HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[princessmom29]

I have to agree with this. I personally don't believe in CIO. Check out Dr. Sears site. I think you will find ideas and suggestions that aren't as harsh as CIO.

That being sad....6 months is still very young to try and sleep through the night.

I have never heard from ANYONE in the medical profession that 6 months old is too young to sleep through the night, in fact just the opposite. I have been told that a normal infant without any medical issues SHOULD be able to sleep 6-8 hours at a time by 6 months of age. Essentially most normal infants are perfectly capable of sleeping that long without being fed by 6 months. If they are getting up, in the vast majority of cases it is not because they need to be fed. If they cannot put themselves to sleep, every little thing that wakes them means they are crying for you to come "fix it". The best thing you can do for a child is teach them to self soothe. It makes for better sleep for everyone. This was the stand of my Ped's office when DD was small and thye advice SIL is getting for my new neice now from her ped.

 

[leebee]

One thing DH and I found when DD was young that she would go to sleep faster/better if HE put her to bed. We breastfed, and DD associated me with dinner time! If I tried to put her to bed/back to sleep, she expected to be fed. If he did it, she'd settle down and go to sleep. I guess I smelled like the chuck wagon! Something to consider...

(btw, CIO did NOT work for us. This was 16 years ago, when CIO was new and they said it absolutely would not work if you went into the room. The first night DD cried for 6 hours straight. She didn't make much noise the next few days, as she had laryngitis from CIO. Took her to the peds and they were horrified that we'd even tried this. Needless to say, once was enough- and never again!)

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Babies don't wake up and cry every hour at night because they are hurt. They haven't yet learned how to soothe themselves back to sleep. It is NOT mean to teach a baby something they need to learn.

Wrong. Op has said that her baby goes to sleep on her own every night. She gives her her binkie and puts her in her bed. 6 month old babies are not old enough to "CIO". All babies goes through stages. This too shall pass. Teething babies sometimes seem fine during the day, but then have a hard time at night. Ear and teeth pain is always worse during the night, especially without daytime distraction.

Op have you tried the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"? I really would rethink the CIO. The only thing it teaches your baby is that at night when she needs you, you abandon her. As much as Americans want their babies to be independent, we are so much different than other countries. Babes are meant to be close to their mothers 24/7 until they are able to walk away. At 6 mos of age, she hardly knows that the two of you are not the same person.

Do try to be consistent every night. Maybe swaddle and rock her and say the same things consistently. Do the same when you put her to bed and keep her nighttime waking routine dark and quiet. It's okay if she cries in your arms, or next to you in bed. She knows you are there and can cuddle if she needs to.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

I've had two kids who both slept pretty well but I learned the hard way with my first child that you CANNOT run into the room the minute they start crying. Otherwise, it would be at least 30 minute long attempt to get her back to sleep.

Once I got exhausted enough, I finally decided to just let her cry for a couple of minutes to see if she would go back to sleep. I was really surprised when in most cases, she would be back to sleep within 5-10 minutes. Before anyone flames me, I never let her cry more than 10 minutes before I went in so I don't consider that "crying it out".

If you MUST go in, keep the lights off (or very low) and don't talk. It sounds cruel but sometimes avoiding eye contact too helps. Otherwise, babies get excited and think it's playtime even if it is 3 a.m. When they realize there is nothing fun going on, they'll settle down and go back to sleep.

I do not believe in "CIO", and this is good advice. I think you should definitely let your baby fuss for a few minutes, or for as long as they are just fussing about. More often than not, they go back to sleep.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Wow! I truely did not mean to stir up such a heated debate.



Just so everyone knows, DD is not actually crying. It's more like a moaning or complaining. I let her just moan last night and most of the time she feel back to sleep with in a few minutes. Once she actually started to cry and I went into her room, gave her the binkie and left. I actually got to sleep straight from 11:30 until 2:45. Yeah 4 me !

I do thank all of you for your different ideas and opinions. Every child is different. I will have to figure out what works for mine.

Op, I think you are doing great! By the way, I love your Yoshi avatar.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wrong. Op has said that her baby goes to sleep on her own every night. She gives her her binkie and puts her in her bed. 6 month old babies are not old enough to "CIO". .

Wrong - 6 month old babies ARE old enough to CIO, and go all night without needing nurishment. As a mother of 5, I have read enough to feel confident that CIO is a good thing. I only had to do it for 2 (because the others were sleeping through the night much earlier), and it worked very well. There is nothing wrong with helping a baby learn to get a good night sleep, without waking every few hours crying. I am a firm believer in the health benefits of sleep. I also adjusted our schedule around a baby's nap schedule - I wouldn't deny a nap, the same way I wouldn't deny a meal. Since I had kids in school, the nap schedule had to be firmly in place, so that I wouldn't have to wake a sleeping baby.

 

[princessmom29]

Wrong - 6 month old babies ARE old enough to CIO, and go all night without needing nurishment. As a mother of 5, I have read enough to feel confident that CIO is a good thing. I only had to do it for 2 (because the others were sleeping through the night much earlier), and it worked very well. There is nothing wrong with helping a baby learn to get a good night sleep, without waking every few hours crying. I am a firm believer in the health benefits of sleep. I also adjusted our schedule around a baby's nap schedule - I wouldn't deny a nap, the same way I wouldn't deny a meal. Since I had kids in school, the nap schedule had to be firmly in place, so that I wouldn't have to wake a sleeping baby.

This is pretty much exactly what my mom and later the ped told me about DD. 6 months old is old enough to sleep 6-8 hours without waking and for the baby to be taught to self soothe. I would add that one of the best things you can do for your child as an infant is to teach them good independent sleep habits. It staves off so many problems later on.

 

[2binak]

Our DD was a very good sleeper from day one, but there did come a time when we needed to do something to get her to sleep without rocking & holding her. We used a modified Ferber method. Dh or I would go in after 5 mins of crying & pat her back and tell her she was ok. If she continued to cry, we would go in after 10 mins and pat her back, but not say anything to her. We would alternate between the 5 & 10 min timeframes after that without saying a word to her. The longest this lasted was 45 mins. Good luck OP - I hope you find something that works for you.

If you think your DD is teething, try Hyland's Teething Tablets - they are truly amazing!!!!!

 

[arihillfarm]

Where is the hand-clapping smilie when I need it? Totally agree with this. My son is 25 months old and still sometimes wakes up crying at night, two nights ago it was almost every hour and it turned out he wasn't feeling well. It's always because he needs something. Sometimes it's as simple as he dropped his pacifier, he's cold or hot or he just needs a quick hug. DH and I would never dream of just ignoring him. He slept with us for the first 14-15 months and since then he's been in a crib in his own room but that in no way means that he no longer needs us. Having bred dogs, birds, horses and cattle, I'm always perplexed that humans expect their babies and young children to sleep separate from mom and be quiet and happy about it. It goes against all survival instincts on both the part of the baby and mother. I can tell you that if we tried to make a mare and her foal sleep in separate stalls or barns at night, no one for miles would be sleeping.

I'm here with a 9 year old daughter also to tell you that they grow out of it, although I did almost trip over her a few nights ago during a particularly bad thunderstorm.

-Astrid

Again, CIO is not the only (or best for baby) method. I see alot of advice that has to do with bottles, where did the OP state she was formula feeding? If you are bottle feeding, I would say it is bad advice to suggest mixing the formula with cereal to keep baby full. The baby NEEDS the nutrition from breastmilk or formula, just as often as baby is hungry.

OP- if you are willing to do research on the "Ferber method" why not research Dr.Sears? He offers much more peaceful solutions for parents of infants than this crying stuff. Also, there is a book called "our babies, ourselves" that is very enlightening. It was written by an anthropologist, and offers a different view of the whole infant sleep thing.

There have been several studies that show that when a baby cries, for any reason, their hormone cortisol rises. Cortisol is your stress hormone, the fight or flight hormone.Repeated increase in cortisol can actually change a baby's brain chemistry.

We are mammals after all. A cry, of any kind, is to let the mother know that the baby needs something. If left untended to in the wild, young that cry out without being helped are at greater risk of predators. An infant NEEDS comfort, needs touch, needs to be near their caregiver(s).... why do you think infants in the neonatal hospitals that are held/ massaged/ touched more often grow faster and stronger?

It is a biological response to tend to your baby. That is why many mothers experience the rapid beating of their heart, the overwhelming urge to get to their baby. It is biological. We are born to care for our young. Only when that bond is disturbed either at birth or in the early attachment months after birth can this natural response be disturbed.

Only in the US and Western cultures do we try to force independence on an infant. It is sad that babies can't be babies and know that the adults around them can be trusted and will tend to their needs.

When a baby cries and cries and no one comes, they give up. People think, "oh, she needed to cry to fall asleep" - not so... the baby is quiet because their trust has been betrayed and they know no one will come when they are hungry, lonely or scared.

this is coming from a mother of two children, who (as infants) never kept me up all night. Not once. I am a well-rested new mom. I am glad my children have never been left in a room to cry themselves to sleep, and it makes me sad to think of any baby going through that.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our DD was a very good sleeper from day one, but there did come a time when we needed to do something to get her to sleep without rocking & holding her. We used a modified Ferber method. Dh or I would go in after 5 mins of crying & pat her back and tell her she was ok. If she continued to cry, we would go in after 10 mins and pat her back, but not say anything to her. We would alternate between the 5 & 10 min timeframes after that without saying a word to her. The longest this lasted was 45 mins. Good luck OP - I hope you find something that works for you.

If you think your DD is teething, try Hyland's Teething Tablets - they are truly amazing!!!!!

That pretty much is the Ferber method. The longest he suggests is 15 minutes, and then go in and sooth.

 

[badblackpug]

This is not from personal experience, because I am fortunate to have good sleepers, but my friend has an 8m old baby who was waking up frequently during the night. She was putting the baby to sleep with her pacifier in her mouth and the baby would wake up every time the pacifier fell out of her mouth. ( believe a PP suggested this, too) what she did was take the pacifier away from the baby, and viola! she slept through night. Another suggestion from another friend was to take the baby monitor out of the room so that you don't wake up at every sound the baby makes.

I know this is not a co-sleeping debate, but it seems to have been brought up as a reason that the OPs baby is not sleeping through the night. Co-sleeping is not for everyone, and actually I know no pediatricians who recommend this, and I work in the medical field. Before all he co-sleepers bite my head off, I am not saying they don't exist, I am saying I don't know any. A PP said that no one ever expected a mare and a foal to sleep separately, but a mare never rolled over on her foal and suffocated it to death, and I have seen 4 such cases of this. ...but I digress...we are shift workers, heavy sleepers, and big people, I could never get any sleep with a baby in the bed, it would always be in the back of my mind "you are going to roll over and suffocate the baby." ...and the point here is that the OP needs to sleep.

OP if your baby wakes up and doesn't seem distressed then I would try just letting her attempt to self-soothe, maybe it would be a good idea to remove he baby monitor so you only hear her if she really does cry.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP if your baby wakes up and doesn't seem distressed then I would try just letting her attempt to self-soothe, maybe it would be a good idea to remove he baby monitor so you only hear her if she really does cry.

I never used one after my first baby, for this reason. During the day, I had it on for naps, because I was on another floor, but never during the night.

 

[2binak]

That pretty much is the Ferber method. The longest he suggests is 15 minutes, and then go in and sooth.

I never read the book myself, just heard about it from other moms.

 

[chloe770]

I'm afraid to even type this, as I might be jinxing myself, but DD has slept thru the night for the last 3 nights. She only peeped once the first 2 nights and not at all last night AND she has a head cold. What did I do ? I put 6 binkies in her crib and stopped going in everytime she fussed. Unless she actually started crying, I just left her alone. YES, this WAS my fault. I'm a over protective, paranoid, worry wart of a mom I guess. Hopefully DD will continue to sleep better and I can catch up on my beauty sleep too.

Thank you again to everyone for all of the great advice.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Wrong - 6 month old babies ARE old enough to CIO, and go all night without needing nurishment. As a mother of 5, I have read enough to feel confident that CIO is a good thing. I only had to do it for 2 (because the others were sleeping through the night much earlier), and it worked very well. There is nothing wrong with helping a baby learn to get a good night sleep, without waking every few hours crying. I am a firm believer in the health benefits of sleep. I also adjusted our schedule around a baby's nap schedule - I wouldn't deny a nap, the same way I wouldn't deny a meal. Since I had kids in school, the nap schedule had to be firmly in place, so that I wouldn't have to wake a sleeping baby.

As a mother of 3 and a nanny for 20 years, working often at 90 hour weeks starting at 2 weeks old on...I have read enough to feel confident that CIO is *NOT* a good thing. As far as going all night without nourishment, I have heard on several occasions, in the middle of the night, my 6-12 mos olds stomach growling. Of course, you can *train* an infant that crying out will not get their natural hunger needs met.
I am a also a firm believer in the health benefits of sleep. We have always had strict nap schedules, etc. Just because my babies don't CIO doesn't mean they are not getting good sleep.

This argument is neither here nor there. It's like bf'ing/public bf'ing, circ'ing, vax'ing, etc. It will always be an argument.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

I'm afraid to even type this, as I might be jinxing myself, but DD has slept thru the night for the last 3 nights. She only peeped once the first 2 nights and not at all last night AND she has a head cold. What did I do ? I put 6 binkies in her crib and stopped going in everytime she fussed. Unless she actually started crying, I just left her alone. YES, this WAS my fault. I'm a over protective, paranoid, worry wart of a mom I guess. Hopefully DD will continue to sleep better and I can catch up on my beauty sleep too.

Thank you again to everyone for all of the great advice.

Awesome!

 

[here757]

my daugher slept through the night at 2 months old.
my son did it at 3.5 months old.
each child is different.

its amazing how many "professionals" are on the disboards

 

[MamaOdie]

I'm afraid to even type this, as I might be jinxing myself, but DD has slept thru the night for the last 3 nights. She only peeped once the first 2 nights and not at all last night AND she has a head cold. What did I do ? I put 6 binkies in her crib and stopped going in everytime she fussed. Unless she actually started crying, I just left her alone. YES, this WAS my fault. I'm a over protective, paranoid, worry wart of a mom I guess. Hopefully DD will continue to sleep better and I can catch up on my beauty sleep too.

Thank you again to everyone for all of the great advice.

Good! I'm glad you're getting some sleep now and have found something that you feel comfortable with doing.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm afraid to even type this, as I might be jinxing myself, but DD has slept thru the night for the last 3 nights. She only peeped once the first 2 nights and not at all last night AND she has a head cold. What did I do ? I put 6 binkies in her crib and stopped going in everytime she fussed. Unless she actually started crying, I just left her alone. YES, this WAS my fault. I'm a over protective, paranoid, worry wart of a mom I guess. Hopefully DD will continue to sleep better and I can catch up on my beauty sleep too.

Thank you again to everyone for all of the great advice.

I'm so glad my advice worked! Hopefully you don't have a baby monitor in your bedroom, and things will continue to go well. In about 2 years, I'll let you know my tried and true potty training method.

 

[2binak]

I'm afraid to even type this, as I might be jinxing myself, but DD has slept thru the night for the last 3 nights.

Oh - such good news!!!! I hope it keeps up!