Having kids at 40.....question

[Thundergod]

I am almost 38 and my wife is going to be 37 this year. We have two wonderful boys and there is 6 years between them. I thought that was too long but it's how it played out. Well my youngest is going to be 9 in July and my wife and I are really wanting to try for one more child.

I am scared to death that if we had another child I wouldn't make it to see them graduate high school. I am also worried for my wife.. She had a couple minor issues with our last child(nothing really health wise) but the cord was wrapped around his neck and she had minor case of preclampsia(sp)?

We are also to the age where things like cancer, heart attacks, and other health issues start to creep up and it really has me worried. I really want another though!

I would like to hear from those that have had children in late 30's into their forties and if you had similar or other fears...

thank you

 

[low-key]

The fears you mentioned would be my fears also. but who knows the future no matter what your age

 

[spacemountainmom]

I personally was done having kids at 31. However, my grandparents were all older parents when my parents were born. My grandparents died when I was 11 months, 8 years, 12 years and 23 years old. I thought it sucked to not have most of my grandparents for most of my life. I really think I missed out by not having them.

I am related to some older parents. They are my age and have a 4 and 6 year old, mine are teenagers. I know that I am way too old and tired to deal with little kids. I routinely see that they are as well.

My MIL was a grandmother at my age. I'm not really pushing for that either.

Ultimately, it is your and your wife's choice. I think there is a lot to think about in the decision making.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I am almost 38 and my wife is going to be 37 this year. We have two wonderful boys and there is 6 years between them. I thought that was too long but it's how it played out. Well my youngest is going to be 9 in July and my wife and I are really wanting to try for one more child.

I am scared to death that if we had another child I wouldn't make it to see them graduate high school. I am also worried for my wife.. She had a couple minor issues with our last child(nothing really health wise) but the cord was wrapped around his neck and she had minor case of preclampsia(sp)?

We are also to the age where things like cancer, heart attacks, and other health issues start to creep up and it really has me worried. I really want another though!

I would like to hear from those that have had children in late 30's into their forties and if you had similar or other fears...

thank you

Well, since DH & I didn't get married til I was 37 & he was 36, we had these issues as soon as we married.

I think the 2 issues I was most concerned with were:

1. Maybe not so much that we would live long enough to raise them, because both of us were in great health and generally heathcare today is quite good, but more along the lines that we would be older than thier peers parents and how would they feel about it. Also, I felt that we would need to be maybe a little more proactive about making sure that "the kids" would be able to be self-sufficent a little sooner than thier peers would need to be, in case we weren't around as long.

2. I was concerned more about if any of our children had health issues themselves, I hoped they would be old enough to participate in any decisions that needed to be made about how to treat it. I just didn't think that I would be able to make those kind of "hard decisions" for someone who might not understand why "bad" things were being done to them.

Thankfully, our children are now 24, 22, and 18 (about to graduate HS). And we've all made it.

 

[marybet]

If you think about it, if you had another child in the next year you would only be 57 when it turned 18. Life expectancy for men is about 72, so I think you'd be okay. Unless you have a family history of health problems you should be fine.

Having another child might make you take better care of yourself to insure you'll be around. All depends on how bad you want it.

 

[Robinrs]

My Dad was 37 when I was born.

I buried him on my 47th birthday. I feel so blessed to have him so long.

My only living child was born 2 months shy of my 37th birthday. He will graduate from high school next year and YES, I plan to be there.

No one is promised tomorrow so live for today. My co worker will be 39 on her birthday, the same month she undergoes in vitro fertilization to have her first child. She and her husband are so excited and is looking forward to a long life with their child, as you should, too.

I am glad I had my child late. I did all my stupid stuff before I had him and now we're growing up together.

I wish you luck and happiness.

 

[Thundergod]

We are both in good health. I workout and run all the time and my wife has good genes because she really does very little.

Her grandmother is like 94 years old and was honored in a parade yesterday for being the oldest person in her town.


Maybe I just worry more than I should. My wife thinks I am crazy to worry about it but I can't help but worry.

 

[Alphabetsoup]

My hubby is now 44 and I'm 37...I'll be 38 in July and....

We are expecting our first child ANY DAY NOW!!! *bounce* Heck, we spent last night in labor and delivery for contractions.

We have some of the same concerns, but then decided we would regret more, the decision NOT to have children based solely on those concerns.

Heck, if things go well, we may try again in another 12 months time -- so if there is a next time, I could be 39 and he could be 45 when we deliver.

Yes, it will be tougher since we aren't 'quite' as young. But on the plus side, we are settled, happy and ready to open our lives to a child -- something we didn't want to do earlier.

 

[Thundergod]

You all are really helping to ease my fears!

I want to thank you all..

 

[powellrj]

I was 37 and my Dh was 42 when our DD was born. She just turned 15 last week.

Not to be a downer, but you can die at any age. She has several friends who have lost their moms at young ages. One to heart disease, one to cancer and one to a drug overdose. So I wouldn't worry too much about your health at this point.

In our area, older parents aren't the norm. In fact, many of my DHs classmates have grandkids older than DD.

I have had some health issues come up in the last few years and I feel sorry that my DD is stuck with this crippled mom that can't do many of the things her friends moms do. But, because I am older, I am much easier going than many of her friends moms. Things that bother younger moms, don't even register on my radar and I think its because I am older and realize that you need to pick you battles and not sweat the small things.

Follow your heart and you will be fine!

 

[Lucille1963]

In our area, older parents aren't the norm.

My first thought after reading the first post was "it must be regional". OP- In my area, you'd be just about average! It seems like most 1st time parents around us are in their 30s - early 40s.

If you're up for it, go for it!

 

[Aisling]

Maybe I just worry more than I should. My wife thinks I am crazy to worry about it but I can't help but worry.

There's nothing to worry about. Just be concerned that you both have the energy to keep up with a toddler!

My sister had her first two children back to back in her early 20s and then when she was 40 she and her husband 41, they got the urge for another baby. She had health issues with the first two pregnancies (pre eclampsia and gestational diabetes which called for a c-section for both), but their little girl born when she was 41 was a textbook perfect birth and delivery. My niece is now 8, healthy, and is keeping her parents young!

 

[deedeetoo]

I am 51 and my dh is 55. Our kids are 10 and 12. The only downside so far is that sometimes we feel like the oldest parents watching my son's soccer games and we feel like we don't really fit in with the other parents. Otherwise its not such a big deal.

 

[AustinTink]

I hate to be the lone Debbie Downer of the group, but, here goes. My Mom was 40 when I was born, my dad was 36. Dad died when I was 26, one month shy of my wedding. That's the reality people don't think about when they say live for now and don't think about the what-ifs. What if he could have walked me down the aisle? What if he had been able to meet his grandson? What if he was still around to help care for my now legally blind mother?

I'm forty. I can't have any more children. But, even if it was possible I just wouldn't take the risk...the risk that I wouldn't be around when they needed me.

 

[Thundergod]

I hate to be the lone Debbie Downer of the group, but, here goes. My Mom was 40 when I was born, my dad was 36. Dad died when I was 26, one month shy of my wedding. That's the reality people don't think about when they say live for now and don't think about the what-ifs. What if he could have walked me down the aisle? What if he had been able to meet his grandson? What if he was still around to help care for my now legally blind mother?

I'm forty. I can't have any more children. But, even if it was possible I just wouldn't take the risk...the risk that I wouldn't be around when they needed me.

But, if they had not had a kid that late in their life there would be no you!

 

[AustinTink]

But, if they had not had a kid that late in their life there would be no you!

Thanks. That's sweet.

 

[arminnie]

I am 65 and know dozens of people who had kids at 40 (and even several years later). They are all well and healthy.

I think it becomes a health (mostly fertility related) issue after 45, but 40 is not rare at all. Now I lived in Northern California where this was pretty common. Not so at all in Arkansas where I am now.

 

[LuLuO]

No one knows how long they'll live or if they will remain in good health. There are no guarantees in that area.

I was almost 31 when DD was born and DH was 37. I was 33 when DS was born and DH was 39. If this is something you want to do, I don't think you'll regret having another kid. But, you may regret not having another one.

 

[phillmolly]

...the risk that I wouldn't be around when they needed me.

The plain fact of the matter is that we all take that risk every single day. When it is your time, it is your time.

I was 35 and DH was 38 when our DS was born. We tried for 14 years to get pregnant with him and now I wouldn't trade those 14 years for anything becasue at the end I got my son. I truly belive he was the baby I was meant to have at the time I was meant to have him. Because it took so long to have him, we were in the postion that I have been able to be a SAHM and if we would have had children early in our lives I would have had to work. I really never feel like the oldest mom around, most of my mom friends are about 4 or 5 years younger than me but I don't ever feel like the old lady. As a matter of fact DH and I trying to have a second baby right now, if we got blessed again, I will be 38 and DH will be 41.

Only you and your DW can make the choice to have another baby, but don't let worrying about "what ifs" hold you back. Every day is a what if, and if you let that get in they way of what you want they you are not really living your life.

 

[castmember19]

My mother had me at 44. I was unplanned, an "accident" so to speak but I think I speak for them when I say that they never regret it. (Of course, if they did, they'd never say so but moving on...)

My dad had a liver transplant when I was young and my mother recently underwent knee replacement surgery and that's as far as any medical issues have gone for our family.

I wouldn't say that my parents age has affected anything for us. My parents both saw me graduate last year and they're not going anywhere anytime soon. They'll likely be there for my college graduation, wedding, all the important stuff unless (God forbid) something happen to them suddenly.

My parents have always been older than my friends parents but it doesn't make a difference to me.