HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[jodifla]

Good for you OP!

I think too many people don't get that there's something between CIO and running in at any noise your child makes.

Sleep training is proven, and it works for most kids (although there are always those exceptions out there!)

 

[ccgirl]

First, let me say I have not read all of the replies. As a mom that has been through this I so feel for you! Obviously, you will find moms who swear by one method or another. Bottom line is that all children are different, regardless of what people say.

My DD7 did not sleep through the night until she was 5. She had reflux and some other "minor" health issues. I actually found that when she slept on her stomach that would help a bit. She always was able to turn her head. She would be up every hour to 2 hours thru the night. I was nursing for the first 6 months and supplementing with a formula bottle. When I began to pump when I returned to work there wasn't a whole lot that came out. My poor baby was pretty much starving.... I just assumed all women produce enough milk to feed their baby. That is not true. When I switched to more bottles she did better but still did not sleep thru the night. I tried, or shoudl I say my DH tried, the CIO method while I slept downstairs so I could not hear her. She would get so upset she would vomit. I took her to the pedi who said she was just being stubborn. Infants/small children cry because they can't speak. She was telling me that she wanted me, and only me, and will cry and throw up until she gets "it" (me). She began having a lot of ear infections. We ended up putting tubes in when she was 2. When they were in there they also noticed her adenoids were huge and were extemely surprised she didn't have trouble breathing. That did help. The problem was that she was so used to me going in every 2 hours that it took a long time to break the habit. Once the medical issues were resolved, it was just that a habit. She actually needed me to get back to sleep. SHe had to learn to get herself back to sleep. I was a FT working mom so went to work very sleep deprived. Once I broke her of the habit, she was a great sleeper. The Ferber method and "tough love" is what worked for me. Again, that is what worked for me and all babies are different.

My son, on the other hand, we were blessed that he is such a great sleeper. I learned from my mistakes with her though. I will rock him and sing him a lullaby and then he goes down awake. I would hold my DD until she fell asleep. Does he cry for me, sure...sometimes he even yells for me but he gets to sleep in about 15 minutes. I even called the dr. the first time he slept thru the night at 3 months because I wasn't used to it and thought something was wrong. The doctor said it was actually very normal. I can't tell you how many times I went into his room to make sure he was still breathing. He did not have the health issues either though. He is very much a binky boy. I exclusively bottle/formula fed my DS since I had such low milk production with my DD so he never got "attached" to the breast. Instead of a binky, my DD used my breast as a pacifier. My DS goes to bed with (7) binkies. That way he can always find one. A few of them have the clip to make them easier to find.

Sorry this is so long winded, I guess what I am trying to say is do what is right for you and your child. No mom has all of the answers, we can only offer what works for us. What works for one mom/child may not be right for another. Nobody's "answer" is more superior than another. Have you spoken to your pediatrician? Mine always said that if the baby is healthy, crying is normal and actually good at 6 months. It helps them to learn coping skills. You may get different answers. In any event, good luck...I so feel for you and hope you get sleep very soon!

 

[MistressMerryweather]

I think too many people don't get that there's something between CIO and running in at any noise your child makes.

 

[tiffjoy]

I'm new here, but I'm also a new mom, and just wanted to post to say that my 10 month old daughter still doesn't STTN, and I wouldn't expect her to do so. Being a baby is hard work, actually- there's a lot of growing and adjusting. I personally feel that it's my job as her mom to tend to her when she cries. I don't know of any other species who cares for their young who would ignore the cries of their baby. there's a reason that CIO bothers most moms who try it- it goes against nature. Just my two cents.

If you do choose CIO, please know that if you are breastfeeding, it might harm your bfing relationship and cause your supply to dry up. My DD eats the majority of her intake at night, and if I didn't nurse her at night, she wouldn't be nursing much. If you are formula feeding, many babies are also distractable at this age, and don't eat enough during the day. Night feeding through the first year is highly common for babies, and the only reason to discourage it is to make life easier for the parents.

Also, this age is a prime time for teething, which is incredibly painful. Many babies cry at night during this time seeking comfort for their physical pain. Even pain meds may not totally get rid of the discomfort.

6-12 months is also a time of great developmental strides which make it difficult for a baby to sleep- their brain is just going, going, going. My DD often wakes up crying and crawling- her body and mind are thinking about her new developmental activity and it's a lot going on. There is also the classic 9-month sleep regression, which occurs at the general time of learning to crawl, stand and possibly walk.

My DD took almost 2.5 hours to fall asleep last night, and she woke up 3 times, then was up for good at 5 am. we co-sleep to help make life easier for me, and less stressful for her. Sure enough, when I looked this morning, another tooth had popped through to the surface. I can't imagine how I would have felt if instead of holding her and nursing her through all her discomfort last night, I had left her to cry because I believed that she should learn to sleep. I work full-time, as does my DH, so I do sympathize and understand how hard it is. But babies really do need comfort and security, not abandonment and schedules.

Dr Sears, as a PP mentioned, is a great source of info. I highly recommend his book as well as a site that is actually full of mothers who have great advice (I'm not really thinking the Disney board is the best place for kid-rearing questions) and are up to date on the latest research. Although my parents did do CIO with me, there is new research to suggest that it isn't healthy for children. Just as we need to progress year by year in terms of safety for children (ie, my parents didn't even bring me home from the hospital in a car seat), we need to do the same for sleep methods. The site is kellymom dot com, and I have found it to be my sanity savior.

Again, this is just my opinion from my experience. I do understand there are different ways of raising children, adn I respect that. But I really hope that the OP can research other methods besides CIO. Above all, I think listening to your instincts is most important, and not giving in to pressure from others, or trying to make your life what is was before having a baby.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm new here, but I'm also a new mom, and just wanted to post to say that my 10 month old daughter still doesn't STTN, and I wouldn't expect her to do so. Being a baby is hard work, actually- there's a lot of growing and adjusting. I personally feel that it's my job as her mom to tend to her when she cries. I don't know of any other species who cares for their young who would ignore the cries of their baby. there's a reason that CIO bothers most moms who try it- it goes against nature. Just my two cents.

If you do choose CIO, please know that if you are breastfeeding, it might harm your bfing relationship and cause your supply to dry up. My DD eats the majority of her intake at night, and if I didn't nurse her at night, she wouldn't be nursing much. If you are formula feeding, many babies are also distractable at this age, and don't eat enough during the day. Night feeding through the first year is highly common for babies, and the only reason to discourage it is to make life easier for the parents.

Also, this age is a prime time for teething, which is incredibly painful. Many babies cry at night during this time seeking comfort for their physical pain. Even pain meds may not totally get rid of the discomfort.

6-12 months is also a time of great developmental strides which make it difficult for a baby to sleep- their brain is just going, going, going. My DD often wakes up crying and crawling- her body and mind are thinking about her new developmental activity and it's a lot going on. There is also the classic 9-month sleep regression, which occurs at the general time of learning to crawl, stand and possibly walk.

My DD took almost 2.5 hours to fall asleep last night, and she woke up 3 times, then was up for good at 5 am. we co-sleep to help make life easier for me, and less stressful for her. Sure enough, when I looked this morning, another tooth had popped through to the surface. I can't imagine how I would have felt if instead of holding her and nursing her through all her discomfort last night, I had left her to cry because I believed that she should learn to sleep. I work full-time, as does my DH, so I do sympathize and understand how hard it is. But babies really do need comfort and security, not abandonment and schedules.

Dr Sears, as a PP mentioned, is a great source of info. I highly recommend his book as well as a site that is actually full of mothers who have great advice (I'm not really thinking the Disney board is the best place for kid-rearing questions) and are up to date on the latest research. Although my parents did do CIO with me, there is new research to suggest that it isn't healthy for children. Just as we need to progress year by year in terms of safety for children (ie, my parents didn't even bring me home from the hospital in a car seat), we need to do the same for sleep methods. The site is kellymom dot com, and I have found it to be my sanity savior.

Again, this is just my opinion from my experience. I do understand there are different ways of raising children, adn I respect that. But I really hope that the OP can research other methods besides CIO. Above all, I think listening to your instincts is most important, and not giving in to pressure from others, or trying to make your life what is was before having a baby.

And you have how many kids....

 

[princessmom29]

i'm new here, but i'm also a new mom, and just wanted to post to say that my 10 month old daughter still doesn't sttn, and i wouldn't expect her to do so. Being a baby is hard work, actually- there's a lot of growing and adjusting. I personally feel that it's my job as her mom to tend to her when she cries. I don't know of any other species who cares for their young who would ignore the cries of their baby. there's a reason that cio bothers most moms who try it- it goes against nature. Just my two cents.not me. Didn't bother me because i knew i was doing what was best for my child. We do lots of things we would rather not bcause our kids need us to, like letting go and sending them to school.

if you do choose cio, please know that if you are breastfeeding, it might harm your bfing relationship and cause your supply to dry up. My dd eats the majority of her intake at night, and if i didn't nurse her at night, she wouldn't be nursing much. If you are formula feeding, many babies are also distractable at this age, and don't eat enough during the day. Night feeding through the first year is highly common for babies, and the only reason to discourage it is to make life easier for the parents.there is no solid research to prove this nad my ped would tell you it is completely untrue night feeding should not be necessary by 6 months, barring medical complications

also, this age is a prime time for teething, which is incredibly painful. Many babies cry at night during this time seeking comfort for their physical pain. Even pain meds may not totally get rid of the discomfort.

6-12 months is also a time of great developmental strides which make it difficult for a baby to sleep- their brain is just going, going, going. My dd often wakes up crying and crawling- her body and mind are thinking about her new developmental activity and it's a lot going on. There is also the classic 9-month sleep regression, which occurs at the general time of learning to crawl, stand and possibly walk.if they are getting enough stimulation and activity during the day this should not be an issue at all. Sounds like she needs more play time

my dd took almost 2.5 hours to fall asleep last night, and she woke up 3 times, then was up for good at 5 am. We co-sleep to help make life easier for me, and less stressful for her. Sure enough, when i looked this morning, another tooth had popped through to the surface. I can't imagine how i would have felt if instead of holding her and nursing her through all her discomfort last night, i had left her to cry because i believed that she should learn to sleep. I work full-time, as does my dh, so i do sympathize and understand how hard it is. But babies really do need comfort and security, not abandonment and schedules.i am sorry, but every child needs the predicability of a scheduled routine. There is comfort in predictability. Not having one can make a child more insecure and clingy, not happier and more content. A child without a schedule is often confused and unsure about what will happen next. It is no wonder they are waking up at all hours.

dr sears, as a pp mentioned, is a great source of info. I highly recommend his book as well as a site that is actually full of mothers who have great advice (i'm not really thinking the disney board is the best place for kid-rearing questions) and are up to date on the latest research. Although my parents did do cio with me, there is new research to suggest that it isn't healthy for children. Just as we need to progress year by year in terms of safety for children (ie, my parents didn't even bring me home from the hospital in a car seat), we need to do the same for sleep methods. The site is kellymom dot com, and i have found it to be my sanity savior.

Again, this is just my opinion from my experience. I do understand there are different ways of raising children, adn i respect that. But i really hope that the op can research other methods besides cio. Above all, i think listening to your instincts is most important, and not giving in to pressure from others, or trying to make your life what is was before having a baby.i reall don't think anyone here is trying to make thier life what it was before having a baby, but everyone in a family has needs that have to be met, including the parents. Everyone needs to sleep. Being well rested makes me a better mommy. Children also need to form healthy independent sleep habits. Imo co-sleeping and going in everytime they whne seriously undermines that, and means that no one in the house, baby included, is getting the quality rest they need.

ymmv

 

[MistressMerryweather]

And you have how many kids....

As she stated in the first sentence. One. I don't see how that matters and it isn't very nice to dismiss her disrespectfully. Her post was very kind and she also said it was her opinion. 5 kids doesn't mean your opinion is any more important or useful...or right...than anyone else.

 

[princessmom29]

As she stated in the first sentence. One. I don't see how that matters and it isn't very nice to dismiss her disrespectfully. Her post was very kind and she also said it was her opinion. 5 kids doesn't mean your opinion is any more important or useful...or right...than anyone else.

kind is definitely not what I got. I got the implication that CIO is a selfish, easy way out. I think that is the reason for the strong reaction.

 

[tiffjoy]

And you have how many kids....

One,as I said. My understanding was not that you had to have a certain number of children to offer some words of solicited advice.

 

[tiffjoy]

kind is definitely not what I got. I got the implication that CIO is a selfish, easy way out. I think that is the reason for the strong reaction.

Often,CIO is used as easy way out. I think in this case, the OP is frustrated and looking for answers. I don't think she was looking for an easy way, but for a solution.

I offered my opinion and advice. I have just as much right to do that as anyone else. I strongly disagree with CIO, and I wanted to offer some alternative experience.

I offer no apologies for reaching out to another mother who is having a difficult time and giving her advice that others may not agree with. I do not agree with some of the advice she has been given. I expect, like every other parent. she will make her own choices, and that's fine. No meaness of judgement intended in my post.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

kind is definitely not what I got. I got the implication that CIO is a selfish, easy way out. I think that is the reason for the strong reaction.

I didn't get that. Even though I share her opinion, I thought it sounded as though she was just sharing her beliefs on CIO. Maybe because you disagree it sounded that way. I don't know. I tried to read it and not be biased and I thought it was really respectful.

I guess those who don't do CIO could say that most of the CIO posts have made us sound like we can't say no, are wishy washy, and undisciplined when that really isn't the case at all.

 

[princessmom29]

Often,CIO is used as easy way out. I think in this case, the OP is frustrated and looking for answers. I don't think she was looking for an easy way, but for a solution.

I offered my opinion and advice. I have just as much right to do that as anyone else. I strongly disagree with CIO, and I wanted to offer some alternative experience.

I offer no apologies for reaching out to another mother who is having a difficult time and giving her advice that others may not agree with. I do not agree with some of the advice she has been given. I expect, like every other parent. she will make her own choices, and that's fine. No meaness of judgement intended in my post.

Anyone who has actually seen CIO trough to a successful end will tell you that it is NOT the easy way out. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I did it becase the sleep deprivation had become dangerous for everyone. I couldn't be a good mom when I was so tired I was falling asleep driving. DD was cranky because she was not getting enough sleep to make it through full sleep cycles. She wasn;t geting the good quality of sleep she needed either. No one in the house was really rested. I realized they healthy sleep habits were important for everyone when I was literally at the end of my rope. My hope would be that no one else has to end up there.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Anyone who has actually seen CIO trough to a successful end will tell you that it is NOT the easy way out. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.

But why was it one of the hardest things you have ever done? I think so because it is against a mothers natural given instincts. Yes, we all do things that are hard, like sending our 5yo off to kindergarten. Completely different than a mother's instincts to answer a baby's cries.
I hear you on the sleep deprivation. I don't let my baby do whatever he or she wants at night. Sleep time is sleep time, but that may mean that she cries in my arms or next to me in bed. Not in a dark room alone. Like I said before, a 6 mos old barely knows that she is a different person than her mother.

Really though, we should all agree to disagree.

ETA: I have sleep-trained 2 babies before. So I know how hard it was to do it and they were not my children. I am also very glad I found out what I did before I had my own children.

 

[princessmom29]

But why was it one of the hardest things you have ever done? I think so because it is against a mothers natural given instincts. Yes, we all do things that are hard, like sending our 5yo off to kindergarten. Completely different than a mother's instincts to answer a baby's cries.
I hear you on the sleep deprivation. I don't let my baby do whatever he or she wants at night. Sleep time is sleep time, but that may mean that she cries in my arms or next to me in bed. Not in a dark room alone. Like a said before, a 6 mos old barely knows that she is a different person than her mother.

Really though, we should all agree to disagree.

It was hard because it meant several days of NO sleep at all. Of course I didn't like hearing her cry, no one would, but the reward was an entire childhood of peaceful sleep for everyone in the house. It was worth it, and she is not in any way tramutized. There is no argument or drama surrounding bedtime in our house, and it has been that way since DD was a year old. Everyone sleeps through the night unless they are sick. I can count on one hand the number of times I have gotten up with her in the last 3 years. I honestly don't think it is as tramatic for infants as some would have us believe. Independent sleep is an important milestone, and I think that the earlier it is achieved, the less liley it is to be emotionally difficult for the child. When done at 6 months, the child will never remember any other way. An older child will fight it much longer, and will remember getting kicked out of mom's bed. The way i see it, teaching her to sleep independently before it became a drama or a power struggle was doing what was hard for me at the time, but best for her in the long run. Emotionally, sending DD off to school was harder. She was fine, but I was a mess.

 

[tiffjoy]

ot me. Didn't bother me because i knew i was doing what was best for my child. We do lots of things we would rather not bcause our kids need us to, like letting go and sending them to school.


I do many things my daughter doesn't like- shots, telling her no when she wants to crawl off where she shouldn't, buckling her carseat when we are in the car. I do not categorize CIO as a necessary thing.

.there is no solid research to prove this nad my ped would tell you it is completely untrue night feeding should not be necessary by 6 months, barring medical complications

Then you ped would be wrong. It is often detrimental to the breastfeeding relationship, and most Lactation Consultants would strongly disagree. Also, nursing is not just for food, but is comfort. That's why pacifiers were made- sucking is a comfort mechanism, not just a feeding mechanism. My daughter nurses for comfort often, and she especially did this when she was young. As an example, I suppose no adults are every hungry after a certain time of night and find it difficult to fall asleep because their tummy is growling? I baby can't possibly understand why they aren't being fed if hungry, and no one can guarantee you that your baby is for sure not hungry.

if they are getting enough stimulation and activity during the day this should not be an issue at all. Sounds like she needs more play time

Your comment about my daughter needing more playtime doesn't dignify a response.

Ever have one of those crazy days at work where there was just so much going on? You have a couple projects going on, or a big meeting the next day, or something major going on at home? You know that feeling when your brain just can't stop thinking about everything that has been happening? Why do you assume that babies don't have that same problem?

i am sorry, but every child needs the predicability of a scheduled routine. There is comfort in predictability. Not having one can make a child more insecure and clingy, not happier and more content. A child without a schedule is often confused and unsure about what will happen next. It is no wonder they are waking up at all hours.

I wasn't clear and your point is well taken since what I said could be misinterpreted. This isn't what I meant. My daughter has a set bedtime, developed by responding to her cues. We start a predictable routine at 7:30 every night, and have since she was about 3 months old. However, I nurse her to sleep and spend as long as it takes until she is ready to let me put her down. I definitely agree that a routine is beneficial. What I meant was expecting a baby to always adhere to a routine isn't necessarily the best idea. Teething, earaches, discomfort, bad dreams, hunger, thirst- all of these can cause a baby to wake up or have difficulty falling asleep, and I feel parents should respond when their baby cries or spend additional time trying to help the baby fall asleep.

i reall don't think anyone here is trying to make thier life what it was before having a baby, but everyone in a family has needs that have to be met, including the parents. Everyone needs to sleep. Being well rested makes me a better mommy. Children also need to form healthy independent sleep habits. Imo co-sleeping and going in everytime they whne seriously undermines that, and means that no one in the house, baby included, is getting the quality rest they need.

Actually, I have been co-sleeping with my daughter since the night she was born. She has developed into a very good sleeper, with exceptions such as nights when she is teething or going through growth spurts. She falls asleep very well at night, and she is a very secure, independent child. I believe that contrary to what you say, responding to her needs when she wants me to (instead of me telling her that she doesn't need me) has helped make her feel secure and independent. Quality rest is important, but CIO is not the sole way to attain this goal. I have adjusted my schedule instead of asking my daughter to adjust hers. I go to bed shortly after she does, and wake up earlier than I used to since she's an early riser. But this did take time to achieve, and I don't think that 6-7 months of difficult nights is unusual with a new baby. It is so hard while you are going through it, and I really sympathize with the OP because I have been there.

Again, I was offering the OP another perspective, and I was not trying to judge or argue. At the end of the day, everyone parents the way they choose. I simply wanted to offer advice based on my experience, and I don't see why the attack is necessary. The OP is free to take my advice, or leave it. No need to get all defensive.

 

[tiffjoy]

Anyone who has actually seen CIO trough to a successful end will tell you that it is NOT the easy way out. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I did it becase the sleep deprivation had become dangerous for everyone. I couldn't be a good mom when I was so tired I was falling asleep driving. DD was cranky because she was not getting enough sleep to make it through full sleep cycles. She wasn;t geting the good quality of sleep she needed either. No one in the house was really rested. I realized they healthy sleep habits were important for everyone when I was literally at the end of my rope. My hope would be that no one else has to end up there.

Respectfully, I think it's hard because it goes against your nature, as I said in my first post. No mother is programmed to ignore her baby's cries.

My daughter has never been left to CIO. Nights when she has cried the most, I have been at my wits end, but I have held her and comforted and nursed her through it. And those horrible nights, almost always, I have discovered a reason for all the crying. Just last night, I spent 3 hours trying to get her to sleep. No crying, she just couldn't fall asleep. She woke up several times at night to nurse, which is just very unusual for her (at this age- she used to wake up alot, which is why I can sympathize with the OP, and why I can say sleep habits can be achieved with CIO). This morning, when she grinned, I saw a new tooth.

I do not judge other mothers or how they parent. But, for me, I would have felt like a knife had been shoved into me if I had let her cry last night, then realized this morning that the reason she was struggling was because she was hurting and uncomfortable.

She has learned to sleep just fine at night, for the most part (exceptions being like the one I mentioned). And she will eventually transition to sleeping on her own. It's not an all or nothing- not everyone chooses to use CIO, but they still achieve helping their baby learn how to sleep.

 

[justhat]

Anyone who has actually seen CIO trough to a successful end will tell you that it is NOT the easy way out. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I did it becase the sleep deprivation had become dangerous for everyone. I couldn't be a good mom when I was so tired I was falling asleep driving. DD was cranky because she was not getting enough sleep to make it through full sleep cycles. She wasn;t geting the good quality of sleep she needed either. No one in the house was really rested. I realized they healthy sleep habits were important for everyone when I was literally at the end of my rope. My hope would be that no one else has to end up there.

I think the non-CIO people aren't saying sleep deprivation is good or what you should do, but that there are other ways to get your kid to sleep through the night without CIO. Healthy sleep habits are important, but there is more than one way to instill them.

I have 3 kids (which I state since apparently more than 1 is a requirement for sleep knowledge ) and all 3 have been totally different with regards to sleep. First was terrible, truly terrible, but knowing what I do now, with my youngest having reflux, I think she had "silent reflux", which would explain a ton. Anyway, she was a terrible sleeper, up many times a night, etc. I got the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book, only after reading Ferber, and other books, trying their methods unsuccessfully, and found the No Cry method to be the one I liked the most. We implemented that and she was sleeping through the night. It took some work, but for the most part there was no crying. And more importantly, no vomiting from crying so hard like with CIO. She went from terrible, constantly waking up, to sleeping incredibly soundly for 12 hours straight with that method. Oh, she was way past 6 months, but we initially started with other methods at a younger age, they just didn't work.

With my 2nd, he was just an awesome sleeper from the start so nothing really needed. But, when we would go on vacation or otherwise sleep out of our home, he would get off-track and when we returned he'd often cry at bedtime for a day or 2, then back to his normal self. So we basically did CIO with him, but different kid, different personality, different response. He never cried more than 7 minutes.

Right around his 1st birthday he had a bigger setback after being in Europe for 3 weeks and sleeping in pack n' plays, with me, in the stroller, etc. This time though he was a harder sell. So when the crying went on over 7 minutes, I realized I wanted to change the approach. So with him, I would go to him everytime he woke up, I would hug him, lay him back down, and sit next to his crib. Never talked to him nor picked him up, but I was there, and he knew it, and eventually he'd fall asleep. My interventions got shorter and less frequent as he started sleeping better like he had been.


And my 3rd, she has been the best of the crew in some respects. She has severe reflux so her first 2 months were marked with incessant crying, frequent feedings, and inability to lay flat in her bed at night (which is why I think my 1st had this as well, same symptoms). Anyway, we didn't know she had reflux, just thought it was regular baby spit-up (albeit a ton of it, and with force...). Once the ped figured this out and we got her on the right medication and dose (which took some tweaking), she went from not being able to lay in her bed at all to sleeping a 4 hour chunk at night, which grew quickly to 6 hours, then 9, then 10, then 11.5 hours. No CIO (thank gosh as I would have felt terrible once we learned of the reflux!), all on her own so I can't take credit.

But she got a bad cold 3 weeks ago and has been waking up at least once overnight since then. Because she was sick there was no way I would think of CIO (and with her reflux I actually wouldn't anyway), but I've been working on getting her back on schedule and we're down to sleeping 9 hours, feeding, then another 3 hours, so she's getting there. I've just been repeating the bedtime routine when she wakes overnight, not feeding her, and she goes back down without complaint.

Anyway, my point was just that I don't any of the non-CIO fans are saying to just deal with it and suffer and crash your car cause you fall asleep on the road. Just offering alternative solutions to the waking problem.

 

[princessmom29]

ot me. Didn't bother me because i knew i was doing what was best for my child. We do lots of things we would rather not bcause our kids need us to, like letting go and sending them to school.


I do many things my daughter doesn't like- shots, telling her no when she wants to crawl off where she shouldn't, buckling her carseat when we are in the car. I do not categorize CIO as a necessary thing.

.there is no solid research to prove this nad my ped would tell you it is completely untrue night feeding should not be necessary by 6 months, barring medical complications

Then you ped would be wrong. It is often detrimental to the breastfeeding relationship, and most Lactation Consultants would strongly disagree. Also, nursing is not just for food, but is comfort. That's why pacifiers were made- sucking is a comfort mechanism, not just a feeding mechanism. My daughter nurses for comfort often, and she especially did this when she was young. As an example, I suppose no adults are every hungry after a certain time of night and find it difficult to fall asleep because their tummy is growling? I baby can't possibly understand why they aren't being fed if hungry, and no one can guarantee you that your baby is for sure not hungry.

if they are getting enough stimulation and activity during the day this should not be an issue at all. Sounds like she needs more play time

Your comment about my daughter needing more playtime doesn't dignify a response.

Ever have one of those crazy days at work where there was just so much going on? You have a couple projects going on, or a big meeting the next day, or something major going on at home? You know that feeling when your brain just can't stop thinking about everything that has been happening? Why do you assume that babies don't have that same problem?

i am sorry, but every child needs the predicability of a scheduled routine. There is comfort in predictability. Not having one can make a child more insecure and clingy, not happier and more content. A child without a schedule is often confused and unsure about what will happen next. It is no wonder they are waking up at all hours.

I wasn't clear and your point is well taken since what I said could be misinterpreted. This isn't what I meant. My daughter has a set bedtime, developed by responding to her cues. We start a predictable routine at 7:30 every night, and have since she was about 3 months old. However, I nurse her to sleep and spend as long as it takes until she is ready to let me put her down. I definitely agree that a routine is beneficial. What I meant was expecting a baby to always adhere to a routine isn't necessarily the best idea. Teething, earaches, discomfort, bad dreams, hunger, thirst- all of these can cause a baby to wake up or have difficulty falling asleep, and I feel parents should respond when their baby cries or spend additional time trying to help the baby fall asleep.

i reall don't think anyone here is trying to make thier life what it was before having a baby, but everyone in a family has needs that have to be met, including the parents. Everyone needs to sleep. Being well rested makes me a better mommy. Children also need to form healthy independent sleep habits. Imo co-sleeping and going in everytime they whne seriously undermines that, and means that no one in the house, baby included, is getting the quality rest they need.

Actually, I have been co-sleeping with my daughter since the night she was born. She has developed into a very good sleeper, with exceptions such as nights when she is teething or going through growth spurts. She falls asleep very well at night, and she is a very secure, independent child. I believe that contrary to what you say, responding to her needs when she wants me to (instead of me telling her that she doesn't need me) has helped make her feel secure and independent. Quality rest is important, but CIO is not the sole way to attain this goal. I have adjusted my schedule instead of asking my daughter to adjust hers. I go to bed shortly after she does, and wake up earlier than I used to since she's an early riser. But this did take time to achieve, and I don't think that 6-7 months of difficult nights is unusual with a new baby. It is so hard while you are going through it, and I really sympathize with the OP because I have been there.

Again, I was offering the OP another perspective, and I was not trying to judge or argue. At the end of the day, everyone parents the way they choose. I simply wanted to offer advice based on my experience, and I don't see why the attack is necessary. The OP is free to take my advice, or leave it. No need to get all defensive.

there was no attack. I was frankly bothered by the insinuation that CIO was selfish and wanted to clarify that not everyone does it out of selfish motivations. There are those of us that sincerely believe that we are donig what is best for our children. It is NOT easy. Being a parent never is. You really did come off as condecening and accusitory. If that was not you intent I guess I am reading too much into it, but that is the way I felt after reading your post and felt I needed to respond. It seems to me like at least one other poster got that as well. Everyone is entitled to thier own opinion, but I felt like those of us that expressed views contrary to yours were being accused of being lazy and selfish.

 

[tiffjoy]

And my 3rd, she has been the best of the crew in some respects. She has severe reflux so her first 2 months were marked with incessant crying, frequent feedings, and inability to lay flat in her bed at night (which is why I think my 1st had this as well, same symptoms). Anyway, we didn't know she had reflux, just thought it was regular baby spit-up (albeit a ton of it, and with force...). Once the ped figured this out and we got her on the right medication and dose (which took some tweaking), she went from not being able to lay in her bed at all to sleeping a 4 hour chunk at night, which grew quickly to 6 hours, then 9, then 10, then 11.5 hours. No CIO (thank gosh as I would have felt terrible once we learned of the reflux!), all on her own so I can't take credit.

Anyway, my point was just that I don't any of the non-CIO fans are saying to just deal with it and suffer and crash your car cause you fall asleep on the road. Just offering alternative solutions to the waking problem.

Same here- my daughter had terrible reflux and couldn't lay flat. The very first night I gave birth, I held her all night long because she would cry if I put her down. Thank goodness I never did CIO, as you said, because she was crying and wanting to be held because of a medical condition.

And that's exactly what I was doing- offering another opinion.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Really well said. Thank you!

I think the non-CIO people aren't saying sleep deprivation is good or what you should do, but that there are other ways to get your kid to sleep through the night without CIO. Healthy sleep habits are important, but there is more than one way to instill them.

I have 3 kids (which I state since apparently more than 1 is a requirement for sleep knowledge ) and all 3 have been totally different with regards to sleep. First was terrible, truly terrible, but knowing what I do now, with my youngest having reflux, I think she had "silent reflux", which would explain a ton. Anyway, she was a terrible sleeper, up many times a night, etc. I got the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book, only after reading Ferber, and other books, trying their methods unsuccessfully, and found the No Cry method to be the one I liked the most. We implemented that and she was sleeping through the night. It took some work, but for the most part there was no crying. And more importantly, no vomiting from crying so hard like with CIO. She went from terrible, constantly waking up, to sleeping incredibly soundly for 12 hours straight with that method. Oh, she was way past 6 months, but we initially started with other methods at a younger age, they just didn't work.

With my 2nd, he was just an awesome sleeper from the start so nothing really needed. But, when we would go on vacation or otherwise sleep out of our home, he would get off-track and when we returned he'd often cry at bedtime for a day or 2, then back to his normal self. So we basically did CIO with him, but different kid, different personality, different response. He never cried more than 7 minutes.

Right around his 1st birthday he had a bigger setback after being in Europe for 3 weeks and sleeping in pack n' plays, with me, in the stroller, etc. This time though he was a harder sell. So when the crying went on over 7 minutes, I realized I wanted to change the approach. So with him, I would go to him everytime he woke up, I would hug him, lay him back down, and sit next to his crib. Never talked to him nor picked him up, but I was there, and he knew it, and eventually he'd fall asleep. My interventions got shorter and less frequent as he started sleeping better like he had been.


And my 3rd, she has been the best of the crew in some respects. She has severe reflux so her first 2 months were marked with incessant crying, frequent feedings, and inability to lay flat in her bed at night (which is why I think my 1st had this as well, same symptoms). Anyway, we didn't know she had reflux, just thought it was regular baby spit-up (albeit a ton of it, and with force...). Once the ped figured this out and we got her on the right medication and dose (which took some tweaking), she went from not being able to lay in her bed at all to sleeping a 4 hour chunk at night, which grew quickly to 6 hours, then 9, then 10, then 11.5 hours. No CIO (thank gosh as I would have felt terrible once we learned of the reflux!), all on her own so I can't take credit.

But she got a bad cold 3 weeks ago and has been waking up at least once overnight since then. Because she was sick there was no way I would think of CIO (and with her reflux I actually wouldn't anyway), but I've been working on getting her back on schedule and we're down to sleeping 9 hours, feeding, then another 3 hours, so she's getting there. I've just been repeating the bedtime routine when she wakes overnight, not feeding her, and she goes back down without complaint.

Anyway, my point was just that I don't any of the non-CIO fans are saying to just deal with it and suffer and crash your car cause you fall asleep on the road. Just offering alternative solutions to the waking problem.