I find it interesting that the non-CIOs think CIO is the easy way, and the CIOs think nursing/parenting to sleep is the easy way.
Me, personally, parenting to sleep is the harder way for me, but the easier way for my daughter. I feel as the adult, it's up to me to bear the burden rather than her. That's my take on it.
That is a matter of parenting, and not of failure to do CIO. My 10-month old daughter's bedtime is 7:30, and that rarely changes. She sleeps quite well at night, as well.
I would be not want my child to be sick at night and not come to get me, and I would feel awful if I didn't wake up. My parents did CIO with me, but I still woke them up or they woke up themselves if I was sick (both of my parents would be up, too, not just one). Honestly, I was sick when I was at my parent's house last (pregnant). My mom woke up when I went to the bathroom and was sick. She got up, made me tea, got me a blanket, held my hair for me... and I was 28 years old!
Maybe that's just me, but I read this part of your post to my husband, and he had exactly the same reaction as I did, and I didn't ask him or lead him in that direction.
Again, parenting issue, not co-sleeping issue. Also, my DH and I do have time for us.
I will say props to you for being a single mom and holding down things at home while your husband is fighting for our country. I really appreciate his sacrifice, and I hope he stays safe.