help me with a discipline plan

[luvmyfam444]

I really need to figure out some rewards/consquences for my kids (8&3).....right now we don't do much other than the typical negative stuff yelling, etc....

The other night they were in the tub & told numerous times to wash their hair & after about 30 mins when dh came to get them out of course nothing had been washed. And of course I couldn't think of anyway to discipline them! I told dh just to wash her hair (with cold water since they'd used all the hot!)& send her to bed early - without reading but that had no effect on her @ all...

As you can see I need help!

they are pretty well behaved most times - BUT the 3yo is going thru a really testing time - tantrums & all! (didn't have terrible 2's -we get it @ 3 instead!)

ANy ideas wold be great....

 

[Wishing on a star]

They were in the tub together ???????

Is the three year old expected to wash their own hair ????

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

could use similar advice - nothing big, but we just keep seeing the same behaviors over and over despite talks, taking away favorite toys, grounding from playing with friends. Thinking of starting a chore/behavior chart so it takes a form where you can see stars for good and demerits for bad....just have to decide what the repercussions will be....nothing really seems to get to her enough?

 

[mickeyboat]

Read the book "1-2-3 Magic." I can't remember who is the author, but it has some great discipline ideas. Consistency is key (which is also the hardest).

Denae

 

[Christine]

Maybe I'm a discipline "wimp" but, when my 11 year old takes a bath (infrequently these days), I often have trouble getting him to wash his hair. I, too, keep yelling to "hurry up and wash your hair."

Generally, I find this all very tedious and frustrating, but notnecessarily a punishable offense! It just goes along with the parental nagging.

Now, leaving toys out, not picking up, etc., are things that can be disciplined.

Basically your kids are having a good time playng in the tub and they as dawdling and kids will do. I would probably be in there washing their hair and making sure they were clean, and then let them play for awhile.

 

[golfgal]

I am confused too. Your 8 and 3 year old are expected to bathe themselves with out adult supervision? I can see the 8 year old, but even at that age my kids needed me to check to make sure they got all the soap out of their hair. I just don't see this as a major issue, other then the not listening. I think sending them to bed early was appropriate. Bath time is fun, washing your hair isn't. There are just some things you will have to 'make' your kids do and yelling at them from another room isn't going to accomplish anything.

 

[bananiem]

Well, when my kids were 3 I didn't leave them in the tub. They were only 21 months apart so even when the youngest was 3 the oldest was 4 1/2. So at 3 they spent as much time int he tub as I was willing to sit there for.
When they started showering/bathing on their own I always told them to scrub up and do their hair FIRST, then they could play for the time that was left. You could set a time and when it dings, tub time is over.

 

[tar heel]

A 3-year-old bathing himself and washing his own hair?

None of my kids were doing their own hair without me helping rinse when they were 8 -- they were not being left unattended in the tub when they were 3.

 

[luvmyfam444]

They were in the tub together ???????

Is the three year old expected to wash their own hair ????

Well yes - they are BOTH girls!!!!

And yes - the 3 yo can do most of her hair alone - if it's checked to make sure the soap is out - but normally big sister just does it for her....

THat wasn't the issue, though - minding was the issue here...

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

My DD8 just started doing it all on her own as well - but I thought I was putting it off too long - but at 3 I didn't leave the bathroom for anything - I don't think I could even with an older sibling there.

 

[golfgal]

Well yes - they are BOTH girls!!!!

And yes - the 3 yo can do most of her hair alone - if it's checked to make sure the soap is out - but normally big sister just does it for her....

THat wasn't the issue, though - minding was the issue here...

I still think the real issue is that they are too young to be expected to do this without some direct parent supervision.

 

[Christine]

I still think the real issue is that they are too young to be expected to do this without some direct parent supervision.

Agreed.

I would probably go in there at the start of the bath, have my STERNEST face on and say, "I want you to wash you hair right away." See that they do it, then have them wash, and then let them play. Don't put any toys in (if you do) until they are washed.

I would say that, at this age, they probably still need your presence in the room to keep "reminding" them to wash up.

 

[Aneille]

We moved to a chip system recently. Our kids are 2 and 4 and it did help. We were very consistent with it for about 2 weeks and now we are not but their behaviour is still 1000 times better and its about a month later. Another bonus was both my kids have learned to count a whole lot higher than they did before and they are learning addition/subtraction as well!

We got a large dry erase board and we listed things to get chips for. For example 1 chip for burshing their teeth, 2 chips for making their bed, 1 chip for playing nicely together, 1 chip for saying please/thank you, 1 chip for doing what you asked the first time, etc.

I had to add one the other day though for my oldest. If she gets in the car and buckled within my count of 10 she gets a chip. We were having trouble getting her moving once she got in the car.

Things they lost chips for were -5 for hitting, spitting, kicking etc. -5 for a temper tantrum, -2 for talking back, -1 for interupting and not being polite.

This is what I remember off the top of my head. We had them sign the contract.

At the end of the week on Friday they could turn their chips in for a prize. 5 chips for some mints, 25 for root beer, special time with mom or dad, even Disney dollars (we assigned 25 cents to each chip for this).

This reminds me that I need to get back to doing it again to reinforce the good behaviour.

It also helped our family because my oldest is very intense and she would have very intense temper trantrums and they lasted a long time and you can't reason with her when she's like this. You need to let her run her course. But we used to end up just yelling and taking things away and nothign had any affect on her.

So this way our whole family can focus on something other than the bad behaviour instead move it to the chips so its not as personal. They like it because they see it as a game.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well honestly my kids were never able to wash their own hair in the bathtub. When they got to the point where they wanted to wash their own hair, they learned how to take a shower.

I sure wouldn't expect a 3 year old to do that -- you've done pretty great there if you have gotten her to do most of it.

As for a discipline with that, I really wouldn't call it discipline. My outlook is that on things like that - if you want the right to act more grown up and do it on your own, then you have to show the responsibility of doing it correctly.

So for the next couple of nights I would come into the bathroom and say "no, you didn't do it right so I have to check on you and make sure."

Then in a couple of days tell her you are going to let her try "being big" again.

 

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

Well, I think the key to discipline is consistency, and following through with what you say. You have two daughters. Tell them if they don't wash their hair you're going to randomly sell one to a band of traveling gypsies. If they still don't do it, follow through. You should still have one daughter who will start to toe the line.

 

[Aneille]

Well, I think the key to discipline is consistency, and following through with what you say. You have two daughters. Tell them if they don't wash their hair you're going to randomly sell one to a band of traveling gypsies. If they still don't do it, follow through. You should still have one daughter who will start to toe the line.

 

[cheerbop]

The real issue the OP is asking advice for is ways to improve behavior and discipline issues, NOT whether we agree with her on her style of bathing her children......

To your original topic/question....I like the chip system stated above. When our DS8 was younger, it seemed to work for him...he could see the stars add up and at certain intervals he got rewarded.
Now that he is 8 though, that doesn't seem to work. We are having quite a hard time with him. One thing we started with him is a warning system. We let some things slide for a bit and then he will get one warning....anything happens that day, 2, then if he gets to 3, he goes to bed early (which he hates!!!) and then if the behaviors continue, we take important toys/gameboy away, etc.
Now, with our almost 2 year old, this is a dif. story...he is just now starting to learn the word "no" or "not for (his name)...so, I haven't started any reward system for him yet. What I do with him may be dif., because he is quite opposite of his older brother.

 

[sweet angel]

There is no way an 8YO should be supervising a 3YO in the tub. Would you leave the same two children unattended in a pool????

However, to answer the question, I'm not sure at that age discipline is what's required. I think the OP needs to stay in the room to make sure hair, etc. is washed and not leave the room until it's done to her liking.

Alternatively, if the playing is what's taking precedence over the washing, have them bathe separately (I'm assuming the 3YO would then be supervised) and monitor until all the washing is done. With the 8YO, she'll be wanting privacy soon, so she should do it just to get mom out of the room.

 

[punkin]

I still wash my 13 yo's hair when she takes a bath (she can do it alone in the shower). My 7 yo cannot wash her own hair yet at all.

In any event, even if they can do it, children at that age sometimes cannot keep track of time. If you left them alone for 30 min playing, no wonder nothing got done. You go in there and make sure their hair is washed BEFORE they play. Stand over them if you have to. This is not a punishment deserving offence in my opinion. This is something you have to change in your own behavior.

 

[luvmyfam444]

GEe once again I've learned my lesson---NEVER give any examples to go with my question so I DON"T GET JUDGED ON MY parenting! Just ask the question & MAYBE people will answer the real question out there....

THANKS CHEERBOP& Aneillie for answering me!!!