having a bad day- advice pls..

[scojos]

i apologise that this is long.
I am a mom to 3 kids, scott is 10, josh 8 and grace is 5.
Josh was diagnosed as having aspergers last july.
my problem is my eldest, he is sooo angry all the time, arguing shouting and hitting his brother and sister, and now he has just been given his final warning my his footie team for kicking mud.
we tried to have him diagnosed as having ADHD when he was 5, the phyciatrist (sp?) told me "there is nothing wrong with your children except the way you have brought them up" great huh?
we punish him, take things off him, send him to bed to cool down, and occasionally smack him, but i do not think fighting violence with violence is the answer, and that i should lead by example.
because of josh, cammhs are already involved, and have been providing anger management in school for the 2 boys, but if naything this is making things worse...
i am very low at the moment, i am a trained teacher and all my friends expect me to have "perfect" kids because of this, they are awful, whenever we take them out, they do not behave, scott cries all the time, which is not normal, is it?
he is a very bright lad, g and t in several subjects, popular with lots of friends, so what is so wrong?
he is storing up his frustration and kicking off at home. and i just can not deal with it anymore. i am taking him to see our GP tomorrow, but any advice would be greatfully received. They are back at school tomorrow and while that will help, the issues are still there, i do not want to come home from school somedays, after dealing with other peoples kids, listening to mine fight over everything, from a chair to remotes, who goes in the shower first etc, is just draining me. I had a mental breakdown this time last year due to all this, and it has just "exploded"again today. i do not want to re take medication, i want to solve the problem. HELP!!!

 

[Netty]

His frustration could be that he does have an underlying condition, could he also have AS?? its just a suggestion. I would take him back to the GP, these days there have been major advances in diagnosing conditions- Gp's are now more aware of them now than ever before, having said that they still have a long way to go to understanding a lot of things but thay are getting there!
I have a son with AS he's now 24!
Good luck hope you get it sorted

 

[mandymouse]

Oh Tracy I wish I had some advice for you. I think the best thing would be to take him back to the doctor and get advice from someone professional. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and if you need to rant, then we're all here for you

Lots of hugs to you - Mandy

 

[natalielongstaff]

i agree go back to your doctor, he might need some counselling to help HIM deal with your other sons AS we are here if you need us !

 

[scojos]

thanks guys for your kindness,
sitting crying, you are all so lovely
what a shame i dont feel able to confide in my friends here, its easier when its anonomous...
tracy

 

[PoppyAnna]

I cannot offer any medical advice, however, I echo previous comments - take him back to the GP.
Do you have any family or friends that can look after your children even if it's for an hour or two? You sound at the end of your rope after trying your very best for your boys - sometimes time out for you can help. I know you'll be going home to the same problems but a little time for yourself (I find a swim can help) can help bring a new perspective.
I think my children mis-behave and it makes me crazy when I can think of no more punishments, but its nothing compared to what youre going through.
Good luck to you - ask for help......it doesn't mean youve failed

 

[CustardTart]

Awww Tracy, I'm so sorry you're feeling low... I haven't got any helpful experience but can only agree with the others - see your GP tomorrow and start the ball rolling with some professional advice. I think if it were me and my DS had such anger issues, I'd take him to the GP also. He's only ten years old right now but needs help and support so this is resolved before he's much bigger and stronger...

My very best wishes...
Karenxxx

 

[Merylj]

Probably your son is too young for this - however my DD from the age of 15 has been very very difficult, angry, upset, picking fights etc.
It took us years to realise it was down to self esteem. The more we told her off and fought fire with fire she ended up in this vicious circle where her low feelings about herself were reinforced.
Now I try to catch her doings things right and build on the praise, when she gets upset and angry, I cuddle her. I would seek help, though getting the right help is not easy.

 

[kristieuk]

I just wanted to wish you good luck. I have (thankfully for me) no experience to be able to share, but I can understand how difficult and frustrating it must be for you. I'm sure you will get the help you need, and hopefully your son's issues can be dealt with quickly and successfully

 

[BRobson]

First of all you are not a bad parent and you have to believe that

I am sure your GP will be able to help and if he cant make sure he gives you the number of someone that can!! There are plenty of people out there wanting to help

Make sure you tell the GP how you are feeling as well and take time to look after yourself.

Remember anytime you want to sound off thats what we are there for

Let us know how you get on tomorrow

 

[aaronandterri]

hi
I have a son with autism, and i know how you feel.

its half term here and hes at my mums so we can both have a break , from each other i guess, but it can be difficult, i find talking about it with people who understand help.

Ive also been offered meds for him but declined, but i dont know if it was the right thing to do or not.

Definatly try to talk to docs again about him, and dont give up till they listen, my ds is statemented at school and sometimes i feel like hes given all the help there then waved home for mummy to deal with the rest.

hope it gets better for you.

 

[The Fetherstons]

Hi, I agree with the others, hope you get it sorted out soon and take care of yourself

 

[Lizzy Lemon]

I just wanted to offer my support to you. You are doing an extremely hard job - a teacher and a parent, you have my respect. I'm just a parent with one special needs child and most of the time feel cheated of having a 'normal' child (don't like using that word but don't know how else to express it). He's been really very good up to now with his behaviour but since starting senior school is starting to go off the rails, I get angry and frustrated a lot then end up feeling guilty for being a rotten mother. His older brother (3 years difference) has also had a hard time accepting that we have to make allowances for the younger ones behaviour and its caused a lot of arguments and upset. Its hard work trying to get help and you need to come on here to share with us as your friends sound like very little help and support if they think you should have perfectly behaved children (which planet do they live on and do they have kids themselves?) As for going out and misbehaving, they probably know they will get a reaction from you. We pre-warn ours any bad behaviour and we go back home, and we have done. Got all the way to Waterworld at Stoke one day (probably about 35 miles away) and turned the car around as they were arguing, we remind them about that if they start on our way out now and they know we mean business. Sounds like you need a break, it must be hard but having some 'me' time has done me the world of good. I had to see a counsellor last year after only one session the weight of the world felt lifted from my shoulders for a little while and then I joined a gym to get rid of some of my excess weight and my self esteem lifted a lot. I also agree with the poster who said try and praise when you can, not look at the negative issues, its hard but it does sometimes work and anything is worth a try. Keep badgering the GP unfortunately with a SN child you constantly have to fight to get things done. Good luck.