Have you kept medical info from spouse or SO?

[lisajl]

Here is the situation. My sister has had some medical issues in the past.
They thought she had MS but after a litany of tests-everything was negative.
She was and is still having issues. We had a falling out and I talked it out with her, thought, great we will be friends again...etc.

She then tells me that she was driving home and blacked out when she turned onto a road into traffic. OK-so I am very concerned, have a talk with her, etc. She said when she woke up people were surrounding her car and trying to "wake her up". She does not drink alcohol on a daily basis, so she was not drunk. I told her I don't want her on the road with my kids and I thought she was crazy for driving at all.


Fast forward to 1 month ago. We had a little family get together.
We were discussing health issues and I mentioned something about her black out. I made a mistake...I thought her husband knew. Well, my sister torn in to me like a tornado. I was absolutely shocked that she would keep this from her husband. I went over to my husband and gave him a hug..he asked if it was time to go. My sister realized how she made me feel and apologized.
She said her husband, who was standing in the kitchen with us, does not know all her issues. It was not my business to say anything.

I am torn...I really want to be there for her, but not with her attitude towards me right now. I think she have more testing and not be driving.

This is more of a rant than anything. But, if anyone has been through something like this before I would appreciate an opinion.

 

[dakcp2001]

Her story sounds fishy to me. Did she crash? How did she stop her car?Sounds like attention seeking behavior from your sister. If she blacked out like that, someone would have called an ambulance. Something is amiss....

 

[lisajl]

Her story sounds fishy to me. Did she crash? How did she stop her car?Sounds like attention seeking behavior from your sister. If she blacked out like that, someone would have called an ambulance. Something is amiss....

No, unfortunately, she is a volunteer for the local red cross. One of the people that "found" her, is a friend that also volunteers. I talked to said friend and she told me that my sister was fine and went on her way.
My sister is not an attention grabber. She would rather melt into the background.

How did she stop the car? I have no idea...but I can tell you she was just pulling out onto the road and was not going very fast.

She is just getting weird....

Why would she lie about something that serious?

 

[worm761]

I do not hide anything from my boyfriend because if something were to happen to me, he has to make decisions and he cannot make GOOD decisions without being fully informed.

My sister, on the other hand, does not tell her husband all of her issues. She is bipolar, has anxiety attacks and a few other things. She lies about what her medications are for and he believes her. I keep telling her that he needs to know. What if something happened and he didn't realize that some of those meds she HAS to have or there are deadly effects? How can he make an informed medical decision, or even inform the medical staff, if he doesn't actually know everything?

Now, for your situation...I would tell her husband, doctor and anyone else. If she is really blacking out behind the wheel she could kill herself or someone else. That is dangerous and others safety overrides her wanting to keep it a secret. Her doctor should be told though.

 

[HOGFAN]

Yes, up until a few weeks ago, DH didnt know how frequent/bad my seizures had become in the last year(since they mostly happened at work). And until this evening he had no idea that I have also become suicidal. He got into the medicine drawer and started questioning me about all the antidepressants I was on and why.

Its simple, he worries enough about me. No need to worry him more.

 

[lisajl]

Yes, up until a few weeks ago, DH didnt know how frequent/bad my seizures had become in the last year(since they mostly happened at work). And until this evening he had no idea that I have also become suicidal. He got into the medicine drawer and started questioning me about all the antidepressants I was on and why.

Its simple, he worries enough about me. No need to worry him more.

I am very sorry you are going through all of this.

 

[Scurvy]

Her story sounds fishy to me. Did she crash? How did she stop her car?Sounds like attention seeking behavior from your sister. If she blacked out like that, someone would have called an ambulance. Something is amiss....

I had a friend who blacked out while driving and woke up on the side of the road. Somehow he hadn't hit anything. There wasn't anyone else there, though. It turned out he had a build up of too much spinal fluid and the pressure was causing severe headaches and blackouts. So this story doesn't really sound fishy to me, though I am surprised no one called an ambulance. Maybe the bystanders just thought she had fallen asleep at the wheel.

Regardless, OP, your sister could kill herself and/or someone else if she continues driving around without knowing what caused the blackout. She may not think it's your business, but I don't think I could keep quiet about something like that if it was my sister. I would never forgive myself if I kept my mouth shut and she ended up dying because of it. I would try to convince her to see a doctor, and failing in that I would tell her husband, if I were in your position. Even though I know she would probably be angry, I would hope that eventually she would understand that I had only done it because I cared about her.

Good luck, whatever you decide. I know this must be a very difficult situation.

Oh, and to answer your question, no I would never keep medical information from my husband because as a previous poster mentioned he's the one who would make my medical decisions if I couldn't, so he needs to know all my information so he can make the correct decisions.

 

[lisajl]

I had a friend who blacked out while driving and woke up on the side of the road. Somehow he hadn't hit anything. There wasn't anyone else there, though. It turned out he had a build up of too much spinal fluid and the pressure was causing severe headaches and blackouts. So this story doesn't really sound fishy to me, though I am surprised no one called an ambulance. Maybe the bystanders just thought she had fallen asleep at the wheel.

Regardless, OP, your sister could kill herself and/or someone else if she continues driving around without knowing what caused the blackout. She may not think it's your business, but I don't think I could keep quiet about something like that if it was my sister. I would never forgive myself if I kept my mouth shut and she ended up dying because of it. I would try to convince her to see a doctor, and failing in that I would tell her husband, if I were in your position. Even though I know she would probably be angry, I would hope that eventually she would understand that I had only done it because I cared about her.

Good luck, whatever you decide. I know this must be a very difficult situation.

Oh, and to answer your question, no I would never keep medical information from my husband because as a previous poster mentioned he's the one who would make my medical decisions if I couldn't, so he needs to know all my information so he can make the correct decisions.

Thanks for that info. I am so concerned that she will have another blackout and will kill herself or someone else. When she was tested for MS they had to do a spinal tap, brain wave thing, all kinds of tests. Since then she refuses more testing! It just makes me nuts!! Me, I would want to know, I would not want anyone in danger. Giving up driving would be hard...killing someone...even harder to deal with.

 

[powellrj]

While I agree your sister should not be driving, I don't tell my husband everything about my medical history.

I have several chronic issues and to be honest, I deal with them the way I want to deal with them and really don't like to talk about them unless I really need to or unless I am ready to. I have several doctors that I see on a regular basis and I don't feel the need to share every visit with him. He knows most things and if I feel he needs to know I will tell him, but to be honest, many times I just don't want to talk about myself and my health because I am just weary of it.

 

[lisajl]

While I agree your sister should not be driving, I don't tell my husband everything about my medical history.

I have several chronic issues and to be honest, I deal with them the way I want to deal with them and really don't like to talk about them unless I really need to or unless I am ready to. I have several doctors that I see on a regular basis and I don't feel the need to share every visit with him. He knows most things and if I feel he needs to know I will tell him, but to be honest, many times I just don't want to talk about myself and my health because I am just weary of it.

Would you share something like blacking out behind the wheel?
I understand not telling your husband everything, but I would want my DH to know something of this magnitude. That's just me though.
Thanks for your input. I am just trying to put things into perspective.

 

[cm8]

Here is the situation. My sister has had some medical issues in the past.
They thought she had MS but after a litany of tests-everything was negative.
She was and is still having issues. We had a falling out and I talked it out with her, thought, great we will be friends again...etc.

She then tells me that she was driving home and blacked out when she turned onto a road into traffic. OK-so I am very concerned, have a talk with her, etc. She said when she woke up people were surrounding her car and trying to "wake her up". She does not drink alcohol on a daily basis, so she was not drunk. I told her I don't want her on the road with my kids and I thought she was crazy for driving at all.


Fast forward to 1 month ago. We had a little family get together.
We were discussing health issues and I mentioned something about her black out. I made a mistake...I thought her husband knew. Well, my sister torn in to me like a tornado. I was absolutely shocked that she would keep this from her husband. I went over to my husband and gave him a hug..he asked if it was time to go. My sister realized how she made me feel and apologized.
She said her husband, who was standing in the kitchen with us, does not know all her issues. It was not my business to say anything.

I am torn...I really want to be there for her, but not with her attitude towards me right now. I think she have more testing and not be driving.

This is more of a rant than anything. But, if anyone has been through something like this before I would appreciate an opinion.

she could have syncope,:, I could understand her not telling her husband. Maybe she feels like he is already overwhelmed by everything else and didn't want to add anymore stress to his life... She may be afraid of losing her license and having to depend on someone else to take you places suck. I know I lost my license for 6 months back in June due to my passing out at home. I had to explain to my neurologist what I was doing and here is SC you lose your license for 6 months.

At least here is SC it isn't reported to the DMV but your Doctor has to record it in your medical record. I get to drive just in time for WDW, I'm sure my husband will be, but I love driving long distance, and the road is my home. In any case, I understand that different states have a minimum of 2 years of no driving and she may not want to lose her driving privileges for something that may or may not be wrong. I do how ever think that she needs to get in to see a neurologist and stop risking the life of her children and self and others on the road Hopefully see can get someone to see what is going on. Maybe they need to check her O2 levels and spinal fluid pressure to make sure she is not shunting or suffering from Hypoxia/hypoxemia

 

[powellrj]

Would you share something like blacking out behind the wheel?
I understand not telling your husband everything, but I would want my DH to know something of this magnitude. That's just me though.
Thanks for your input. I am just trying to put things into perspective.

I am honestly not sure. On one hand I would want to find out what was wrong and I would go back to the doctor to try and find the answers because I could never forgive myself if I hurt someone while I was driving and blacked out, but I honestly don't know if I would tell my DH right away or even tell him at all.

When you have something chronic, people just look at you differently and until you have gotten "that look" its hard to understand. I once told my bff I had high blood pressure and now everytime I get a little stressed she will always mention my blood pressure. I am sorry I shared that with her and it is one of my lesser health issues. When I shared that with her and saw her reaction I know better than to share the more serious ones with her or anyone. My DH is the sameway. It just gets old after awhile and you just want people to treat you normally not with kid gloves.

 

[worm761]

I am honestly not sure. On one hand I would want to find out what was wrong and I would go back to the doctor to try and find the answers because I could never forgive myself if I hurt someone while I was driving and blacked out, but I honestly don't know if I would tell my DH right away or even tell him at all.

When you have something chronic, people just look at you differently and until you have gotten "that look" its hard to understand. I once told my bff I had high blood pressure and now everytime I get a little stressed she will always mention my blood pressure. I am sorry I shared that with her and it is one of my lesser health issues. When I shared that with her and saw her reaction I know better than to share the more serious ones with her or anyone. My DH is the sameway. It just gets old after awhile and you just want people to treat you normally not with kid gloves.

(((HUGS))) I completely understand that look. When I had cancer I only told a very select few people, those who it effected, because the minute you say you have cancer you get that "oh my God your gonna die" look. After a while it gets old. But some things HAVE to be shared. At least for me.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

No I don't.

Especially if I am experiencing potentially harmful issues. And given that he pays the co-pays...he does have a need to know if he wants to know.

If her story is true---this is one of those lying by omission things. I would guess that maybe she fears losing independence? That might be an understandable fear.

However, she is being dumb and putting herself at risk as well as strangers and she is making her family finances vulnerable as she knowingly operates a vehicle.

Not smart at all.

 

[lisajl]

Thank you everyone for your opinions. I really appreciate it.
I don't know what I am going to do just yet.
Our older sister will be in town next month, maybe we can have a girls day out. Maybe we can talk about stuff and she can put her two cents in.
No, I will not "out" my sisters condition...I will leave it up to her.

Lisa

 

[Jey12]

I do understand that "look" you get from people. I also understand not wanting to go full steam to find out what's wrong. After going through so many tests to have a negative result you should be thrilled, but sometimes you aren't. It's not that you want to have a dibilitating disease, you want an answer. The more you are poked and proded and the results keep saying over and over that what the Dr. is looking for isn't what's there you start to question your own sanity. As someone has already done here people jump to the you must be seeking attention conclusion. Why would someone continue to put themself through that? Maybe she fears the same reaction from her DH? I have had chronic connnective tissue pain that's progressively gotten worse over the past year. All tests come back negative. I'm happy but I still want an answer. I know something isn't right. Eventually I got tired of paying a $70 copay at least 4 times a month, I mean that's almost a car payment, to get told time and time again nothing is wrong with you. Right now I'm at the point where I was supposed to have a lubricating type of injection in both of my knees to help with pain. I have put it off for almost a year. My friends think I"m crazy not to do it if it will help. At this point I worry if it doesn't help then what? Where do I go afterwards? To answer your other question no I don't tell DH how painful I am most days. I too fear the "she must be seeking attention" response. I also have had other health issues that could be proved and seeing that "look" on his face broke my heart to know I put that worry on him.

Now if I ever thought I was endangering my own child or the life of someone else, oh yeah I'd fight like hell to find out what's wrong. Right now I'm just the one that's miserable. I can deal with that.

I hope your sister finds the strength to go back to the Dr. It's not as easy as making an appointment and going in. It's very hard to challenge yourself to maybe hear that they have no answer for you yet again.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

No. My DW is my partner in all things. I see no reason why I would keep medical information from her.

 

[Pakey]

My first battle with cancer, I didn't tell my husband until surgery was scheduled and then I made him swear not to discuss it with anyone. He did not understand but I made it clear it was a deal breaker for me.

 

[SaraJayne]

No. My DW is my partner in all things. I see no reason why I would keep medical information from her.

Same here with DH.

 

[indimom]

Someone I know started having serious issues with depression a couple years back. They kept it from everyone, until it became impossible to keep secret and everyone was noticing symptoms anyway. The symptoms were pretty severe and obvious to most family and friends. They didn't go to the doctor or use any treatment whatsoever, until they were confronted and forced to.
I've learned since then that they were having serious suicidal thoughts.
The treatment worked and they are fantastic today. It could have been so much worse. This person "knew" that things were NOT right, knew that they probably needed treatment, but didn't want to deal with other people finding out, didn't want to admit they needed help. So, yes, I get why someone might keep medical concerns to themself.

All that being said, I was one of the ones who confronted this person and pushed them to the doctor, even went with them, to make sure it was addressed and not brushed under the rug. While I wouldn't "out" your sister, I would have a LONG heart-felt talk with her, let her know how worried you are about HER (not just her driving abilities/safety). She needs to find out what is going on. It could be just a "little" thing, but it could be something much more serious and I think she really needs a push from someone who loves her and cares about her.