Help my Dh died.(Updated again post #218)

[JeanfromBNA]

Don't try or expect to get through it whole. That's not normal in a grieving process. Give yourselves lots of leeway right now, and don't expect too much. Do you have family, friends, clergy, or anyone else that can help see you and your children through this? You need that.

 

[starann]

Sadly, there is no way to get around 'this'....but you will get through 'it'. I hope that makes sense. I lost my son 11 years ago and while it is no comparison to your loss (every loss is all it's own) I can tell you after awhile (a long while) the dust settles and the smoke clears and the fog that you have been living in will lift. You will never feel the way you did before your DH passed, but you will start to feel; the numbness will pass.

I know it is still fresh in all of your minds and traumatic series of events is playing over and over. Please see about getting your girls into see a grief counsler. I know it sounds premature, but over the next few day/weeks/ months they will have feelings thye might not be comfortable talking with you about. They have gone through a terrible thing and having someone else to talk to will help. Same for you.

HUGS

 

[cuppycake]

I just want to send hugs and prayers for you and your family.

As someone who also witnessed her father dying (I was 13, my sister was 11 and he had a massive heart attack at home...my mother was trying to revive him and to this day, I have that image burned in my brain), I will second the advice on some sort of counseling for you all. I wish that "back then" (25 years ago this month) it would have been done for me. It's been rough living with the feeling that my loved ones will die in their sleep and that I always have to make sure that everyone in my house is breathing when they are asleep...to this day, I check on my girls MULTIPLE times before I go to bed.

Sorry for that ramble. All that just to say....do what you can to make it through the next few weeks, and things will start to settle a bit. It will change your lives forever, but it won't always hurt so badly. Take good care of yourselves.

God grant you peace.

 

[LadyShea]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[allaboutmm]

Please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts.

 

[Krissy Marissy]

Truly sorry for your loss. You must do what is right for you and your family. What would your DH want you to do? I wish you peace. God bless.

 

[disneymarie]

I really have to thank all of you for your posts and signing the guest book. I never thought how much that would mean to us. We lived thru today's funeral but I'm not sure we are coming thru this whole. Without going into to gruesome of details my girls witness the whole thing including me doing CPR and they calling 911. We are all reliving those images and thats what is really killing us right now. My 5yo constant thinks she is dying and has something "stuck in her throat". It is very trying on all of use to hear her repeatedly. If that part didn't happen we would have been so much better emotionally. With that the girls are relieved I canceled the trip. Disney did charge me the 100$ penalty/room, how magical. I asked if they would wave it due to death and was told thats what trip insurance is for..... AirTran did not refund me but gave me credit for a year without penalty. So somewhere in the next 12 months I have to burn 2000 worth of airfare where we will go I have no idea.

Sue, I know much of what you are frrling and experiencing, we lost our dd 29 last year. I can attest to what a powerful tool the Legacy Book is to read and I still maintain my DD's online. We had just come back from Disney when she passed away and I did not know If I could make it 9 months later to go with my older sons family, DH and DD turning 12 that week.

Disney actually sent me three months after our trip the few photopass pictures I had with my DD at Disney. They emailed the pictures for her funeral and then sent a CD free. I could not thank them enough. One day when you feel up to it, I would call again and ask if Disney is about making memories, why could they not refund the cost as you will be making the trip.

At 9 months I was crying making the last payment on our trip and had a few rough moments at Disney. But Disney was about healing my family and creating new memories.

A CM understanding the situation gave my DD 12 some pixie dust picture her sister with wings to picture her as she had fun in Disney and through the pixie dust over her shoulder. Every time we saw pixie dust on the ground or some place we smiled that dd was nearby.

It would have been easier for me a year later, but for the kids the 9 months was a good time to go.
My prayers are with you and your family.
TO the DIS forum family I can't tell you how powerful the Legacy Book listings are for the families, unless you had a similar experiance to the power of its support.........
dianne

 

[eeyoresmyfav]

I am truly sorry for your loss! My family is praying for yours. We lost my dh 3 years ago and are heading back to WDW in Sept., for the first time since this devastating loss. Please Please take it easy on yourself. Don't worry about the trip, there will be time for that. Right now you need to just focus on getting through each day. I spent the first 6 months after dh died in a fog. We all did well to just get up in the morning. My son was 5 when his dad died and my daughter was 10. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.
Hugs and more prayers for all of you!
Debbie

 

[lisadr]

I am sorry for your families loss and the traumatic experience. I wish there was something more I could say but no matter what I say it will never be enough. Please know you and your girls are in my prayers.

 

[8ofus]

Im leaving for my trip to disney on Sept. the fifth with my family, parents and sisters and their families. You will be and are in my prayers and thoughts. I have a 5 year old son as well as an 11 year old 8year old and a 15,21,and23 year old. If you decide not to go would your 5 year old understand going for his next birthday maybe? Maybe you could do something else fum for this birthday. I dont know what you will decide but, whatever you do it will be the right decision if you and your children make it. I'm telling my whole family to smile and be friendly to every one at the parks, even those who seem grouchy and not tollerant of lines and other things that can make one grouchy at disney. You never know what another soul is going through.

 

[dwelty]

You made the right decision not to go and I can speak from experience. In January of this year, I lost my mom after a long battle with Cancer. (Over 3 years) We had a trip planned that ended up being the week after the funeral. At the encouragement of my siblings and father, we took the kids and went. When we came back, reality hit us hard, and we went thru the greiving that we should have experienced the week after her death. The "escape" did not make any difference. And looking back, I cannot even remember most of the details of that trip. When you do decide to go, you will have dealt with some of these feelings and you will enjoy the trip more. It will be more of a a healing experience for you.

 

[Belle4mygrl]

I just want to say I am truly sorry. Take your time.