Help dealing with Kids bad behavior

[disneykidsx3]

I am looking for help in dealing with my kids ds6,dd4, and dd2's bad behavior. My DS has been whinning a lot lately or saying whatever (which is a "bad" word in our house) and my dd who is 4 has been ver mouthy lately. Does anyone have any helpful advise for me in dealing with them. We are traveling to Disney next month and I want to have another wonderful trip. Thanks!

 

[Jynxed]

With anything, follow through on the consequences.

When DS says "whatever" how is it handled now?

You can not just say something is bad and have no consequences to it being bad. It can not be okay sometimes and not others. You need it to always be bad. Consistent punishment.

Kids like to push buttons and if they know you get upset over something, they will see how far they can go with it.

What will work depends on your kid. Timeouts, taking toys away... etc.

 

[PrinceOfPeace]

What if you created a behavior chart to take with you on your trip, with the 'x' being Grumpy and a 'star' being Happy....and make it a good way to motivate good behavior in them. You can have some type of prize/privilege at the end of every day or whenever you say.

Consequences work too; however some children still rebel with that (like mine).

I also do 'breaks'....and ask them at the end of their break when they are ready to talk....what did they do wrong?....why was it wrong?....what will they do next time differently?

Children are so different, one might respond well to a chart, and another one might do better with a consequence....or another one needs to talk it out and needs more assurance.

Or there is always the old fashioned method.... lol

 

[Magpie]

Try being happier and more positive yourself. Sometimes we get stuck in negative feedback loops with our kids. Don't let them push your buttons, and look for opportunities to have small special moments with each of them. Tell them every time you catch them being good.

I read a lot of parenting books when my kids were small, because they were quite a handful. One that really stuck with me described a mother who made a habit of caressing her kids or saying something nice, just "randomly". But it wasn't random. She was doing it whenever she saw them playing nicely or being quiet, or minding their own business. Since her kids were getting positive feedback when they were good, they would try harder to be good. I tried to be like her.

The other thing I found helped was consistently sending my children to their rooms whenever they were being obnoxious. I did this more with my son, since he was always grumpier and mouthier than my daughter. If he got annoying, I'd point to his room and say, "You can come back when you're ready to be civilized." When he came back, I'd just act like everything was fine and forgotten. Unless he'd done something really horrible, I didn't discuss it or make him apologize.

It eventually got to the point where he'd run off to his room the moment he started getting upset.

Raised voices were not allowed inside. I got right in there the moment anyone started yelling, even in "fun". I also can't hear disrespectful speech or whining. Funny how it works... my ears just seem to turn right off. Sometimes I'd look up at the ceiling and say, "Is there a mosquito in this room? Something's whining. It must be a mosquito!" :lol:

I tried to get my kids to help me whenever possible. Even when they were very small, I gave them little jobs so we could all work together. When mine were your oldest's age, they thought it was a privilege to help me do dishes. I always told them how much I appreciated the assistance, and how nice it was to have big responsible people like them around to help me.

And hugs! Hugs are always good. If you want to kill the kid, it's probably a good time to give them a hug. Then put a movie in. Sit on the couch together and have takeaway for dinner. Let all the little stuff go.

 

[nchulka]

If your problems with them are mostly contained to the way they are speaking try using a few drops of tabasco sauce on their tongues whenever their "mouths" are "bad"

 

[judaloo]

Nice post..well said. I find it easy to be reactionary to their behavior instead of being proactive in their happiness. As soon as I get stuck..if I can muster a plan, things seem much better. We all need to reminders

 

[MickeyMom2Boys]

Try being happier and more positive yourself. Sometimes we get stuck in negative feedback loops with our kids. Don't let them push your buttons, and look for opportunities to have small special moments with each of them. Tell them every time you catch them being good.

I read a lot of parenting books when my kids were small, because they were quite a handful. One that really stuck with me described a mother who made a habit of caressing her kids or saying something nice, just "randomly". But it wasn't random. She was doing it whenever she saw them playing nicely or being quiet, or minding their own business. Since her kids were getting positive feedback when they were good, they would try harder to be good. I tried to be like her.

The other thing I found helped was consistently sending my children to their rooms whenever they were being obnoxious. I did this more with my son, since he was always grumpier and mouthier than my daughter. If he got annoying, I'd point to his room and say, "You can come back when you're ready to be civilized." When he came back, I'd just act like everything was fine and forgotten. Unless he'd done something really horrible, I didn't discuss it or make him apologize.

It eventually got to the point where he'd run off to his room the moment he started getting upset.

Raised voices were not allowed inside. I got right in there the moment anyone started yelling, even in "fun". I also can't hear disrespectful speech or whining. Funny how it works... my ears just seem to turn right off. Sometimes I'd look up at the ceiling and say, "Is there a mosquito in this room? Something's whining. It must be a mosquito!" :lol:

I tried to get my kids to help me whenever possible. Even when they were very small, I gave them little jobs so we could all work together. When mine were your oldest's age, they thought it was a privilege to help me do dishes. I always told them how much I appreciated the assistance, and how nice it was to have big responsible people like them around to help me.

And hugs! Hugs are always good. If you want to kill the kid, it's probably a good time to give them a hug. Then put a movie in. Sit on the couch together and have takeaway for dinner. Let all the little stuff go.

LOVE this response. I'm having the same problems with my 7 and 4 year olds and have been trying this type of approach. It takes more training and patience from me and I still have a long way to go, but when it works it really works and everyone is happier. I also think mine has a lot to do with the new baby (5 months old). While they adore him, they are definitely noticing how much of Mommy's time he requires. I'm also trying to make sure I am doing more with them instead of just for them. For example, I found myself taking them outside to play - but I was just watching and tending to the baby while we were out there. Now we are trying to take walks, play flag football, etc all together. Spending this time with them makes the other times when I have to do things around the house or for the baby less of an impact on them. Good luck!!

 

[mom2princesss]

I am looking for help in dealing with my kids ds6,dd4, and dd2's bad behavior. My DS has been whinning a lot lately or saying whatever (which is a "bad" word in our house) and my dd who is 4 has been ver mouthy lately. Does anyone have any helpful advise for me in dealing with them. We are traveling to Disney next month and I want to have another wonderful trip. Thanks!

Ignore the bad and praise the heck out of the good. Whinning, screaming, fits, "ugly" talk are totally ignored in my home. They get no attention whatsoever. All they are trying to do when they behave that way is get attention. Instead they get ingnored. Now, when they are speaking nicely or playing nicely or helping nicely, they get praise like you wouldn't believe.

Of course, if the whinning or mouthy behavior is more then usual I also make sure that I make time for just that child doing something special, just me and them. It can be playing a game, reading a book, baking cookies, whatever as long as they are getting some good attention from me. That "look at me" type of behavior usually means they are bored or are feeling lost in the crowd(I have 3 DDs) and need a little extra TLC.

 

[amberdburke]

One thing I tell my DH all the time is, "We have to pick our battles." I have to be careful to not get on DD's case all the time. I decide what is really important to me and correct those things. Other not-so-important things I just let go.

As PP poster said, consistency is the key!!!

 

[brookmey]

We use behavioral charts and the ticket system. Each night before they go to bed we go through their charts to review the day. There are 5 behaviors on the charts that we expect of them each day and we ask them if they think they earned the star for that behavior. They're pretty honest, which was surprising. If they don't think they earned the star, they own up to it.

If they get 4 out of 5 stars in a day, they get 1 ticket. At the end of the week, if they have 5 out of 7 days with 4 or more stars, they get 5 bonus tickets. They can spend the tickets on various items like pencils, stickers, silly bandz or bigger ticket items like a book, DVD, card game, etc. I'll buy little things at the $1 store that are worth 5-20 tickets or bigger, more "special" items that can cost up to 75 tickets. They also earn tickets by doing their chores or by being extra nice or thoughtful to someone during the day. They can also earn privileges with their tickets, like a bubble bath in Mom and Dad's tub, stay up 30 minutes after bedtime, a no chore day, etc.

The tickets have been great motivators because they force the kids to save and work for something they want. Then, when they finally have earned it, we talk about how good it feels when you finally get something you've worked so hard for. They do get a reward, but we also focus on the intrinsic value of hard work and achieving your goals and how good that feels inside.

Since we started this a year ago, we have seen an improvement in their behavior and the way they treat each other. They've become more respectful to us and to each other. And they're pretty honest with their self-evaluations, so when they don't get a star, they accept it without question.

 

[MSSANDRA]

It's the start of summer, have you established a new routine ? Kids like to be know what to expect and sometimes need help staying on task and staying busy.

Write out a daily routine with picture and simple words to explain what is happening when. Maybe build in a few "IFS" into the day. If we have had a good morning with no whining (or whatever you choose) we will go to the pool during this time, if not it is rest time. Build in some down time and some mommy time and limit the screen time.

I agree to pick your battles and then be 100% consistent in following through.

What works at my house is "if you are whining you are tired and need a nap." stops it 95% of the time

 

[pjacobi]

http://www.parentmagic.com/


-Paul

 

[*Seanaci*]

1) Pick your battles. "Whatever" is very much the most annoying phrase ever...however, it would be low on my battle list.

2) As someone else asked, what is the current consequence when DS says "whatever" or when DD is mouthy? You have to be consistent with discipline/consequences. I have the most unruly niece and nephew because their parents failed to follow through and enforce consequences.

 

[disneykidsx3]

Thank you all- most of this started with start of summer and new routines. I am feeling better with all of your suggestions. We are going to make family rules and hang them up in the house along with daily rountines. I love the positive attention. Thanks all- you are a big help!

 

[momto2js]

http://www.parentmagic.com/


-Paul

I agree with this 100%

 

[luckyfin]

If your problems with them are mostly contained to the way they are speaking try using a few drops of tabasco sauce on their tongues whenever their "mouths" are "bad"

Aversive conditioning is very controversial. Research this method before you decide if this is something that is good for you and your family.

 

[Vowelmommy]

http://www.parentmagic.com/


-Paul

YES, YES, YES!
It changed our family.

 

[Magpie]

YES, YES, YES!
It changed our family.

We attempted it, but found it didn't fit our style as a family. It never hurts to try, though!