Help Please. DD13's dad just bailed on her DW spending money

[bumbershoot]

I'm a kid of two divorces, and I have a dad that promised quite a bit and rarely came through. Biggest coming through for me experiences happened AFTER I was an adult (helping me pay off a credit card while I was trying and failing to own a business, and then paying for my wedding). And the first one, I didn't trust he'd do it until he did it, and the second, well, we scrimped and saved to make SURE we had the $ to pay in case he "forgot his checkbook". Most things were paid in advance (3 phone calls on average for each deposit and final payment, and this is something he OFFERED out of the blue to do, but I still had to hound him for it to happen), but the reception (site, beverage, food, and tips) was paid at the end of the evening...and interestingly, he DID lose his checkbook that day. He had another at the hotel, though, whew.

But I know what its like to have things promised but not have them come through as a child!

And while at 13 your daughter is likely still in the 'daddy does no wrong' mode, and it probably does upset her that you yell at him...I don't think it will harm her forever. And in a couple years she'll figure it out too, most likely. I was 15 when I finally got over the thought that my mom and dad would get married again...and I was FOUR when they divorced, I saw years of BAD arguments before and after divorce, and both of them were remarried to people I LIKED!!!! But still it took me to 15.


However, I had long before stopped trusting he would come through...I bet somewhere in the back of DD's mind she knew it wouldn't happen. Not if he has a similar track record. For me if that happened, my devastation wouldn't be that the money wasn't there, because I would have already known it likely wouldn't be. But the sadness would ahve been because, yet again, he had shown himself to be cruddy (let me state that my dad is a different guy today, having a heart attack in '99 changed him, and I love him quite a bit now, and don't feel on the defense with him anymore...BUT neither do I trust that he'll do what he says).


I didnt' like what someone else said/asked of you, about yelling at him...people disappoint other people, and while I'm not an advocate of yelling at another parent in front of a kid, hiding arguments causes really messed up problems too (that was my mom and her second husband...I had to live with her and her GOOD guy third husband for a year, to find out what true and proper communication, including healthy arguments, was all about before feeling like I was prepared to have a relationshpi that didn't look just like a horrible relationship), and I feel that we ARE allowed to lose a temper every so often, as long as we're not just in a snit, and it's something that was really and truly BAD of the other person to do.

hugs all around...


Have a great time!!!

And I hope your DD grows her rhino-hide soon to protect her against this sort of devastation in the future...optimism is a good thing (my dad basically lived up to my years of optimism, after all), but you can't COUNT on it.



(for the record and to tell the full story...I would never have allowed my dad to pay for my wedding if my mom were still alive...she was the one who would have walked me down the aisle and baked my cake, if she were..but she was diagnosed with leukemia a month after my dad's heart attack (that was a banner holiday season for me in '99), and the medicines she was given caused her death....so my dad walked me down (and had me ask my stepdad to join us, which he did) and paid because he offered) (and I hired a baker with my mom's same name for the cake)

 

[Stepht5]

I don't think my 15dd, 8ds & 5dd spent $300 total on their suvies & snacks for the 3 of them! LOL!
Thinking back (a yr ago) I think the biggest expense was that they all wanted lanyards and a few pins. And that was it as for as suvies went....

Now me... That's a whole other story.... And the things I bought weren't for them.....

 

[disney[xo]sweetie]

im so glad you guys have been able to get over the fact that he fell through and enjoy preparing for your trip. even if you had no money at all to spend in the parks, you'd have a blast. sometimes exes arent people yo can always count on. and he sounds like the type that will probably fall through even more in the future. gahhh! im excited for you! hey, just think of it, youll be in disney in less than 110 hours!! ahhhh!!
ok sorry, i'll calm down now.
ahh!

 

[me again]

I am sorry about your daughter's situation, but it sounds like both her parents tend to be irresponsible. Thinking you can skip/be late with the rent for a Disney trip is simply irresponsible on your part. I own rental property, I'm not some "evil landlord". I have expenses on those properties, such as mortgage, taxes, utilities, etc. I can't tell my bank "sorry, my renter was late with her payment, so I'm late with mine. That's how it goes".

That you could even think of just slipping an important financial obligation such as rent shows me you're as irresponsible as your ex-husband! Or do you think the world somehow owes you a Disney trip, regardless of who pays for it? Because, in essence, you're stiffing your landlord to pay for your kid's trip!

 

[ndgqccmiller]

I am sorry about your daughter's situation, but it sounds like both her parents tend to be irresponsible. Thinking you can skip/be late with the rent for a Disney trip is simply irresponsible on your part. I own rental property, I'm not some "evil landlord". I have expenses on those properties, such as mortgage, taxes, utilities, etc. I can't tell my bank "sorry, my renter was late with her payment, so I'm late with mine. That's how it goes".

That you could even think of just slipping an important financial obligation such as rent shows me you're as irresponsible as your ex-husband! Or do you think the world somehow owes you a Disney trip, regardless of who pays for it? Because, in essence, you're stiffing your landlord to pay for your kid's trip!

Maybe it isn't the best idea ever, but I don't know if you need to be so hard on this poster. I can't imagine telling my child we are going to disney and then say, no sorry dad didn't come through and I'm not taking you. The poster has worked hard to pay for this trip and her ex fell through with his end of the bargin. I'm sure she is relaible enough to think of something. I just think you should cut some slack.

 

[RACHELSMOM1]

It 5 days before we leave. My ex was supposed to provide my DD13's spending money for our DW trip. Found out yesterday that due to his irresponsible actions, he's not giving her a dime!!! Ive paid for every penny of this trip through hard work and planning and I am furious about this. When I saw the look on her face while she was on the phone, I knew he had fallen through. Her best friend is bringing 315.00 to divide into the 7 full days we will be there. This money is for renting watercraft, buying souveniers, extra snacks, and anything else they may want to do. My daughter was going to have the same amount of money. I didnt handle it well. I took the phone and starting yelling and telling him that he had known he was giving her spending money for 3 months! Three months! How do u break a child's heart like this and it not rip your own heart out. Im either going to have to be late on my housing rent or not take but minimal spending money. Now I think Im going to have to be irresponsible and be late on my rent. I cannot believe this. Its five days away and I wanna stop being mad, its not gonna change anything. Please help. Send your best Dis therapy.

Come on, spending money is that important? Please tell me you are joking - if you can't pay the rent why are you going to Disney? My girls do not get spending money for WDW - they are just happy to be able to go. There is so much to do, why does your daughter need extra money, if you are already providing a hotel room, meals, and park tickets? Pools are free to use at your hotel. Busy, busy, busy, is what she will be with all the things to do inside the parks. I hope you will not forfeit rent money just to give your daughter a little extra money to spend! If you can't afford to go, then I don't understand why you would even plan this trip. Please try to have a wonderful trip anyway, and I am sure your daughter will be happy just to be in DisneyWorld.

 

[pl'smama]

I am sorry about your daughter's situation, but it sounds like both her parents tend to be irresponsible. Thinking you can skip/be late with the rent for a Disney trip is simply irresponsible on your part. I own rental property, I'm not some "evil landlord". I have expenses on those properties, such as mortgage, taxes, utilities, etc. I can't tell my bank "sorry, my renter was late with her payment, so I'm late with mine. That's how it goes".

That you could even think of just slipping an important financial obligation such as rent shows me you're as irresponsible as your ex-husband! Or do you think the world somehow owes you a Disney trip, regardless of who pays for it? Because, in essence, you're stiffing your landlord to pay for your kid's trip!

What a shame that some people can be so mean to another when they really have no idea what their situation is like. It appears that, for the most part, this poor woman was venting! Have you never been in a situation where you just wanted to be heard, but did not necessarily mean what you said?? And even if you did, would you appreciate someone else giving you such a nasty scolding?? Give me a break.

As for the other poster being a bit unkind, can't you see that tulsanurse1 has been saving for this trip and most likely made some concessions along the way to insure her DD and friend have a wonderful time? Everyone wants to have some spending money when they go away and if you are lucky enough to have had more then one vacation in your lifetime you may feel you do not need much. But for those who are planning a true dream vacation the last thing they need is to be berated for wanting their child to have a bit extra, like the friend.

In the end I think that tulsanurse1 and family will have a trip of a lifetime, but let's support her and not knock her down. She is doing this for her DD and deserves our praise and best wishes. Shame on the nay sayers.

Tulsanurse, have a wonderful time!!

Suz

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have to be honest here. I think it is terrible that your ex didn't come through, but over $300 for a 13 year old to spend for fun?! You have got to be kdding me! That is alot of money. I don't know anyone who ever had that kind of money form their parents (married or not) to spend on fun for themselves on vacation. That goes for when I was a kid and for kids I know that are now 13. I am sure it is very frustrating and makes you feel bad because your ex promised and fell through and nobody likes to see their kids let down, but to be honest, I would never have let my 13 year old have that kind of money for herself to begin with. JMHO.

 

[tulsanurse1]

This post is for "Me Again". First-I've never been late on my rent. Second-My rent is paid through automatic draft and the draft was going to be delayed until June 8th (with my leasing companies permission). Third-I have paid this trip off by myself, no help, with overtime and careful spending. So to address your unintelligent response as to my being irresponsible......not a chance. However, if you assume that after all this work Im not going to see that my DD13 has the trip of her life..........think again. I worked 3 jobs to put myself through college to become an RN. I doubt someone irresponsible would have stayed focused for 5 years to see that through. I don't know about you but my DD13 is the most important thing in my life and if I can rearrange a finacial obligation to take care of her father's short comings, I will; that's my responsibility to her. Maybe you could find a thread here on Dis Boards that address perfect lives, then post your comments there because here, you tend to sound like you live in a bubble. Oh well, too bad life isnt perfect

Also, we have never been to DW so I had no idea what kind of spending my DD would need. Because of this post, now I know she could take 100.00 for the whole trip and will still come out a winner. Thanks to those of you who posted comments about how much your children recieved during your DW trips. It helped alot.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

This post is for "Me Again". First-I've never been late on my rent. Second-My rent is paid through automatic draft and the draft was going to be delayed until June 8th (with my leasing companies permission). Third-I have paid this trip off by myself, no help, with overtime and careful spending. So to address your unintelligent response as to my being irresponsible......not a chance. However, if you assume that after all this work Im not going to see that my DD13 has the trip of her life..........think again. I worked 3 jobs to put myself through college to become an RN. I doubt someone irresponsible would have stayed focused for 5 years to see that through. I don't know about you but my DD13 is the most important thing in my life and if I can rearrange a finacial obligation to take care of her father's short comings, I will; that's my responsibility to her. Maybe you could find a thread here on Dis Boards that address perfect lives, then post your comments there because here, you tend to sound like you live in a bubble. Oh well, too bad life isnt perfect

Also, we have never been to DW so I had no idea what kind of spending my DD would need. Because of this post, now I know she could take 100.00 for the whole trip and will still come out a winner. Thanks to those of you who posted comments about how much your children recieved during your DW trips. It helped alot.

WAY TO GO! Poeple are so hard on one another. Have a great trip. Enjoy every minute. I hear some people say it's not a vacation (no rest to much walking) Not me best vacation our family has ever taken. We have been to Colorado, New Orleans, Ohio, Mississippi, Memphis. I never had so much fun then when we were at Disney

 

[elsabear]

I just wanted to say that I hope you have a wonderful, magical trip!
I think you will find that WDW, there tend to be so many neat things that the experience itself is fulfilling. I have 3 little ones (DS8, DD5, &DS3) and I know that kids tend to expect more as they get older etc, but honestly the best souvie my daughter got was the Mickey Mouse balloon that one of the Mousekeeping staff at the hotel handed her as we walked to the park bus!
There is sooo much to see and do (and with the DDP so much to eat!) that I just know that you will have a great time!

 

[kerry34]

WAY TO GO! Poeple are so hard on one another. Have a great trip. Enjoy every minute. I hear some people say it's not a vacation (no rest to much walking) Not me best vacation our family has ever taken. We have been to Colorado, New Orleans, Ohio, Mississippi, Memphis. I never had so much fun then when we were at Disney

ITA!! Its a busy vacation but definately one of the best. Also I have to say this, when I took my girls for the first time (5 and 3 yrs old then), I had been divorced, put myself through school and then finally got a job while raising them all by myself (dad had dropped off the face of the earth for a long time at that point), and I worked hard to save for over a year for that trip. It was the most important trip I ever took. All i was focused on was giving them the time of their lives. I know something like what Tulsanurse1 is dealing with now would have upset me too. Trips are not always something everyone can take every year or maybe even more than once. I am greatful looking back now that I have been able to give all my kids several trips to disney, but if I hadn't, I know I would have wanted that one trip to be the best ever for my kids. The big dilemma I think in this case, is that the friend is bringing that much money, not necessarily that all that is actually needed. I think that Tulsanurse just wants her daughter to have the same as her friend, even if she doesnt spend it all. Also it is upsetting to watch your child be disappointed by another parent, heartwrenching actually. I know that when my kids are let down by their father it really hurts me to see it and I get angry. So what tulsanurse needs in this case is understanding not judging.

 

[wilderness01]

What a shame that some people can be so mean to another when they really have no idea what their situation is like. It appears that, for the most part, this poor woman was venting! Have you never been in a situation where you just wanted to be heard, but did not necessarily mean what you said?? And even if you did, would you appreciate someone else giving you such a nasty scolding?? Give me a break.

As for the other poster being a bit unkind, can't you see that tulsanurse1 has been saving for this trip and most likely made some concessions along the way to insure her DD and friend have a wonderful time? Everyone wants to have some spending money when they go away and if you are lucky enough to have had more then one vacation in your lifetime you may feel you do not need much. But for those who are planning a true dream vacation the last thing they need is to be berated for wanting their child to have a bit extra, like the friend.

In the end I think that tulsanurse1 and family will have a trip of a lifetime, but let's support her and not knock her down. She is doing this for her DD and deserves our praise and best wishes. Shame on the nay sayers.

Tulsanurse, have a wonderful time!!

Suz

Nice post Suz. Tulsanurse I hope you have a wonderful time, filled with special memories.

 

[writersblock42]

Don't let it ruin your trip. Go out and have a lot of fun. Your daughter doesn't need at all that money like other posters have said. Pack some snacks that your daughter will like and pack water bottles so she doesn't have to spend money on snacks and water. My son is only taking $40 for the whole trip. That will give him a couple of mementos to buy and that is enough.

 

[The1EvilQueen]

This is something that my EX has done too but we came through it just fine and now she sees him for who/what he really is. She's gotten to an age that his promises are empty and she doesn't believe him anymore!

Our souvenier buying problems were solved at an outlet mall on International Drive off of Sandlake Rd. It's Belz Outlet Center and they have two stores full of Disney. These are run by Disney employees with the same things you can find at the parks. We always shop the outlets first, compare to what's at the parks, and go back to the outlet before we leave. Almost everything they have there is 50% off!! There are some books, stickers, trading pins, & plush that are regular prices. My DD16 would only buy from there and came home with $$ and a bunch of new clothes. They have everything!! We've done Christmas shopping there 2 years in a row now. Character Premier and Character Warehouse are the two store names. There is one in building 1 and one in building 2.

Now as far as snacks (don't burn me too bad) if you're on the dining plan grab an extra apple, banana, or Chocolate Croissant off the buffet before you leave. Breakfast buffets are the best way to grab your afternoon snack and those chocolate croissants are my fav! I have 2 DD and 3 DS so I know how to be thrifty.

Regardless of the money situation, you'll have a great time and so will your DD. It really is the memories that matter, not the money and what do you think she'll really remember a year from now...The trip or the dad?

Have an awesome time!

 

[guelde96]

Some really thoughtful responses from all the Dis'ers who posted. Im lucky in that I have paid for the room, tickets, and our meals (DDP). I was near tears friday night but have calmed quit a bit. We shopped for our needed last minute stuff yesterday, so much fun. Im at work right now and my friends know about what has happened. A friend has offered to loan me spending money, such a wonderful thing for someone you work with to do. Another paycheck will be deposited in my account the day I come back home. Im deciding on whether or not to do this. One thing I know is that our vacation is going to be magically wonderful, nothing will dampen our mickey parade. I regret yelling at him on the phone, in front of her though. I've vowed to not do this again, as my daughter still loves her father and us fighting hurts her alot. I can't believe we are leaving in 4 days. OMG im bought to pee my pants (laughing). The girls are packing and repacking and repacking. The days have been consumed with talking and laughing and being completely silly about anything that concerns our DW trip. Being a mom is so great. What a lucky person I am to have all of this.

You have a snack credit on the dining plan. Way more food than you can possibly use. I found out since we last did the DDP that you can use snack credits in the gift shops for items under $2.00. This will include donuts to get a quick breakfast.

When we went to check out we had 22 snack credits left over. (2 adults & 2 children). We gave our kids $50.00 each. You need very little spending money when on the DDP.

Relax and Have a great vacation

 

[tulsanurse1]

What am I supposed to do with all this excitement, I'm laughing even while typing this. I don't think I have ever been this excited. My DD13's smile just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Things are pretty silly in this home right now. Wonder how many times my DD13 has repacked? I'm guessing 5 or 6 times. Its a hoot just watching the effort going into the most perfectly packed suitcase (wonder how it will look after our first day there lol). 3 days to go, wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

[barbmouse]

I hope you all have a great trip!! MY dks have never spent that much money at DW!! I think if she has some cash to spend for souvies, etc she will still have an awesome trip! Don't let his irresponsibility ruin your trip!

 

[Willow25]

I hope you and your daughter have a great time and please just ignore any nasty posts. There is a thread on the Disney Dining forum that lists the snacks included in the dining plan. I was surprised that you could get things like the dole whips etc. I have printed it off and will take it with me. Thought it might be helpful for you and your trip mates.

 

[JeanfromBNA]

Although it's a bit too late now, I wonder why there were no suggestions for DD to get busy and earn her Disney spending money. The Memorial Day weekend would have been a perfect time to talk to friends, acquaintances, and neighbors and offer babysitting, lawn and garden care, housecleaning, pet sitting, etc. She could have easily earned her spending money during the holiday weekend.