He walked on out us.

[tinkerdorabelle]

Oh honey, soooo sorry. Sending u good vibes and hugs.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I am so sorry, I know how you feel, my Dh walked out on me at the worst possible time in our lives, but I found a couple of great books that really helped me get through those 6-8 weeks he was gone and I think it might have helped bring him back.

The book is called "Winning Your Husband Back" by Gary Smalley. I also read "How to Save Your Marriage Alone" by Ed Wheat. Both of these really helped me make the decision to make my marriage work. It took him some time and a bit of the things this book offered as suggestions, but we got back together and in Dec we will celebrate our 8th Anniversary. I can't say it has been perfect (I mean whose marriage is perfect), but it has been alot better.

Suzanne

 

[pearlieq]

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Call a lawyer ASAP. Also, if he's an authorized user on any of your credit cards, cancel his access. Open a new account in your name if needed. Call any credit card companies with which you have joint credit card accounts and get your name off of them. Take his name off of any other accounts your're responsible for (cell phone, insurance, etc.)

Also, go to the bank and remove exactly half of the balance of any accounts you share. No more. Put that money in an account only you can access. If your paycheck gets direct deposited to a joint account, change it so it goes to an account only you can access.

You said he's got money management issues, these steps will help protect you. You've got to remove yourself from any liability for bad decisions he makes.

I wish you the best.

 

[minijeanie]

had a good friend who is in exact same situation. She got a lawyer and sorry to say she is divorced.

I am hoping with time away from you and DD he might realize it is a mistake.
I would get a lawyer but if you still love him..hold on....hopefully he will see the light..

thinking of you tonight and will say a prayer

 

[Buckalew11]

I'm so sorry.

 

[mickeywho?]

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

I know exactly how you feel, I went through the exact same thing about 6 months ago. My ex DH left my 2 year old DD and myself, said he was depressed and didn't love me the way a husband should anymore......news to me!!! He didn't want to see a counselor or anything, it was just over after 4 years of marriage.

The only advice I can give is to get a lawyer, I am so thankful I found a great one and she really helped me out.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it is so, so hard.

My thoughts exactly. I know from personal experience it hurts and the hurt might subside but will not go away. Living and waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak is hel. I say get a lawyer and PROTECT your assets. You need to think of yourself and your child and try to move on with your life. I know you are hurting at this time but in a month or two it will hurt even more if he pulls the rug out from under you financially. Trust me I know.

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Call a lawyer ASAP. Also, if he's an authorized user on any of your credit cards, cancel his access. Open a new account in your name if needed. Call any credit card companies with which you have joint credit card accounts and get your name off of them. Take his name off of any other accounts your're responsible for (cell phone, insurance, etc.)

Also, go to the bank and remove exactly half of the balance of any accounts you share. No more. Put that money in an account only you can access. If your paycheck gets direct deposited to a joint account, change it so it goes to an account only you can access.

You said he's got money management issues, these steps will help protect you. You've got to remove yourself from any liability for bad decisions he makes.

I wish you the best.

This is the best advice given so far. Please heed it!

 

[mickeyboat]

I am so sorry. You must be crushed.

But it is now time to take the bull by the horns and take some action. See a lawyer ASAP. Take the financial advice given by PPs. Make copies of all of your financial records and put them in a safe place - preferably somewhere outside your home.

Just because you are taking action does not mean your marriage cannot be saved. But you need to prepare for the worst. You don't know what your DH is capable of, heck, you didn't think he would want a divorce, either. Your goal is to protect yourself and your child at this point.

Finally, seek out a friend or family member you can talk to.

Denae

 

[Lionqueen2]

I am so sorry.

 

[NMAmy]

I was in your shoes 11 years ago. You've gotten some great advice--do go see a lawyer ASAP. You need someone in your corner who sees things objectively.

I did want to let you know that things will get better even though it doesn't seem like it right now. I always make it a point to say that to women in this situation because I just felt so hopeless at the time and it didn't seem like life could ever be good again. You'll have to be strong for your child(ren) but you have reserves of strength you didn't know were there.

My very best wishes to you.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Call a lawyer ASAP. Also, if he's an authorized user on any of your credit cards, cancel his access. Open a new account in your name if needed. Call any credit card companies with which you have joint credit card accounts and get your name off of them. Take his name off of any other accounts your're responsible for (cell phone, insurance, etc.)

Also, go to the bank and remove exactly half of the balance of any accounts you share. No more. Put that money in an account only you can access. If your paycheck gets direct deposited to a joint account, change it so it goes to an account only you can access.

You said he's got money management issues, these steps will help protect you. You've got to remove yourself from any liability for bad decisions he makes.

I wish you the best.

Good advice. Also contact an attorney to see how to protect yourself during this time. It doesn't mean you're looking for a divorce, but if it comes to that, you need to know what you have a right to do, have etc.

Also, make sure any new accounts you open have a specific instruction that your husband is NOT to have access to them. Also, right after you get a new credit card account in your name only, call the credit reporting companies and tell them that you have reason to believe that your estranged husband may try and start new credit card accounts in your name and that he does not have your permission. Ask them if there is a way to note that so that any CC application that comes through, after you start your new account, will bounce.

Copy all financial records, the last few years of income tax returns etc. Put them elsewhere, not in your home. A safety deposit box, your mother, a trusted friend...but not in your house. Don't forget about retirement accounts and if your kids have any accounts, get his name off.

Call a counselor...for you, not necessarily for the marriage. You really need to sit and determine if a man who has money management issues and who you have to keep bailing out is someone you want to continue to be tied to and deal with.

 

[DebIreland]

I'm so sorry. Look after yourself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Not sure where else to post this, but I just need to vent.

Says he is depressed & has been unhappy for quite a while - news to me.
Yes, we've been in counseling for a few years (he lives life with champagne tastes on a beer budget & I've been the one bailing him out). He told me he has contacted a lawyer, but "isn't sure what to do."

He called me today to "see how our DD was" & asked how I was doing. I just said "fine."

BUT I AM NOT FINE! My heart is crushed. I am angry. I am sad. I broke down at work today in front of my boss (not exactly my most professional moment).

Any words of advice? Thank you!

Since he has contacted a lawyer you must do the same. Proceed as if your marriage is going to end and protect yourself, esp. your finances.

Also getting a babysitter and going out with some friends might be a good way to blow off some steam. I know you are crushed but you do need to clear your head in a positive way. Get some support so you don't feel so alone.

I kind of get the vibe that you are not seeing or hearing your "H". Personal counseling may be a good thing for you to sort out yourself.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

So sorry that this is happening.

 

[Chicago526]

Good advice. Also contact an attorney to see how to protect yourself during this time. It doesn't mean you're looking for a divorce, but if it comes to that, you need to know what you have a right to do, have etc.

Also, make sure any new accounts you open have a specific instruction that your husband is NOT to have access to them. Also, right after you get a new credit card account in your name only, call the credit reporting companies and tell them that you have reason to believe that your estranged husband may try and start new credit card accounts in your name and that he does not have your permission. Ask them if there is a way to note that so that any CC application that comes through, after you start your new account, will bounce.

Copy all financial records, the last few years of income tax returns etc. Put them elsewhere, not in your home. A safety deposit box, your mother, a trusted friend...but not in your house. Don't forget about retirement accounts and if your kids have any accounts, get his name off.

Call a counselor...for you, not necessarily for the marriage. You really need to sit and determine if a man who has money management issues and who you have to keep bailing out is someone you want to continue to be tied to and deal with.

Also put a fraud aleart on your childrens SS numbers with the three credit agencies, parents have been know to steal their own childrens identity and rack up debts in their name.

Even if you don't suspect an affair, it's a good idea to schedule an appointment with your doctor and be tested for STD's. At this point you just don't know. Also, no *ahem* with him until you know he's back for good, for the same reason.

 

[sbell111]

... It's my belief and of course I could be wrong, but I think most men go through the motions of counseling just to assuage their guilt and not with the mindset to accomplish anything.

As a man, I'm offended by that statement.

It is my personal belief that many people who go into couples counseling do so to 'go through the motions' or to dump blame on the other person, rather than to try to make a real effort to fix the relationship. I believe that these unhelpful actions are taken by both men and women.

It's troubling that so many people continue to try to blame men for all marriage problems.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Call a lawyer ASAP. Also, if he's an authorized user on any of your credit cards, cancel his access. Open a new account in your name if needed. Call any credit card companies with which you have joint credit card accounts and get your name off of them. Take his name off of any other accounts your're responsible for (cell phone, insurance, etc.)

Also, go to the bank and remove exactly half of the balance of any accounts you share. No more. Put that money in an account only you can access. If your paycheck gets direct deposited to a joint account, change it so it goes to an account only you can access.

You said he's got money management issues, these steps will help protect you. You've got to remove yourself from any liability for bad decisions he makes.

I wish you the best.

Great post. I would only add that doing these things need not preclude working to save the marriage should the OP decide to do so.

 

[sbell111]

Also put a fraud aleart on your childrens SS numbers with the three credit agencies, parents have been know to steal their own childrens identity and rack up debts in their name.

Even if you don't suspect an affair, it's a good idea to schedule an appointment with your doctor and be tested for STD's. At this point you just don't know. Also, no *ahem* with him until you know he's back for good, for the same reason.

I think that both parts of your post exhibit a level of paranoia that would be unnecessary in nearly all circumstances.

If the OP has no reason to believe that the husband has been cheating on her, there is no need to run out and get tested. Further, I suspect that the OP is qualified to determine whether her husband would attempt to steal her childern's identity.

 

[sbell111]

Good grief. People in this forum go way off the deep end in any thread regarding marriage issues. It's become obvious to me that the percentage of people on the DIS who went through crazy divorces is MUCH higher than that of the general population, based on the comments in these threads. I seriously believe that these individuals' contributions are tainted by their experiences, resulting in skewed advice that could actually make the circumstances of the OPs worse, rather than better.

In closing, I would recommend not taking advice on personal relationships from a bunch of internet strangers.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Every single person I know who's DH has walked out has involved another woman (my poor gf had her DH leave her 2 weeks before her scheduled c/s with their 3rd child).