Help! I don't know if I should call Child Protective Services?!

[luvsJack]

wow. i gotta say, i certainly have a changed opinion of a lot of regular posters on here, after reading their replies on this subject.

firstly, i LOVE how people keep recommending the same course of action that the OP has already taken (i know people don't read every post, but jeez at least try to pay attention before judging). i think she's done everything that she can herself, and she's at her wits end because it hasn't been good enough...thus wanting to call CPS. They have many more tools to help this family than the OP does, mainly because that's what they're there for.

and, okay, i know it's been awhile since some of you have been 16. But asking a 16 year-old to make good decisions and support themselves is fairly ludicrous, especially considering this young man probably doesn't have too many good role models for taking responsibility.

he is a minor, she is his mother and primary caregiver: there needs to be accountability and consequences for his actions, mainly the skipping school and smoking. The "oh I know plenty of kids that smoke at 16, no big deal" thing is absolute crap - that doesn't make it RIGHT! And if she's buying them for him...ughh that just grinds my gears to no end. i would also like to refute the PP saying that the smoking wouldn't cause health problems yet - i can't even get near cigarette smoke without feeling ill, and should i ever be dumb enough to actually smoke one again (oi, alcohol), i'll let you know how long i throw up for.

i understand the whole "If he's starving, he should get a job to feed himself" deal, but again, i don't think this kid knows to watch out for his nutrition and well-being, you know? i know a lot of people who don't eat because they're never hungry (which, at times, can be attributed to the cigarette thing), but that doesn't mean they don't need adequate nutrition. And, TIME Magazine just did a piece recently on how it's becoming nearly impossible for teenagers to find a job, because a lot of out-of-work adults have now taken the traditional teenage positions in retail stores, fast food, etc.

16 is still pretty young, folks...i know he'll be an "adult" in 2 years, but unless he's given the tools to grow & mature, that will not happen, KWIM? Kids need parents in their life for a reason, to PARENT. They are legally obligated to do so until 18, and i think this mother is failing him.

OP, i hope everything works out.

I agree with you 100%.

And you are so right about people handing out advice without reading what the OP says about what she has already done. Unless her dh is willing to take in his brother and something can be made permenent (unlike what happened in our case), I don't see how she can do anything else to help.

 

[N.Bailey]

Okay, at the risk of sounding creepy, I'm going to post this anyway.....

Even with the Dis search disabled, a quick google of the OP's username will take you to a pre-trip thread posted by the OP where she names all of her family members. From the that thread and this thread alone, there is ALL sorts of personal info posted about the OP.

From there a quick search on Facebook will pull up a picture of the BIL she is worried about. The picture shows the boy eating a cookie.

To find all of this took less than five minutes. Now, if a complete stranger on the Disboards is able to do this, how long does anyone really think it will take the OP's MIL to figure out the OP made the call to CPS?

It is so incredibly easy to come on to the boards and ask for advice and even easier to give advice based on information which may or may not be completely accurate. The thing we all forget is that there are real people behind these computer screens, with real issues, with real consequences.

OP - I am sincerely not trying to be mean, creepy or anything else and what I'm about to say comes genuinely comes from the a place of concern.

I have no doubt and you are a caring person who is genuinely concerned about your BIL. I have no doubt that your BIL has some issues. Before you make a phone call to CPS which may or may not result in good consequences for your BIL, please, please talk to your DH, talk to you BIL, talk to your MIL, talk to the school.

The call you make to CPS, as helpful as it might be, WILL ALSO come with unintended negative consequences and damage to every relationship you have with every member of your DH's family and these are people who will be in your life forever because of your son.

Before you make a call to CPS, make sure you have exhausted EVERY other alternative in attempting to help you BIL.

The internet and message boards are a wonderful opportunity to gain unbiased advice about a situation but it is very naive to post the kinds of personal info that you have posted and then post a loaded question and believe that it is anonymous.

I wish you, your BIL and your family the best of luck in resolving this situation in a way that causes the least stress to your family. Good luck!

Well, you might not have intended to be creepy, but I found your post to be totally inappropriate and WAY creepier than anything else I've read on this thread.

So, the boy is A-OK because he ate a cookie? Well hell, send a bunch to Haiti if that's the new threshold.

Suggesting that the MIL would be looking to the Internet to find out who reported her to CPS is quite absurd too, IMO. The OP knows if she's exaggerating or not. If she's not, then someone needs to intervene here. They are fully trained to find out where the problem lies in this situation. If it's with the boy and drug use has entered the equation, someone needs to step up to the plate and get him the help that he needs, TODAY, not after he's arrested awaiting arraignment for whatever he may be charged with. If it's the mother, they can access that too and maybe help the mother deal with her situation.

 

[Tink888]

Well, you might not have intended to be creepy, but I found your post to be totally inappropriate and WAY creepier than anything else I've read on this thread.

So, the boy is A-OK because he ate a cookie? Well hell, send a bunch to Haiti if that's the new threshold.

Suggesting that the MIL would be looking to the Internet to find out who reported her to CPS is quite absurd too, IMO. The OP knows if she's exaggerating or not. If she's not, then someone needs to intervene here. They are fully trained to find out where the problem lies in this situation. If it's with the boy and drug use has entered the equation, someone needs to step up to the plate and get him the help that he needs, TODAY, not after he's arrested awaiting arraignment for whatever he may be charged with. If it's the mother, they can access that too and maybe help the mother deal with her situation.

Yep, you're exactly right, it is a little creepy but you know what? A week ago there was a thread about requesting no gifts at a party and no one had an issue with googling the OP and referencing prior threads, most posters had a great time with it and I did this to prove a point and am willing to take flames.

I'm in no way referencing a cookie to imply this kid is okay.

My point in all of this, all along, is that there are other steps the OP can take before contacting CPS. From the posts, she hasn't talked to her DH about it. The family, as a group, hasn't sat down and talked about it. She hasn't contacted the school, which by the way, if she did, the school could make the call to CPS and put the OP out of it altogether.

If she makes the call to CPS, her MIL will figure out it was her and she will live with those consequences forever because this is her husband's family.

The OP is a young mother, who in her trip thread referenced her SIL as being a picky eater, refusing to seafood, beef and pretty much everything but junk food. She went on to say she thought about getting a poolside room at Disney so when her young son was sleeping in the room, she and DH could take the baby monitor and sit by the pool. She is naive enough to put all sorts of info about herself and her family out there on the internet.

I'm not trying to attack her but I question her judgment. IMHO involving CPS is a serious thing, especially within a family. It's so easy to for everyone to say go ahead and make the call but we aren't the ones that have to do it or live with it. She needs to seriously weigh that decision and her husband needs to be on board with it.

If that makes me a creepy, bad Diser for pointing that out. So be it.