Help! Our family vacation is being crashed!

[Juniortrooper]

My father in law called and said they were thinking about goind to Disney the same time we are. Then, we find out from my sister in law that he asked them to go too!

A little background--this is a major vacation for us--we live a long ways away, will be flying, and had to cancel a trip to to the shore this summer in order to swing this trip in November. We have three kids and I am TOTALLY a planner!

My husband's parents are totally NOT planners! His mom and I were talking and she said she never made reservations for any special meals when they went and my sister in law said she's never eaten at a restaurant where she has needed reservations!

My point is, this was supposed to be a family vacation (meaning the four of us) and not our extended family (plus 7).

Does anyone have any suggestions (or just sympathetic words) to help me delicately deal with this issue? Any conversations that should be had before we go (my FIL has apparently already taken off work! YIKES!)

I'm totally stressed over this and it is still months away!
Thanks for your help and any input you might be able to offer!

(I hope they never read this...)

 

[hollieplus2]

Oh my, you're in quite the predicament. I would just tell them that you have been saving and planning this trip for quite a while now and this was intended to be a special family vacation. If they don't get the hint then tell them that you're glad they are going to WDW since it is the happiest place on earth and that you hope to spend some time with them while they are there. Tell them that you already made dinner reservations and that you will be more than happy to see if they can be added and then just add them to one dinner or something. Tell them that since you have little ones with scheduels it wouldn't be very fun to have to follow you around at your pace and only ride the little rides so you'll let them go have their fun and meet up with them later. That's about the only thing I would think of. If they get angry with that then kindly remind them that the 4 of you planned this without knowing they would be coming and that this was a special moment and you are glad they are there but you can't change all your plans to accomodate them the whole time. I wouldn't really stress right now since it's pretty far away. Now if they expect to stay with you that's another thing. Just tell them that since you have little ones you really need your own place.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I would say something like:

"Our itineraries are all planned out for the trip before we even knew you were coming. Can we meet up one day out of the trip? "

Lay all it out before the trip so they know you are inflexible. People don't want to hang out with other people when they know their schedules are not flexible.

 

[perdidochas]

My father in law called and said they were thinking about goind to Disney the same time we are. Then, we find out from my sister in law that he asked them to go too!

A little background--this is a major vacation for us--we live about 14 hours away, will be driving, and had to cancel a trip to to the beach this summer in order to swing this trip in November. We have a place to stay thanks to my husband's grandfather (a timeshare rental at Marriott Grande Vista). We have two kids, 4 and 1 1/2, and I am TOTALLY a planner!

My husband's parents are totally NOT planners! His mom and I were talking and she said she never made reservations for any special meals when they went and my sister in law said she's never eaten at a restaurant where she has needed reservations!

My point is, this was supposed to be a family vacation (meaning the four of us) and not our extended family (plus 7).

Does anyone have any suggestions (or just sympathetic words) to help me delicately deal with this issue? Any conversations that should be had before we go (my FIL has apparently already taken off work! YIKES!)

I'm totally stressed over this and it is still months away!
Thanks for your help and any input you might be able to offer!

(I hope they never read this...)

Are you going to be sharing the timeshare with them?

My advice is to put a little flexibility in your plans for your in-laws, but still plan to do things the way you do them. Don't ruin your trip for them, but on the other hand, don't totally snub them either.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

My father in law called and said they were thinking about goind to Disney the same time we are. Then, we find out from my sister in law that he asked them to go too!

A little background--this is a major vacation for us--we live about 14 hours away, will be driving, and had to cancel a trip to to the beach this summer in order to swing this trip in November. We have a place to stay thanks to my husband's grandfather (a timeshare rental at Marriott Grande Vista). We have two kids, 4 and 1 1/2, and I am TOTALLY a planner!

My husband's parents are totally NOT planners! His mom and I were talking and she said she never made reservations for any special meals when they went and my sister in law said she's never eaten at a restaurant where she has needed reservations!

My point is, this was supposed to be a family vacation (meaning the four of us) and not our extended family (plus 7).

Does anyone have any suggestions (or just sympathetic words) to help me delicately deal with this issue? Any conversations that should be had before we go (my FIL has apparently already taken off work! YIKES!)

I'm totally stressed over this and it is still months away!
Thanks for your help and any input you might be able to offer!

(I hope they never read this...)

I would just say that you have the whole thing planned out, and HERE are the days/times/meals/events we would love to share with you! Make it clear that you expect the bulk of your time to be nuclear family only. Maybe one of your ADRs could be changed to include the whole gang? I think that would be fun. Good luck and DO NOT let them ruin your vacation by hanging on constantly. You deserve this time as a family.

 

[angiedora]

We have a similar situation and my dh really dislikes vacationing with extended family. This is how I handled it. Since I am a planner and Everyone Else are less than planners, I approached them with, "I have an itenrary for our three families." I will make all ADRs. Out of 5 days for each family we are only in the same park once. We will all eat together that one time. My parents and brother and sil will eat a meal together and then on another day my family will eat a meal with the parents. So basicly we split our parent time/ free time. Win-Win

 

[wdwfamilyinIL]

I thought that I would add you are not alone. This year we are planning on going in May, we did ask my husbands parents to also go. No big deal, but now my mil is feeling bad because my sil oldest girl wants to go back, so mil is trying to figure out a way for them to go to. We did this last year, and it was horrid, just too many people with different ideas. Not to mention the oldest was aloud to go on our very first trip in 05. I have no idea what to do, we are driving, and our van is full, but when my mil wants to do something some how she finds a way. Am I wrong for not wanting my niece to go also, I just would really like to have our family.

 

[Hannathy]

Just to throw a monkey wrench in the responses..... She said her in-laws! I think she better discuss this with her DH first and get his take on it. He may be thrilled to have his family going.

 

[Daydreamer64]

Been there- done that- I'm a major planner too!

I've said this so many times to family and yes- friends- they saw our photos and wanted me to let them tag along- "Oh, we won't expect anything- just let us follow you and we'll eat with you and..." yeah right! Handle your own reservations, resort reservations and tickets- I ran off extras every time but 2-

"This is our plan- right down to bed times and when we wake up - we leave at- we eat at- We'll meet you at the bus stop at 7 am!"

We love to commando tour- we always get up at 5 am and do not stop until the parks are closed down for the night- well we take an afternoon break but the "friends and family" don't know that- We just don't make it to lunch ect.. because we got caught up in or on a ride.....

The two times someone actually said great- we can't wait - they were gone by day two and vacationing on their own time plans!

We do not wait for anyone, if we decide to change "our" plans we do not have to answer nor notify anyone-

Seems harsh- it is but gosh- why can't you all have a "family" vacation- mention that you all need some parent/kid private bonding time and were really looking forward to not having to share any of your time with your kids with anyone!

 

[TheDizMom]

The first thing I would do is discuss it with your husband and get his take on it. Whether he is for or against it, it should be up to him to talk to his parents about it not you. They are his parents and therefore his responisbility. If you decide to include them in any way make it clear what you expect in advance. My husband and I scrimpt and saved for our trip in 2005 with our kids and were very excited to do Disney with our kids as a family the first time. I therefore understand how you feel, it's a special family time to make your own family memories. I would approach it with the in-laws in that way so they understand how important this trip is to you. If they understand where you are coming from perhaps they will decide to change their vacation plans. Suggest that you understand they want to enjoy this trip with you and to see their grandchildren experience Disney and that maybe you can plan a trip there at another time as an extended family. Point out that your younger child will be older and more able to fully enjoy the trip with them in another year or so. If that doesn't work just make sure you set boundries from the beginning and stick to them. Good Luck!

 

[ilovejack02]

I would just change the dates of my vacation and not let them know until last minute. It may sound mean, but too bad. If you didnt invite them in the first place and you dont think you can tell them you want it to be just your family, then I would change all my plans and go a week later or earlier. I would just be honest up front and let them know that this was a trip for just the 4 of you, not meant to be a entire family trip. Now of course they can say too bad we are going, but that doesnt mean you have to be there when they go.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay- my flame suit is one.... I think they are terribly ruse to invite themselves on your vacation. I would talk to DH and if he agrees that he doesn't want to vacation with them then he need to tell them that he really just wants to spend this time alone with you and the kids. If they are mad then too bad so sad. We have taken my parents on vation with us and had a ball. BUT- they asked if it was okay and on some trips we said we wanted to vacation alone. They weren't offended. We are taking my Mom on our next trip (my Dad didn't want to come) and she even asked me if we minded. They just decided to jump on your bandwagon with no invite. That is rude in my opinion- family or not. I hope it all works out for you!

 

[stacy6552]

Just set ground rules. Set particular events for the whole family and plan to see them then and say have a nice time otherwise. Book a couple of dinners or a fireowrks cruise.

Tell them your friends on the DIS totally recommend that you dont try and get through WDW in large numbers, so youve booked this and that so you can all get together, then.

 

[disneymom3]

Just to throw a monkey wrench in the responses..... She said her in-laws! I think she better discuss this with her DH first and get his take on it. He may be thrilled to have his family going.

This is true, but if she is unhappy about it, then it is not fair to her.

I feel for you. I am in the camp that says to say you have all of your plans set and would like to meet up with them at X and Y times if that will work for their schedules. PLEASE tell me you are not all staying in the same place!

 

[disneymomof6]

call me one on the other side of the fence on this but.... I didnt hear any real problem with this other then the MIL isnt a planner and didnt take her kids or self to reservation required restaurants.... to me that isnt terrible... lots of people are the same way when it comes to restaurants at disney... I understand that you thought it would be a family of 4 only trip but things change, you adapt and find a way to cope... If you had said that the MIL is controlling and bosses you around and drinks like a fish and therefore you didnt want it part of your vacation then I think I would empathize alittle more but otherwise I just dont understand...

My mother gets under my skin after too much time spent together..... nonetheless I love her enough to always include her in my "family".... I think that telling them you have had this planned and have an itinerary worked out.... im sure they will understand and just do what they need to around that... if your off eating... im sure they are capable of keeping themselves entertained...

I guess I look at it in the sense that my parents are in their 60's and the pictures that I have gotten with them and my kids at disney will someday mean everything to them.... I think that if your husbands parents are good people and you have a good relationship with them then try to make it work... it isnt worth the risk of hurting feelings over this. Be thankful you have extended family.... not all of us are so lucky as some of us dont have inlaws at all. Good luck and have a nice trip!!

 

[runwad]

Ok OP are you my twin? I posted practically the same kind of thread last week, Help me with a tactful reply, (I don't know how to post those links ) anyway too funny my MIL asked my DH how would we mind company on our upcoming vacation. Good luck I don't have any answers for you my MIL is getting altzheimers so I'm feeling a bit guilty but I still don't want them with us...and I think she may have forgotten about it so I'm not stressing about it at the moment. I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone

 

[torinsmom]

I had several family members attempt to invite themselves to my trip with DS last March. I was just honest and told them that I had planned this trip to be a special time for mom and son, and would rather keep it that way. We had not been to Disney for 5 years at the time. None of them seemed offended at all. Then when I was planning my Labor Day free dining trip, I invited them all to come. Only my mom accepted and we had a great time.

I think the WHOLE family(me, DS12, sister, BIL, DN10, DN8, Mom, and Dad) are going to DIsney in October. They want to rent a house offsite. I guess I will go along with what the majority wants, but I AM driving my own van so that I can get there as early as I want, etc. I'm trying to talk them into staying onsite, but my dad is cheap!

You need to be honest; thats the best way to go. It would be much worse to keep quiet and then be miserable in WDW!

Marsha

 

[CherCrazy]

We have had family or friends meet us in Disney many times...just shared a 2BR at SSR with my cousin and her family last week.

Here's how we handle it: I make our plans, then tell them if they want to come with us, then come with us. If you don't, then you don't. I keep it real casual so no one is offended. Sometimes the less said is better. If you get on a big explanation, it can ring hollow.

Many times my parents couldn't keep pace with us, and it was ok with them to call it a day early and go back to the hotel. Or they would do other things that we didn't want to do like Rosie O'Grady's. No big deal. We still have lots of great Disney memories of shared moments.

 

[Juniortrooper]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your responses!
My DH talked to her mom about the trip. He let her know we have everything pretty much planned, but that if they wanted to get together for meals, to let us know and we would include them in our ADRs. She said (again) that they aren't planners and if it worked out where we were at the same place at the same time, that's great, if not, then that's ok too. I feel much better now. I guess the expecatation is that we might meet up for a few things, but they wouldn't be going around with us.
He let her know if they wanted to eat with us, we had to know in advance so we can make the reservations.

So, the waiting game is on, until May anyways!

They are looking for ar place to stay (they won't be staying with us). It's funny, they will probably be getting a 2 bedroom and we'll have a one-bedroom villa.

Thank you again for your responses/advice. I know that open communication is the best idea. It's just a delicate subject and I can't always predict their responses.

 

[elkeb]

My father in law called and said they were thinking about goind to Disney the same time we are. Then, we find out from my sister in law that he asked them to go too!

A little background--this is a major vacation for us--we live about 14 hours away, will be driving, and had to cancel a trip to to the beach this summer in order to swing this trip in November. We have a place to stay thanks to my husband's grandfather (a timeshare rental at Marriott Grande Vista). We have two kids, 4 and 1 1/2, and I am TOTALLY a planner!

My husband's parents are totally NOT planners! His mom and I were talking and she said she never made reservations for any special meals when they went and my sister in law said she's never eaten at a restaurant where she has needed reservations!

My point is, this was supposed to be a family vacation (meaning the four of us) and not our extended family (plus 7).

Does anyone have any suggestions (or just sympathetic words) to help me delicately deal with this issue? Any conversations that should be had before we go (my FIL has apparently already taken off work! YIKES!)

I'm totally stressed over this and it is still months away!
Thanks for your help and any input you might be able to offer!

(I hope they never read this...)

Yes! send them to Disneyland instead
sorry, i can feel your pain..