake from the deepest sleep every 2 hours. That's probably when most of us turn over to be more comfortable or use the bathroom. Something must be waking her out of being drowsy. To be honest it sounds like ear trouble, my kids would get ear infections almost monthly until they got that Prevnar shot, every time they had a runny nose or sniffle it went to their ears and they would wake & scream just like you describe. It was a nightmare. If it's not the ear can I ask is the light on for her, some kids need it on? Is there a toy she finds upsetting? A noise? I say this because both of my kids, about this age, became suddenly terrified of my ceiling fans, and of people in baseball hats... who knows what it could be but maybe something casts a scary shadow at night? I also wonder about the clothes or bedding or even the diaper. Usually these sorts of things have the simplest answers but with so many possibilities it's hard to figure out the trouble. This is why I was soooo happy when my kids could finally talk to me.

I hope last night went ok for all of you.

 

[mefordis]

Well, we are trying the CIO method tonight. My dd5 is at her grandparent's house for two nights. For tonight, the first night, we decided to let her cry after we go in there and pick her up, rock her for a few minutes. This is so she knows we are here. Tomorrow we plan to go in but not pick her up. So far she has woken up around 1am and we let her cry for 16 minutes (it was so sad!) then she fell asleep. She is asleep now, so I'm hoping to get a little more sleep myself before she wakes again, probably around 4am.

Thank you for your support! I hope this works.

 

[bumbershoot]

I wish I'd seen your post before, so I could reply before you went to the hotel.


Obviously there's something going on with her. I don't know how far into 1 she is, but at 18 months DS started doing this thing where he would wake up a bit, I'd nurse him back to sleep, he'd stay that way for a bit, then he would wake up raring to go with a ridiculously wet diaper.

Finally the clue train hit me, and instead of nursing him back down, I put him on the potty (Baby Bjorn Little Potty we had on hand, put it right next to the family bed), he would pee buckets, I'd put his dry dipe back on (we used cloth so that was easy) and he would pass out entirely. Turns out...he just wanted to pee!!! And when I would nurse him back to sleep, it was like forcing yourself back to sleep when you really don't want to get up to go to the bathroom because it's cold, but you know that in an hour it's goign to be urgent and even more miserable. So that's what I was doing to him, when really, he just was tired of the diapers.

And that's how he stopped using his dipes at night, which is totally backwards. He was done with dipes at 2...I was nervous and did the final wash and fold of the dipes when he was 2.5 (long after he had stopped using them).

She might be teething. As the pp said, she might just be in the wrong pjs. We had a couple really hot pajamas, and DS would go crazy in them, HATED them. We can only use the tight-fitting cotton, no coating on them, pajamas, because anything coated or fake-fiber just makes him boil and he will sleep only fitfully, if he'll sleep at all. She might be hungry. She might be thirsty. She might just need her parents.


And now my reaction (after the thoughts/advice).

to you. It is certainly a difficult time, but crying it out can be very traumatic for a little one. She must be waking for some reason at this age - remember she is not doing it on purpose, something is wrong.

How about having a look at these links? Maybe a diffierent approach will help.
This will seem to address young babies, but reading down is help for toddlers too.
http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/sl3.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070400.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050900.asp

Gracious, thank you, I thought I was the only one.



Mefordis...your baby is telling you that you or your husband (or both) are needed.

DS didn't sleep through the night until he was 3.5, and it was at Disneyland, and it was awesome, but it was on HIS time. I'm the adult, I can handle it, I can handle anything he throws at me. He is the new one trying to find his way in the world.

I made it easy on myself (and hubby) and had him in bed with us, and he'd wake up and I'd/we'd deal with his needs and then it would be fine. SURE there were some long nights, definitely. Do I remember them in any way other than "yep there were some long nights"? Nope. Does he know that I will meet his needs? Yep. There's the occasional difficult night...tonight was one...hubby's away and he didn't have NEAR as much fun as he normally does, and it makes sense that he just kept thinking...but other than that, once it was on his time, he figured out how to get to sleep.

 

[mjkacmom]

This sounds terrible. I found this sleep cycle info http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleeping.htm and according to it, we sort of wake from the deepest sleep every 2 hours. That's probably when most of us turn over to be more comfortable or use the bathroom. Something must be waking her out of being drowsy. To be honest it sounds like ear trouble, my kids would get ear infections almost monthly until they got that Prevnar shot, every time they had a runny nose or sniffle it went to their ears and they would wake & scream just like you describe. It was a nightmare. If it's not the ear can I ask is the light on for her, some kids need it on? Is there a toy she finds upsetting? A noise? I say this because both of my kids, about this age, became suddenly terrified of my ceiling fans, and of people in baseball hats... who knows what it could be but maybe something casts a scary shadow at night? I also wonder about the clothes or bedding or even the diaper. Usually these sorts of things have the simplest answers but with so many possibilities it's hard to figure out the trouble. This is why I was soooo happy when my kids could finally talk to me.

I hope last night went ok for all of you.

Actually, the CIO books address this issue. The reason the child fully wakes is that the circumstances in which they fell asleep with have changed. If you rock a baby to sleep, and she wakes in her crib alone, when the sleep cycle changes, she will fully wake. Same with falling asleep with a bottle, pacifier, or a parent. However, if the child falls asleep alone, in her crib, when the cycle comes and she partially wakes, her circumstances will be as they were when she fell asleep, so she will go right back to sleep, with no memory of waking, like us.

 

[mefordis]

In my dd's case, I think she requires rocking or nursing before she can get herself to sleep in her crib. We've conditioned her to stand up in the crib when she wakes, call for us, and get rocked until she is able to get herself to sleep on her own in her crib. She is rarely asleep when we put her in the crib. If she isn't ready to go down, she stands right back up and cries. If she is ready, she will look up at us and watch us leave the room, then go to sleep.

Last night hopefully we made progress by walking out after the first rocking. Tonight we will just go in and tell her to go night night without picking her up.

Actually, the CIO books address this issue. The reason the child fully wakes is that the circumstances in which they fell asleep with have changed. If you rock a baby to sleep, and she wakes in her crib alone, when the sleep cycle changes, she will fully wake. Same with falling asleep with a bottle, pacifier, or a parent. However, if the child falls asleep alone, in her crib, when the cycle comes and she partially wakes, her circumstances will be as they were when she fell asleep, so she will go right back to sleep, with no memory of waking, like us.