Help me keep this in perspective

[ckay87]

How bent out of shape would you be if a leader or teacher wacked your kid on the behind? With a hand? With a book or other object? Would any amount of gentleness make it ok?

I'm in a position where I'm pretty much fuming. I am a cub scout leader. I entrusted my kid to a different cub scout leader at a camp last week. Leader basically spanked my kid. Kid says it was with a hand, moderately hard (but likely not painful), leader said it was with a book, gentle.

Being a trained scout leader, I know this is WAY out of line (spanking - not to mention ANY contact with an adolescent boy's butt!) Also as a scout leader for 4 years, I have dealt with a TON of misbehavior and have managed to deal with it appropriately. And as a parent..... Mama Bear is in the house! I drafted a somewhat civil, yet p*ssy email, just to get started on this, but I have to deal with this person on a regular basis.

If you're a parent, you know what I mean when I say that it's easy for your emotions to take over your common sense sometimes. Is being as angry as I am kind of out of line? Would you be able to ignore any kind of spanking by another person with respect to your own kid?

How I hate to start a spanking debate - that's not my intent. It's a whole different situation when it's someone else's kid....or is it? What do you think?

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I would most certainly send her/him a certified letter at the very least letting the person know how you feel. I would also send a copy to the Boy Scouts of America Association.

You definetly need to contact them because this is more than likely not an isolated incident and this person is representing them while dealing with other people's children.

*ETA you might also want to inform the organization who sponsors the cub scout group-- school, church...*

Best wishes!

 

[Christopher Robin]

Let's start at the beginning...What did your kid do that warranted a spanking?

 

[bigtinkfun]

When it's your kid, it's a spanking.

When it's someone else's kid, it's battery.

If he did it to your kid, he might also do it to others. Which could result in criminal charges for him and civil liability as well. As well as liability for the Scouts? I dunno.

I'd let him know that spanking other people's kids is inappropriate and that he shouldn't do it again. Then I'd let him know that if he has any problems with my kid, he can always let me know and I'll take care of it. But if he ever lays a hand on my kid again...

And I wouldn't let him take charge of my kid again.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Let's start at the beginning...What did your kid do that warranted a spanking?

I don't think that matters. I would be upset if someone else laid a finger on DD or DS. Heck I flipped out at my MIL when when she threatened DS that I would hit him if he didn't start behaving.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Let's start at the beginning...What did your kid do that warranted a spanking?

Exactly, what did your kid do?

 

[Skywalker]

Did they hold your son down and actually spank him, or was it more like one gentle whack as he walked by or something. To me, a spanking is more than one hit. A quick whack with a book to say, "Get moving" or something is no big deal.

I'd have to know more about the situation but I don't think I'd be freaking out.

Also, how old is your son?

 

[ticktock]

As long as I didn't think this person was some kind of perv it wouldn't bother me. I personally don't like to spank just because it makes me kind of ill, but I have seen it do wonders with children who's parents said they were "just that way" and thought everyone else should have to deal with it . So I am for spanking, even someone elses kid (as long as I don't have to do it).

On the other hand I know how strict the BSA are and am suprised that a trained leader would do something like that. Before I went off the deep end I would talk to the woman and maybe some other parents about it. There may be some agreement between the other parents that they all are allowed to disipline each others kids this way?

 

[NYBlue1]

It does not matter what your kid did. He could have done the most aweful thing known to mankind and there is NO reason for another parent leader teacher to hit him, with a hand with a book with anything. I would report the insident to the police if your so inclined and then send the report along with a letter to the boy scouts and make sure this guy is never a leader again. That does not mean you have to press a charge on the leader, your just documenting the insident to pass on to the scouts.

That and only that would be enough to calm me down from giving the leader a spanking of my own. In this day and age you just cant lay hands on kids.
Period, end of story. If your boy deserves punishment over the insident I would suggest you handle that as well, if he thinks he can get away with whatever it is and come out smelling like sunshine with the leader taking the fall it can only mean bigger trouble to come from him. Again just my suggestion not implying your boy did or did not do anything.

 

[ckay87]

Let's start at the beginning...What did your kid do that warranted a spanking?

That's an interesting question because it was the first one I asked, of course. Then I thought....imo, the only reason a cub scout leader should hit a kid is in self-defense.

But maybe it is relevant. She told me they were late everywhere they went, warned the kids "countless" times to keep walking and stay on the path. My kid ran off the path to get a stick.

I will not defend his behavior - he should respect his leaders. But if you have a free afternoon or 2 I could list many, many other behaviors the boys exhibited on MY watch over the years. That is what gets to me. Heck, I've gone home pulling my hair out some nights after our meetings. But hitting...spanking....even tapping these boys never crossed my mind.

 

[ckay87]

Did they hold your son down and actually spank him, or was it more like one gentle whack as he walked by or something. To me, a spanking is more than one hit. A quick whack with a book to say, "Get moving" or something is no big deal.

I'd have to know more about the situation but I don't think I'd be freaking out.

Also, how old is your son?

See, and that's what the other, maybe more logical side of my brain is saying. No it wasn't a good old-fashioned spanking. Just a hit with 2 different versions of how hard.

I told DS "here, do it to me, show me how hard it was" so he did. He said "did that hurt?" I said "no" and he did it a little harder.

I just think it was out of line.

My son is 11.

 

[pearlieq]

Totally unacceptable. I agree that the only reason a leader could ever possibly have to hit a kid in any way would be self defense.

I would want the leader disciplined or removed. Someone who shows that lack of common sense and inability to think through their actions should not be leading kids.

 

[lulugirl]

Okay, the leader was irritated that your son's group was distracted and late for certain activities, your son ran off the path and the leader gave him a swat on the tush as in ...get back in line and keep moving? Is that accurate?
Well, I would absolutely tell the leader she really needs to keep her hands to herself and make my anger known but honestly I don't think this is a huge deal unless there are other problems w/ this particular person.

 

[mom2rb]

It doesn't matter what your son did. If my child acts up enough that you feel he needs to be spanked, you can call me. You can kick him out of camp, I will come get him and deal with him myself.

I taught gymnastics for 21 years. I have made kids sit out, run, do extra conditioning, ect... For the kids that still wouldn't behave, I kicked them out of the gym. It was now their parents problem to discipline them. If the problem was corrected great, if not they were gone for good. I have never spanked another person's child.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you want us to help you keep it in perspective you have to share the details.

Was it a tap to get moving or a swat from anger?
Was this a female or a male that swatted the behind?
Was your son arguing or refusing to do something?

Take that into account first.

Then look at the leader? Is this a pattern with them, etc...? Do you get a weird vibe from this person? What does your gut say?

Then finally you need to not send "pissy emails" and you need to deal with this through the proper channels.
Do not engage the leader and go & file a formal complaint with your scouting council, or whatever it is.

Bottom line....if you are going to take action, do it through proper channels so if it turns out to be "more to the story" (more boys being "swatted" etc....) you will have started a paper trail formally.

 

[Skatermom23]

That's an interesting question because it was the first one I asked, of course. Then I thought....imo, the only reason a cub scout leader should hit a kid is in self-defense.

But maybe it is relevant. She told me they were late everywhere they went, warned the kids "countless" times to keep walking and stay on the path. My kid ran off the path to get a stick.

I will not defend his behavior - he should respect his leaders. But if you have a free afternoon or 2 I could list many, many other behaviors the boys exhibited on MY watch over the years. That is what gets to me. Heck, I've gone home pulling my hair out some nights after our meetings. But hitting...spanking....even tapping these boys never crossed my mind.

I could certainly see this happening as something very innocent. The Leader was probably frustrated with your son for not staying where he should be and whacked him with whatever was in his hand ( clipboard, backpack etc) as he passed by, on his way to where he should have been. If that is in fact what happened, then no I wouldn't make an issue of it. Now if he really meant to "spank" him with his hand, then yes that is a problem.

 

[trappednabox]

Totally unacceptable. I agree that the only reason a leader could ever possibly have to hit a kid in any way would be self defense.

I would want the leader disciplined or removed. Someone who shows that lack of common sense and inability to think through their actions should not be leading kids.

ITA! If ANYONE laid a hand on my little sis (10) they wouldn't only have mom to deal with, they'd have big sis too! TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!

 

[Christopher Robin]

OK.

I was at scout camp recently with my son and several others. They were molasses getting around from time to time. Swatted the last in line on a couple occasions probably. Got them moving.

Was the book the 'Webelos handbook', maybe a quick "let's get going thing'? Were other kids equally dealt with? If so, no problem. There are instances where I would be OK with it.

(OT to others, if I can't use discretion and disicpline your kid in an appropiate manner, fine. Just let me know up front. But don't expect me then to hug them if they are hurt or crying, boost them up to get a drink from the fountain, or hold thier hand if they are afraid to walk to the outhouse in the dark. I am an adult, treat me like one. If you don't want to, fine. Just call off work be at the 4 night camp out and do it yourself, or keep your child away. You have choices.)

 

[shirleyb]

OK, this is just me. I'm a trained BSA leader, as is DH, and this is how I would handle it if I wanted to maintain a decent relationship with the adult, and still let her know she was wrong.

I'd tell her that I heard about the incident and understand her frustrations, but she has to realize that kind of behavior could get her in big trouble, and if it was someone else's child, she could really be in trouble. That kind of thing.

That way, you've shown your disapproval and made her understand that she can't do it in the future. You might also want to say something to the committee chair or cubmaster.

 

[SpecialK]

I am truly shocked at some of these responses. Unless the boy was threatening or attacking the adult, there should be no physical reprimand of any kind.

I taught jr. high for 15 years. I know that kids in this age group can be trying. This response on the leadre's part was inappropriate and should be addressed.

To those of you who are asking what the boy did, would you have the same reaction if it was a teacher who swatted him? Both are authority firgures. Both should be held to the same standard.