Okay I'm going to try to make this as short, but as full of information as I can.
X is having problems with the DD's when they are at his house. DD9 has been 'okay' but DD8 has been off the wall with him. Basically treating him like he's an idiot. They are showing him no respect, and no respect for anything that he does for them, or anything they have.
A little background- For the time we were together (up to a year ago) I was the disciplinarian, he was the 'fun dad'. He'd come home from work and it would be fun and games with him until bed time. On Sunday's it was him who would take them out on the quads, or on the dirtbikes. From the outside, it would look like everything they did that was 'fun' was dads idea. When it was bed time, it was me who was the bearer of bad news. When they did something wrong and needed to be disciplined it was me who did this. They would go to work with him on school vacation days, switching off and on who would go. On Sundays during the winter- DD8 was with dad, while DD9 was with me skiing. They would do fun things like play ps2 or monopoly- one on one just the 2 of them.
DD9 has been giving me problems at home, but I know it's her pre-pubescent hormones doing it. She's mouthy, talks back etc. I squash the problem by taking away privlidges- talking on the phone, tv on school nights etc. DD8 hasnt given me much of an issue.
It use to be DD8 who was the obediant defiant one. Pushing buttons etc. DD9 was the laid back one- this flip flopped at my house- and now DD8 is pushing her fathers buttons.
We had a climax to the problem 2 weeks ago- they were at their fathers store with him, and both of them were being VERY mouthy to him, DD9 called him a baby etc. He called me and said- thats it, I cant take it.
The more I thought about it- the more it became evident what was going on- they were pushing him because he now has to be a disciplinarian when they are with him. He cant always be the fun dad. They were also playing us against eachother. If I take TV away from DD9, she still had it at her fathers. We discussed what was going on, and decided to follow the same punishment at both houses- if someone looses tv here, they loose it there.
The schedule is Sun/Wed every other fri/sat at his house, mon/tues/thurs every other fri/sat at my house. Same schedule since we split up.
He has made the comment that he'd rather miss them, than be treated the way they are treating him. I flipped when he said that- however, thats not what we're doing...he still has been taking them.
He just called to say they were on there way back here, he was suppose to have them until tonight- anyways- they are off the wall. They locked his computer and changed the passwords, he cant figure out how to get back in...they didnt do this on purpose, but they dont seem to care what they did. This is his business computer....
Last night he was playing PS2 with DD9 and she lost, threw the controller on the ground and stormed off- she lost the PS2 for that one. but she doesnt care.
When we were just talking, I said I dont know why they are doing this. They do NOT act that way when they are here. Like I said- DD9 is mouthy but thats about it- heck she just got student of the month Friday at school. They seem to be mad at him, and I cant figure out why. They are acting out more and more, even after we had a family meeting last week regarding their behavior with their father.
He has made the comment that he will not be stressed out by their behavior, and will not deal with them if they can not act like they should. I can understand his thoughts, because there are days that we all say "omg why did i have kids" however you cant just stop. They are yours forever regardless of how they behave.
Both DD's have gone to counseling and still attend lunch 1x a week with the school counselor but its not changing or explaining the behavior at his house.
They get along and fight here. Some days they can play together all day without a squabble, others the minute they wake up they are at eachother, and those days they spend in their rooms until they can get along. He said at his house- there is no getting along, they are constantly fighting bickering etc. They cant play together without someone fighting with the other.
What do I do? I am thinking about setting up a behavior modification plan, however Im almost positive it wont be followed at his house....They don't have much to be 'taken away' as punishment- except tv, phone, ps2 etc. I did one week take snowboarding away from DD9, for her excessive back talk, it worked until she got it back...
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh - and please dont bash him as a father, he truly is the best father I could have picked for my kids- I think he's just overwhelmed with a lot of things right now (he's selling a business, financially strapped until that goes through, dealing with his parents divorce etc.) this is the icing on the cake that is pushing him over the edge.
Brandy
X is having problems with the DD's when they are at his house. DD9 has been 'okay' but DD8 has been off the wall with him. Basically treating him like he's an idiot. They are showing him no respect, and no respect for anything that he does for them, or anything they have.
A little background- For the time we were together (up to a year ago) I was the disciplinarian, he was the 'fun dad'. He'd come home from work and it would be fun and games with him until bed time. On Sunday's it was him who would take them out on the quads, or on the dirtbikes. From the outside, it would look like everything they did that was 'fun' was dads idea. When it was bed time, it was me who was the bearer of bad news. When they did something wrong and needed to be disciplined it was me who did this. They would go to work with him on school vacation days, switching off and on who would go. On Sundays during the winter- DD8 was with dad, while DD9 was with me skiing. They would do fun things like play ps2 or monopoly- one on one just the 2 of them.
DD9 has been giving me problems at home, but I know it's her pre-pubescent hormones doing it. She's mouthy, talks back etc. I squash the problem by taking away privlidges- talking on the phone, tv on school nights etc. DD8 hasnt given me much of an issue.
It use to be DD8 who was the obediant defiant one. Pushing buttons etc. DD9 was the laid back one- this flip flopped at my house- and now DD8 is pushing her fathers buttons.
We had a climax to the problem 2 weeks ago- they were at their fathers store with him, and both of them were being VERY mouthy to him, DD9 called him a baby etc. He called me and said- thats it, I cant take it.
The more I thought about it- the more it became evident what was going on- they were pushing him because he now has to be a disciplinarian when they are with him. He cant always be the fun dad. They were also playing us against eachother. If I take TV away from DD9, she still had it at her fathers. We discussed what was going on, and decided to follow the same punishment at both houses- if someone looses tv here, they loose it there.
The schedule is Sun/Wed every other fri/sat at his house, mon/tues/thurs every other fri/sat at my house. Same schedule since we split up.
He has made the comment that he'd rather miss them, than be treated the way they are treating him. I flipped when he said that- however, thats not what we're doing...he still has been taking them.
He just called to say they were on there way back here, he was suppose to have them until tonight- anyways- they are off the wall. They locked his computer and changed the passwords, he cant figure out how to get back in...they didnt do this on purpose, but they dont seem to care what they did. This is his business computer....
Last night he was playing PS2 with DD9 and she lost, threw the controller on the ground and stormed off- she lost the PS2 for that one. but she doesnt care.
When we were just talking, I said I dont know why they are doing this. They do NOT act that way when they are here. Like I said- DD9 is mouthy but thats about it- heck she just got student of the month Friday at school. They seem to be mad at him, and I cant figure out why. They are acting out more and more, even after we had a family meeting last week regarding their behavior with their father.
He has made the comment that he will not be stressed out by their behavior, and will not deal with them if they can not act like they should. I can understand his thoughts, because there are days that we all say "omg why did i have kids" however you cant just stop. They are yours forever regardless of how they behave.
Both DD's have gone to counseling and still attend lunch 1x a week with the school counselor but its not changing or explaining the behavior at his house.
They get along and fight here. Some days they can play together all day without a squabble, others the minute they wake up they are at eachother, and those days they spend in their rooms until they can get along. He said at his house- there is no getting along, they are constantly fighting bickering etc. They cant play together without someone fighting with the other.
What do I do? I am thinking about setting up a behavior modification plan, however Im almost positive it wont be followed at his house....They don't have much to be 'taken away' as punishment- except tv, phone, ps2 etc. I did one week take snowboarding away from DD9, for her excessive back talk, it worked until she got it back...
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh - and please dont bash him as a father, he truly is the best father I could have picked for my kids- I think he's just overwhelmed with a lot of things right now (he's selling a business, financially strapped until that goes through, dealing with his parents divorce etc.) this is the icing on the cake that is pushing him over the edge.
Brandy
