Help me convince DH to move!

[agotta]

A little background:

Dh and I have been married for 1 1/2 years. Right out of college he got a great job in Virginia. Once I graduated college and we were married, I moved to VA also. We never had plans to stay permanently. Dh was to get his masters (since the company pays for it) and then we would move back north (he's from Massachusetts and I am from NY). Well dh was supposed to start school this fall but missed the deadline. I took this opportunity to say when our lease is up next June, let's move "home". You can start your degree once we get there. It is way too expensive to live here, we would never be able to buy a home, it is to congested and hot. I like the north and winters. The problem doesn't lie within moving but where to move to. I want to move to my hometown, he does not. He wants to move to CT, 2 hours from his parents!! I do not have a good relationship with his parents, while he has a great one with mine. My biggest argument is that once we start having kids, I want to be near my mom. I know part of this is selfish because I won't move near his parents, but the situation is different. HELP! I really want to move home, but not at the expense of his happiness.

 

[luvwinnie]

I'm sorry I have no magical advice, but wanted to wish you luck!

 

[monkeyboy]

try a little bedroom magic

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Marriage isn't about "convincing". It is about coming together and agreeing on an area you both like. If you do "convincing" one partner always ends up resentful.

 

[Crankyshank]

Keep in mind that the northeast is just as expensive as VA. You need to both make a list of what you are looking for in a place to live, what will give you the best opportunities, and where you'll be able to get a job. There needs to be some middle ground or someone is going to be resentful.

 

[zurgswife]

You said you would be 2hrs from his parents how far from your parents would you be???

 

[nativetxn]

So, you don't really need to convice your DH to move, you need him to agree to move to the location of your choice?

I think you will need to reach a compromise. How about halfway between both sets of parents?

 

[Deafmedic]

try a little bedroom magic

Yeah, when I want something I know my dh won't let me have, I either withhold something or add something depending on what I think will work.

 

[CanBeGrumpy]

I would say that job opportunites would be the deciding factor in where to move. Do you and your Dh have occupations where you could just pick any place to live and you would automatically be able to find work there? Boy, I would love a situation like that! Good luck deciding! I think any of the areas (including the one you live in now) are very nice so you really can't lose.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Just wanted to say good luck. Remember, many folks live far from mom when they have kids and they do just fine. Maybe mom will then come to you! When you married you agreed the marriage came before your folks. A hard truth, but that's how it is. Same for him.
Robin M.

 

[minkydog]

Just wanted to say good luck. Remember, many folks live far from mom when they have kids and they do just fine. Maybe mom will then come to you! When you married you agreed the marriage came before your folks. A hard truth, but that's how it is. Same for him.
Robin M.

This is the best advice of all. When we got married, my DH took a job 400 miles from our families. We meant to stay for only a little while, but then life intervened and we've been here more than 20 years. It was the best thing that ever happened to us! We became truly best friends and are independent of family influence. We have good relationships with in-laws and we have a great life.

When the babies came along, my mom came for a few days and it was enough (more than enough!) We miraculously were able to take care of our young without relying on Grandma and no one has starved to death along the way. Several times a year we make the effort to drive 8hrs to get together, or we take a vacation somewhere with our families( I just got back from a week at the Outer Banks with my sister and most of our combined kids!).

I know you want to be near your folks, but if you're in it "together" you can make a good life almost anywhere. You need to figure out where you can get jobs and what community you want to live in--then figure out how far you are from family. I think anything under an 8hr drive is fine(and don't have the folks "dropping in" at inconvenient times )

 

[kelljacques@aol.com]

Yeah, when I want something I know my dh won't let me have, I either withhold something or add something depending on what I think will work.

got myself a new car that way!!!

 

[agotta]

Thanks for all the good advice. Maybe convince was not the right word. The area we live in is about 20% more expensive to live than where I want to move. If we moved to CT like he wanted, I would be 6 hours away from my family. I don't mean convince in a bad way, I just need to show him that it is a great place to live.I need to sell him on it. I know my husband comes before my parents, and if this in anyway compromised our relationship I wouldn't be discussing it. We are doing a lot of researc hto make sure there are jobs and affordable housing. The average price for a home in VA is around $350,000 while in NY (Rochester) it is around $90,000. We are even thinking of staying with my parents for about 6 months until we find a house we really like. Thanks again for all the advice.

 

[agotta]

Just wanted to update this thread. DH and I have decided to move to Upstate NY. He is currently looking for a job and we will be moving in with my parents for about 6 months until we buy a house. Thanks for all your advice!!

 

[lauran cameron]

Just wanted to update this thread. DH and I have decided to move to Upstate NY. He is currently looking for a job and we will be moving in with my parents for about 6 months until we buy a house. Thanks for all your advice!!

awww, very cool...I am actually from Liverpool (suburb of Syracuse) and am quite familar with the areas around here. You'll love it! But then again you prbably already knew that and that is why you are moving here

 

[agotta]

Yea, I love Rochester. It took some convincing for DH. He went to college in Troy which is just so dirty and he though all of NY was like that. He is excited now, plus I promised to buy him season tickets to the Rochester Rhinos