Help Please -- -quickly Wwyd

[gayles]

*** What does you Dh say ? I would think that would be odd ...

 

[Nancyg56]

I did -- would you believe I tell my mom about Disney's rules -- and within 15 minutes my sister emailed me to tell me that she had already gotten the days off approved and would it be ok for her to crash on my floor.

I really don't think the rules mean anything to them. For example, last year we rented a house on the Outer Banks. I specifically got permission from the company to have my 3 dogs stay - I paid for the house and all deposits for the house and my 3 dogs. Well, my sister shows up with her dog. I take them aside and explain to them that if her dog gets caught in the house, she will have to pay me for the week's rental, etc. (this was not considering ruining our vacation) --- well, my mother laid into me (oh, did I tell you that she gets to tag along for free too) -- I am still the witch out of that situation.

Reply to the email, tell her that you checked and it is impossible for her to crash on the floor. Tell her that if you are caught your family will be ejected and your vacation ruined. Include the telephone number for CRO for her to reserve her room. I would not do this over the phone or in person, use email like she did.

 

[TJA]

Reply to the email, tell her that you checked and it is impossible for her to crash on the floor. Tell her that if you are caught your family will be ejected and your vacation ruined. Include the telephone number for CRO for her to reserve her room. I would not do this over the phone or in person, use email like she did.

Exactly what I would do. You have an "out" this way. I cannot imagine anyone thinking badly of you when 5 people in a room simply is not allowed. If she/they do not believe you, give them CRO's number and they can call and ask if the 5th person is allowed in the room. If someone says to book a deluxe resort where you can have 5 people, simply say you cannot afford a deluxe hotel.

 

[lilyv]

Exactly what I would do. You have an "out" this way. I cannot imagine anyone thinking badly of you when 5 people in a room simply is not allowed. If she/they do not believe you, give them CRO's number and they can call and ask if the 5th person is allowed in the room. If someone says to book a deluxe resort where you can have 5 people, simply say you cannot afford a deluxe hotel.

Well, unfortunately, entitled moochers will likely think badly, but that's their problem. Part of how they get what they want, free, is by being rather manipulative.

 

[CoachBagFanatic]

You may all think I am the biggest jerk -- but this is what has developed today ... we leave next week and I just told my mother that we were going (out of an attempt to avoid the current situation). Within minutes, my mom calls me and tells me that my welch of a little sister (she's 33) just took 3 days off work, so she can go and crash on your floor.

I already explained to my mother -that Disney will not let her stay in my room as it will be over the max allowed (there are 4 of us). I am right on this I know, but I can't remember/find what Disney does if they find out.

I'm trying not to be mean but -I am tired of paying for my sister all the time. Moreover, I don't want her crashing in our room b/c I don't want to risk my vacation for her.

It's Christmas -- I don't want to start a family war -- WWYD

I sympathize with you on this one as we've had several family members that did this to us all the time until I finally put my foot down and said enough is enough. As other's have stated, be honest and straightforward and tell your sister and your mother that she is not going. Period. I feel that you should not have to explain anything to anyone. It's your vacation. If you sister does not talk to you, that's on her. I hope all turns out well for you and have a magical vacation.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

The answer is "NO." It just is. You do not have to give reasons, you do not have to apologize, and you do not have to be manipulated into agreeing with it. The answer is "NO, absolutely not." It is rude and presumptuous for your mother or sister or anyone else to infringe on your vacation. Period.

I am the bad daughter. Sooner or later you have to accept that no matter what you do you will always be the bad daughter because you aren't the mooch. Parents LOVE the mooches because they make the parents feel needed. If you allow your sister to take advantage of you she will continue to do it, and you will continue to be the bad daughter. That's how this works.

 

[saquin]

I agree with those who advocate putting the ball back in your sister's court.

You can say "no" but say it in a noncombative way. Something like "I'd love if you could come [even though you wouldn't really] but Disney is very strict about the 4 people per room rule. I've asked them and I've also heard from others that they can kick us out of the room and cancel our reservation if they find out we're over the limit. I hope you understand that there's no way I can take that kind of risk with my family's long-planned vacation, especially with the children involved. This vacation is really for them and I can't risk their happiness. You are more than welcome to get a room at the hotel and park tickets and join us if you'd like to. Here's the Disney website, the reservations phone number, etc. We'd love to see you but I'm sure you can understand we can't risk jeopardizing this vacation our children have looked forward to for so long. I know you love the children and wouldn't want that, either" [lay on the guilt here and emphasize how much she cares about the children and how important this vacation is to them and that Disney can take it all away from them if they find out she's sleeping on your floor].

Make HER the guilty party, the meanie setting out to destroy the long-awaited Disney vacation of two precious children, yada yada... even if you have to lay it on pretty thick to get through to them. Don't say it in an angry accusatory way but with a sad smile and an air of "I hope we can make it work but I don't want anything to destroy this vacation for the children ". The ball is in their court and their choice is 1) potentially destroy two kids' Disney vacation or 2) find a way for your 33 year old sister to go as an adult, on her own, at the same time as your family or not.

 

[LindaBabe]

So, OP, What DID you do?

 

[tar heel]

You need stand up to your sister AND your mother. Your mother is being unreasonable, too, and you need to tell her. This is your vacation, and uninvited people should stay uninvited. Using the number of people in the room excuse is just passive aggresive. Tell her this is YOUR vacation, and that she is not included this time.

It sounds like you would be paying for her tickets and meals if she comes. You know that you would be a fool for doing that.

Unless your sister is mentally challenged, it's time for you to stop this behavior, which you describe as on-going.

 

[graygables]

RUN, don't walk to your nearest bookstore and purchase Boundaries (by Townsend & Cloud, I think?). Read it. Tonight. like, now. Read it over and over until it sinks in. You have YOUR LIFE with YOUR family. It's time for everyone else to get over themselves and deal with it. If your mother CHOOSES (her choice) not to come for Christmas, you are absolutely right that it is HER loss, HER mistake, HER choice. It has nothing to do with you.

My mother is still Queen Passive Agressive, but I can handle it a WHOLE lot better than I used to since reading Boundaries (1000 miles helps, too )

 

[pepperw23]

I wouldn't make any excuses at all. You are allowed to have a family vacation. Simply tell them no! I know it is tough because I have been in a simular situation with my SIL. I made no excuses and it all worked out just fine. I think your Mom probably feels bad for your sister for some reason or another.

If you have the means, maybe you can soften it up by telling sis that if she saves her money, and can pay her own way you may take a short trip with her over the summer??

 

[trivial]

So, my mind is made up, she is not staying in our room. Now, I just have to deal with the fallout -- and believe me - I am/ will be definitely the bad person in this whole thing.

You have my sincerest condolences for having people like that in your family. I applaud you for taking the difficult but necessary step by standing your ground and saying "no." Good for you! I know that must be extremely difficult, especially this time of the year. They ought to be thanking you for doing them both a favor. And although they may make you out to be the bad person, you and your immediate family will know otherwise. We're not exactly your family here on the DIS, but it looks like you have our full support, if that helps. Enjoy your vacation, and don't feel the least bit guilty about it.

 

[wdwpixie]

Who is it that says something to the effect of: why is it okay for HER to make waves with YOUR family, but it is not okay for you to stand up for your family's rights because it might make waves for YOU?

No, no, no....this is NOT okay...and it might be a good idea to start NOW setting an example for your kids of what boundaries are all about. Family or no.

Have a great time!

 

[Aliceacc]

How about saying something like this? "Sis, Since Disney won't allow us to have more than 4 people in a room, I checked around and found some great deals for you at Mousesavers." Then give her the details on some of the current hotels/room rates with phone #'s. I'd also email the same to her. That way the situation is in print, with a polite solution. It's her problem, now.

That's a GREAT solution.

I'm a teacher. You know how you said you were "anal about following rules"?? I'm the same way, especially when it comes to the fire codes.

Let Miss Mooch know that you're intent on teaching your kids to respect the fire codes. You will NOT endanger their safety, or teach them that the fire codes aren't important, so she will NOT be staying in your room. Period.

But forward her the info on deals, and suggest that she and her friends make some reservations.

She's 33 for crying out loud!!! She's old enough to start making some plans of her own and stop sponging off her big sister.

 

[agentpleakley]

RUN, don't walk to your nearest bookstore and purchase Boundaries (by Townsend & Cloud, I think?). Read it. Tonight. like, now. Read it over and over until it sinks in. You have YOUR LIFE with YOUR family. It's time for everyone else to get over themselves and deal with it. If your mother CHOOSES (her choice) not to come for Christmas, you are absolutely right that it is HER loss, HER mistake, HER choice. It has nothing to do with you.

QUOTE]

Definitely going to look into this book (maybe I'll read it on the car ride to WDW)



UPDATE: no one is talking to me ... oh well ... I had a peaceful day yesterday

 

[PrincessKitty1]

UPDATE: no one is talking to me ... oh well ... I had a peaceful day yesterday

Not to worry....next time, don't tell your family about your vacation until AFTER it's over. (My own mother was so jealous of my life that I stopped telling her about my trips/fun times even after they were over...she didn't think I was allowed to have fun....not to mention a great husband, career, house etc. ...without her! ).

 

[CoachBagFanatic]

UPDATE: no one is talking to me ... oh well ... I had a peaceful day yesterday[/QUOTE]

That's their loss. You did nothing wrong. Alot of us have been in your shoes and we know how you feel. Go and enjoy your vacation with your family. You deserve it.

Not to worry....next time, don't tell your family about your vacation until AFTER it's over. (My own mother was so jealous of my life that I stopped telling her about my trips/fun times even after they were over...she didn't think I was allowed to have fun....not to mention a great husband, career, house etc. ...without her! ).

OMG - we do the same thing with my in laws as they feel the same way about my husband. They do not know that we are going to WDW in April or to VA in June. Not having that stress level before we go away is a vacation in itself.

 

[ms.yt]

UPDATE: no one is talking to me ... oh well ... I had a peaceful day yesterday

Sounds like a win-win situation to me then! For the life of me, I don't understand people who worry about the reactions of people who manipulate and take advantage of them the way OP's mom and sister seem to do. If they get mad and leave you alone for awhile, then so much the better! I have two loser brothers that I have "cut loose." My philosophy is just because someone is related to you, you don't have to let them ruin your life!

 

[eliza61]

RUN, don't walk to your nearest bookstore and purchase Boundaries (by Townsend & Cloud, I think?). Read it. Tonight. like, now. Read it over and over until it sinks in. You have YOUR LIFE with YOUR family. It's time for everyone else to get over themselves and deal with it. If your mother CHOOSES (her choice) not to come for Christmas, you are absolutely right that it is HER loss, HER mistake, HER choice. It has nothing to do with you.

QUOTE]

Definitely going to look into this book (maybe I'll read it on the car ride to WDW)



UPDATE: no one is talking to me ... oh well ... I had a peaceful day yesterday

Aaah family, gotta love them. For a quick second I thought you were talking about my sister. She does this all the time (or tries too) and my mom forever says "why are you so mean to her" or some other variation. Believe me, they will speak to you again. moochers always come back.
Now when I go on any vacation if I extend invitations for them to join us, I tell them exactly what I am and am not paying for. If they go fine, if they don't that's even better.
Do not allow them to make you feel guilty.

 

[ldo]

I also highly recommend anyone with difficult family members get this book (they also have "boundaries" books for dealing with spouses, difficult kids, substance abuses, etc.). They are excellent for learning how to set ground rules and how to deal with difficult family members.