Help Me Convince Ex!!!!

[SillyMe]

Your situation sounds a lot like mine, only in reverse. I had custody of DD (she's 20 now) and at first our visitation was open because he said he could not commit to any certain dates due to his job (not true, it was just his way of getting what he wanted). So, for years I was never able to make any type of plan because as soon as I would he would say "oh, I wanted her that weekend" and I would change our plans to make it work for him.

Finally I went back into court and asked that they define the visitation a bit more for us because he was basically taking every holiday and all summer and any other weekend he wanted, which left no sure times I could ever make plans with her. The court outlined a holiday schedule where we alternated them and also laid down the fact that if I wanted to make plans with her that I only had to give him the dates and then he couldn't come back and say he got her that weekend. It made life much easier for me.

In your case I would get your visitation looked at again and make sure you have all the dates down on when you have asked for them and been told no, dates you have gone to see them with notice and still only got to spend a short time with them, etc... you need to have everything documented.

I don't feel he has the right to tell you no so much, your kids are more than old enough to fly alone (I have several friends whose kids have flown much younger than yours, alone). I know it costs money, but your best bet might be to go back into court and set dates for visitation, that way he can't tell you no. You do have rights, you just have to stand up to him and make sure you are given what you deserve.

That's sort of my situation, too. He won't commit to a schedule either because "he never lived his life by a schedule before, he's not doing it now". So, I make plans when I want to with my daughter. He's a big one on waiting until the very last minute to make plans. If I already have plans with her, tough. He has to deal with it and work around it. He tries telling her that "she can do what she wants". She's only 6 years old.

Absolutely document everything! Every phone call, every time you ask for your kids, every denial and his exact responses to you. Make sure you date everything.

 

[FreshTressa]

he wanted her to fly to MA get the boys, fly back with them to her place, fly with them back to MA, then fly her self home. That's four RT tickets ~ it's just unreasonable to expect anyone to do that when they are big enough to fly alone with an attendant.

I guess to me...it is just two extra tickets. Is that a lot more than a trip to WDW?

4 round trip tickets don't usually cost more than 8-1200. To see her kids, seems like she could do it if she really wanted to.

But...I do agree that it is unreasonable at their age and the ex is being mean about.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I don't understand you you can afford a trip to WDW, but not to go up and fly with your kids back home??

Anyway...he is obviously being mean about it...no idea how to help you.

We are a military family and live on a budget--we decided this year that we would like to take all the kids to WDW--none of us has ever been--we are using our tax return and a small bonus that he will be getting for reenlisting(with this reenlistment he will be over 10 years service and it qualifies him for a bonus)---If i had to purchase 3 roundtrip tickets just for myself to be given the opportunity to purchase 4 roundtrip tickets for the boys that would seriously eat away at the budget we have to work with for this trip because the air fare would be about $1600 on its own.

 

[FreshTressa]

Well, it is up to you how you choose to spend your money.

Seems like you got a really bad deal with the arrangement.

I hope you can convince him to let them go....sounds like fun!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I guess to me...it is just two extra tickets. Is that a lot more than a trip to WDW?

4 round trip tickets don't usually cost more than 8-1200. To see her kids, seems like she could do it if she really wanted to.

But...I do agree that it is unreasonable at their age and the ex is being mean about.

In my family we have 5 children---my 2 boys w/ex--my stepdaughter---and me and DH's 2 daughters.

We have never been on a vacation that didn't involve sleeping on a relatives floor someplace and wanted to finally be able to do something that we wouldn't be able to do w/out his bonus.

I really want to see my boys-thats not even an issue---but if I do it his way with all the flights we wouldn't be able to do WDW---and that wouldn't be fair to the other 3 children---DH's ex is driving daughter up from Ky so she can go with us we offered to meet 1/2 way and she felt that was unnecessary given how much we were already going to be spending to do something special.

 

[mickeyfan2]

My cousin lives on the east coast and her ex on the west coast. He had to fly to the east coast to pick up the boys and fly home with them too. He still has to do this and the oldest is now 17. The younger is 10. I agree that the parent needs to accompany them on the flight.

Why not have your DH and his/your kids fly down while you fly to Mass and then fly with your boys to WDW. Do the opposite on the way back. That is only 1 more ticket than you planned to buy. That should be doable.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I've been to the court here twice trying to get modifications made but the courts are reluctant given the military life they say it would be unfair to commit to visitation then have us get stationed outside the continental U.S. and the boys couldn't come for their scheduled visitation(They wont allow OCONUS) or if we were to have a set visitation then during that time period we got stationed elsewhere and had to deal with the boys and a move--The last judge told me to go back to Mass and speak to the judge who issued the orders in the first place and have her revise them but I know that's a lost cause because even though I was abused in the relationship (police reports and photos as proof) she still gave him custody---When I argued with her about the law that had just passed prior to our custody hearing that states when a spouse is abused they get custody of the children she told me flat out "This is my court-I make the rules".

Mass has jurisdiction since that is the state the boys reside in. Only Mass can change the order. Your state has no say in the matter.

 

[SillyMe]

Why not have your DH and his/your kids fly down while you fly to Mass and then fly with your boys to WDW. Do the opposite on the way back. That is only 1 more ticket than you planned to buy. That should be doable.

If you have to pay for your sons' airline tickets to Disney anyway, that should work out for you! You'll only be paying for one extra one-way trip to Mass to get them. It would definitely be worth it if you get to see your boys!

 

[momof2inPA]

You have been living apart from the boys for seven years with spotty visitation. Are you sure they want to go to Disney with you?

How often do you speak on the phone and see them?

I don't know that the dad is being unreasonable. The kids are older now, but when you separated they were 4 and 7, and I wouldn't let kids that age fly alone. What made you move away? I could never move away from my kids. You would have to shackle me to a cell in another state to keep me from them.

 

[Hannathy]

I can't believe he thinks they can't fly alone at their ages. In fact when I flew my DD 2 summers ago they told me I couldn't pay for her to be accompanied or watched whatever they call it because she was 12 and they only did it for 5-11 yr olds. It was fine she has flown for many years alone but check airlines. I agree get a lawyer and go after him but make sure your boys are on your side because at their ages they will proboably be asked their oppinions (at least I think, have never been through this) I think the idea of you flying there and then down to Disney is your best bet if everything else fails. Good luck and maybe thet first jerk of a judge has been reassigned or retired !

 

[irishbosoxfan]

You have been living apart from the boys for seven years with spotty visitation. Are you sure they want to go to Disney with you?

How often do you speak on the phone and see them?

I don't know that the dad is being unreasonable. The kids are older now, but when you separated they were 4 and 7, and I wouldn't let kids that age fly alone. What made you move away? I could never move away from my kids. You would have to shackle me to a cell in another state to keep me from them.

I hope they would want to spend time with me--but only the Lord knows what they've had to listen to.

I call them but the conversations are never much--they're playing video games watching tv etc while on the phone with me--mainly stilted conversations ending with me being left on the kitchen table while they do their thing and ex hollering at them to get rid of me--last time this happened was xmas I sat there for 45 mins before youngest came on to say he had to go----I moved as part of enlisting in the Army it was a requirement.---While in Ks met 2nd hubby and loved this area and we have always ended up back here--it is such a change from the ghetto I grew up in--better schools,less crime.....

 

[Longsx3]

As you know anything you do outside of your home on military bases makes its way to someone in charge of you and inevitably goes on your record somewhere--If I were to go to any type of aid agency my DH's commander would call him in and want to know the ins and outs---and it doesnt look good---they want their soldiers to be right on top of everything even if it's a house of cards ready to fall---as long as they dont know that house fell all is good to go----They don't want soldiers to maintain squads or companies if they cant maintain their own personal issues.

You should go to JAG office on post and get the free legal advice you are entitled to. When you meet with JAG it is a) confidential and b) it doesn't even involve your DH so his command wouldn't be involved. The same goes for the Family Support Center. They have these services available for Family members to use for a reason and there should not be any reason for repercussions.

If for some reason your DH's command did get involved all it would take is a simple answer of we are seeking visitation with DW's sons...really not complicated and would/should not impact your DH's career.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Longsx3--you wouldn't be in mannheim right now would you?-I have to ask as that is going to be our next duty station------Sorry got off topic---I don't know what to do I have such a huge headache------I guess my only option right now is to wait for tonite and see what he has to say about them going to WDW with us and then depending on his answer determine my next course of action---I went to the family court website and my original judge is still there so trying to get visitation changed back in Mass is useless as she will sit for any appearance we make---She made the determination probably about our 4th or 5th time in court that SHE was going to handle our case everytime we went in,so I don't know what to do about that. That's why I was hoping to be able to get a modification here in Ks unbiased judge who would look at the whole case--but no such luck...I don't know I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed.

 

[Longsx3]

Longsx3--you wouldn't be in mannheim right now would you?-I have to ask as that is going to be our next duty station------Sorry got off topic---I don't know what to do I have such a huge headache------I guess my only option right now is to wait for tonite and see what he has to say about them going to WDW with us and then depending on his answer determine my next course of action---I went to the family court website and my original judge is still there so trying to get visitation changed back in Mass is useless as she will sit for any appearance we make---She made the determination probably about our 4th or 5th time in court that SHE was going to handle our case everytime we went in,so I don't know what to do about that. That's why I was hoping to be able to get a modification here in Ks unbiased judge who would look at the whole case--but no such luck...I don't know I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed.

No we aren't in Mannheim, we are in Kaiserslautern about 45 minutes away. If you are moving to Germany maybe you can use this to get your ex to agree to the WDW trip, as others have send you can do a multisegment ticket to include Mass.

I am wondering what the ages of all the kids invloved are?

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Ds1-----ds2----dsd----dd1-----dd2
14 11 8 7 4

 

[FreshTressa]

Anyway...I hope you have a wonderful time in WDW and I hope your kids get to spend it with you.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Anyway...I hope you have a wonderful time in WDW and I hope your kids get to spend it with you.

Thank you Tressa-I to hope they get to come with me--about 2 hours left till I find out!---My stomach has been in knots all day.

 

[Alice's Mom]

My friends son, who is 5, has flown a few times with an attendant. Her custody agreement is such that her and her ex have to share transportation costs and neither could afford the extra tickets. Her ex who lives in Wyoming gets their son during the summer and every other Christmas, sometimes they drive and meet half way.

Most custody agreements are written with great detail these days. I would definitely petition the courts for a new agreement. Also when you talk to your kids are they comfortable flying on their own, this could be their concern not the ex's.

I imagine it would be tough to see kids on a regular basis being in the military, sorry it has been so hard for you. Hope that everyone ends up at WDW.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

He was supposed to call me at 7pm est still no word-i'm going to call him but I feel so sick to my stomach--I hate it because everytime I try to get them and I have to ask I get all tangled up in knots.

Wish me luck cause I'm gonna call him.

 

[figment52]

How was the call?