Having children in your forties?!

[jodifla]

I had my DS at 40. It worked out well for us.

I wasn't ready in my 20s or early 30s to be tied down with all the responsibility of childcare. My DH and I had a wonderful time -- we worked a lot and built our careers, did lots of traveling all over this country and in Europe. We did plays, dinners out all the time. It was like we were honeymooners for 13 years! We really built a strong relationship before we had a child.

I really enjoy being a parent in my 40s. I tend to be one of the more laid-back moms.

 

[blessedby3]

Im getting ready to turn 42 in December -I can hardly believe that!!
Anyway, I have a DD18, DS13, DD9 and DD13mos. All of ours were planned and we just adore the baby. Cant imagine life without her, but now wished I had done it sooner. When we had #3 we thought we were done as she is VERY high maintanance!! We finally talked and decided to have that #4 and love her, but I am exhausted! She has only slept through the night about 6 times since she was born. SHe has reflux and at this moment is cutting 4 molars which keeps her in pain. I definately see an energy difference, but wouldnt let that stop me from having kids at 40ish. Good luck

 

[jakoky]

HI there, i just discussed this subject with someone the other day...i am 39 and would LOVE more, but i am done...i have a dd-17,ds15, and dd13....i have the energy for little ones(i do in home daycare 5 days a week) BUT what scares me is having another one now and then dealing with a teenagers in my late 50's... Looking after littles, and remembering back to my kids when they were little, it was pretty easy...it is the teenage issues that i find overwhelming, and i have pretty GOOD teenagers...anyways, the baby bug never goes away for me, so it is a good thing my dh cant help me out in having another...btw, as for age and health issues, i had complicated pregnancies and i was young when i had mine ( lost a baby @ 28 wks, bleeding throughout and youngest was born 2 months early and needed 3 surgeries to fix her bowel )....unfortunately their are risks whenever we have babies, i do realize they get more as we age, but i know many people who are having their first in their late thirties and are having an easier time than i did....good luck in your decision...babies and kids are such a blessing
sharon

 

[pixiedancr]

I would say GO for it if that is what you would like to do. My dh and I decided not to we have downs on both sides of our family. I have two aunts that had children in their forties that have downs and my dh has one aunt that had a child in her forties with downs. Obviously it's huge in both of our families. I'm happy we did get two lovely bundles of joy in before I hit 35.

When it comes to my children's friends a lot of their parents were in their 40's when they had them. I have only heard one complain about being older when she had her son but she also has a lot of medical issues right now.

Again go for it if you really want to but remember there is an increased risk of complications and birth defects. Also look into your family history see if anyone in your family had a child with birth defects. My dh and I LOVE our cousins with Downs but we have seen how hard it has been on our aunts who love them very much too.

 

[HelenePA]

Don't have the energy I had with #1.

Me either and I'm 29. I highly doubt age has anything to do with it.. I think its more like kids suck the energy out of you I had my first at 21 she was born with a congenital heart defect and needed open heart surgery at 6 months to repair it. There are risks at any age. I wouldn't let that stop me from trying!

I would say go for it..

 

[scoobndolliesmom]

I think you should do what is right for your family. My husbands mom had him at 41 and they have a wonderful relationship! Good Luck!

 

[mom2princessj]

I said no more children after 35...for me its the risk of complications and birth defects that I'm afraid of. Two friends of mine approaching 40 had babies that had birth defects...one had downs the other baby didn't make it...she had trisomy 13...in both cases advanced maternal age played a part in their situations. There is never a guarantee even at 21 but I had my two at 29 and 31 and knew I was done. I have high risk pregnancies also so my dr told me my body could probably handle one more but sooner rather than later...I had my hands full with two 15 mos apart no way was I taking on a third right away
It's a personal decision...one that has to be right for you. My MIL is in her late 70s (she had dh when she was in her late 30s) and she doesn't even have the energy for our kids (my dh is 37) and my mother is in her mid 50s and she's the one we call and count on to babysit for us when needed. It hurts my MIL's feelings but she's got a really bad heart, FIL has had 2 strokes and is now pretty much mute and needs lots of help...I look at these things and think about the differences between having children younger and having them older. We are so busy with activities and school and playdates...its tiring at 35 and my dh is really tired after working 60 hours + per week and doesn't have alot of energy for them either. I can't imagine how he'll be at 40
Good luck whatever you decide. I wish you all the best!

 

[mjh8955]

I had my kids at 35 and 38. Recovered o.k. from both. I didn't get married until I was 30 so having kids late was just how it worked out. Sometimes people mistake me for their grandmother. And we regret that our parents passed away early so our kids pretty much grew up without grandparents. I am usually one of the oldest moms in the class. However, we were financially stable when we had kids and have never experienced any kind of money struggles. We were able to save for college and put the kids in private school. If we had been married and had kids 10 years earlier that would not have been the case.

 

[bethy]

Better late than never if you want children IMO. For sure. I had mine at 28 and 32 and that worked for me. For me the desire to have them a tad earlier had nothing to do with worrying about potential birth defects. I actually refused testing with both my kids and would do so if I ever had another no matter how old.

My personal reservation with having children at an older age would be my desire to be there for them when they have kids someday and also to be an involved grandparent. I mean, what if they wait until their 30's to start having kids? If my youngest DD waits till she is 34 then I will be 66 when that child is born. And then at least 72 or so before that child would really be able to make memories with me that would last him or her a lifetime.

My DH's parents had him at 34 and they seem really old to me right now. I don't mean this in a mean way. I am sad about it. Part of it has to do with their personalities and activity level. But it must makes me sad. Suddenly the idea of dying "of old age" in one's 80's seems like a really scary prospect to me personally.

 

[love3kids]

Hi, well my story. I was married the first time at 27 it ended in divorce. But I have an amazing daughter who will be 14 in Jan. I was single for 7 years and met my second husband when the subject of children came up I was thrilled to thinkI could have another child but the fear of starting all over with a 7 year old scared me a little also! I had a great career as a hairdresser and a nice life.And I was 41!!!!!!! Could we do this safley?We decided to start trying! 3 months before our wedding!! And 3 days after our wedding we found out we were expecting!!!! We were beyond thrilled!! We welcomed a beautiful baby boy!!! 6 months later we found out we were expecting again! Just as thrilled and excited I would 44 when our next son would be born!!!Our boys are now 3 and 4. And we could not be more blessed!!!!! We have an awesome family And we our planning our first trip to DISNEY!!!!! We are going in Jan. Like anyone else we have our good days and bad days. If your are in your twenties or thirties or forties people would tell you the same thing you are as old as you feel.So if you feel you would love to have kids then by all means start trying!!! I would like to mention we did everything under my OB. GYN watch!!!!! we did not venture out without medical guidance!! So I wish you and your husband all the best whatever decision you make. God Bless and good luck!!!!!!! love 3 kids

 

[Elvis33]

I had my DD when I was 41. My DH was 58 and already had grandchildren. I wish I'd started my family sooner because being a mother is the most fulfilling and wonderful experience. I sometimes feel guilty that she is an only child, but she has tons of cousins and aunts and uncles. She only has one living grandparent, but this child is loved. Yes, I'm the oldest mother in her class, and sure, sometimes people mistake her father for her grandfather. I don't think starting a family is about how much energy or finances you have, I think it is about what you have to give.

 

[cheerforchelsea]

My mom was 41 when my younger sister was born (I am 10.5 years older than she is). In my opinion having a child later in life helped my parents stay "younger". Even today (and my mom is 84) she doesn't look or act her age. I say go for it!!!