HELP! Ideas for Bachelor type party (clean)...raffles etc???

[mondragon]

These responses are so interesting and certainly show regional traditions...

First of all, I have to ask...is this a man or a boy who is getting married? I'm sorry, but by the time I met my husband, he was not playing laser tag or video games, and if he was, I wouldn't have dated him. He was playing golf, fishing and liked pro ball games. If a 'man' is playing video games, he's too immature to get married in my opinion.

Also, for years, a 'money' dance was a traditional part of the wedding. We had one at ours, but that was at the tail end of that tradition. I haven't been to a wedding that had a money dance in a long time. It's just one of those things that went out of style. Maybe some areas of the country still have them.

In CA, the only tradition for the groom is a bachelor party...and it varies. Golfing, a ball game, maybe a trip to Vegas. But nothing at a church, H*** no. LOL.

Sounds like 2 18 year olds who just graduated high school getting Married. Of coarse the kid is ok with the party. His mom told him he is going to have it so he has to go.

I guess I am old fashioned but we just did a pub crawl for my bachelor party in key west (did not get drunk), played a round of golf the following morning and got married on the beach that night. No video games, raffles, fundraisers (we paid for our own wedding and honeymoon). Don't really understand the need for a party like this. Is it just to get more money out of everyone.

 

[pat fan]

His mom told him he is going to have it so he has to go.

Uh, no. That did not happen. When I had heard about this when they first got engaged he said he didn't want it, not due to anything except he had never heard of selling tickets etc...to something like this (like I said, no one in our family or friends have ever had anything like this) and thought it was weird. I thought that was the end of it, but when it was brought up recently, I did ask him if he was ok with it and he said yes. It's a tradition over there so it's important to their family and church members to do this for them so THAT is why he is ok with it. I had zero to do with him deciding he was ok with it. He is still a little weirded out by the ticket thing, but for 90% of the people who will be going it's perfectly normal.

Question, as others have said, this is no more a "money grab" than a shower for the bride is. A lot of the people that will be going to this will not be at the wedding, so no wedding gift. And before you all jump on me about that, again, THAT is how they do it in their circles. Maybe you can't afford to have 200 people at your wedding, but maybe there are 100 people who want to do something for the couple and wish them well and I guess this is how they do it. And no one is obligated to participate. If they don't want to, they simply don't buy a ticket. And I feel so weird defending this party as it would not be something I would come up with. Guess I just feel like if it's what they all do and are used to, why do I have the right to say no it can't happen???

 

[mondragon]

Uh, no. That did not happen. When I had heard about this when they first got engaged he said he didn't want it, not due to anything except he had never heard of selling tickets etc...to something like this (like I said, no one in our family or friends have ever had anything like this) and thought it was weird. I thought that was the end of it, but when it was brought up recently, I did ask him if he was ok with it and he said yes. It's a tradition over there so it's important to their family and church members to do this for them so THAT is why he is ok with it. I had zero to do with him deciding he was ok with it. He is still a little weirded out by the ticket thing, but for 90% of the people who will be going it's perfectly normal.

Question, as others have said, this is no more a "money grab" than a shower for the bride is. A lot of the people that will be going to this will not be at the wedding, so no wedding gift. And before you all jump on me about that, again, THAT is how they do it in their circles. Maybe you can't afford to have 200 people at your wedding, but maybe there are 100 people who want to do something for the couple and wish them well and I guess this is how they do it. And no one is obligated to participate. If they don't want to, they simply don't buy a ticket. And I feel so weird defending this party as it would not be something I would come up with. Guess I just feel like if it's what they all do and are used to, why do I have the right to say no it can't happen???

Sorry but why did you have to bring it up a second time after he said no the first time. He felt pressure from everyone around him. Can you blame him for being a little weirded out about this whole thing. When it was brought up again you should have spoken up for your son (sounds like he is a little shy about speaking up) that he was not interested and left it at that. You don't always have to follow tradition.

 

[aprilgail]

Uh, no. That did not happen. When I had heard about this when they first got engaged he said he didn't want it, not due to anything except he had never heard of selling tickets etc...to something like this (like I said, no one in our family or friends have ever had anything like this) and thought it was weird. I thought that was the end of it, but when it was brought up recently, I did ask him if he was ok with it and he said yes. It's a tradition over there so it's important to their family and church members to do this for them so THAT is why he is ok with it. I had zero to do with him deciding he was ok with it. He is still a little weirded out by the ticket thing, but for 90% of the people who will be going it's perfectly normal.

Question, as others have said, this is no more a "money grab" than a shower for the bride is. A lot of the people that will be going to this will not be at the wedding, so no wedding gift. And before you all jump on me about that, again, THAT is how they do it in their circles. Maybe you can't afford to have 200 people at your wedding, but maybe there are 100 people who want to do something for the couple and wish them well and I guess this is how they do it. And no one is obligated to participate. If they don't want to, they simply don't buy a ticket. And I feel so weird defending this party as it would not be something I would come up with. Guess I just feel like if it's what they all do and are used to, why do I have the right to say no it can't happen???

If I HAD to have one then I would certainly only invite the side of the family and that families friends that though this sort of thing was appropriate because I sure as heck wouldn't invite my side or friends, this type of thing would be "talked about" for a LONG time for people that are not used to that "tradition"

 

[pat fan]

Sorry but why did you have to bring it up a second time after he said no the first time. He felt pressure from everyone around him.

Well, first, there was quite a bit of time from when it was mentioned the first time (pretty casually) and the second time I heard about (just recently). And your kids must be more tender than mine. My asking him a question didn't pressure him at all. Don't you talk to your kids?

I could give a rats patoot who goes. I don't even know how people are "told" about this. Word of mouth??? For those that ARE familiar with it, how does that work?

 

[mondragon]

Well, first, there was quite a bit of time from when it was mentioned the first time (pretty casually) and the second time I heard about (just recently). And your kids must be more tender than mine. My asking him a question didn't pressure him at all. Don't you talk to your kids?

I could give a rats patoot who goes. I don't even know how people are "told" about this. Word of mouth??? For those that ARE familiar with it, how does that work?

I have an infant so no where close to that but I will teach her to speak her mind if she does not agree with something. You are respected more when you are like that.

Do you actually think he forgot about the first time it was mentioned. Did you forget about the first time you asked him. What I am saying is that didn't you mention to her family the first time he was not interested. Why didn't you mention that the second time it was brought up.

Does you son get to choose who to invite and how do you mention in the invite to bring cash. The closest thing I have been to something like this is the cash dance at a wedding which was strange and tacky.

 

[scrapquitler]

These responses are so interesting and certainly show regional traditions...

First of all, I have to ask...is this a man or a boy who is getting married? I'm sorry, but by the time I met my husband, he was not playing laser tag or video games, and if he was, I wouldn't have dated him. He was playing golf, fishing and liked pro ball games. If a 'man' is playing video games, he's too immature to get married in my opinion.
.

I guess it depends on what the people around you are like. In our circle of friends, even at almost age 50, most of the guys would much prefer to be playing video games, going to laser tag, etc. than golfing and going to professional sports games or strip clubs. I don't see it as immaturity, I see it as liking something different than the 'macho' kind of stuff. And my husband and his friends, who are all very intelligent, successful business owners would be offended that you think they are immature because they like things that you think only children like.

 

[pat fan]

Did you forget about the first time you asked him. What I am saying is that didn't you mention to her family the first time he was not interested. Why didn't you mention that the second time it was brought up.

Actually, I did forget about it til I heard about it recently.

I did. I asked them if they had run it by him as he had said he would rather do the laser tag with his BM as his "thing" (Heaven forbid I call it a bachelor party!). They said they had run it by him and he was ok with it. He was still doing the laser tag thing with his BM, but since the bride's family/friends wanted to do this for him (and obviously that many people couldn't go laser tagging and wouldn't want to) he was fine with it. Then I double checked with him to make certain he wasn't "pressured" into it and he said no, he wasn't. He felt that since it's their tradition and as long as he still got to do what he wanted (which involves no one but his BM and no money, so it's no double-dip) he didn't care.