Help! I need advice for some good friends.

[TnKrBeLlA012]

My friends have been married for 20 years. She always has taken care of the bills. Her husband never made alot of money but she tried to give her kids the best she could with what she had. Now as they are getting older her husbands pay has increased but not enough to keep up with their childrens lifestyles and tution. She has gotten herself in way over her head with the bills. She just can't seem to keep up. She has made alot of financial mistakes but done so without the support of her husband. When ever they fight about money he turns a deaf ear to what she says. He just blames her for the problems. Everything from buying the house,cars,any major purchases has been her doing. I feel bad for her and don't know what to say. Things are getting real serious and he just dosen't seem to care. I'm friends with both of them so I don't want to really get to involved. Any words of advice or suggestions?

 

[crcormier]

What about suggesting one of the reputable non-profit credit management organizations? I don't know which ones are good or bad, but I've heard the good ones really can help someone get organized and get themselves out of a bad situation. It's up to her to get a hold of it, because you can't change him unless it's his decision.

 

[denisenh]

That's too bad about your friends. It is too easy to become overextended.
Would a Consumer credit counseling help them? http://www.moneymanagement.org/
Sometimes the best thing to do is be supportive and MYOB, because any advice is the wrong advice.

 

[Crankyshank]

You mentioned his income, but not hers. Does she work? If not, that would be my first suggestion.
The first rule of thumb should always be look at what you can cut back on. It's hard to not give your kids everything they want. but if they are struggling then they need to cut back on extras.
Also if she has a lot of credit card debt, she can try calling and seeing if her credit card companies will lower her interest rate or maybe she could check out debt consolidation loans.

Good luck to her. I know exactly what kind of position she is in finance -wise. A lot of us do. Fortunately my husband doesn't blame me or turn a deaf ear to our problems

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

Originally posted by Crankyshank
You mentioned his income, but not hers. Does she work? If not, that would be my first suggestion.
The first rule of thumb should always be look at what you can cut back on. It's hard to not give your kids everything they want. but if they are struggling then they need to cut back on extras.
Also if she has a lot of credit card debt, she can try calling and seeing if her credit card companies will lower her interest rate or maybe she could check out debt consolidation loans.

Good luck to her. I know exactly what kind of position she is in finance -wise. A lot of us do. Fortunately my husband doesn't blame me or turn a deaf ear to our problems

Thank you so much for your feedback. She had to give her fulltime job with decent pay up. They had a surprise baby. She does still work parttime. She just isn't making the money she used to. Now they have a third child to take care of. It's just a sad situation because they are nice people. I just wish he would help her. She is taking everything on by herself. I just don't think it's fair. I'm thankful for my husband when I talk with her!

 

[Crankyshank]

That must be really rough on her to not have support. It must be a huge help for her to have someone like you looking out for her.

Seriously the little things really do help. Things like cable and name brand products and dinners/lunches out add up. Can she cut back there? How is her credit at this point? Can she get a decent sized card with a low interest rate that she can move some higher interest card balances over to?
What about ebay? does she have stuff around the house she can sell? How about hunting loose change? My husband usually scrounges $5 a week just on change he finds around.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

Originally posted by Crankyshank
That must be really rough on her to not have support. It must be a huge help for her to have someone like you looking out for her.

Seriously the little things really do help. Things like cable and name brand products and dinners/lunches out add up. Can she cut back there? How is her credit at this point? Can she get a decent sized card with a low interest rate that she can move some higher interest card balances over to?
What about ebay? does she have stuff around the house she can sell? How about hunting loose change? My husband usually scrounges $5 a week just on change he finds around.

I'm not to sure about her credit. My worry is for her mental status. She has done and made everything so easy for her husband and he emotionally isn't their for her. I keep stressing to her marriage is 50-50. You both need to be involved. I'm afraid he is to much wanting to stay in the dark so reality dosen't hit him in the face. I think when one person takes control the other tends to back off. In her case he pretty much left the building.

 

[Judy from Boise]

Where are the kids in all of this ? I think it is great to talk with the kids about where money is going out, and allow them to help prioritise ways to save.

The other thing with toal responsibility is total control. Have her cancel some of his magazine subscriptions, get rid of cable, start buying cheap beer, buy generics of favorite snacks.....if asked she can say these were her decisions to balance the budget, but she is willing to discuss other plans

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

Originally posted by Judy from Boise
Where are the kids in all of this ? I think it is great to talk with the kids about where money is going out, and allow them to help prioritise ways to save.

The other thing with toal responsibility is total control. Have her cancel some of his magazine subscriptions, get rid of cable, start buying cheap beer, buy generics of favorite snacks.....if asked she can say these were her decisions to balance the budget, but she is willing to discuss other plans

Thats sounds good. I will give her some of these tips. Thanks again everyone!