Help me change my attitude, gift giving for the ILs

[jeepgirl30]

I have not started shopping for presents for the in laws yet. Please help me change my attitude! DH never shops for any presents so it is up to me every year. His mom has never once said "thank you" to me. One year she went on and on to him after she opened the present without me in the room, he mentioned she needed to thank me too and she said "no, i prefer to think the gift was bought with YOUR half of the money". So i have a hard time getting excited to buy her anything. I've posted before about the crappy gifts she gets me.

Next, my neices. DNs are 5 and 7. Totally spoiled brats! BIL is not allowed to discipline the girls at all. BIL is DH's brother. SIL's parents are well to do and buy the girls everything under the sun. They take them on 2 vacations a year, one is the disney cruise the other is the beach. They buy them brand new wardrobes for both trips. They need to only LOOK at a commerical and end up with the toy. They do not share toys at all, each has their own. I had offered DDs outgrown clothes and SIL was completely offended.

Last year I made scrapbooks for the girls of family recipes. I also bought them an outfit and webkinz. The one DN pulled out the pages and drew all over it on Christmas day while sitting in SILs lap. SIL was like oh isn't that a cute drawing. I was fumming! It took me months to do the albums. I had gotten old handwritten recipes and added that to the pages along with all kinds of embellishments. It was destroyed in minutes.

So, I don't look forward to buying those gifts either. SIL has already said NO gift cards.

We will be spending Christmas day with all of them. Oh joy for me. I really need an attitude adjustment. Suggestions on what to buy would be appreciated as well!

How do you overcome your ill feelings and joyously give to those that are a bit hard to get in the spirit for?

 

[ogreenlee]

snuggies for everyone.

seriously, i would go to target and buy snuggies, scarves, hats and that's it. why waste your time?

 

[Christine]

Honestly, I wouldn't put up with it. They do not care about being rude to you or your feelings. They would be getting gift cards. As for your husband, you need to make him do it. If he doesn't, then I wouldn't do it either and when your MIL makes a fuss, I would "out" him.

Sorry this is not the answer you want to hear and I wouldn't say it *if* the in-laws were nice people. But they aren't.

As for the recipe scrapbooks, they sound cute but not really appropriate for girls that age. They, however, need to learn to respect a gift and treat it well. Their mother should have taken the books from them and put them in storage until they were old enough to appreciate such things.

 

[grumpeeduck]

Pick a store.........clearance rack..............everyone done.

 

[disykat]

Don't do it. Your MIL has made it very clear she doesn't want gifts from you -she wants them from your husband. At the very least, he needs to make all the decisions about what they're receiving.

My dh is in charge of his family's gifts. Sometimes I'll do the legwork to pick stuff up etc. since I have more free time, but he has to make all the decisions.

 

[mickeyboat]

Your DH needs to be more involved in choosing gifts, and you don't need to take your in-laws' reactions to them so personally.

Some suggestions:

Ask your in-laws (or better yet have your DH do it) for some ideas - what the little ones might like, what MIL needs, etc.

Have your DH suggest drawing names instead of buying for everyone - so much less stress that way, and you can't keep buying for everyone forever.

Finally, don't forget that your in-laws are people your DH loves, faults and all.

Good luck and Happy Holidays!

 

[okeydokey]

What would your husband say if you told him that you were not buying any gifts for the IL this year and you really meant it and that any gifts need to be at his effort or there would be no gifts? Then you need to follow through. If asked why no gifts, you say that was husband's job this year, why don't you ask him?

 

[arminnie]

Have a family portrait (snapshot at home would be okay) made and give one to each family as a family gift. If you need to give something to each - give each a different pose.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

It sounds like you put alot of though and time into the gifts and that is what I would stop. If you must buy gifts then i would just get them something small. AND who is SIL to say no to gift cards. I think that is what I would get anyway. Let them pick out what they want becasue they don't seem to appreciate your time and effort.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

Seriously, she said NO gift card? What is she going to do? Refuse to take them home?


I'm sorry. It is not fair that you have to deal with this and not your husband. I know it seems like what we are supposed to do as wives is be the gift getters. We want to be part of the family. We want to make everyone happy. However, in your case, I would totally rebel and let my husband do it. I am so glad my ILs aren't like that. Course, if I did let my husband do it, his parents would find nothing under the tree.

 

[sunnyday123]

The DN's would get giftcards.

And what did your DH say when his DM said that to him? If he didn't take up for me, I wouldn't be going this year and he could do the shopping for them from now on either way. Either that or I would say something really snarky when I gave her their presents about using a third of my Dh's money and the rest was my money.

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded.

I have not started shopping for presents for the in laws yet. Please help me change my attitude! DH never shops for any presents so it is up to me every year. His mom has never once said "thank you" to me. One year she went on and on to him after she opened the present without me in the room, he mentioned she needed to thank me too and she said "no, i prefer to think the gift was bought with YOUR half of the money". And shame on your DH if he did not, at that moment, give his mother hell. So i have a hard time getting excited to buy her anything. I've posted before about the crappy gifts she gets me.

Next, my neices. DNs are 5 and 7. Totally spoiled brats! BIL is not allowed to discipline the girls at all. BIL is DH's brother. SIL's parents are well to do and buy the girls everything under the sun. They take them on 2 vacations a year, one is the disney cruise the other is the beach. They buy them brand new wardrobes for both trips. They need to only LOOK at a commerical and end up with the toy. They do not share toys at all, each has their own. I had offered DDs outgrown clothes and SIL was completely offended.

Last year I made scrapbooks for the girls of family recipes. I also bought them an outfit and webkinz. The one DN pulled out the pages and drew all over it on Christmas day while sitting in SILs lap. SIL was like oh isn't that a cute drawing. I was fumming! It took me months to do the albums. I had gotten old handwritten recipes and added that to the pages along with all kinds of embellishments. It was destroyed in minutes.

So, I don't look forward to buying those gifts either. SIL has already said NO gift cards. I wouldn't care what SIL said. Actually, I wouldn't be buying for these people at all. If DH thinks they need to get gifts, he can full well go buy them. Then, on Christmas day, you can say "Oh, this year DH used his half of the money to buy gifts for you guys, so if they aren't acceptable, talk to him,. I had nothing to do with it".

We will be spending Christmas day with all of them. Oh joy for me. I really need an attitude adjustment. Suggestions on what to buy would be appreciated as well!

How do you overcome your ill feelings and joyously give to those that are a bit hard to get in the spirit for? Like I said, DH's family, his job to buy their gifts. Especially since they prefer to think of it as his money.

My only other suggestion would be to make a donation in honor of the family to a owrthy charity.

 

[Darsa]

Oh, HECK no, I would not put up with that. DH "doesn't shop" for his own family?? Oh boy, that would go over like a lead balloon in my family. I'm lucky that I love DH's father; not so much his mom but I can at least put up with her the few times I have to see her. Wow, I can NOT imagine going through your situation. More than once, anyway.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I can't imagine sharing my holiday with such rude people.

If I were in your shoes, I would talk to my husband about it. Discuss his family's history of graciousness and decide how to handle the situation. This should not be entirely up to you. Good luck, and I really do hope you can manage to enjoy your Christmas.

 

[RUDisney]

SIL said no gift cards? Then give DNs checks or cash.

Buy a GC to the grocery store for your MIL.

Easy peasy. Why waste time trying to come up with gifts for these people?

My SIL has been doing this for our ILs since she married my BIL. My kids are the only ones who appreciate her anyway and cash keeps the peace with the other ILs.

 

[Frantasmic]

There are two things that speak loudly in these situations:

Savings bonds and giving to a charity in the recipients names.

 

[RUDisney]

There are two things that speak loudly in these situations:

Savings bonds and giving to a charity in the recipients names.

Ooh, savings bonds are even better because they have to wait to cash them in.

 

[themilesfamily]

See bolded.
My only other suggestion would be to make a donation in honor of the family to a owrthy charity.

That is SUCH a good idea!!!! I second that. And please videotape the family's reaction and post it here.

 

[nmmom95]

I have a difficult MIL as well. She no longer speaks to us, which to be honest is a relief. Holidays were always so much fun with them. Have you considered a gift basket? You could order on online or make it yourself. Pick a theme she might like (gourmet foods, books, gardening...) and make your DH go shopping with you! As for DN's, I would go with a gift card and a stuffed animal, that way they have something to open and you are not going crazy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have not started shopping for presents for the in laws yet. Please help me change my attitude! DH never shops for any presents so it is up to me every year. His mom has never once said "thank you" to me. One year she went on and on to him after she opened the present without me in the room, he mentioned she needed to thank me too and she said "no, i prefer to think the gift was bought with YOUR half of the money". So i have a hard time getting excited to buy her anything. I've posted before about the crappy gifts she gets me.

Next, my neices. DNs are 5 and 7. Totally spoiled brats! BIL is not allowed to discipline the girls at all. BIL is DH's brother. SIL's parents are well to do and buy the girls everything under the sun. They take them on 2 vacations a year, one is the disney cruise the other is the beach. They buy them brand new wardrobes for both trips. They need to only LOOK at a commerical and end up with the toy. They do not share toys at all, each has their own. I had offered DDs outgrown clothes and SIL was completely offended.

Last year I made scrapbooks for the girls of family recipes. I also bought them an outfit and webkinz. The one DN pulled out the pages and drew all over it on Christmas day while sitting in SILs lap. SIL was like oh isn't that a cute drawing. I was fumming! It took me months to do the albums. I had gotten old handwritten recipes and added that to the pages along with all kinds of embellishments. It was destroyed in minutes.

So, I don't look forward to buying those gifts either. SIL has already said NO gift cards.

We will be spending Christmas day with all of them. Oh joy for me. I really need an attitude adjustment. Suggestions on what to buy would be appreciated as well!

How do you overcome your ill feelings and joyously give to those that are a bit hard to get in the spirit for?

You tell your dh that he is in charge of shopping for his side of the family.

Then his family and perhaps your dh will be mad and then I would be joyous.