I got my second full-blown panic attack on a plane and it has been a real struggle ever since (three years ago.) However, I have flown to New Orleans about 10 times, Greece last summer, the Bahamas this fall... all feeling pretty well. Here is what I suggest:
1. Sometimes just having Xanax or ativan on hand helps... even if you don't take it. It usually makes me calm down just knowing I have it. However don't be afraid to take it. I guess it affects everyone differently but when I got some from my mom (she is ten times worse than me) on our trip to Greece, I was able to drink about three glasses of wine after taking it and I still wasn't drowsy. Just very relaxed and happy.
2. I am really claustrophobic.. this is the main reason I hate flying. It makes me dizzy and very anxious. I find it better actually if I sit in a window seat. For some reason being able to see outside and know what is going on makes me feel more in control. Not to mention the beautiful sights (if it's daytime) take my mind off of it. The aisle is good too, but I feel that in the aisle I am more aware of how small of a space I am in since I am sitting in the middle of it and have full view of all the confining walls. The middle seat is the worst for me.
3. Definitely bring a book/magazine/cd player... anything to relax you.
4. Lastly, if you are fear of flying is primarily due to a fear of dying, just remember that you are much, much more likely to die in a car accident. Also I always say that if I never flew again, I would miss out on so many wonderful experiences in my life (I love travelling) that my quality of life would go down anyway.
And remember, it's normal to get a little anxious. Don't freak yourself out if you feel a little apprehensive. Many, many people do. Just don't let it control your life!!!